Down & Dirty

by Madison, Reese

  He spun me to face him, “Stop it.”

  I tried to jerk free but he’s too strong. “No!! I’m mad at you! Let go!”

  “No more ignoring me, and no more attitude, or I’m taking you home right now.” He decided.

  “You go home.”

  “What is your problem? I told you it wasn’t my idea.”

  “And neither will be the whore some other chapter wants you to do because they’re grateful for some reason. Just…leave me alone.” I felt like crying but didn’t want to.

  “Get on the bike.” He pointed to his large black Harley.

  “No. I’m not riding with you with all that…” I waved my hand in the air in front of him, “shit all over you.”

  “You don’t get a choice.”

  I pushed him hard and got my arm painfully free. “Screw you.” I ran to my car and locked myself inside. I leave it unlocked when it’s here, but my dumb ass left my purse and keys inside the bar.

  Joe leaned against the front fender with his arms crossed looking in at me.

  I put my head on the steering wheel and let the tears flow. Great. I’m in love with a man who is going to treat me like some piece of shit. I guess he got what he wanted, what’s the point of giving me this damn ring if he’s just going be a dog?

  I looked up when I heard him knock on the windshield.

  He crooked his finger and pointed to the space in front of him.

  I wiped my face and got out. “What?”

  “Get on the bike, I’m taking you home.” He’s too calm.

  “I’m getting my purse.” I walked inside and told Salina I was leaving. She looked a little worried so I told her about the stripper glitter. She just shook her head.

  I had my keys ready and went straight for the car. Joe was over by his bike waiting for me so he didn’t figure out what I was doing until I was inside, doors locked, and engine started. I caught the dirty look on his face as I drove by him on my way out.

  He followed me home, of course. I got out and he all but dragged me inside.

  “Quit acting like a jealous wife. You have nothing to be jealous about.”

  “Wash that shit off or I’m not talking to you.” I sat on the couch taking my shoes off.

  “Don’t order me around woman.” He barked before I heard the shower start a minute later.

  I changed into ugly comfortable clothes before crawling under the covers with my back to where he’d be coming out of the bathroom.

  I heard the water shut off just before he said, “Sit up.”

  I ignored him hoping he’d think I was asleep.

  He jerked the blankets off and rolled me onto my back to hover in a push-up over me. “Stop it. I’m not going to put up with this shit. I told you I only want you. I’m not going to remind you of that every fucking day.”

  His beard is dripping water on my face and neck. “You just reminded me of why I swore to myself I’d never to get involved with bikers.” I wiped my neck and swatted his beard splashing more water everywhere. “Dammit Joe, get off me!”

  “Not until you understand and stop questioning this.” He closed in and held his lips to mine until I gave in and kissed him back. I guess it’s true what they say about make-up sex. I took my anger out on him, he took it happily.

  When we fell back catching our breath he asked, “Are you done being mad at me now?”

  “You ever do that again and I’m kicking your ass.” I threatened him as I curled up into my favorite nook to try and sleep.

  “Enough with the jealousy bullshit Carly.”

  “Then don’t come home with fucking stripper glitter all over you and smelling like a cheap whore.”

  “I didn’t enjoy it.”

  “Then don’t let it happen. You’re not sixteen, and you’re bigger than any man I’ve ever seen. If you can’t walk away then you’re going to have to deal with getting shit from me.”

  “You need to understand this lifestyle Carly, shit like this is normal. It’s just the way we do business.”

  “It’s not the way you do business. If you want me to marry you, don’t pull anything like that again.”

  He flipped me under him and quickly grabbed my wrists pinning them over my head. “Are you threatening me?”

  “It’s not a threat, it’s the plain truth. Salina might be able to turn a blind eye when Slider fucks around, but I won’t. It disgusts me to think you even let the bitch get close enough to get that glitter and stink all over you. What did she do anyway? Give you a nice little lap dance?” I asked with venom back in my voice.

  “I didn’t touch her.”

  “Did she touch you?”

  He closed his eyes.

  “That’s what I thought. This fight is over, now you know where the line is drawn. Don’t cross it again.” I scolded him. I seem to do that a lot. That and call him ‘Dammit Joe.’

  “You’re a stubborn woman.”

  “And you wouldn’t have an ounce of respect for me if I didn’t stand up for myself. You told me to be strong, not take any shit. That includes your shit. Changing your mind?”

  “About what?” He’s mad and giving me the evil eye.

  “About putting this ring on my finger.” I wiggled my finger.

  “No, but you are pissing me off.” He lowered and kissed me until we were once again lost in each other.

  It felt good to sleep in for a change, even if I didn’t sleep that well. I’m still not sure whether he understands if I’m serious or not. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

  I felt him move and got that now familiar tickle of his beard in my neck.

  “Hey you.” I turned to find him.

  He moved hair out of my face. “Hello beautiful.”

  I scratched the hair growing back in on his face where I’d shaved it. “You need a shave.”

  He started with the wandering hand. “That’s not all I need.” This time he made love to me slowly with his eyes on mine. He made his promises to me with that look. I don’t think I’ll have to worry about him messing around on me again. Not that he did anything really, but I needed to make sure the line was drawn very clearly from the beginning.

  After a short nap he woke me up with that beard again, “Dammit Joe! Quit that!” I rolled over to find him. He likes to spoon me when I fall asleep. I start out on his shoulder and somehow always end up with him behind me all cocooned in his arms and legs.

  He started tickling. “Go find me my phone so I can call Slider.”

  “You go find it!” I tried to hide but he’s too strong and started tickling.

  “Go find my phone or I won’t call in and tell him I’m not going to be there today.” He bargained.

  I pushed him off, “Fine, move.” I jumped up taking the blanket with me. “You’re such a brat.” I found his phone and tossed it to him before going to the bathroom real quick. I have every intention of getting back in those big warm arms.

  He was still on the phone when I came out. “Send Kip, he knows the deal. Yup. Call me if you need anything.” He hung up and set the phone on the table.

  I climbed back in finding my pillow. We faced each other on our sides. “You’re off all day?”

  “I am.” He confirmed propping himself up to look down at me.

  I found his hand and tangled my fingers with his. “Good. It’s after lunch time. Are you hungry?”

  “In a minute.” He’s looking at me like he’s trying to say something.

  “What?”

  “I realized after your tantrum last night that you’re right. It won’t happen again.” He promised.

  “It better not.”

  “If anyone ever touched you that way I’d have a huge problem with it. I can’t expect you to be different. It’s hypocritical.” He explained his revelation.

  “Very true. I’m glad we agree.” I kissed his hand.

  “There’s one problem with that.”

  “Of course there is.” I should have known.

  “You’re goin
g to have to go with me on the overnights, not on the jobs themselves, but the only way to turn down the shows of gratitude is to have my old lady with me. Otherwise it’s perceived as rude.” He explained.

  “I suppose I can do that.”

  “I need Slider’s okay for this. He’s not going to like it, but I think he’ll allow it. You need to learn how to shoot a gun just in case.”

  “Okay okay. Anything else?” My stomach growled.

  “No, that will do for now.” He crawled on top of me and kissed me before rolling off the bed. “Get some food before you starve.”

  “Gladly.” I got up deciding the bathrobe was enough. With us being home all day, clothes would just be a waste of laundry.

  I fixed us a nice big breakfast of eggs, bacon, pancakes, and some fruit on the side while he showered.

  He appeared a few minutes later, picked me up and easily set me on the counter, then stood between my legs. “If Slider says no, you’re going to have to trust me.” He crunched the bacon I shoved in his mouth.

  “I trust you.” I decided as I said it.

  “Didn’t sound like it last night.” He folded a pancake, gave me a bite, and ate the rest.

  I swallowed, “I was mad.”

  “You’re sexy when you’re mad.” He put a fork full of eggs in my mouth before taking a bite himself.

  Is he feeding me? “You’re scary when you’re mad.” I took another bite of bacon from him.

  “That’s the point.” He finished the bacon and went for another pancake.

  “Hm.”

  “Do I scare you?” He’s still feeding me between questions.

  “Not really. You make me jump when you yell, but I know you’d never hurt me.” I admitted.

  “I don’t hit women.”

  “I know.” I wanted to ask what this was all about but didn’t want him to stop. I like this time together talking, eating…talking, eating. It’s fun, and funny.

  “No matter how mad I get, I will never hurt you. You understand that right?”

  “Is that what this is all about? Are you making sure I know you won’t hit me?”

  “Yes. I don’t want you freaking out and leaving me because I scare you with my yelling.”

  “Ah. Now I get it. You’re worried I’m going to leave you because you’re so intense?”

  “Would you?”

  I wrapped my legs around his waist, “No. Yell all you want, I’m not going anywhere.”

  He seemed to breathe for the first time, “I needed to hear that.”

  “For some reason I can’t explain, I love you. I doubt there’s anything you could do to make me leave you. I might get pretty pissed and not speak to you, or beat you up in your sleep, but you’re stuck with me.” I tried to assure him.

  “What do you want for Christmas?” He was obviously over what was bothering him.

  “Just you.” I haven’t gotten a gift since before my uncle sold me and my sister. I wouldn’t know what to ask for anyway. To be honest, if I wake up with Joe in my arms Christmas morning, I’ll be happy.

  “You have to want something.” He’s still eating but I waved off the last offer of a bite having had my fill.

  “You’ve done enough. You got me a car, a house, everything in this house, and you’re standing here. I don’t think there’s anything left.” I rested my hands on his shoulders.

  “I could take you somewhere.” He started untying my robe and I knew talk time was about over.

  “The bedroom would be nice.”

  He carried me off where we took our time together. There’s been plenty of times where we didn’t feel rushed, but knowing we had all day together made me really want to touch and explore him more.

  I rested on his chest keeping him inside me to recover and trace a tattoo. “What’s this one mean?”

  I felt him look down to see what I was talking about. “Just a bored drunken night. How about yours? What inspired that?”

  I have half a heart that looks like it was ripped apart on my hip. “That sister I told you about, was my twin.”

  “Really? Identical?”

  “Yes, physically, not mentally. Mentally she was my exact opposite. We argued constantly.” I sat up. “Change the subject Joe. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Want to try and find her?”

  “I wouldn’t know where to start. Besides, the police think we’re both dead.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  I got up and went to the kitchen without answering him. I hate talking about this. I need a martini.

  He followed me and demanded, “Carly, answer the question.”

  “No. Stop pushing this.” I got ice out to chill the glass.

  “Just tell me and get it over with.” He complained.

  “Give me your phone.”

  He handed it to me.

  I called Doc.

  He answered on the fourth ring, “Hey Bro, what’s up?”

  “It’s Red. I’m going to need something for an anxiety attack as soon as you can get it.”

  “Be right over.” He hung up.

  I threw Joe his phone back. “When my uncle separated us he knew he’d need four bodies, not just two. I don’t know where he got the other two bodies, but they had to be kids in order for it not to look suspicious. Since there was no reason to question that a child playing with matches caught the house on fire, the insurance company paid him over a million dollars for his crime. He took the money and ran.” I felt the anxiety building. Every time my thoughts turn to anything during those three years I freak out. Last time it took me three days just to feel right again.

  “And you were sold to a stranger to put on shows for perverts.” He concluded.

  “I didn’t know about the fire, or my parents death until three years later when we escaped and burned the house down with our captor in it. I still live with the guilt of killing a man like my uncle killed two innocent kids and my parents.” I confessed dropping an olive in the glass and taking a sip.

  “You have no reason to feel guilty Carly.”

  “I did some pretty bad things to survive without getting thrown into CPS. The three years I was a prisoner was one thing, the two years after that were a living hell. I have a deep appreciation for the homeless now, especially women. Ever wonder why you see more homeless men than women?” I asked him taking another sip.

  “I never gave it much thought.”

  “Women have something men don’t. When they try to sell it, they often get killed instead of getting paid.” I finished the first martini and started a fresh one.

  “Getting drunk is not going to help Carly.” He scolded me.

  “What do you know? You don’t live inside my head. I spend a lot of time burying these memories just to function like a normal human being. Talking to you about it right now fucking sucks.” I took my drink and walked around him to the sliding door that leads to a back patio. “I need air.”

  The doorbell rang and I knew it was Doc with some meds. Joe let Doc in and out through the sliding glass doors towards me.

  “Hey Red, you okay?”

  “I will be.” I took the pill bottle he held out.

  “Come here.” He took my hand and my pulse. “Why is your blood pressure so high?”

  “He’s digging into my past. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before. I’ll be okay in a couple days.” I assured him.

  “Try not to drink too much on these.”

  “Don’t worry. I won’t take one until much later. It’s usually worse after I wake up from the pass-out drunk.”

  “Alright, call me if you need me.” He patted my shoulder and looked at Joe, “Take it easy on her.”

  “Don’t tell me how to handle my wife.” He barked leading Doc out front.

  When he got back I said, “You shouldn’t get mad at Doc, he’s right to worry.”

  “Did you sell yourself to survive the street?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “I’ll take that as
a yes.” He turned me and lifted my chin, “No, it doesn’t matter, but I have a right to know my wife.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it anymore, my chest is starting to hurt.”

  “Is there more?”

  “There’s always more. I need you to leave it alone.” I begged.

  “Okay. No more for now. I’m sorry you had to go through all that.” He pulled me in for a hug.

  I let him for a second so he wouldn’t take it personally when I pushed him away. “I’m sorry Joe. I need a little space.”

  He let me go and took my now empty glass. “Another one?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. It could be an ugly night.”

  “Nah, I’ll take care of you.” He kissed my forehead and went inside.

  I looked up and took a few steadying breaths as the memories of my horrid past bounced randomly around in my head now. It takes a lot of focus to keep them buried. Having it brought to the surface always sucks. I’ll have nightmares for a night or two, and probably be very jumpy for about a week. It’s nothing new, but it still sucks.

  I’ve been pretty good about avoiding these trips down memory and anxiety lane, but every couple months or so something will remind me and I’ll struggle like I am now. This time it’s a little more difficult because Joe has made me verbalize my demons. Not all of them. There’s still one demon I keep to myself. With any luck I can it keep from everyone.

  “Here you go.” He handed me a fresh martini. “I can’t imagine what you went through, and I’ve been through some nasty shit.”

  “I know you have. I guess I’m not as good about dealing with it. I should be stronger. It is in the past, but it still haunts me.” The alcohol is helping numb the pain of talking.

  “I don’t like talking about what I’ve been through, and done, either. So I won’t push you again. I would like you to know that if you ever feel the need to vent I’m here, and I won’t judge you. I love you Carly, there’s no judgment here.” He assured me.

  I felt a little better hearing that, “Thank you. That helps. I guess a lot of my anxiety comes from knowing what people will think of me if they knew. I would still rather not talk about it again.”

  “Okay baby. Want a hot bubble bath?” He offered moving my hair off my shoulder.

  “Yeah, that would be nice.”