The Rental

by Rebecca Berto

  Rick ended up letting Cara down by saying he needed to concentrate on schoolwork, which we both translated to she was too young. I frowned with her in disappointment, saddened by the fact if she was too young, so was I.

  But Justin kept talking to me and developed rapt feelings. We found friendship while Rick and I dodged glances and conversations that were heated and angsty. Between Justin’s interest and the age difference between Rick and me, any more than what we were was too premature.

  When Rick upped and left the country last year, Justin advanced as if a barrier had been lifted. I told him I wasn’t ready, but Justin was very much so and hung around me at lunches, parties, and with groups of friends at the shops after hours. Months passed and Rick wasn’t coming back. We never had anything, so I stopped feeling guilty for wanting to move on. And one day, when Justin asked me out as his girlfriend, I didn’t say no.

  I had gotten high with Cara and some other friends in the shadows of the garage at some house party while everyone else inside danced. Justin kissed me and I let him, and we kept on fooling around.

  Now I was in my senior year, but in another sense, I was in the same place as three years previously—a knobbly-kneed girl who first met the Delaneys.

  How could I date a guy and still be so breathless when I came within sniffing distance of his elder brother?

  It was late, and I was meant to be sleeping, but I lay there and played with the trimming of my sheets, lost in thoughts and weighed by shame. I’d never cheat on Justin, but the way Rick still looked at me … sweeping in to my rescue … I gulped and wiped my forehead feeling hot and sweaty.

  I had wanted to do things tonight.

  “Stop it, Vee,” I whispered to myself. “Sleep.”

  But I remained awake for hours in thought about one brother, his water bottle, and him bended below me.

  • • •

  WHEN DAD ARRIVED home, we sat at the dinner table for an hour, talking over the TV, and then turned it off to hear each other better. We ran out of water and talked ourselves dry. He and Mum headed straight to bed, so I left for my own bedroom.

  I should have studied, but that wasn’t what happened as I closed down an empty Microsoft Word document, opened Facebook, and scrolled through my feed. I saw that Rick was online, so I opened a chat box, not knowing how long he’d stay. It might have otherwise been weird to chat to him, but I was here for answers about Justin.

  Vee: Hey

  I scratched the back of my head, then slammed the enter key. I waited, unable to walk away as I anticipated the reply notification. He saw my message instantly and typed seconds afterwards.

  Rick: Hey. What’s up?

  Vee: Bumming around. Wanted to apologise for Justin again. Sometimes he’s fun & awesome but lately he’s just being a selfish dick.

  Rick: I’ve noticed that about him … for the last 17 yrs

  I waited to type with fingers hovered over the keys. I rubbed and flexed my fingers and imagined Justin last night. And at school, days earlier, when he arrived twenty minutes late to meet, and when he’d warned me to be there sharp. And at a party where a girl called me a skank and Justin shook his head, a slight frown, and walked into the crowd, not toward me for comfort.

  I narrowed my eyes at the Delaney in Rick Delaney. Why did I only see this side of Justin now, after I gave in and committed? After I tripped—knees, heart, and mind—and fell into his heart? Or so I thought. My feelings resembled a forgotten, droopy flower. Surely, true love didn’t whither that fast.

  Was this another side to Justin I should now expect?

  Vee: Better to know late than never, although you’re biased being his bro …

  I leaned close and felt the brightness of the screen burn my eyes. I couldn’t help but wonder how Rick would play off that one.

  Rick: Ask our next-door neighbour.

  Vee: Why

  Rick: Justin thought the dude next door stole our good whiskey. He popped him one in the jaw. Then when our neighbour sprung his ankle, tripping on the way down, Justin shoved his foot in his throat, daring him to try it again. I came flying across the house to see what was going on and the guy was blue in the face, hands clutching his neck. Justin obviously pressed hard.

  My mouth hung open as I read and then re-read the message. That wasn’t the same person I knew. No way. I swallowed my shock and typed.

  Vee: You were there? I know taking your friend’s alcohol is shitty but that’s a harsh reaction! Is your neighbour OK?

  Rick: Yeah, all fine now. I happened to be back visiting, luckily. The poor guy GAVE us a bottle to celebrate before our parents went overseas.

  By the sounds of things, Rick had been back for a while. Before Mr and Mrs Delaney left the country. However, neither brother had told me—just left me to assume he’d returned yesterday.

  Vee: What did Justin do when he realised the mix up?

  Rick: It was the next morning. He shrugged and shovelled another spoon of cereal into his mouth.

  Caught up in staring at the conversation for so long, I hadn’t pressed a key and my screen dimmed. The initial assault made bile rise in my throat, but that wasn’t what worried me for the rest of the evening.

  Justin shrugging did.

  How he continued on with his breakfast.

  In the wake of his error and brutality, why didn’t he feel remorse?

  • • •

  I TRIED TO sleep, but two hours passed and it never came. Frustrated, I threw off my sheets and sat up against the bedhead, tucking my heels close. I picked up my mobile phone from the bedside table and tossed it around in my hands while I stared at my toes.

  I didn’t get a chance to speak to Justin today, and since chatting with Rick, my mind was in a greater state of unrest. At lunchtime, I had to eat and work in the library with a girl from class. An assignment was due by close of school hours, and I had forgotten about it with everything the night before, so we finished it there. Justin and I only had one class today, and the teacher had sprung a pop quiz on us.

  I opened a new text to Justin and wrote half a dozen questions before I settled on the original and pressed send.

  Vee: What was up last night?

  Justin: What do you mean?

  Vee: You disappeared on me. I was worried.

  Justin: Oh. Had stuff to take care of.

  Vee: Really? That’s all you’re gonna give me?

  Justin: Yes

  Vee: Well while you “took care of stuff” Rick and I were stressing. We were just in another room. All you had to do was say you were bored or busy or something. I don’t understand. Did I piss you off? I know things haven’t been good between us for a while, and I want to sort it all out.

  Justin: Jesus, enough with the essay. Talk tomorrow.

  Vee: Hang on a second. Do you want me to call instead? I want to understand if you were OK last night, and if you and I are OK.

  Justin: Babe, I’m tired. We’ll talk. Night

  I was still clutching my mobile as I slid down to the pillows. I punched my pillow into shape with my free hand and then pulled the sheets up to my chest. I was even less tired than before and left with even more questions somehow. But it wasn’t really somehow; Justin was avoiding me. Plain and simple. I furrowed my eyebrows and unlocked my mobile. The bright light lit up my room. My ‘essay’ as he called it only took up a third of the screen.

  Justin had been acting weird for weeks now. Rick had been back for weeks now. I wondered if it was a coincidence that they lined up, and if not, why his brother’s return impacted our relationship.

  2

  CARA AND I were at the bus stop outside the school gates. It had been a sunny day, and we spent lunch under the heat of it at the soccer oval. I had hoped to lure Justin and his friends to sit with our group, but he ran the whole time, only looking my way twice. It wasn’t much of a break after school either. It was later in the afternoon, but everyone was jammed around the shelter, huddled in cliques and leant up against the fence.
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br />   Abruptly, Cara whipped her head my way and sported a devilish grin. “Want to come to a party tomorrow?”

  “Sure.”

  “But—”

  I shook my finger at her. “But what’s the catch? A nudist party or something?”

  “Not that. God, your mind is in the gutter. Didn’t you hear about Rick Delaney’s twenty-first? He’s back in town, apparently.”

  Our girlfriend, Renée heard us on the other side, waved, and came. “I’m fucking there. You know what’s going on, right?”

  “His mates are hiring a few strippers for a show.” Cara wrapped her arm around Renée and me. Then she turned to me and said, “Don’t worry, babe. We’ll all look out for each other. It’s going to be mad. I can’t believe he’s back. I wonder why?”

  “I wonder if he’s staying long,” Renée purred.

  I ignored the lust in Renée’s voice and spoke to Cara. “Who invited you?”

  “Justin. He didn’t …”

  “Nope,” I said, tightening a strap on my school bag.

  Justin hadn’t spoken to me like he said he would, and for the first time today, I cared so little for a fleeting moment I wanted us to break up. He wasn’t telling me so much about himself. If he was screwing me around, I wasn’t going to stick by. And not knowing what my boyfriend was doing when my friends did? That was a big fat screwing.

  “Maybe he was worried what I’d think if he said he was going,” I offered, playing the part of concerned girlfriend. Which begs the question why he’s worried about me being there. I didn’t want to shout my issues out while so many others were around.

  “Justin told me, but he said he’d rather me pass it on. He wasn’t sure if you’d feel weird about him telling you. I’m really shocked he said nothing to you, though.”

  “I’m not,” I muttered so low neither of the girls heard. I said louder, “Considering there’d be near naked girls around? Um, yeah, that’s weird. I don’t want him looking.”

  “Such a saint.”

  “Shut up.”

  “Girls, girls. There are enough strippers to share. And, girls or guys can join in the fun.”

  “I’m in,” Renée said.

  “So am I,” Cara added. “Vee?”

  Weeks ago, I would have trusted Justin hands down, but I didn’t trust him now.

  He had tried to get me to go all the way with him two weekends ago when Dad was interstate and Mum was on a late night shift. I said no, and pushed back, but he had been all hands ever since. Grubby and sticky like a toddler who was left alone with a tub of jam. Justin was hands-on when he arrived with Rick. Hands when we were alone. So many hands, and I wasn’t ready for more with him.

  I was ready for fun, though, since Justin had dragged me into his bad mood. I found myself interested in what the strippers would do, and what sorts of games we’d get into. “I’ll go.”

  Cara nudged me with her shoulder. It was her way of saying thanks and she was excited.

  Renée continued it, nudging Cara. “I, personally, might be MIA half the night. I’ll be on the hunt for a certain Mr Delaney.”

  “But—” I choked out.

  She laughed. “Not your boyfriend, Vee. Gosh, the other hotter, older, and hopefully, single one.”

  I swallowed hard. “Oh.”

  It was stupid how that disappointed me. But stupid be damned, my body still became ill with jealousy. My tongue felt like lead as if it were a foreign lump and not part of me. My stomach churned queasily, and I wrapped my arms over my belly in hope it would dull the groaning sound.

  I couldn’t stop the memories any more as the ill feeling crawled over me, pulling me into a dark place. I regretted how I acted the last time I saw Rick, and all of a sudden, the memory re-played.

  About eight of us hung at the skate park that night, and we lay in the curved rink, drinking up the stars and smoking too much weed. Justin had his arm around my shoulder, and he had been trying to replace my joint with his lips. I had to keep swatting him away.

  We didn’t notice Rick had arrived to take Justin home until his shadow loomed over us. His eyebrows were pinched tight and his jaw clicked over. He said something like un-fucking-believable, you fuckhead and then pulled Justin up by his collar. Rick knew Cara and I, so he kissed her cheek goodbye, then came to me. He had a pained look in his face and mapped me out with his big, attentive eyes, stripping me naked then and there. He kissed my cheek, but lingered and turned inward so our faces were huddled closely.

  I think he breathed in deeply, but I was too high to be sure.

  And he mumbled something, but I was also too high to remember any of it.

  The words passed right through like an express train, gone as quick as they came.

  But I remembered what he did when the brothers were about to hop into his car because a tear streaked down the side of my nose and I stood engrossed, oblivious to how stupid I must have looked.

  A part of me broke then and there. I was done with the silent games. I needed to ask Rick if I was imagining everything, or if he liked me back.

  When Rick looked at me that last time, he put three fingers to his lips, paused, and saluted me. I choked on a tear and scurried through my pocket to see if I had something to wipe my wet face.

  By the time I righted myself, their car had taken off.

  • • •

  I CAME HOME from the bus ride and expelled a heavy breath as I opened the front door. I staggered to the couch, kicked off my stiff school shoes on the way, and collapsed, relieved to be out of the spotlight of my friends. Mostly, though, I was relieved to be distanced from the suffocating jealousy of imagining Rick Delaney with another girl. The bareness of the ceiling pulled me in instantly, and I was drawn into thinking whether I should be with Justin at all. He didn’t care much for me, and my care was waning, too.

  I was so lost in a daze I didn’t notice the body and then a voice, which called out to me. Not at first. “Vee girl.” Dad. “Everything okay?”

  On cue, I smelt the slightness in the air of sweat mixed with aftershave. I sat up and looked at my dad standing tall, with one hand rubbing his potbelly over his work shirt, and a grin plastered on his face. My loneliness warmed to love. Dad was a sun in a room you couldn’t ignore. He blinded you, made you hot and fidgety, or made you warm and cosy, like you were on the happiest place on earth. But he wasn’t someone you forgot was there.

  I noticed he still had on his work pants, which he hated, as they were stiff. He must have got home minutes ago. “Just school.” I patted the spot next to me.

  “Tell me everything.”

  Everything from today or completely everything? Issues with Justin began weeks ago. He was away then, too. “I can hardly remember a few hours ago.”

  Sadness swept over his face, washing away the happiness I so very needed. Crap. I had to be more careful with my choice of words. It wasn’t like he enjoyed working his ass off, barely enough sleep, staying awake for a whole day at a time, and missing out on family memories.

  We were quiet after that, avoiding each other with a metre-radius, like coming closer would amplify the awkwardness. While I sorted and cleared, Mum prepared dinner. I tried not to over-think things, but it was like that game when someone said don’t think of a pink elephant in a tutu.

  Some time later toward the end of our meal, Mum said, “We wanted to tell you something, darling.” She eyed Dad, traces of worry pinched next to her eyes. He reached out and squeezed her forearm, drawing his hand down to lace his fingers through hers.

  Mum said, “My work doesn’t need staff as much these days, so I’m going to be looking around nearby for other work. Your dad will accept higher-paying interstate jobs for a while longer. Then everything will be back to normal.”

  I nodded. Was that all they were saying? It felt like a heck of a lot more than they were letting on. Would we be okay as a family? Would we get to keep the house?

  “Dad, are you going to be okay? This job and these hours are killing
you.”

  “Oh, shush. I’m alive, aren’t I?” He waited a beat, and I was about to say for now, but he continued, “So there’s nothing to worry about, all right?”

  I nodded quickly.

  “And I’ll be all right.” Mum set her hands up on the table and rested her elbows out to the side. “There are a couple alcohol stores, another grocer, and of course, the shopping centre close by. We’ll be fine, but we wanted to make sure you didn’t feel like we were hiding anything from you.”

  “Okay.”

  “Because,” Dad said, “we’re not.”

  Again, I nodded—it seemed like that was all I was doing—but then I said, “Wait.”

  They leaned in, anticipating my words.

  “I’ve been thinking, and Cara has a job, and most of my other friends. I want to get one, too.”

  “You don’t have to. Concentrate on school and study. After, there won’t be much down time to relax once university or a full-time job kicks in.”

  Dad elbowed Mum and winked at me. “I didn’t expect my seventeen-year-old daughter to want to work, but stranger things have happened.”

  “No, I’m really serious. It’ll be good for me to get used to working now, and make it easier when I get older. No one wants to employ an adult who’s never had a job before. I could brag to Cara about all the cool free shit I’d bring home.”

  “So when this said store in need of staff sees you walk in, it’ll be like all their dreams have come true?” Dad offered.

  “Right!”

  I collected their plates from the table and put mine on top. They gazed up, then around the table in awe.

  “My turn to clean up,” I explained. “Why don’t you guys chill and let me take care of this?”