The Rental

by Rebecca Berto

  I left the kitchen and returned to my spot on the couch. I scooted close and wrapped my arm between the back and Mum. With a heavy head, I leant my cheek on her shoulder.

  It was my choice to work as much as I did, and I didn’t resent Mum for a second of it.

  However, I resented other things. Comfort used to be a hug from my parents, but Mum and I hardly spoke anymore. On cold winter days, I sometimes lit a joint. It filled me, hot and warm, and the longer I smoked, the more it filled my lungs, slowly soaking up every part of me. At some point, the extinct affection from my parents morphed into the fulfilling feeling of sucking on what could hurt me.

  But I hadn’t cared about the consequences. It had been the only time I felt whole again, and the bliss was stark opposite to the dark and broken life I hated.

  I hoped I could keep that all behind me from now on.

  “Mum, I work like any other contributing citizen of this country. It’s the way life works.”

  The shiver down my spine begged otherwise. I stood and approached the kettle upon hearing the heavy bubbling coming from it. I stared at the back of Mum’s head, the lazy way it angled minutely to one side as I made up my tea. She wasn’t watching the TV, but she was waiting for me. I could bet on it.

  I returned and spoke into the heated steam rising from my cup. “I had my three-month probation meeting tonight. That’s why I went, and instead of just keeping me on permanently, they’ve promoted me.” I looked at Mum now the lying part was over. “It should cover everything we need.”

  “Wow, Vee. Congrats! I’m so proud of you excelling so fast. I wish …” she trailed off, frowning.

  I took over. “Dad will be proud. He might be gone, but to us, he’s alive in our hearts.”

  She broke into sobs, so I embraced her, resting my chin on top of her head. I stroked her arm, which was strangely soothing—the repetition of Mum’s smooth skin and the gathering heat of friction. Soothing like a hot water bottle to my chest.

  After our moment, she nudged my shoulder. “I am happy you want to use your promotion to contribute more, but can you promise me something?”

  “What is it?”

  “I don’t want your money. Do you know how it feels to rely on your daughter’s money? Taking your money? Use it for you.”

  Déjà vu struck me, contrasting me now to the moment I told my parents I’d get a part-time job to help out. That was half a year ago, and my top concern then was being honest and helpful, showing them my support. I had a job now to help, but it was another roadblock in repairing Mum’s and my relationship. The Rental would give me the money for the bills we drowned in, and it gave Rick and I the chance to be honest with each other in a way we never would have without it. But it also gave me enough money to spend on things Rick and Mum would hate me doing, and it shut me off further from Mum. There was so much I couldn’t tell her about my involvements.

  There was a time in my early relationship with Justin I thought I could be ready for sex with him, and I’d even planned to talk with Mum about the ‘whats’ and ‘hows’ of it. We’d always been so open I assumed I had to tell her.

  What the fuck happened to the Vee I used to know?

  When would all these lies stop? How far would I separate my rental self and my Vee self until I didn’t know who my one true person was anymore? How much of a stranger would Mum become as a cost?

  “Hey, I can do what I want with it.”

  “Don’t go wasting it all on me. You work hard for it.”

  I bit my lip. It left me with a stinging indent, but at least I didn’t spill anything I shouldn’t have said. “Eh, not too hard. Do you want to … go out and celebrate one night? When was the last time we left the house and went out together?”

  Mum scratched her head. “I don’t …”

  “Okay, then another time soon. ‘Night, Mum.”

  She said goodnight and we both went to our rooms.

  Rick had texted me in my absence. It was a goofy message about the greasy chips and how the smell still stuck to his fingers after washing. It made me smile. He filled my thoughts, and I wished I didn’t have to sleep without him. I hoped texting him would carry my needs over. I sent back a funny quip about his dirty hands and we continued back and forth for a while as I was tucked under my sheets.

  It was well into the early hours of the morning by the time we said we had to go, and his words had put a smile on my face.

  Rick: All right, I’ll let you go to sleep. No more of that stuff tho, ok?

  Vee: Are you disappointed in me?

  Rick: No, I wanna be there right now to hug away all your pain, little vixen. Please don’t look elsewhere for help. I’m right here.

  Vee: I may have fallen into like with you tonight. ;) I promise I’ll try my best not to do any more bad stuff.

  Rick: Same here :) One more thing before you drop your mobile on your face … can I come by when your mum is home?

  Vee: I can let you know when she ISN’T home. Is that what you meant?

  Rick: No, I meant when she IS home. I don’t plan to be your dirty little secret forever. Night LV xoxo

  Vee: OK. :) Night HM (Handy Man) xoxo

  • • •

  IN THE MORNING, I found Mum on her knees in front of the washing machine. Her hair was bundled into a bun, and she had striped long-sleeve pyjamas on and fluffy slippers on her feet.

  “Trying a different method for cooking breakfast?” I offered, leaning against the doorjamb.

  “Hilarious, daughter,” she replied, pushing her palm onto her knee as she groaned upright. “But this dud machine isn’t.” She hooked a thumb to the offender.

  It was about a decade old now and didn’t wash as thoroughly as it used to. Rick had fixed it when he returned that first night, and I felt myself transported to the image of him bent over it, instead of how I found Mum, his strong back tensed through the contours of his top.

  Mum must have remembered the same instance it broke down because she shook her finger at me as if trying to prompt the memory fully. “Didn’t Justin’s brother fix it the last time it stopped working? I think Ray wasn’t …” she cleared her throat. “Rick, wasn’t it?”

  “Yep. It was just a loose belt, he said.”

  “Huh.” Mum walked out, looking to the floor like the issue was merely a passing thought, but she bit at her lip, giving herself away.

  She didn’t like Rick much given everything that had happened. Rick had done a nice deed for us, but he also must have been the Bad Boy she didn’t want her daughter ending up with.

  As Mum smelt a work shirt tossed over the back of the couch, she blanched and returned, spraying it with deodorant, and then slipped it on. We needed a washing machine, and hiring a professional would cost hundreds; buying a new one would only cost a couple more hundred. It wasn’t worth it. I could tell as she freshened up yesterday’s shirt without a complaint that she couldn’t make herself ask me for Rick’s help.

  “Hey, Mum,” I called, still hovering around the laundry door. She snapped her eyes up to mine, smiling innocently. “Did you want me to see if Rick could take another look at it? I didn’t even ask him last time. He was dropping off Justin, I think I told you, and had a quick look. He probably wouldn’t mind.”

  “Well, if you’re seeing him anyway,” she said.

  Her voice was stern, telling me she knew I’d disobeyed her request when we had our talk. But her words, however, were weakening, unlike her pride.

  “I’m happy to strike a deal,” I said.

  Mum cocked her head. “And this deal would be?”

  “You have to accept him. You need to like him.” I paused. Softer, I whispered, “Please.”

  She crossed her arms and straightened up. “Nope.”

  I contemplated saying Rick wanted to come over while she was home because of the approval he craved, but decided the heated moment wasn’t the best time to bring it up. “He needs a chance, and that’s not negotiable.”

  “Hmm,” sh
e mumbled, moving about in the kitchen. She removed a knife from the drawer, using it as her pointer. “I can meet in the middle.”

  She dismissed me with that answer, so I strolled to my bedroom, coyly grinning. I grabbed my phone and texted the favour to Rick.

  • • •

  RICK HAD BEEN lying half-naked in our laundry room for nearly an hour now. He’d stripped off his T-shirt long ago and used it to wipe his forehead. He was in work pants and socks, his boots shucked off outside the front door.

  Mum and I waited on the couch watching TV until he was done. I offered a glass of water, which he mostly gulped down. The other bit splashed down his front. It dribbled down his chest and slipped under the waistband of his pants. I walked out wiping dribble from my mouth, feeling useless and clueless.

  It was the longest hour of watching Two and a Half Men repeats in my life. I knew the episodes back-to-front, which only made the silent, lurking feelings between Mum and me sharp. We sat stiff and unmoving, like if we moved the tension would really hurt us.

  Rick’s steps moved out of the laundry room, loud enough for both of us to turn his way. He’d pulled on his shirt, the dark sweat stained around his collar, under his arms, and slightly darkened on his chest. It was soiled from the accumulated dirt that must have been behind the washing machine and the floor.

  And my heart nearly gave out at how breathtaking he was, helping out the two of us girls who had no idea how to cope with situations like this since we had no man to call to our rescue anymore.

  “So,” he said, wiping his hands down his pants, leaving marks. “I’m just going to duck out for a sec. The hardware shop down Main Street has what I need. It’s not too late?” he asked with worry lines between his eyebrows. His expression truly seemed like he was worried he was putting us out because it was a bit late. In truth, he would be buying us parts to fix the washing machine we needed.

  “Oh, Rick. Please.” Mum stood and rushed to her handbag, pulling out her purse. She thrust a twenty-dollar note at him. “It’s completely fine. Are you sure you don’t need to head home?”

  “Not at all, Mrs Wyland. I won’t need that much, though,” he said, nodding at the note. “I’ve already cleared the fluff filter and disassembled the carbon brush motor. I need some new carbon brushes is all.”

  Mum flapped it at his hands anyway. “Take it.”

  Rick looked it over, and then drew his glance to my face. I gulped down a blend of nerves and desire. I managed a tiny smile and an even tinier nod. In that exchange, we spoke a little conversation, and from our relationship or whatever we were to Mum, things seemed different from when he’d arrived at our house, clean and fresh an hour ago.

  He left with Mum’s money, not fighting her, but shoving it into his back pocket. The house felt empty after he’d gone. I looked around at the vastness of everything, the gaps between couch to wall, door to door, even wider between Mum and me, and muted the TV. Bright colours danced around us, projecting across furniture and our faces, and she gazed, thoughts biting at her lip for escape.

  “He’s quite something isn’t he?”

  “Yeah,” I answered.

  “Smart, yet nice.”

  I grinned thanks to the last part. I guessed if you knew Rick in a platonic way, he’d seem that way. I was half kidding, though. He was so, so good to me. “Yeah.”

  “You really like him, don’t you, Vee?”

  “Mmm?” I said it instinctively, though I heard her as clear as I heard my pulse hard in my temples. “I like him a lot.”

  “Darling,” she pushed a strand of my long blonde hair behind my ear.

  I had nothing dangling in front of my face to hide behind, and I wished for anything as such during this honest conversation. She half-smiled, eyes roaming over my face. Yeah, she read me all right. I wondered if she believed me when I said I liked him a lot. My feelings for Rick filled my chest and head so thickly when I thought of him nothing else existed.

  “What was Rick doing with that joint?”

  “Removing it from me,” I whispered.

  “He didn’t want you using it. And I had no opinion about it, because I wasn’t even there for you.” Her expression crumpled into distraught as she went on, so much so that I hugged her tightly, wrapping my fingers around the back of her head. She moved her arms all over my back, like she needed more limbs to hold me as close to her as she felt inside. The desperation in her jerky movements weighed in my eyelashes. I struggled to blink back the weight of tears.

  Everything then had fallen into some sort of order. Call it a picture frame, or call it the keyhole through one world, and peering into another, but the image was clear. Mum was hurting because what I’d been doing, and I was hurt by her absence, but one unlikely man had cleared the pain that clouded our relationship.

  I started babbling then, speaking fast to win the race against my emotions. “Justin and Cara used drugs, and they’d tell me to have a go of stuff at parties. I used to try some, and then when Dad died, all I could see was them, and how damn carefree they were when they were on it, and I didn’t think if it was right or not. I was sick of being right when everything decided to go wrong on me. I just … had some with me, for the hard days.”

  “Oh, Vee,” Mum whispered, brushing my face with her fingers. She hid behind her hand for a moment, composing herself. “Vee, I’m not mad. I’m really, devastatingly sad for you. I want to be the person who helps you. I don’t want those nasty things destroying your pretty soul, mind, and face. Have you used …”

  “Not since Rick took the stuff with him.”

  “I want to fill that spot,” she said. “Please forgive how selfish I’ve been. I even blamed Rick.”

  “Mum … you’ve been strong. You haven’t been weak like me. But even strong people falter. I miss Daddy so much …” My voice hitched on a sob. “I want Daddy so much, so much more than I needed those stupid things. I want him so much I can’t—” I gasped at the air for the words and wishes I’d never have. Mum pulled me to her again, comforting me with her soft hand and lips to my cheek, my forehead.

  Rick returned then and opened the front door. One arm was slipped through the handle of a small plastic bag, and in that hand, he held another bag with what seemed like gummy lollies.

  Rick excused himself, taking his purchases to the laundry room with him. Mum and I were wiping the old expressions and putting on happier ones as he emerged. He headed to the door, but Mum told him he should stay, and I asked what he’d brought along in his other bag. He retrieved the bag of gummy snakes and handed them out to us. He felt silly he brought something to enjoy ourselves in retrospect, and tried to shove the $20 back in Mum’s hands. We scuffled, the three of us in the entrance, juggling the money and the bag, until I said we should just eat the damn gummy snakes. I didn’t want Mum going to bed so soon after what had happened, and I didn’t know how I’d sleep after I’d told them both I would behave. And it would be the perfect opportunity to spend time even though this wasn’t going out like I’d suggested to her.

  We shovelled them in, palms slapping our open mouths like it was a contest to get to the bottom. The sugar rush was better than being drunk or high, and we all sat close, stuffed on that couch together, me falling onto the floor with Rick. Mum and I made jokes at Dad for leaving us, and Rick cursed Justin for stuffing us over.

  Mum smiled all that time, broken only by bellyfuls of laughs. I could see from the glint in her eye that she hadn’t been happy like this in half a year. I’d only just re-discovered that type of happiness thanks to the same man who’d given it to her.

  I wanted to kiss him and wrap my body around him, so much I felt an ache in my chest, but I kept my distance, making sure the three of us all were included in this rare time I got with Mum.

  It was nearly midnight when Rick mentioned he should get home. He held my waist, gazing into my eyes as time slowed, and I wished for more. Woozy from the sugar-induced headache, I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck,
reaching his lips and melting into him. He was soft against my lips, and then he was exploring my face with his hands, and then his breaths were ragged as he pushed me away, his fingers curling around my jaw like he didn’t want to push me back at all.

  “Goodnight, LV,” he said, kissing my cheek one last time.

  “Goodnight, HM.”

  I nodded and tipped my lips up to his ear, explaining the nickname I gave him last night. “You’re becoming a handy man to have around. You should see how fast my heart is pumping these days—faster than the cycles of our new and improved washing machine.” I pulled back and winked.

  He smiled, wide and full of love, and then kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you.”

  I didn’t stop smiling that night, and it was all because of him.

  12

  I HAD A couple more shifts at Smiths Leisure Centre, and after my short but explosive hours at The Rental, they dulled in comparison, much like the faithful swimmers whose bathing suits had been vivid black, but were a now bally, semi-transparent grey.

  Rick was the source of that explosion, blasting open my eyes about what I really wanted. And that something was him with me—us as an unstoppable team. I loved what he did to my body without the clothes, but loved how he affected my whole self with the clothes on even more.

  But first, I had a task to take care of. That late afternoon, I drove to The Rental, parking inside the big black gates of the secured parking. I needed to face Amber and summon the courage to see if I had a job since my ‘Rick’ stunt with Jimmy’s booking.

  When I got to the reception desk, Nix was there, leaning over the counter. One of her knees was bent, her sandal on the carpet and her toe tickling her calf. Her hip was tilted to the side, hour glassing her figure.

  I called her out, and she directed me somewhere more private to talk in the building. We hadn’t actually exchanged words since our naked and orgasmic romp, so as we travelled through the corridors, I focused on breathing calmly although my nerves were still high-strung like a wired fence.