by Kendall Ryan
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Macey meets my eyes quickly, and then dips her chin toward the floor as if she’s just lost some of her nerve.
I glance over at Brielle, who’s watching us like we’re the featured entertainment. All that’s missing is the popcorn.
“Let me see that big rock.” I reach out to Brielle, embarrassed that I was so damn distracted at the engagement party, it never even occurred to me.
Brielle places her left hand in mine and flashes the sparkly, round-cut diamond that looks classic and perfect on her finger.
I grin up at her. “The bastard has good taste.”
“Thank you.” She smiles and kisses my cheek. “Hale? Join me in the kitchen for a minute?”
“It would be rude to leave our guests,” he says evenly as his gaze bounces between Macey and me. He’s obviously trying to figure out where things stand between us, and what’s been going on right under his nose. The bomb I just dropped on him is obviously still ringing loudly in his head.
“Since when am I a guest?” Macey asks, that spark of hers shining brightly.
“Hale, dear. Now,” Brielle says.
He rises to his feet and follows her to the kitchen on the other side of the condo.
“Dom, my ass,” I mutter under my breath.
Macey chuckles, lightening the mood for a second before she eyes me with suspicion. “What are you doing here, Reece?” It’s as though she knows I just bared my soul to Hale, or at least attempted to.
“I came here intent on telling Hale what I want, and I wasn’t leaving until he understood it.”
Her nose crinkles as if she wants to understand, but doesn’t. “And you guys are good?”
“I think so.”
I glance into the kitchen to see Hale looking our way, still closely watching my interaction with Macey. Part of me can’t believe I came here to openly square off with him. I hadn’t gotten the chance to say everything I wanted to, but I know I will. I’ll set this right. These last few weeks have been eye opening. The people in my life who’ve forced me to take a good, hard look in the mirror showed that I don’t like the man I’ve become.
“Listen, Macey, there are some things I need to apologize for.”
“I’m listening,” she says, folding her hands in her lap.
Fuck, where do I begin?
I regret that I didn’t kiss her in our sessions. I regret the rough treatment I showed her body. Most of all, I regret letting her walk away six years ago. If she gives me another chance, and I pray she does, I want her stretched out in my bed, no ropes and no toys. Just pleasure and intimacy I’ve craved for six long years. I need to say good-bye to the man I once was, because if we do this, there will be no going back.
“I loved you back then. You knew that, right? I never said the words, but—”
“Yes, I knew.” Her voice drops, and her eyes glisten with moisture.
“And it fucking gutted me when you left.”
Her brows pull together. “You’re the one who helped me fill out my college applications, practically pushed me out of the nest.”
“I know. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat, because you were destined for more. I wasn’t going to be the prick who held you back from achieving it.”
“Yeah, some success story I turned out to be,” she says quietly under her breath.
“Don’t you dare define yourself by one failed relationship and a job that was going under. You fled when you needed to, and you’re bouncing back just fine.”
“I guess so.”
“What I really want to apologize for is our sessions. You scared me. You strolled into my club, so cool and confident, and you knew exactly what you wanted. I made a bargain with myself that I wouldn’t get attached, or feel anything for you again. I tried to treat you like any other sub, but it was quite obvious that you weren’t.”
“No, I’m not a submissive. It was a stupid idea, stupid of me to think we could do this without feelings getting involved. And stupid to think I could play the role of the kind of woman you like.”
“You’re the only kind of woman I like. All of this—the club, the toys—it was all meant as a distraction. I needed it like I needed air.”
“What are you saying, Reece?”
If she trusts me enough to do this, I’m packing up all the impersonal BDSM implements I’ve used as a crutch. And not as some grand gesture, but because I want to. We won’t need any blindfolds or handcuffs because I’ll want her to see me, to touch me. It scares me, but it’s what I want. And if she wants toys in the bedroom, we’ll buy them together.
“Come outside on the balcony with me?” I want to get away from the curious ears of Hale and Brielle, who are standing only twenty feet away. Macey rises from the chair, and I grab the throw blanket from the back of the couch and wrap it around her shoulders. She hugs the blanket to her and follows me out onto the balcony. I slide the glass door closed as Macey stands near the railing, looking out at the spectacular view.
For a moment we just listen to the city noises below. The hum of traffic. A police siren fading in the distance. The whoosh of wind that lifts her hair from her neck.
It’s January in Chicago, and barely thirty degrees out. Our breathing comes out in soft puffs as the warm air contrasts with the cold. I want to pull her into my arms and hold her small frame against mine, but I know I’ve lost that right.
“I wanted to properly apologize for the way I treated you. I shouldn’t have left you alone like that after our sessions. But I hope you understand now that I needed to get away. I couldn’t seem to separate the emotion from the sex.”
She turns to face me, her blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “Neither could I. That’s why I didn’t want a third session. I couldn’t do that again with you without falling for you.”
“I’ve already fallen,” I murmur, my lips coming dangerously close to touching hers.
“What are you saying?” Her breath is a warm pant against my mouth.
“You might have said this was just sex, but you’re about to get a whole lot more, because if we do this, there will be no going back.”
“Reece?”
“I want a real shot with you. I want to tell Hale everything. I want to make up for not being there for you for the past six years, and I’ll fight for you if I have to. I want to protect you, cherish you, own you . . .” The words pour from me, and once they’re out, a wave of panic swims through me. Macey doesn’t say anything, and the seconds tick past.
Leaning closer, she breathes out, “Will you make love to me?”
When her lips barely brush mine, I have to physically restrain myself from taking her mouth and fucking it with my tongue. Reminding myself that her brother is still watching from inside does the trick.
I force a deep breath into my lungs. “I want to bury myself balls deep inside your sweet body. I want to fuck you for hours. Days. Months. Years.”
“Years?” Her lips twitch with a small smile. “I might get a little sore.”
“Then I’ll tend to your every ache and pain, soothe every discomfort. You will be mine.”
Tears spring to her eyes, and she blinks them away.
“Hey, what is it?” I whisper.
“I’ve waited so long for this. This is the version of you I’ve missed and dreamed about for six years.”
Pleasure swims through me, and my heart feels whole again. “I’m here.”
“I thought I lost you,” she whispers.
“I’m back.” I tug the blanket higher over her shoulders and press a kiss to her forehead. “Can I take you home?”
“Please.”
We head inside to join Hale and Brielle in the kitchen. I hold her hand the entire time, a distinct sign of ownership, and Hale reacts accordingly, watching me closely with a scowl slashed across his face. I know I’ll have to prove myself to him, and I intend to. However long it takes.
“I’m going to take Macey home.” My voice is firm
.
Macey hugs Brielle, and then tells her brother good-bye. Hale shoots me evil glares the entire time.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea, sis?” he asks.
“Stop it, Cameron. I’ve forgiven Reece. You need to too.”
Hearing her say she’s forgiven me is like a shot of adrenaline. “I’m going to do things right this time,” I say, looking him square in the eye. I have no idea what that means or what comes next, but I know I can’t continue living as the man I was.
“Don’t fuck it up,” he says sternly, tugging Brielle tightly to his side.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” I give Macey’s hand a squeeze and we head toward the door. It feels like I’m walking toward my future, and the significance of this moment isn’t lost on me.
After I help her inside my car and crank up the heater, we sit there quietly for a moment, as if we’re unwilling to break the silence just yet. I have zero expectations of anything happening between us tonight since I’m pretty certain I have to rebuild her trust in me. I’m not sure what that might involve, but I’m thinking proper dates, roses for no reason, handwritten notes telling her all the things I love about her. And time. Time to prove that I’m here for the long haul, and I won’t leave or send her away again.
I put the car into gear, then realize I’m unsure how to get to her apartment. “What’s your address?”
She turns to look at me, a mischievous glint in her eye. “I thought we’d go to your place.”
“You want to go to Crave?”
She shrugs. “I think we’ve waited long enough, don’t you?”
Hearing those words spill from her mouth ignites something inside me. They encapsulate everything I’ve felt. Placing my hand on the back of her neck, I guide her mouth to mine, and when our lips touch and she releases a small sigh, I almost lose all control. There is so much emotion behind that one little sound. Relief. Desire. Need.
My tongue quests for hers, licking and sucking in a sensual way. Macey moans against me and leans closer. I lift her over the console and place her in my lap, needing her closer still. The heat of her sweet cunt is pressing into my jeans and my cock jumps up, seeking entrance to the forbidden spot I’ve never allowed myself to go with her. She grinds against me, just as desperate to fuck as I am. My teeth graze her bottom lip as I lift my hips to press against her, stimulating her through her clothes.
“Reece, I want you,” she breathes against my mouth.
“You better be sure, Pancake, because once I start, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
I want to yell, pump my fist in the air, and jump for joy. Instead I stomp down on the accelerator and get us the hell out of here.
Chapter Fourteen
Macey
When we finally reach Crave, I’ve never been more impatient to be alone with someone in my entire life. Reece’s palm rests against my lower back as he guides me through the club, sending all kinds of territorial signals within me. I love it. His dominant nature only makes him that much more desirable. And knowing he’s taking me to his bedroom, instead of his playroom? I’m surprised my panties haven’t melted right off my body.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stop for a drink?” Reece leans down and whispers near my ear, sending tingles shooting down my spine.
“Stop stalling, Jackson,” I tease, and continue straight toward the elevator. I hear him chuckle under his breath as he gives chase.
I press the button for the elevator and wait impatiently. Finally the door opens, and Reece waits for me to step inside before joining me. As the doors slide closed, he stalks closer, pinning me to the wall with his hips.
Holy hell, that’s one big erection.
“I should fuck you right here.” He presses the hard bulge against my belly.
“I would have zero objections to that.” I feel desired and sexy when I’m near him.
His hands skim down my sides and grasp my hips firmly. “No. I need you in my bed. I need to take my time and do this right.”
Chills rake down my body. Knowing he doesn’t bring women to his bedroom, that he doesn’t allow himself the intimacy of it, makes this even more special.
Finally, we enter his apartment and I follow Reece inside. He doesn’t turn on any lights, leaving the dim glow of moonlight and the city street lamps from outside to create ambient lighting.
He pauses in the foyer, and I’m at a loss for what to do. I thought he’d lead me into his bedroom, rip my clothes from my body, and fuck me senseless, but instead he’s looking at me with complete love and adoration in his eyes. I’m beginning to realize this is much more than just sex with my old flame. This is my future, my heart, my soul, my everything. If he’s just going to walk away after, leave me alone again, I won’t be able to handle it.
He stalks closer, pinning me with his gaze. “Come here, beautiful. You’re mine tonight.”
Tonight. That’s what I’m afraid of. He doesn’t have the best track record of sticking around.
“I need a minute,” I blurt, then break away and head for the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I consider calling Brielle to ask her what I should do, but I realize I left my purse in the front entryway, my cell phone inside it.
Frustrated, I pace in the small bathroom—two steps one way, then two back. The scent of his aftershave hangs in the air, deep notes of sandalwood and crisp spruce that only make me ache for him more. Shit.
Reece’s footsteps approach from down the hall. Three gentle taps on the door startle me.
“Macey? Are you okay?”
He must think I’m nuts. I clench my hands tightly at my side, angry at myself for being such a coward. “No. Yes. I mean, I think so.”
“Are you sick?” His voice rises with concern.
“No.”
“Changed your mind?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I place one trembling hand over my mouth, trying to sort out the mess of feelings inside me.
A deep sigh sounds from the other side of the door. “You owe it to me to at least come out here and tell me what the hell’s going on.”
I take a deep breath, trying to work up the courage to face him. When I unlock the door, I’m standing face-to-face with Reece. His expression is angry, and I’m guessing we’re about to get into a heated debate. My stomach twists into a painful knot. I knew his kind words, his sweet kisses had all been too good to be true. He was only in this for the sex, and now that I’ve changed my mind, he’s done. He doesn’t do relationships, so what did I expect?
“I know what this is. I know what you’re doing,” he says, his voice tense.
“Then please fucking explain it to me. I want you. I want this. I’m just . . .”
“I know.” He takes my hand and guides me into his bedroom, which smells even more like him. It’s intoxicating, and makes my head spin.
We sit down on the bed. He says nothing for a moment, just continues holding my hands, his thumb softly caressing the back of my fingers as he looks at me with sympathy that I don’t understand.
“Will you please tell me what’s going on?” I beg.
“It’s called the fight-or-flight response. It’s human nature. When faced with a new concept, a dangerous animal, or a potentially life-changing situation, it’s a natural response to want to duck for cover. To protect yourself at all costs. You lost your parents at a young age, then we were separated for many years, and most recently your ex-douche cheated on you.”
“What are you talking about? I need you to start making sense. This has nothing to do with my parents or Tony.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He must think I’m insane.
“Pancake, I’m sorry to tell you this, but it has everything to do with that.” He laces his fingers with mine and gazes into my eyes. “It’s okay to be scared. This is a big step for us. It’s something we’ve both wanted for years, and now that it’s ab
out to happen, it’s okay to feel apprehensive.”
“It is?” I tilt my head, my eyes narrowing on his.
“Absolutely.”
“Gosh, I feel like an idiot. Here we are about to have sex, and I completely ruin the mood by acting like a girl. You must hate me.”
“I could never hate you. Quite the opposite, actually.” He leans in close and presses a tender kiss to my lips.
“I don’t deserve this.” His kindness and understanding when I’ve basically just cut and run is sweet.
“Of course you do. Don’t say that.” He presses a kiss to my forehead, and I almost melt at how sweet he’s being. “This is a big step for us, and I’ve told you there will be no going back to being friends once we cross this line. So you have a big decision to make. You know what I want. If you decide to let me in, unconsciously you know that losing me would hurt you all over again.”
I take a minute to process everything he’s said. I don’t know when he got so wise, but I know in my heart he’s completely right. My mini meltdown in the bathroom? It’s because I’m terrified of losing him again.
Staring at our joined hands, I give his a squeeze. “After sex, are you going to leave?”
“No. Fuck no. That just about killed me last time leaving you alone in my playroom.”
Sweet relief floods through me. That almost killed me too.
“We’ll take this at whatever pace you need to. I want you, badly.” His gaze dips down to the front of his pants, where geez, that looks painful. His dick is trying to burst through the zipper. “But I want you to be ready and feel comfortable. I’ll wait however long I need to. I’m not going anywhere.”
Realizing he’s just said the exact words I needed to hear to feel comfortable, my libido returns, reminding me that I’ve wanted every inch of him for years. I lean into his touch, longing to experience the physical feel of his love.
“I can’t wait one more minute to have those sweet lips on mine again, though,” he whispers, bringing his mouth to mine. “Is this okay?” He strokes my hair, gazing at me with such love in his eyes, it’s impossible not to feel wanted.
