More Than This: A More Novella

by T. T. Kove

  “I’ve never hit anyone before,” I mused. “Except that time she hit me and I hit back. But that was more self-defence than anything.”

  “Did you like it?” Jakob asked, a wry smile slowly spreading on his lips.

  “Kinda did, yeah.”

  Roar choked down a chuckle next to me.

  “Right now I wish I could hit her.” Jakob folded his hands and rocked forward a little.”

  “You could,” I offered, “but I reckon you’d probably get in trouble. It’s a bit double standard. Women can hit a man without getting in trouble with the law, but as soon as a man hits a woman, he’s an abuser. Many times that’s true—but some women deserve to be hit.”

  “Amen to that.” He lifted his cardboard box full of Cola and tilted it against my milkshake.

  “Second that.” Iselin joined with her Sprite.

  Roar only shook his head, but he smiled.

  We dug back into our food, but Jakob didn’t seem to be in better spirits. In fact, he seemed downright depressed.

  “Whatever happens at school, we’re here for you,” I said, trying to console him. “Whatever they say or do, come hang out with us. We’re not judging.”

  He managed a small smile around his straw. “I appreciate that.”

  I twiddled with my own straw. “So… Are you going to tell your parents?” I was a bit worried about how that would go for him. But surely they couldn’t be as nasty as Hedda?

  To think that Jakob had thought their chat to go well, only for her to turn around and do something so vindictive…

  “I reckon I have to. They’ll find out eventually anyway.” He hitched one shoulder. “It’s better to break the news of my sexuality than what I’ve applied to school for, anyway.”

  Iselin and Roar shot him wry looks at that.

  “What have you applied for?” Iselin asked curiously.

  “I want to be a teacher.” He gave her a small, sad smile. “They don’t think that’s a good career choice. Anything that isn’t lawyer or engineer or a doctor isn’t a good career choice.”

  Iselin’s eyebrows drew together into a frown. “That sucks.”

  “Yeah.” He sighed and looked down at his tray.

  “So they’re not going to throw you out for being gay then?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “If they do,” I shot in, “we’ve got a room available at my house you can stay in.”

  Now Iselin shot me a wry look. “You do? Aren’t all rooms taken?”

  “Christina’s is available.”

  “But doesn’t Leo have that when he’s around?” she asked, frowning. She knew everything about what went on in my house, though she’d never met neither Leo nor Alex.

  “Uhh…” Well, shit. That was supposed to be a secret, wasn’t it? “Not… really.” I wanted to have the offer out there, in case of worst case scenario for Jakob, but that meant I had to tell that secret. “Swear you won’t tell anyone?”

  Iselin blinked. “Please don’t tell me he’s shagging Ben.”

  A laugh escaped at that. Iselin knew just how much of a slag Ben could be. “No, he’s not. But you’re not that far off, actually. But really, you can’t tell anyone.”

  “I won’t.” Iselin made a cross over her heart.

  “Leo and Thomas,” was all I said as I hooked my middle finger over my index finger, “they’re tight.”

  “What? Really?” Iselin leant forwards, voice falling a little. “I didn’t know your uncle was gay.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know what he is. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s Thomas. After everything he’s done for us during all these years… But this is top secret. I think I’m the only one who knows.”

  “Secret relationship, huh?” Iselin got a dreamy look on her face. “That’s romantic.”

  Both Jakob and I laughed, while Roar raised an eyebrow.

  “What do you know about romance?” I asked through my laughter. “You’re not romantic at all.”

  “I can still appreciate the romance of others.” Iselin made a mock-indignant grimace, before a giggle escaped.

  “We’re a right bunch, aren’t we?” I looked around at the three of them. “But I think we fit together anyway.” Roar and Jakob hadn’t said much to each other, but I had a feeling they’d get there eventually.

  That we’d all get there.

  For so long it had only been Iselin and me. Best friends since forever. Then I’d started to get to know Roar and Jakob at the same time, and now here we were. A rag-tag group of loners.

  Well, except Jakob as he’d been a part of the popular crowd, but now he was with us.

  He’d fit in better with us, anyway.

  22

  Decisions

  Roar pulled double shifts at the gas station both Saturday and Sunday, so he didn’t get to meet any of my family—or Leo.

  First on Monday, after school—when he actually had a day off because of changing the schedule around for the week—did he get to meet Thomas.

  Roar walked home with me right after school.

  We’d left with Iselin and Jakob, and separated to each our houses on the way. It had been a long, awkward day—with Jakob trying to avoid all of his friends.

  Former friends by now, perhaps.

  Hedda had been cuddled up with Magnus—and I wished her good luck with that. As long as she left Jakob alone, as long as she didn’t make him anymore miserable, I was happy.

  Roar hadn’t been home in days, which meant he hadn’t run into his stepfather at all. His black eye was faded now, to the point it passed as shadows, hard to notice unless someone looked real close.

  “Hello!” I called once I was in the door, after seeing Thomas’ car in the driveway.

  “In the kitchen,” he replied, voice lower and softer than mine.

  I went over to the doorway. “I brought someone home with me,” I said.

  Thomas turned to look at me “Are you asking my permission?”

  “Oh, no, it’s just so you know, is all. It’s someone I want you to meet.”

  “Someone special?” he asked.

  “Yes, someone very special.” I turned around to look at where Roar stood out in the hall, somewhat nervous.

  I motioned for him to come closer.

  He had to come close enough so Thomas could seem him from the kitchen.

  “Uncle, this is Roar, my boyfriend.”

  Thomas stared at Roar—Roar stared back.

  “Hi. Nice to meet you.” Roar’s voice was lower than normal.

  He’s still nervous.

  Thomas dried his hands on a cloth and came across the kitchen floor. He thrust his hand out towards Roar. “Nice to meet you too.” He smiled.

  I sighed, silently happy that Thomas seemed to accept Roar as easily as he accepted everyone else.

  “Since when do you have a boyfriend?” Thomas turned to me. “I haven’t heard anything about this.”

  I blushed a little. “It hasn’t been that long. We’re pretty new.”

  That was putting it mildly, but if Thomas knew we’d only been together for a few days… well, I didn’t think he’d judge me, but it would still be weird.

  Roar and I had come so long in such a short period of time. Not everyone would understand that. We just clicked. Sometimes it happened, and it was weird and it was wonderful and it was so right.

  “I’m about to make dinner,” Thomas said. “Do you two you want any?”

  “What are you planning on making?”

  “I haven’t actually had the time to look in the fridge yet, but I think we’ve got some minced beef, so I figured maybe spaghetti.”

  “Is anyone else home to eat?”

  Thomas shook its head. “Alex and Leo left yesterday and Ben hasn’t been home since Saturday, so it’s just the three of us.”

  So that meant Roar would only have to meet my uncle for now. That was okay. I didn’t want to overwhelm him with my family, after all
. They could be a little overwhelming sometimes, especially Ben.

  I nodded my confirmation that we would join for dinner.

  “I’ll call when it’s done.”

  So Roar and I headed upstairs.

  “Your uncle is really chill,” Roar said as he deposited his rucksack next to my desk. He fell onto my bed, stretching out so much his shirt rode up to expose his stomach—and his dark-blond treasure trail.

  “He is.” I put my own rucksack down next to Roar’s, then went over to the bed.

  He stared up at me as I loomed over him, then I climbed onto the bed and straddled his thighs. He lay pliant under me and I leaned over to grab onto his wrists, lips hovering over his.

  “I know it hasn’t been long, that we’ve skipped a few turns, but…” I stared into his eyes. “I might be a little bit in love with you.”

  He blinked once, tongue peeking out to lick his lips.

  My stomach clenched as the silence stretched—afraid he didn’t feel the same. I’d been so sure he did, but maybe I’d been wrong.

  He drew in a sharp breath, gaze flicking from one of my eyes to the other.

  “Me too,” he finally said, and my stomach instantly unclenched. “But I’m not any good at this.”

  “This?” I asked, confused.

  “Intimacy. Relationships. I’ve never had good role models, after all.”

  I chuckled darkly. “Just do the opposite of what your role models did, and I think you’ll be fine.”

  “And if I’m not?” His gaze still flickered between mine.

  “Then we’ll work on it.” I wasn’t ready to let him go. Whatever lay ahead, we’d figure it out. I didn’t think we’d always get along, that we wouldn’t hit rough patches, because we would. Everyone did.

  But I cared about him—and we had something real, and it would be worth working through. And if it didn’t work, well, then at least I’d tried. We’d tried.

  That was all we could do, right?

  When he didn’t say anything else, I kissed him. Better put those lips to use, after all.

  “How about a quickie before dinner?” I asked, grinding down against him. I could feel he wanted it—but he didn’t press for anything else but the kiss.

  “Spaghetti doesn’t take that long to make.”

  “The whole point of a quickie is that it’s quick,” I pointed out drily.

  He chuckled. “I just met your uncle. I don’t want him to catch us banging—or smell like we’ve just been doing it when we go down to eat.”

  I rolled my eyes and rolled over to lie against his side. “Why are you so proper? You’re supposed to be the bad boy. Dangerous.”

  “I’m not bad nor am I dangerous. Unless people deserve it, anyway.”

  I tilted my head to the side so I could look at his profile. “People are afraid of you.”

  “Because they don’t know me.”

  “Because you don’t let anyone close. Because you always show up with cuts and bruises on your face.” I knew he wasn’t dangerous—I knew it was his stepfather who mostly was the cause of it all. But he wasn’t always, because Roar never shied away from a fight. Not one that deserved his attention anyway.

  “Cuts and bruises on my face… yeah.” He sighed. “It’s weird, that. When it’s me, who’s branded as a troublemaker, they figure I’ve just been out there making trouble, you know, without asking questions. But if you’d shown up at school all the time like that, they would’ve done something instantly.”

  I chewed my bottom lip. “No one ever did anything for you?”

  He shook his head.

  I sighed. “It’s not fair.”

  “But it’s the way it is.” He didn’t seem too bothered by it, but then he did have an excellent poker face.

  “Everything’ll be different from now on.” I grabbed his hand and twined our fingers together. “We’ve only got a few months left of upper secondary, then it’s off to greater things.”

  “If only I knew what I wanted to do.” He sounded defeated.

  I sat up, let go of his hand, and headed over to my desk to grab my laptop. Then I settled back on my bed, sitting up against the wall, and patted the space next to me. “Come up here.”

  “What are you doing?” He propped up on his elbows, gaze curious.

  “We’re going to take some tests. Career tests. See if that can help you narrow it down.”

  He scooted backwards, pushed himself up into a sitting position, and settled next to me. “You think a career test is going to help?”

  “It sure can’t hurt. Maybe it’ll help narrow things down for you. You can figure out what you’re good at, and maybe some of the suggested jobs stand out.” I clicked into my web browser and started Googling. “That way you can apply for school. You could just do a year course if you’re not sure and then either apply to get into the bachelor program or do something else. Lots of people take year courses because they don’t know what they want.”

  Google came up with lots of results and I clicked into the first link.

  “What are your grades like?” I asked, casting him a look.

  “They’re okay.” He shrugged.

  “If your results come back for lawyer or whatever else fancy you’d need a really good average for, would you get in?” I teased.

  He didn’t look at me, just stared at the screen. “I would, yeah.”

  “Yeah?” I hadn’t expected that, so to say I was surprised…

  He sighed, glanced at me, then rubbed awkwardly at his neck. “I’ve got top grades in all my classes.”

  I blinked, shocked now. Now that I’d never expected. “You got sixes in everything?”

  “Yeah.” More awkward scratching at his neck. “There was this one time I got a five, but I didn’t get to study beforehand because my step-dad… well. You know.”

  So he did better in school than me, and I figured I did pretty well. My average was just under five, though. Or it had been last year anyway, because back when I’d been dating Magnus I’d let my schoolwork go a little. I did better this year, so I hoped by the end of the semester—and with the final exams—I’d jump above the five.

  “So you’re smart?”

  “I study a lot. It’s not like I’ve ever had anything better to do.” He reached over and placket the laptop from my lap. “Now let’s get on with this.”

  I could tell he was embarrassed, so I let the subject drop.

  “Okay, let’s do this.” He clicked on the button to start the test.

  I leant against his shoulder, reading the questions along with him for a little while until I zoned out. He was fully focus on the screen, and I sat back to take in his profile. The slight stubble on his jaw, the way he bit down on his bottom lip when he wasn’t sure what to answer on a question, and the way his lips pressed into a thin line when he was determined.

  I never would’ve thought, that night I met Roar in the park, that we’d end up like this.

  In a relationship, a couple, planning our future careers in my bedroom.

  I couldn’t say I loved him yet—it was way too early for such deep-rooted feelings. But that I was falling in love with him, that was for sure. He wasn’t at all like everyone else thought he was, he wasn’t the bad boy he’d been portrayed as.

  I hoped he’d figure out what to do once school was over—and that it would be in or around Trondheim so we could be close when autumn rolled around. Maybe even live together. That would be nice.

  And all domestic.

  I’d never pictured living with a boyfriend before—certainly never Magnus, who’d been a pig when it came to everything.

  But Roar?

  Yeah, I could picture living with him.

  And I had hopes that we’d last so long that we would be able to live together.

  We were in a good place. Great even—if only he didn’t have to deal with that arsehole stepfather of his anymore.

  Maybe I’d speak to Thomas about it—maybe he’d let Roar move in officially
, like Alex did last year.

  It worked out great for Andreas—he got to have Alex around all the time, and they were still together. Even with Andreas gone for a year in the army, they were going strong.

  I wanted Roar to be a part of our family the way Alex had become.

  I wanted him around, safe and sound, without the fear of his stepfather every time he went home. I wanted this to be his home.

  “What are you thinking so hard about?”

  I startled at his voice. “Nothing special. Well, that I like having you around. That you should stay around.”

  He turned his head towards me—and I tilted mine up so our lips brushed softly.

  “I like being around too,” he murmured.

  “Good.” That was very good. Because as long as we were in this good place we were in right now, I wasn’t about to let him go.

  I wasn’t codependent on him, far from, I could be separated from him. But I also didn’t want him hurt, so I wasn’t about to let him head back to his stepfather unless it was really important. Roar deserved to live a place where he wasn’t afraid of a beating, somewhere where people loved and cared about him.

  I did.

  Cared about him anyway—and was partly on my way to the love part.

  “How about you finish that test later?” I asked, voice going husky.

  He grinned. “What if I want to finish it right now?”

  I put my hand over his lap, quite boldly, and felt him up. “Are you going to ignore this for a test?” He was half-hard.

  “Maybe.” But his breath caught as I cupped him. “Or maybe not.” He leant over to gently put the laptop on the floor, then he rolled over to pin me to the bed. “You’re such a distraction. I thought you wanted me to take that test.”

  “I do.” I just wanted to feel him close more right now. This newfound, giddy feeling wouldn’t last forever—better enjoy it while it lasted.

  And he had a month to apply for schools. All the time in the world, whereas we didn’t have much before dinner.

  Speaking of dinner…

  Thomas called from downstairs—and I groaned and thudded my head back, hitting the headboard.

  He laughed, but cupped the back of my head tenderly. “You okay?”