Until the Stars Fall From the Sky

by Mary Crawford

“Thanks Mindy Mouse,” I reply, “Now, I’ve got to get all of you in to try on your dresses.”

  Heather chortles, “Already miles ahead if you, Sweet Pea. With the exception of your little ones, all dresses have been pre-tried by their wearers and just need to be picked up. We were just waiting on your choice and lo and behold you picked our favorites,” she declares with a grin.

  “Officially, I didn’t pick it. That honor goes to Mindy. She is amazing, it’s like she’s a little clone of you.” I reply, giving Mindy a hug.

  “What are we going to wear Miss Heather?” Mindy asks impatiently.

  Heather reaches into a bag at her feet and pulls out two cream-colored eyelet dresses with seemingly endless petticoats. The one for Becca is beyond precious.

  Mindy gasps with delight when she sees her dress, “Can I try it on?” she breathes, “I’ll be super-duper careful.”

  Heather helps Mindy into the dress and she and Tara put their bridesmaid’s dresses on. As we all gather in front of my full-length mirror, Mindy perfectly sums up what I’m thinking when she whispers reverently, “Mr. Jeff really must have magic ribbons because we look perfect.” Mindy pirouettes and spins, “it’s better than my dreams.”

  “It’s better than my dreams too, Mindy Mouse,” I admit, “I am so glad you guys are here to share it with me.” I try to awkwardly gather everyone into a group hug.

  “Okay, none of that tear jerker stuff, you guys don’t want to get makeup on the dresses,” Tara says, trying to squeeze out of the hug, “What are the menfolk wearing?”

  “Geez-O-Pete, I have no idea.” I exclaim, hanging my head in frustration. “I don’t know what to do for the invitations and programs either. Nor, do I know what to serve,” I add gesturing wildly.

  Heather grabs my hands and holds them, as she asks, “Kier, do you trust us?”

  I take a deep shuddering breath and nod, “You know I do.”

  “Then know we have this more than covered,” she insists. “That guy of yours has made military grade plans and multiple backup plans for the backup plans. I have to hand it to him; he has a great grasp of what makes you tick. So, relax and focus on being a Mom. Outside of getting a marriage license, we’ve got this handled.”

  “Just make sure there are hot chocolate, peaches and crème brûlée somewhere in the mix okay?” I acquiesce, taking a deep breath and trying to remember that this is one single day of our lives when we have several decades to look forward to.

  “You guys hafta have a license to get married?” Mindy asks with a puzzled expression on her face. “Is that like a dog?”

  Everyone laughs and Tara quips, “No, Mindy Mouse, that’s how they keep track of the people that cheat and act like dogs. It stops them from scamming people by marrying a bunch of people at once.”

  Mindy nods sagely as she replies, “Why would somebody cheat at marriage? That’s dumb.”

  Chapter 27: Jeff

  I am in the law library when the call comes in. I knew something wasn’t right last night but Kiera claimed that she had just wrenched her back getting Becca out of her car seat when she and Mindy went to go get haircuts. Kiera treated it with ice packs and frequent trips to the hot tub. She said she was fine and brushed me off. I knew I should’ve stuck to my guns, but I got distracted by helping Mindy with wedding stuff. Mindy was filling little net bags full of birdseed for the reception and she needed help tying the bows in the ribbons.

  So, now I am driving to the hospital in a state of total terror trying not to wreck the new rig in my haste. Denny tried to tell me that he had everything handled and not to panic, but it’s far too late for that. I shot right past that threshold the second I heard the words Kiera and emergency room in the same sentence. When I finally reach them, it’s a sobering sight. Kiera is laying in the hospital bed, curled up on her side, her hair in wild disarray. She is as paper-white as the background of her standard issue hospital gown and the fever indicator strip attached to her reads 102 degrees. She has saline solution piggy-backed with an antibiotic running full bore in an I.V. in her hand. She looks like she is in incredible pain as she winces in her sleep. My heart breaks for her. Kiera looks nothing like my invincible Pip. She looks frail and weak. I have to lean against the wall for support as my knees go weak; this is my nightmare come to life.

  I take a deep breath and look around the room. Denny is sitting in a recliner chair next to Mindy; he is quietly taking in my reaction. He is bouncing Becca on his knee while coloring in a book with Mindy. “Any news?” I whisper, not wanting to wake her.

  “Her blood work just shows she has a bad kidney infection. Her ultrasound didn’t show any blockages or large stones. She probably just overdid it with the stress of her job and planning the wedding and stuff. Knowing her, she just forgot to drink enough.”

  Mindy looks up from her coloring book with big, fat tears in her eyes, “Am I gonna hafta find a different place to live because Miss Kiera was pukin’ and her pee pee hole is broked? Is Miss Kiera gonna die?”

  I rush over to pick up Mindy. I sling her up onto my hip as I assure her, “Mindy, you won’t have to leave just because Miss Kiera is sick. She just has some bacteria in her kidney and they are giving her medicine through her IV to make it better. So, she has to stay here for a bit. There will always be one of us to take care of you until she gets well. Understand?”

  Mindy nods tearfully as she asks tentatively, “Becca too?”

  I smile, “Of course, Mindy. We can’t separate Princess Peanut and Princess Pumpkin, can we?”

  Mindy shakes her head so hard that I am surprised her curls don’t straighten out from the centrifugal force.

  “Mindy, why do you think her pee pee is broken?” I ask, because it is such an odd thing to say, even for Mindy.

  “I saw the nurse check it. There is a bag with a tube coming from her pee pee hole. There’s pee and blood in it, so I figure it must be broked,” Mindy explains with great patience as if I’m the world’s biggest idiot. I feel like I am the world’s biggest idiot for not pressing her sooner about how she was really feeling.

  “When did you see her puke?” I press.

  “Yesterday after lunch,” Mindy replies. “Miss Kiera thought she got some bad chicken salad at the food court and her back was hurtin’ her real bad. So, we went home before we found me new tights. Miss Kiera said we’d do it today.”

  I run my hands through my hair in frustration as I ask Denny, “Why didn’t she tell me earlier? I could have done something to help her before she ended up in this much pain.”

  “Miss Kiera said you were very busy getting ready for your new job and learning new stuff in law school and she didn’t want to bug you if all she had is a pulled muscle. She don’t really have a pulled muscle does she?” Mindy asks.

  I set Mindy back down in the chair and squat down in front of her, “Mindy, Miss Kiera probably did tweak her back lifting Becca out of the car seat. The reason she noticed it more is because of the kidney infection. Kidney infections can cause back pain, a fever and nausea — which is just a fancy doctor word for feeling like you have to puke. Speaking of fancy doctor words, she has a tube in her urethra, not her pee pee hole.”

  Mindy’s eyes light up and she exclaims, “Cool! Can I learn some more doctor words?”

  I grin at her curiosity. Even in the face of a scary situation, she is irrepressible. “As many as you want Mindy Mouse. You can never know too many words.”

  Denny stands up and cradles Becca in the crook of his bicep as he comments, “If she gets much, bigger I’m not going to be able to hold her this way. Anyway, I’m going to take these two lovely ladies out to dinner. I’ll bring you guys something. Kiera hates hospital food with a passion and when she wakes up, she is going to be hungrier than a momma grizzly in spring.”

  “Is she going to feel like eating?” I inquire; glancing over at Kiera’s sleeping form. It’s hard not to want to micromanage every decision. “How do you get used to seeing her like this?”

&
nbsp; “Yeah, I expect so,” he answers with a wry smile. “Her fever should break shortly and she’ll be feeling human soon enough. You’re doin’ just fine, son. It’s scary, but the rollercoaster ride does get easier. She is strong and resilient but she isn’t used to asking for help. You guys are going to need to figure that part out.”

  “Okay, thank you sir — I mean Denny.” I reply, cringing at my faux pas. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to calling him by his nickname — father-in-law or not. I appreciate the advice. “I am just going to stay with Kiera.”

  I pull the reclining chair next to the bed, bring my casebook for Human Rights Law up on my iPhone and try to concentrate on something else other than our current predicament. I last about ten minutes before I just throw in the towel. I decide trying to study is just an exercise in futility. My brain is in a thousand different places right now and not a single one of them is in law school. How did Kiera get so sick right under my nose? What could I have done to prevent it? Did she hide it from me on purpose? What’s going to happen with the wedding? What would happen to the girls if she really does get sick? Could I take care of them on my own? How would I ever live my life without her?

  Just as my brain starts to spin with these questions and I begin to feel like I am being hauled back into that dark, repulsive place that I barely came out of when Donda nearly died, I feel Kiera’s fingertips on my forearm. I try to compose myself, but I am fairly certain that I’ve only managed to cover a small fraction of the sheer terror on my face.

  Kiera takes one look at my expression and tears well up in the corners of her eyes as she whispers, “Oh, PC, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. This one just got away from me. It seemed like one minute I was fine, the next I was ready to pass out at the pediatrician’s office after the girls had their shots.”

  “Why didn’t you call me then?” I ask, wanting to hear the whole story from her lovely lips.

  Kiera sighs as she admits, “I didn’t call you because I thought they were being stupid and overly dramatic. I thought I had a bad case of the vapors because watching the kids get their shots was tough. I thought I was just faint from the trauma of that. You were busy with law school and I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

  I can’t stop the bark of laughter that escapes as I answer, “Pip, you are my priority, without you and the girls, none of that means anything. With your autonomic dysreflexia, I could have lost you and I would not have even known you were sick. If you aren’t honest with me when you’re sick or in crisis, then you obviously don’t trust me to take care of you. If you don’t trust me then we have really big issues to work on.”

  If it’s possible, Kiera becomes even paler as she says “Jeff, that’s not really fair. I just got sick. It was never my intent. I trust you with my life. I would give anything just to be your regular every day kind of fiancé and wife. I don’t want it to even cross your mind that I might die of anything other than old age. I don’t want my disability to effect our relationship. I don’t want you to be my caretaker. I want you to be my partner, my lover and my equal.”

  I look down at her in the bed, so fragile in body yet so strong in spirit. “Pip, I want all of those things for us too. Sometimes your disability ticks me off. I get mad when I see you doubled over in pain because of muscle spasms, when waitresses won’t look at you or when people stare and point at you. I know I can’t fix all of those things, but it doesn’t mean I don’t notice and care deeply. I am always going to be driven to take care of you because I love you. But, I would be dishonest if I didn’t admit that given our circumstances, it’s a scary proposition for me.”

  Kiera glances up at me with a puzzled look on her face as she asks, “What do you mean?”

  I interlace my fingers with hers and kiss the back of her hand as I say, “Since we both lost a parent early, we know what it’s like. I don’t want the girls to have to go through that again. We need to make sure we have a plan in place in case something happens to either of us. Those girls need both of us. We need to stick around as long as possible.”

  Kiera squeezes my hand as she responds, “PC, you have to back it down a notch or two or you are going to burn out on us in just a month or two. I’ve had so many health scares over the years; I’m surprised my Dad’s hair isn’t grey. Yet, not all health crises are immediately fatal. If you react like each one is going to be lethal, it’s going to put our relationship under too much stress and freak the girls out,” she explains gently.

  “I know rationally that what you’re saying makes sense, but I’ve seen the worst with my grandpa and Donda. I never want to see you go through that kind of pain and suffering. I love you so much that I am not sure I trust my reaction if anything ever happens to you.

  Remember, when we agreed to watch out for each other’s body? I think this qualifies. I worry about you too. I am afraid you are taking on too much with me and the girls on top of law school. Seriously, I will make a better effort to let you know if I am struggling before it is too late for you to help.”

  I squeeze her hand as I reply, “It’s going to be very hard for me. But, I promise to try to behave like a rational human being if you cough or sneeze and not smother you. I’ll try to put being an EMT on the back burner and just be an attentive husband and father.”

  Kiera smiles up at me, “I know that you are always going to be a lifeguard at heart and I love that about you. I just want you to go into semi retirement and let the professionals take over. I don’t want you to have to worry that much about me. My biggest fear is that you’re going to wake up one day and decide that I’m not worth all the extra effort. I am afraid that you’re going to wish you would have chosen someone more normal.”

  Kiera looks sad and very fragile for a moment. She starts to absently braid her hair as she stare out the window. “Jeff, it shatters me to say this. But, if you think all of this is going to be to much for you at some point, I’d rather you duck out of our lives now rather than waiting,” she replies in a tortured voice.

  My heart almost stops at the thought of a life without Kiera in it. The idea is terrifying. “Pip, the mere thought of one day without you is a thousand times more frightening than anything we’ll face together.” I argue passionately. “If ‘normal’ means giving you up, I don’t want it. Ever. We just have to help each other work through the ghosts of our pasts so that we can move forward.”

  Kiera gives me a teary-eyed grin as she whispers and collapses back into the bed, “I don’t know what I’ve ever done in my life that was so great to be worthy of you, but thank God I found you and I hope we can find our way through all of this. I love you, Jeff.”

  ~*~

  The next morning, I stop by the gift shop at the hospital to get Kiera some flowers in a cute little old fashioned vase and write her a note. I want her to know that despite my fears, I don’t doubt the strength of us. I did a lot of intense thinking overnight. My dad was a healthy as an ox and my mom still lost him. Denny lost Karen to a rare cancer in the prime of her life. No couple ever has any guarantees and it’s not fair of me to hold Kiera to that impossible standard, disability or not.

  In honor of our everlasting love.

  Your number one supporter

  (but not caretaker)

  Your soon –to-be husband PC

  Her eyes light up when she sees the frilly notecard. When she reads the note, she flashes me a slightly soggy smile. “You’re getting so great at these notes. I love carnations. Now that I know every flower has a hidden meaning, I suspect that white ones mean everlasting love.”

  “My mom would be so proud that you caught that,” I answer with a grin.

  “So, you’re saying an appropriate wedding bouquet would be white carnations with pink and purple roses?” Kiera asks. “I wouldn’t be starting a war in a third world country or anything, right?”

  “Well, I guess, that depends on how much baby’s breath and ferns you use,” I tease.

  My joke backfires as a stricken look pas
ses over Kiera’s face. I grasp her hands in mine and explain, “Pip, I am kidding. My mom would be the first to tell you to get whatever suits your fancy, traditional or not. But, if you want to go with traditional, it all works. Purple roses for first love. Pink roses for pure happiness. White carnations for eternal love. Baby’s breath for innocence and ferns for magic. It seems like a perfect recipe for a good marriage to me.”

  Kiera sags a little as she breathes, “Oh, that’s a relief, I was afraid I might have insulted your mom’s whole profession.”

  I chuckle softly as I proclaim, “Babe, after what you did for my mom this weekend, I’m pretty sure you could burn down her whole flower shop and she’d still be your biggest fan. You were downright spectacular.”

  Speaking of spectacular, I understand you are acing all of your blood work and vitals Ms. Ashley, so they plan to spring you this afternoon if your fever stays down,” I announce.

  Kiera smiles and nods. “I think some nurses took some pity on me and lobbied for early release when they found out I’m getting married on Saturday. I had to promise to go to the outpatient clinic to get IV treatment for two more days.”

  “I can’t wait to get you home,” I reply. “Although your dad helped us last night Mindy said it just wasn’t the same. We have a wedding to get to. I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Pip.”

  Chapter 28: Kiera

  Because I had to take a break in my wedding preparations for a short “vacation” in the hospital, the week flew by faster than I could have ever imagined. I had a thousand little tasks to complete involving the girls from the fun things like school shopping and haircuts to the really not fun things like sitting in the Social Security office for hours to get their identities straightened out and the spectacle that are immunizations. I’m not sure which girl took them hardest, but I know that no one warned me about how traumatic they would be for me. Jeff was wonderful, giving us all a little extra tender loving care that night as we cuddled in my hospital room watching princess movies on Netflix on my iPad.