Amish Widow's Hope

by Samantha Price

When Hannah left her room, Anita stood up and stretched. Tomorrow she would open the doors and the windows to give the place a good airing out. She stepped into the bathroom and washed her face. When she looked into the mirror, she saw she had deep circles under her eyes. Anita wondered whether this was still the only mirror in the haus. It had been the only mirror many years ago. She’d had a mirror in her haus back in Ohio, but her parents had never liked mirrors in their haus. Her grandfather had put this one in, joking that it was so he and his wife could see how old they were getting.

  She reached out for a towel, wiped her face, and then straightened her prayer kapp.

  When Anita walked into the kitchen, she saw a young man sitting at the table with Amos.

  Putting the last of the food on the table, Hannah said, “Anita, do you remember my bruder Simon?

  “I think so. Hello, Simon.”

  “Nice to see you again, Anita.”

  Anita looked around for the boys, thinking how eager she was to play with them. Ben was sitting at a small table with an empty plate in front of him. Sam was nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Sam?”

  “Sam was cranky. He was overtired so we’ve put him to bed.”

  “Hannah, do you want me to put some food on Ben’s plate?

  “Denke, that would be good.”

  After she dished out some food for Ben, she sat at the table and waited for Hannah to sit down. When all the food was in the center of the table, everyone closed their eyes and gave a silent prayer of thanks for the food.

  Anita looked at the spread of food and didn’t know where to start. There were roasted vegetables and roasted chicken, coleslaw, mash potatoes, and a variety of other cooked vegetables. “This looks and smells wunderbaar.”

  Hannah smiled. “Well help yourself. Here, give me your plate.”

  Anita passed her plate over and Hannah filled it, and then handed it back. “I don’t think I can eat that much.”

  “You need to eat to keep your strength up. You’re eating for two,” Amos said gruffly.

  Anita cut a piece of chicken, ready to pop it into her mouth when she felt Simon staring at her. She looked across at him.

  “Sad to hear about your husband, Anita. Good news to hear about the boppli.”

  He seemed a little awkward, as though he was genuinely sorry for her but struggled to find the appropriate words to express his feelings.

  “Denke, Simon.” Anita looked into Simon’s face. He was handsome with his huge greenish-brown eyes and fresh face.

  “Gott wanted Joshua back home. Nothing to be sad about,” Amos said. “Life’s a cycle – we live then we die. We don’t know when Gott’s going to call us home. No good going around all moony-faced feeling sorry for yourself.”

  Anita saw Amos suddenly flinch and guessed that Hannah had kicked him under the table. Tears burned behind Anita’s eyes. It was easy for Amos to say those things, but if he were a woman in her position with a baby on the way, would he be so dismissive of missing a spouse when he was gone forever? Anita was of the opinion that Joshua had been called home at the very worst possible time. Why couldn’t Amos be a little more understanding?

  Simon had raised his eyebrows at what Amos said and remained silent whereas, after Hannah had given Amos a good kick under the table, she sat staring down at her food.

  To break the silence and change the mood, Anita said to Simon. “Do you live close by?”

  “Jah, I do. I live right next door.”

  “At the Millers’ old haus?”

  Simon nodded. “I bought it from them a year ago.”

  “Simon took over Dat’s business,” Hannah said proudly.

  “Your vadder made buggies, didn’t he?”

  Simon nodded. “That’s right. I learned the trade from him, and now I’ve expanded to employ five men.”

  “That must keep you quite busy.”

  “It has been busy lately. Seems we’ve got no end of work.”

  Hannah turned toward Amos. “On the subject of work and keeping busy, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something, Amos.”

  Amos finished swallowing the food in his mouth. “What is it?”

  “I was wondering if you would mind if I worked two days a week in Libby’s candy store.”

  Amos slowly placed his fork and knife down on his plate. “There’s no need for you to work outside the home. You’re always telling me how much you’ve got to do. You’ve got enough to do inside this place. You’re barely able to keep up with things around here. Why would you think to ask such a thing?”

  “It’s just that Libby asked me. She’s been very busy and she’s looking for someone to help her.” Hannah pouted and looked down at her plate. “I thought it would be interesting, and it would get me out of the haus.”

  “Why would you want to be out of the house?” Amos glared at Hannah.

  Anita’s heart was beating fast with the rising tension in the room. She glanced over at Simon wondering if he was feeling just as awkward as she. He raised his eyebrows when their eyes met.

  “It was just an idea I had. Forget I mentioned it.” Hannah shook her head.

  “You haven’t answered me. I asked why you’d want to be away from this haus. I work hard for you and the boys every day. You sound like you want a different kind of life.”

  “Amos, I don’t think she said that she wants a different kind of life. Many women work a day or two out of the haus. Most every woman I know works a job a day or two a week,” Simon said.

  Amos turned to Simon. “That’s because they need to bring money into the household. I provide well for my fraa and kinner. We have enough already. And it’s really none of your concern, Simon.”

  Simon opened his mouth to reply, and Anita quickly said, “Is the meeting on this Sunday or the one after? I’m looking forward to seeing people I haven’t seen in years.”

  The three people at the table stared at Anita.

  Amos said, “The meeting is at the Fullers’ this Sunday coming.”

  Anita put her hand to her forehead. “Gut. And what day is it today?”

  “Today is Tuesday,” Simon said

  “Ben is being very quiet. He seems a good eater,” Anita said trying to keep the conversation away from delicate subjects.

  “Jah, he’s a gut eater, just like his Dat,” Hannah said.

  “I’ve noticed you’ve got bigger, Amos. You were tall and skinny when I left here.”

  “That was a long time ago, Anita. I’ve grown since you left.”

  “How long has it been since you’ve been here, Anita?” Simon asked.

  “Since I left eight years ago to live with Joshua in Ohio.”

  “Joshua was your husband?”

  Anita nodded.

  “What’s for dessert? I hope we’ve got more than just fruit again.”

  “We’ve got apple pie and cream,” Hannah said looking pleased with herself.

  “I love your apple pie,” Simon said.

  Amos said to Anita, “It’s not as gut as Mamm used to make.”

  Hannah looked disappointed as she rose from the table to serve the dessert.

  “I’ll try it and let you know what I think, Hannah,” Anita said.

  “It’s the best pie I’ve tasted,” Simon said.

  Anita swiveled around to face Hannah who was on the other side of the kitchen. “Do you need help?”

  “Nee. I’ve everything ready.”

  When the dessert was over, Anita told Hannah that was the best pie she’d tasted. Hannah looked happy that she liked the apple pie.

  “Simon and I will leave you ladies in here to wash up while we go to the living room.”

  “Nee, Anita should go to bed; she looks tired.”

  “I had a rest before. I feel fine.”

  “I’ll help you with the dishes, Hannah,” Simon said as he stood up.

  Amos grumbled, “It’s not men’s work.”

  Simon turned to Amos, “It is if you’re a single man. I’ll help with the d
ishes, and then I’ll come into the living room.”

  Amos threw his hands in the air. “If that’s what you want to do.” Amos got up from the table, ordered Ben to pick up his plate and put it up at the sink. “He’s ready for bed, Hannah.”

  While Hannah took Ben to bed, Amos went into the living room.

  When Hannah came back to the kitchen, she said, “Please go and rest, Anita, you look awfully tired.”

  Anita knew she should look after herself and not push herself like she had been used to doing. “Okay denke. I will go to bed early since you’ve got someone to help you clean up.”

  Anita said goodnight to Hannah and Simon and walked to the end of the kitchen and slipped through the door to her grossdaddi haus.

  She was too tired to wash, so she figured she’d leave a shower until the morning. Anita took off her prayer kapp and shook out the braids from her long wavy dark hair. It fell to well below her waist. Since her brush was somewhere in the bag she hadn’t unpacked, she simply ran her fingers through her hair to untangle it.

  When she changed into her nightgown and got into bed, she was surprised how clearly she could hear them speak, since the kitchen and the grossdaddi haus shared a common wall.

  She heard Simon say, “Why do you let him speak to you in that way?”

  “What do you mean?” Hannah asked.

  “You should stand up for yourself. I could tell you really want to work in that candy store.”

  “How could you tell that? I’ve never mentioned it to you.”

  Because I know you well. I could see the sparkle in your eyes when you spoke about it. And what would it hurt if you did that one or two days a week?”

  Amos believes that he’s the provider. I’m certain that he thinks if I work out of the haus people will think he’s not being a gut provider.”

  “Aren’t there scriptures about an industrious woman who works hard? I’m certain she worked in and out of the home. I think it’s in Proverbs. You should remind him of that. No one said her husband wasn’t providing enough.”

  “Jah. I remember reading that some time ago. I must find that passage, and read it again. Did you say it was in Proverbs?”

  “I’m certain it is. You read it.”

  “I will.”

  “And then will you say something to him?”

  “I might.”

  Anita heard Simon laugh. “Nee you won’t. You’re scared to say anything to him.”

  “Shh. He might hear you.”

  “I hope he does hear me! I might have a word with him myself.”

  “Don’t you dare!”

  That was all Anita overheard of their conversation before sleep overtook her.

  Chapter 3

  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;

  thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

  Psalm 23:4

  * * *

  Anita woke early and helped Hannah give the boys their breakfast.

  When Amos came into the kitchen, they all sat at the table together.

  “I’ve got to thinking, Anita,” Amos said as he pushed egg onto his fork.

  “Jah?”

  “You’re welcome to stay here forever, for as long as you want to, or as long as you need to.”

  Anita raised her eyebrows. They’d already had this conversation before she’d decided to move there. She kept quiet and waited for him to continue since he looked like he had something on his mind.

  “Eventually, though, in time, you’ll want to marry again.”

  Anita shook her head and placed her fork on her plate. “That’s the last thing on my mind right now. I’ve just got to get this boppli into the world safely, and then I’ll think about our future. Our future might include another man, and it might not. There’s no rush for something like that.” Anita stared at her insensitive brother and anger rose within her. “Why would you say something like this with Joshua not long gone? Can’t you see what you’re saying is upsetting?”

  “Jah, Amos, I don’t think she needs to worry about finding a man to take care of her right now. That’s why she’s here, so we can do that,” Hannah said.

  Amos ignored his wife and shook his head at Anita. “I think you’re wrong. You shouldn’t need people to take care of you when a man can do that. I’m not saying you’re not welcome here. We’ll always want you to stay in our home for as long as need be. I’m just saying you shouldn’t wait too long before you marry again.”

  “Well, we’ll see what happens.” Anita picked up her fork and continued to eat.

  He didn’t stop there. “You need a new husband, and I’ll help you find one.”

  Anita winced. “Nee.”

  Hannah said, “Surely it’s her decision, Amos. Joshua’s not long been gone and she needs to be used to being without him.”

  Amos turned to look at his wife. “I think I know what’s better for my own schweschder than you would.”

  “But would you know how a woman would feel? She’s just said that she’s not ready for anything like that. She can’t be upset while she’s expecting a child. And she needs some time for her heart to heal.”

  Amos shook his head. “I’m the head of this household, and I know best.” He slapped a hand on the table and caused both women to jump.

  Hannah looked over at Anita, and Anita managed to force a smile back at her. It was good of Hannah to come to her aid, but she didn’t want to cause any trouble between the pair.

  The sounds of a buggy approaching caused a hush of silence to sweep over the room.

  “That’ll be Simon coming to help me do work on the fences.”

  When Amos walked outside, Hannah said, “I’m so sorry, Anita. I had no idea that’s what he had in his mind until he said it just now. I don’t know why he didn’t mention it to me before he said something to you. I would’ve made him see some sense.”

  Anita could see Hannah’s bottom lip quivering slightly and she knew it’d taken a lot for her to say what she’d just said to Amos.

  “Denke for what you said just now. I can see it might not be easy living with my bruder, he has such definite opinions on things.”

  Hannah gave a little giggle. “You noticed?”

  Anita smiled and nodded. When Anita heard the two men talking outside, she stood up and looked out the kitchen window. She could see that Simon was the same height as her brother, and had a solid frame, but he was not overweight like her brother. “Why is your bruder helping Amos with the fences? Doesn’t he have his own business, the buggy-making business?”

  “When he’s not there, he’s got men working for him. Well he’s really got men working for him all the time. He doesn’t have to be there every day.”

  “Don’t you mean to say that Amos asked him to help with the fences and Simon didn’t like to say nee?” Anita tipped her head to the side waiting for Hannah to reply

  Hannah giggled. “That’s right. Simon likes helping him. Sometimes Amos helps him do things at his haus.”

  Sam accidently knocked over his breakfast bowl. Hannah went to rush over, but Anita said, “Nee, let me do it.”

  Sam started to cry.

  “I’ll get you some more.” Anita wiped the egg off the floor. “You sit there and be a gut bu while I get you more, okay?”

  Sam smiled. “Okay.”

  While Anita dished out some more eggs for Sam, and an extra helping for Ben, Hannah asked, “Would you like to come into town with me today, Anita? I need to get some supplies.”

  “I’d love to. Unless, you’d like to go by yourself? I could stay at home and mind the boys.”

  “Nee, I’d love you to come with me. I’ll just have to wait for Amos to go, and then I’ll hitch the buggy.”

  Anita crouched down and placed the two bowls on the small table in front of her young nephews. “There you go. Now eat up.” When the two boys picked up their spoons and began to eat, Anita stood up. “Amos doesn’t know you’re going? Is th
at why you’re waiting until he goes?”

  “Nee, it’s not that. I told him I was going out today. It’s easier to hitch the buggy when he’s not around because he doesn’t like the way I do it. He’s always correcting me and telling me how to do it properly.”

  “I see. You’re right, then, it’d be much better to do it when he’s not around.”

  Hannah smiled brightly at her, and then plunged her hands into the sudsy dish-washing water. Anita picked up a clean dishtowel.

  “The boys love going in the buggy,” Hannah said.

  “I guess they’re at that age where they love everything. Everything is so new and exciting to them.”

  Hannah nodded. “You’ll have one of your own to watch grow soon.”

  “I will, but I never thought I’d be doing it without Joshua.”

  “I know.”

  Anita was glad that Hannah didn’t offer a multitude of reasons she shouldn’t be sad about Joshua not being around.

  “I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to Amos.” Hannah shook her head. “I don’t even like to think about it.” She passed a wet plate to Anita. “You must be a very strong person.”

  “I don’t think of myself as strong, I’ve just got no choice but to carry on.” Anita looked out the window at the vegetable garden. At this time of year, March, it was the best time to plant certain vegetables, especially cauliflower, and cabbage. Images of herself, as a girl, helping her grandmother plant vegetables in that very same patch of dirt, flashed through her mind. “What chores shall we do before we go out today?”

  “None. Amos always takes the boys out every morning to collect the eggs, and to feed the chickens and pigs.”

  “He goes with the boys?”

  “Jah.” He likes to have time with them in the early hours before he goes out into the fields.

  Anita was surprised because their father had never gone with them when they were young. He’d shown them what to do once, and that was that. Even when Amos had been two years old, he’d had the job of collecting the eggs on his own. If he accidently dropped one on the way back to the house, he’d get into trouble, especially if the chickens hadn’t laid many that day.

  Hannah continued, “I’ll do the washing tomorrow, and cook when we get home. There’s nothing to do except get ready and go.” Hannah frowned as she passed Anita another plate. “Are you up to it, or are you still tired?”