All of Me: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel

by Jackson, A. L.

  Owned me.

  I guessed he’d owned me all along.

  Shivers raced my flesh, and I was shaking.

  Shaking and shaking and shaking.

  So close. So close. I couldn’t take any more.

  “Come for me, sweet girl. Let go. Let me see how perfect you are. Show me that you love feeling me this way. So lost in me that you don’t know where you end and I begin. Tell me it’s only me. It’s only me. Tell me you’ll never forget what this felt like. You and me.”

  “It’s you. It’s you, I’ll never forget.” I was whimpering frantically, the last word floating away as everything gathered at my center.

  A ball of pleasure.

  A pinpoint of ecstasy.

  A burst of light.

  And I was shooting.

  Falling.

  Somewhere in the sun.

  In the clouds.

  Weightless.

  Ian jutted and his thighs shook, his rough grunts taking to the dense atmosphere. “You’re mine, Grace. I don’t care if you can’t be. In my mind, you’ll always be mine.”

  Both of us were lost in this wilderness.

  No hope of safe passage.

  Crashing in the middle.

  He came, the feel of him pulsing inside me so overwhelming that tears sprang to my eyes. Reckless, reckless, reckless.

  With him, I had no other idea how to be.

  I couldn’t keep him.

  I couldn’t keep him.

  We’d both be ruined if someone found out.

  This beautiful mess we were in was breaking every societal rule. The oath he’d made as an attorney.

  He was in a position of influence over me. And God . . . I felt influenced. The man holding me in the palms of his hands.

  I wanted to turn around and kiss him and hang on and never let go.

  My name was nothing but a deep, guttural moan from his plush lips.

  He slowly pulled out, and I slumped over the table, keeping my face hidden.

  Because the last thing I wanted him to see was the evidence of what was written there.

  He leaned over me, panting, gasping for air, the words so rough when he murmured them at my ear. “I’m losing myself, Grace, and that’s the one thing I can’t do with you.”

  Twenty-Five

  Ian

  Heart hammering, I tried to catch my breath. To reel in this goddamned feeling that was speeding out of control. I could feel it thundering through the space, bounding against the closed in walls.

  I wanted to hold her. Wrap her up and tell her this would all be okay.

  That I was going to protect her and her kids. That’s what I needed to do.

  What I needed to focus on.

  Protecting her and her kids.

  Instead, I’d completely slipped.

  Lost all fucking control.

  Needing to possess her. Some place in my mind had snapped when I’d driven away from that apartment building. Too much shit twisted up in my mind, memories coming at me fast, ghosts bringing up the rear.

  Felt like I’d been being hunted on every side.

  My first instinct had been to come here. Seeking out her comfort. Desperate for a touch of that soothing grace.

  Knowing with just a look, she would take away some of what was haunting me.

  We weren’t supposed to end up in this room.

  Not like this.

  Treading dangerous, dangerous waters.

  Every touch, and I was putting her at risk.

  Putting myself at risk.

  Everything I’d ever wanted.

  Everything I’d worked my ass off for.

  Lived for.

  This woman was forbidden. Off-limits. On top of that, she represented everything I didn’t want.

  She had three kids, for God’s sake.

  Three fucking kids.

  I gulped around that meteor that was still crashing to Earth.

  On a heavy exhale, I turned and took two steps across the confined space to the sink. I washed my hands, grabbed a white hand towel from the folded stack in the cupboard, and ran it under warm water.

  I fisted it over my dick, cleaning myself, hissing as I did, sensation still racing out of control.

  Then I stuffed myself back into my pants, zipped up, and fastened my button and buckle, trying to figure out when I had completely spiraled.

  Seeking pleasure. Willing to do anything for another taste of it.

  I grabbed a fresh towel and ran it under the water, pulling in a deep breath because God knew I needed some clarity before I could turn back around and look at her.

  No use.

  Because my pulse spiked, and my stomach twisted when I turned. The girl had pushed up to sitting, wearing this cream-colored, tufted dress that she was attempting to get back down around her waist, that blonde hair mussed, her gaze unsure and timid and still full of all that courage that she possessed.

  Sexy as all fuck.

  Beautiful, inside and out.

  A battered Cinderella.

  My broken angel.

  And there I went, breaking her more. Tainting all that goodness and trust that oozed from her skin.

  Slowly, I edged back across the space.

  Our eyes gauging the other.

  Carefully.

  Warily.

  Setting my hand on her bare thigh, I nudged her legs back apart as I pulled her to the edge of the bed. The softest moan left her when I pressed the warm towel between her thighs, the act like some kind of twisted apology.

  “I can’t believe I did that to you.” It sounded of a confession.

  I’d become rash and negligent. Goddamned careless.

  Shyness bled through the small sound that slipped from her mouth. “I’m the one who dragged you in here, Ian.”

  “And I’m the one who came to you when things got too heavy in my life. I’m the one who keeps pushing it farther and farther. Taking more when the last thing I should be doing is asking you to offer it.”

  Her voice was soggy and rough. “And what if I want you to have it? This part of me? I don’t want to give it to anyone else. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before. Things I’m not sure I fully understand.”

  Those eyes washed over me. So soft and tender and full of trust.

  This time, it was me dropping to my knees, and I was staring up at the girl as I continued to clean her.

  Softly.

  Gently.

  I kissed the inside of her knee because I just needed to kiss something, my nose at her flesh, breathing her in.

  She threaded those sweet fingers through my still damp hair, the girl watching me with all the things she couldn’t feel.

  Everything I couldn’t receive.

  In sheer honesty, I gazed up at her. “I want to help you, Grace. I want to be there for you in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted to be there for anyone in my life.”

  Something streaked through her expression. Something so intense and real, I was certain I’d never seen it directed at myself before.

  It speared me.

  Gutted me.

  The most foolish part of me wanted to reach out and make it mine.

  I climbed to my feet and grabbed her underwear from the floor. I handed them to her and helped her resituate her dress. Like a fool, I moved to stand between her legs like I might belong there, brushing my fingers through that soft, lush hair like I’d do anything for the connection.

  “We can’t let this happen, anymore. There’s too much at stake.” The words were low and hard and loaded with regret.

  Sorrow moved across that pretty face. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to put you in this position.”

  I dipped down to capture her attention. “Don’t ever apologize for this. Ever.”

  I pressed my lips to her forehead and whispered, “In another life.”

  She nodded against my lips, and I peeled myself back so I could resituate my coat and tie. “I’m filing for an emergency injunction this afternoon.
I’m going to have to use Thomas’s statement that he is worried about your safety. They’re probably going to want to talk with him, but if we’re going to win this, we’re going to have to use any weapon at our disposal. Including everything you know. If it comes down to it, you’re going to have to be prepared to use that photo.”

  Worry shivered through her body, but she warily nodded. “Okay.”

  “I have no idea how he’s going to react, but I don’t trust Reed not to come after you on this. I need you to promise me you’ll be careful. Call me if you hear or see anything. This is all coming to a head, Grace. To the end. And I’m going to do whatever I have to for that result to end in your favor.”

  Fear streaked through her expression, every heinous scenario playing through her mesmerizing eyes.

  I touched her face. One last time. “It’s going to be okay. I promise you.”

  She nodded again. “I trust you.”

  I trust you.

  I looked at the door, wanting to fucking punch it. I looked back at Grace. “Come out right after me, and restate how much my services were as we go to the register. Make sure everyone hears it. Do you understand?”

  Her throat wobbled, as much as her legs did when she slid off the bed. Fumbling, she yanked off the sheet and tossed it into the dirty clothes hamper. She quickly laid out a new one and fluffed the pillow. “Yes, Mr. Jacobs.”

  Jesus.

  This was out of control.

  What I felt.

  I didn’t even think I recognized myself when it came to her.

  I roughed a hand through my hair. “Okay.”

  I unlocked the door and strode out. Just like I’d expected, every goddamned eye was on us, some blatantly gaping and others trying not to stare, their whispers instantly silenced when I strode out.

  Grace was right behind me, her heels clicking on the floor. “The haircut is twenty-five and wax is fifty.”

  I rounded the corner, and she slipped in behind the register. “So, seventy-five total.”

  She was a shaking mess.

  I pulled out my wallet and passed her a hundred, the tip of my index finger running over the back of her hand, praying it might calm her.

  Just fucking needing to touch her.

  The last thing I wanted was for her to feel ashamed in any way. The two of us had been forced into a closet.

  One where we could no longer meet.

  For a moment, her eyes squeezed closed before she nodded frantically, accepting our fate, and she took the money and shoved it into the drawer.

  I forced myself to turn and leave.

  I had a job to do.

  And it was time I remembered it.

  Twenty-Six

  Grace

  I hadn’t been able to stop shaking for two hours. Not since Ian had come through the salon door. Not since I’d asked Melissa to reschedule my clients for the day and left five minutes behind him because there was no chance I could stay there cutting hair and acting as if it were a normal day.

  Not when I knew everything was about to change. We were going to go charging over a boundary I’d set for myself, no longer just praying that Reed was going to go away, but fighting back.

  Taking a stand.

  Doing whatever we had to do.

  Though now—now it felt as it were a true statement. Maybe a dangerous one, but one that was worth it.

  I pulled into the driveway in front of my grandmother’s house. Today was the day she played bridge with her friends, so she’d be gone most of the day. I couldn’t help but be relieved.

  I needed to . . . be alone. Process and come to terms with the hand life had dealt me. The fact I was falling in love for the first time in my life.

  The true kind.

  Not an easy kind or a slow kind or a loyal kind. It wasn’t the kind a person settled for, and I knew, with every part of me, that it wouldn’t be fleeting.

  It was the all-encompassing kind. The kind that hit you fast and came on hard and scored itself so deeply in your heart that it’d forever beat with it.

  Blowing out a strained breath, I killed the engine and clicked open the door, pushing out to standing in the quiet, cool air.

  I gasped out in shock and pain when a blur of movement spun from behind me, my body flying back when I was pushed against my car.

  Hard.

  I blinked, trying to orient myself, not even being able to clear my thoughts before Reed got in my face.

  His was red and raging mad.

  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he spat.

  Fear raced.

  Oh, God.

  “I . . . I don’t know what you are talking about.”

  He pushed me closer against the cool metal that felt like shards of ice against my back.

  Expression murderous. The cool he typically wore had vanished. “Don’t bullshit me, Grace. I just got a call from the judge. Did you really think I was going to stand aside and let you get away with this?”

  “I’m just doing what is right for my children.”

  “They are my children.” Arrogant indignation flashed through his expression.

  I scoffed out a bitter sound, tried to stand tall, to stand my ground.

  He needed to know I wasn’t backing down.

  “Are you kidding me, Reed? You barely even see them when they’re at your house. You don’t spend any time with them. They don’t want to be there, and I sure as hell don’t want them in your space. Just . . .”

  I searched his face for any understanding. For him to make rational sense of this. “Just . . . let them go. Let me go.”

  “You’re out of your mind if you think that is going to happen. You’re coming home with me. Now.”

  My own anger flared, butting up against the terror sling-shotting through my veins. “I think it’s you who is out of your mind. I’m never going back to you, Reed. Not ever. You think I don’t know the things you’re involved in?”

  I was reaching. Hoping he’d stumble and admit something I could use. Give me something I could take to Ian to serve up as proof.

  Rage blistered across his flesh. “You don’t know anything. And even if you did, no judge will believe you. Don’t you get that yet? I own this town. Every bit as much as I own you.”

  Dread made my spirit want to falter. The cruel actuality of what he said.

  He possessed all the power.

  I lifted my chin, praying he’d bite. “I have proof. Pictures . . .”

  His voice dropped into his own threat. “I warned you that you were putting your nose in places it doesn’t belong. As my wife, you are there to stand at my side, not get involved in my business. Do you understand? You need to come home . . . where I can protect you.”

  Disbelief had my mouth dropping open. He was serious. He actually thought that I would find comfort and safety in his home. That I’d what . . . keep my mouth shut like a good little wife? “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass on your brand of chivalry. And in case you need the reminder, I’m not your wife.”

  “Don’t make me do something I’ll regret.”

  Harsh laughter rocked out of me, all mixed up with the fear that curled and beat and thrummed in my blood.

  He was insane.

  One second, he was acting like he loved me and wanted to keep me safe, and the next he was threatening to be the one doing the damage.

  I kept my chin lifted, refusing to cower. “Like what, Reed? Are you going to hit me? Have me taken out? Tell me exactly what it is you want to protect me from.”

  He shuffled on his feet, dropping down to get in my face. “From things you don’t understand. And don’t act like I’m the bad guy here. I’m the one who has five-hundred grand missing from his safe. I will have that money, and I will have you.”

  I cocked my head at him. Feigning strength. Defiance. Hating the way my knees were knocking. “You’re delusional. I’ll never let you touch me again, and I don’t have that money.”

  A shriek flew out of my mouth when he
twisted a hand in my hair and jerked it hard, venom grating from his mouth. “You think you’re smarter than me? You think I don’t know you took that money? It’s mine. Just like you. It’s time you remembered it.”

  His mouth slammed down on mine, violent as he tried to force his tongue into my mouth, his body pressing into me.

  Depraved and perverted.

  Just like I knew he was.

  Nausea lapped in my stomach, and I groaned a defiant sound. My hands slapped out as I flailed and tried to break free of his hold. He grabbed me by both wrists and pinned them over my head.

  “No,” I screamed, no ears to hear it.

  He kicked my legs apart and wedged himself between them. He held my wrists with one hand while one went to my breast. Squeezing hard.

  I whimpered, tears springing to my eyes.

  No.

  This couldn’t happen. It couldn’t.

  I struggled harder, trying to break free, kicking and trying to bite him when he pushed his hand up under my skirt. “Stupid girl.”

  It rang with so much ugliness. And I could almost hear the voice whisper through the choppy air, Angel Girl.

  Angel girl.

  “You’re going to regret ever fucking with me,” Reed wheezed, hand fumbling under my skirt. “No one leaves a Dearborne.”

  I kicked and screamed and wailed.

  But he was stronger.

  Crueler.

  I was at his mercy.

  That was a bad place to be when I knew he was merciless.

  Twenty-Seven

  Ian

  I rammed on the brakes when I saw the Jaguar parked two houses down from Grace’s.

  Awareness scattered across my flesh, a dark, black plague that pulsed with hostility.

  That motherfucker was here.

  The second I’d gotten word that the petition had been denied, I’d jumped in my car and headed over here.

  Exactly like I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do.

  I cut the engine and jumped out.

  Adrenaline spiked, every muscle in my body curling with aggression as I moved up the sidewalk toward Grace’s house.

  Trees and hedges surrounded the property, concealing the front.