by Starr, Bria
“No offense, but you look like you need it too.”
“I may try to nap later. Did you wanna hang out? Watch a movie or something?”
“I really just wanted to check on you two. Make sure you were all right. I don’t like you being so far away from a neighbor’s house.” He removes his shoes and jacket before making his way into the living room. “Have you had lunch yet? Should we order in some Chinese?”
“That sounds really good. I’m starving. I haven’t had much of an appetite lately. I’ll order Cassidy her sweet and sour chicken for when she wakes up.”
After Zach and I are settled on the couch, movie playing while we consume our take-out, Cassidy makes her way down the stairs.
“What smells so good?” she asks, rounding the corner. She looks awful. Her hair is a mess with dark bags underneath her eyes. “Zach. I didn’t know you were here. I’ll be right back.” She runs off. An hour later she makes her way back down the stairs, looking immaculate. “What did you eat, and is there any left?”
“Yours is in the fridge. I didn’t know how late you were going to sleep in.”
She looks over at Zach. “Oh, I wasn’t sleeping. I’ve been up for hours, just hanging out in my room,” she lies. Zach doesn’t even glance her way.
“Sure, whatever you say,” I reply.
Cassidy warms up her food, then squeezes in to sit next to Zach on the couch. When the movie is over, Zach looks over at me.
“Do you girls want to get out of here today? I like the thought of you staying here, safe, but not the idea of you all cooped up.”
“Where are we going?” Cassidy asks.
“I was thinking we could head over to the car show they’ve got going on in Carver.”
My head perks up while Cassidy’s falls against the back of the couch. “A car show? Boring,” she says.
“Well, I want to go. I think that’d be fun,” I chime in.
Cassidy lifts her head back off the couch. “Of course you would. You like cars. I wouldn’t want to go even if it were going to be all men there. I’m lethargic.”
I roll my eyes at her. Zach looks her way and asks, “Do you even know what that means?”
I laugh and lightly smack him on the arm, giving him a look that says ‘be nice’. He shrugs and looks at me.
“Will you be okay to go? We don’t have to go for very long. We can leave whenever you start getting tired.”
“I’ll be fine. Yes, I want to go.”
“Go grab your jacket, I’ll warm up the truck.”
I look to Cassidy. “Keep the doors locked. Call the cops, and then call me if anything happens, okay?”
“Okay. Go have fun,” she says with a wink.
As I sit in the passenger seat, we talk about what our favorite cars are and which ones we think we’ll see. We both prefer the older models. Growing up around three brothers and cars, I couldn’t help but get into them. I enjoy working on them, and would like to build my own someday. Dad wanted to build one with us kids when we were younger, but we never did it. It probably could have been finished by now if we had started then.
Zach and I spend the day walking from car to car, discussing preferences and pointing out flaws. I feel extremely safe around Zach. I momentarily forget someone may be stalking our home as we walk side by side throughout the building full of cars. When we come to the end, Zach asks, “Should we grab something to eat before we head back?”
“Yes, please. All that walking built me an appetite.” I say as we make our way back to his truck.
“So… What are you in the mood for?”
I’m not sure, but the way he just said that sounded extremely sexual.
“Um, I’m pretty open.”
Crap. Did that sound sexual, too? I really shouldn’t be thinking about sex right now.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having…”
Definitely a sexual game here. I can play.
“I want what you want.”
Poor choice of words on that one.
“You couldn’t handle what I want.”
“You couldn’t handle what I have.”
“Oh, I think I could,” he playfully claims as we stop at his truck, game coming to an end.
I climb in and sit there with pink cheeks and a smile on my face. I hope he thinks the color on my cheeks is from the cold.
Zach gets in behind the steering wheel and starts the engine. Looking over at me, he smiles. “Stop flirting with me and tell me where you want to go eat.”
My mouth drops open. “Zachary! Me, flirt with you? I don’t think so. You started that.”
“And you went right along with it,” he chuckles.
I roll my eyes and bite my lip. “Shut up and drive,” I say, pretending to sound cross.
He puts the car in drive and says, “Yes, ma’am,” before pulling out onto the road.
As we walk out of the restaurant, it’s dark, and there is a light dusting on the ground with the tiniest of snowflakes falling gently from the sky. It’s tempting to stick my tongue out and catch one on my tongue, just like I did when I was a child.
On the drive home, Zach is surprisingly silent. We just spent the entire day together, and we work together, so I supposed it was bound to happen that we’d run out of things to talk about. I could try to come up with something if I weren’t so tired. I leave him to his thoughts as I watch the snow outside flying wildly towards the front window. I close my eyes and lean my head against the cool window.
I wake when we come to a stop. I see the porch lights of my house are on and realize I’m home. Cassidy’s car isn’t in the driveway. Where the hell did she go? My guess would be Jack’s. I left my phone on vibrate, and she probably tried texting me while I was sleeping.
“We’re here. Did you get a good nap?”
“I was out hard. Sorry I fell asleep. Thank you for bringing me with you today, and for driving me. You always seem to take my mind off of the bad shit going on.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
I pick up my purse from the seat between us and reach for the door handle.
“Wren?”
I look back at him. “Yeah?”
“Do you want to come over tomorrow? After work?” he asks. He’s sounding a bit suspicious.
“Sure, we can do something.”
“Sweet. Good night, Wren.”
“Night, Zachary. Drive safe.”
“I’ll text you when I get home.” He winks as I slide out and shut the door.
Damn, it’s cold outside. I run up the stairs to the porch, pull out my keys, and unlock the door but I don’t hear the bolt unlock. Damn it, Cassidy! I let out an exasperated breath and open the door. I shut it, lock it, and flip on the lights. I kick off my wet shoes and set my purse on the floor, opening it to try and find my phone, when I hear a noise coming from the living room. I quickly look up and see Alec sitting on the couch, watching me.
“Welcome back,” Alec’s low voice grumbles.
I stand up quickly and take a step back in surprise, frozen in fear. Why is he in my house? He gets up and slowly makes his way towards me. I don’t move backwards any more in fear of being too far away from my purse and my gun, and if I reach down he’ll stop me, thinking I’m going for my phone since he has no idea I took the class after we broke up. And if he finds out I have a gun in there, it’s all over for me. There’s no way I can make it out the door and to the neighbor’s house without him catching me. I quickly form a plan to keep him preoccupied as I try to make a run for my gun.
No matter how long it takes.
He continues coming closer. I can see his pupils are dilated, and he has a crazy look in his eyes.
“Did you miss me? Obviously not since you were just out with that tatted up freak. Did you not think I’d find you? That I haven’t been watching you?”
I knew in my gut that it was him; that he followed me and was watching us that night. But hearing him admit it is utterly frightening.
“Ye
ah, you didn’t know I was watching you, but I was. As soon as I found you, I knew I was going to get you back. I’ve known where you were all this time. I was just waiting for my moment.”
“Alec, calm down. I wasn’t hiding. And why are you here? Did you want to talk?”
“Yes. That’s all I’ve wanted from you.”
“Fine. I’m here. Let’s talk,” I say, reaching for my purse.
“Leave it.”
I stop and walk past him into the living room. I’m starting to shake with adrenaline as I sit down, and he sits next to me. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a long time, and I can’t tell if he’s been drinking or if he’s on drugs of some sort. I hope neither.
“Why won’t you let me call you or see you?”
Choosing my words carefully, I say, “Because Alec, we broke up. You slept with my friend, and I couldn’t forgive you.”
“Why?” He starts to look sad.
“I just couldn’t. I loved you. You know I loved you, but I just couldn’t anymore after that.”
“But I’m sorry. I just want you to come back, and for things to go back to what they used to be.”
“They could never be what they used to be. You know that.”
“They could be. If you tried harder.”
“I’m sorry Alec, but I don’t want to try. I’ve moved on from you. It took some time, and it was really hard for me at first, but I have. It’s time you do the same.”
“I can’t let you go. We belong together.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I belong with someone else. You’re not my exception.”
“Your what?”
“Never mind.”
I don’t mention the stalking or anything I feel might upset him. This conversation is going surprisingly well. He doesn’t look good and seems to be in a state of turmoil right now, but hopefully nothing he can’t get past. He sits quietly, not saying a word.
“Are you okay?”
He looks at me, eyes starting to blaze. “What do you think?” he shouts as he stands up. “Do I look like I’m okay to you? You wrecked my life!” he yells.
“I didn’t wreck anything. You made the decision to cheat on me. You. This needs to stop,” I snap back before catching myself. I need to watch it. He’s gone crazy, and this is not the time to retaliate. I need to think and be smart about my decisions. This moment has turned into survival mode.
“I can’t let you leave me again!”
“Alec, calm down. I thought you wanted to talk.”
“I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Sit down,” I say gently.
He slams his body down on the couch next to me. Tears well up in his eyes.
“Alec, I think you need some help. You’re not acting like yourself. What’s happened to you?”
“I’m lost.”
This crazy person is not the strong man I once knew. I’ve been home for about thirty minutes, and this conversation has gone nowhere. I just want him out of here. I need to call the cops. I can’t trust that he won’t hurt me. The last thing I want is to hurt him or get him in trouble, but he’s lost it. I need to make a break for my purse. I need my phone and my gun.
“Want something to drink?” I ask him.
“Do you have any beer?”
“I’m sure Cassidy has some in the fridge,” I say, smiling.
I walk to the fridge, stepping over my purse, and grab a beer. Opening it for him, I bring it over. As he takes a sip, I sprint to my purse. I grab it just as I feel him tackle me to the ground. My head slams into the floor, but I still have my purse in my hands.
“You stupid bitch!” he growls at me. I desperately try to reach into my purse as he tries to pry it out of my hands. My knuckle touches the cool metal, and I curl my fingers around it. As he rips my purse away and takes a step back, I bring the gun to his face.
He looks at me. No reaction.
“Back the fuck up,” I demand. He takes a step back. “Farther!” I yell. He takes another step back. He has my phone in that purse. What do I do now?
“Drop my purse and go sit on the couch.” He moves to the living room, purse in hand. “I said drop my purse, Alec!”
“Why? So you can call the cops? You aren’t going to shoot me. It’s probably not even loaded.”
“Oh it’s loaded all right, and there’s no safety on this either.” Which is true, except there isn’t a bullet in the chamber. It has a long trigger-pull, and I keep it in a sleeve. “I will shoot you if I have to. Don’t make me. Now give me my fucking purse! Wouldn’t you rather go to jail instead of getting shot?”
“No, because you won’t shoot me.”
“Look at me. I will fucking shoot you. Either give me my purse so I can call the police, or get the fuck out of my house and start running.”
He stands, drops my purse on the floor and starts making his way to the door that’s in between us. I pull the lever back, putting a bullet in the chamber. I should have done it already, but I can’t shoot someone unless it’s life threatening. I learned in my class that if you shoot someone in the arm or leg, then there was no reason to shoot them at all. You shoot only if life threatening, and then you shoot to kill. And I don’t want to kill anyone. Especially not Alec.
He opens the door and looks at me. “You know I’ll find you again.”
“Go.”
He walks out, and I hear him clamber down the steps. I run for my purse and dial 911. As I give them my address and explain what had happened, I hear a noise outside. I look through the blinds and can’t see anything, but I hear voices shouting. I tell the operator that someone is fighting and to hurry, then I drop the phone and run outside in my socks, gun still in hand. I almost die when I see Zach’s truck parked outside. I see two dark figures rolling around on the ground, and know one of them is Zach. What is he doing here? I scream for them to stop, and get as close as I dare. I can’t make out who is who even with the porch light on.
“Please. Please, Alec!” I plead through my sobs. “Just let him go. Let him go!”
I’ve never felt so useless in my entire life as I feel in this moment. My heart goes out to Zach, who hasn’t done anything wrong and doesn’t deserve this.
The soft snowflakes fall delicately onto them as they fight. After what seems like an eternity of me screaming at them, I hear sirens and eventually see the flashing lights. Officers break them up and separate them, and I rush to Zach’s side and watch as they arrest a bloody Alec and place him into the back of a squad car. They put Zach in the back of an ambulance that had pulled up after the cops, and clean him up. I sit next to him, covered in a blanket as I watch him get several stitches above his eyebrow.
Zach texted me when he got home. I never answered, so he tried calling me, and when I still didn’t answer, he drove over. He was about to climb the steps when Alec jumped on him, bringing him to the ground.
I look over Zach’s already bruising face, and I cry some more. His beautiful face. He wraps his arm around me until we’re free to go inside. We sit on the couch, wrapped in a blanket as he holds me. I cry while apologizing to him as he rubs my back, assuring me that he’s fine.
“Should I get you some ice? Are you thirsty?”
“I’m fine.”
“I can’t believe you came back for me.”
“Of course I did. I was worried about you. I expected the worst, but I was caught off guard when I saw him leaving your house.”
“You’re the greatest person I’ve ever met, Zachary.”
“Well, I love you.”
I freeze.
“It’s true. I’ve loved you for a long time. I’d do anything for you. Even fight in your honor,” he attempts to joke.
I still don’t look up at him. What do I say? I don’t even know how I feel. My mind is racing from everything that happened tonight, and I don’t know if I love him back. How could I not love perfect Zach who just got the shit beat out of him for me? My close friend and confidant.
“
You don’t have to say anything. It’s been a long night. I didn’t mean to tell you like this, after such unfortunate events, but I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but I don’t care anymore. I only care about you,” he says, still holding me.
I look up at his broken face. I’d kiss him right now, even if it gave him the wrong impression. He deserves a kiss, but he also deserves so much more than that. More than I can give. Fresh tears fall from my eyes.
“I don’t feel the same,” I say with sadness. “I’m so sorry, Zachary. I want to. I wish I did. Things would be so easy with you. They’d be flawless and uncomplicated.”
A tear escapes his swollen eye, making its way down his precious cheek.
“I’m so sorry. I love you. I do. Just not in the same way.”
He nods his head and brushes the tear away. He puts my head into his chest and continues to hold me. Holding on to what was lost forever, and what will never be the same again.
Chapter 17
It takes a month before the nightmares cease. It was hard seeing Alec go through his issues. I wouldn’t wish anything like that on my worst enemy. I never thought it would escalate into that, but it did.
And Zach, well, I don’t think I’ll ever get over the image of him getting hit and then watching his heart break. We don’t talk. We’re pleasant, but he’s distant. Things will never be the same, and I don’t blame him. He confessed his love, and I turned him down.
My family has been over to see me, to make sure I’m okay and not too unhinged, but I’m fine. Really. I just want to move on from all the events that have happened in the last seven months. Of course, there’s still that one big event I can’t seem to get over, that overshadows everything.
Logan.
I still think about him. He still invades my dreams, breaks through my nightmares and gives me a moment of peace. I still have lingering feelings for him. Judge me all you want, it’s the truth. Yes, I should have been over his ass long ago, but I’m still tethered to him somehow. It’s a process, but I’m letting go.
Christmas was a big event with all the family getting together. Even Cassidy was invited to my parents’ house to celebrate. No one mentioned Alec; it was like it never happened. We all hung out and had a good time sharing stories, delicious dishes, and presents. It was exactly what I needed. I felt the joy and cheer of being surrounded by my loved ones, though I couldn’t help but wish I had a special someone there next to me. I had Cassidy, but she doesn’t count.
