by Starr, Bria
“He better treat you right this time.”
I smile at my friend. “Something tells me that everything is going to be different this time. I was unsure for a while, but any doubts I had are slowly vanishing. I believe he’s different from who he used to be. I think it’s the real Logan this time around.”
“I hope so. I’m happy for you, Wren. You know that’s all I want for you.”
“I know that Zachary, and you’re going to get yours too, you know. I don’t know how someone hasn’t snatched you up already.”
“I’m pretty picky,” he says with an impish grin.
My heart goes out to Zach. Beautiful, sexy, Zachary with the perfect body and titillate tattoos. He’s also going to make some girl very, very happy. I might even be a little jealous when that happens, but I think I’m going to be just fine with my Logan.
When I get home, I immediately call Logan and tell him about my lunch date with Zach. He’s not a jealous guy in the slightest, so I know it won’t be a big deal. He also knows how strongly I care for Zach and how much I long for his friendship again, even if it’s a different kind of friendship.
“That’s great. I told you he’d come around.”
“They always do,” I tease.
“Exactly. So what are we going to do this weekend? Did you want to come over and hang out with me? Or I could go over there?”
“Your place sounds perfect.”
*****
I watch Logan as he cooks me dinner in his kitchen. I can’t get over how sexy he is. He’s been so patient, and his manners are flawless. If I thought what we had before felt real, it’s nothing compared to what I feel with him at this moment.
I smile at his back just as he turns and looks at me.
“Checking out my ass?”
I laugh so hard I almost snort. “No, I was not. Cocky much?”
“When you have an ass like mine, yeah.”
“You just keep cooking.”
He smiles and turns back around. “Are you going to stay with me again tonight?”
“I do believe so.”
He spins around. “You mean I don’t have to beg this time?”
“Nope. I even packed some pajamas and extra clothes just in case.”
“You’re quite confident, aren’t you?”
“It breaks my heart to see you on your hands and knees begging.”
“You’re hilarious,” he states, sarcastically. “You know, you could always leave some of your things here.”
“Why? Are you going to give me a drawer?” I ask, laughing. Logan isn’t laughing. I stop. “You want to give me a drawer?”
“Why not?”
“I was kidding. That’s kind of a big deal, isn’t it?”
“So are we. Aren’t we?”
Touché. “I suppose we’re getting there. I’ll think about leaving some of my stuff here. Okay?”
“I’m happy to hear it.” He smiles and comes over to kiss me.
After dinner, we curl up on the couch under a blanket, eating ice cream. I’m shivering, but it tastes so good I can’t stop.
“You’re beautiful. I just want you to know that,” he says.
My spoon drops into my near empty bowl. It’s been a long time since anyone’s told me that. My eyes move to his. “Thank you.” Heat rushes to my cheeks.
“I mean it. I should have told you that when I first met you. I thought it the very first time I saw you. I was playing pool with Jack, and I watched you walk into the bar. You didn’t even seem to notice me. Not until I actually approached you later that night.”
“I wasn’t really looking for anything back then.”
“What about now?”
I put my head down and think before I speak. Now is as good as time as any to let him know. I look back up. “Honestly, Logan, I do think I’ve found what I’ve always been looking for.”
“You mean it?” Hope reaches his eyes.
“I do. Thank you for being so patient with me. I don’t mean to lead you on at all, but I had to make sure you were for real this time.”
“So you believe me? You believe me when I say that you are it for me?”
“I believe you.” I smile.
He smiles at me and leans in to give me a soft kiss on my cold lips. He looks at me, his face only an inch away from mine. “So we’re on the same page about what we want?” he asks.
“I’m all yours if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I think you have it backwards. It’s me who is all yours.”
He pulls me to him, kissing me, and I return it eagerly. I wrap my arms around him and straddle his lap, kissing him until he picks me up and brings me into his bedroom. Placing me gently on his bed, he crawls on top of me and kisses me like he hasn’t kissed me for seven long months.
We make love.
We make up.
We forgive each other.
And we make love again.
Tears of joy roll down my temples and into my hair as I grasp on to him. I never want to let go.
*****
After we are fed and showered, he leads me back into his bedroom. I sit down and watch him as he chooses one of his acoustic guitars and joins me on the bed. He takes his time tuning it before he starts playing my favorite song, then continues playing all my favorite songs for me as I throw out requests. I place my head on his lap near the guitar and look up at him, watching him play and listening to him sing for me. He does both with such passion. I love listening to his voice and think how I could do this every day for the rest of my life.
After he sets his guitar to the side, he looks down on me and smiles, then kisses me on the tip of my nose. He takes his calloused fingertips and gently puts them into my still dampened hair, caressing my scalp and running his fingers all the way through to the ends. I close my eyes, enjoying the best feeling of having a man play with my hair. My man.
I open my eyes and look into his beautiful blue ones, and I smile.
“I love you, Wren,” he says.
My eyes widen in surprise as my heart leaps into my throat. I didn’t see that coming.
What should have been my moment to say it back, is replaced by me squeezing my eyes shut as the tears pour through.
I cry for the happiness I feel, cry for the pain I’ve suffered, and I cry for hearing him say it first. After all this time. Logan loves me.
He lies down and pulls me to him, holding me as I cry into his chest. I can’t speak. I can only cry. When the tears finally subside, I look up at him.
“I love you too. I always have.” And it’s the truth.
I think I have always loved him, right from the start. I just didn’t know it, and I certainly never thought he loved me in return.
This was completely unexpected, but it feels so right. It feels so real. This right here is why Logan has never been far from my thoughts.
It has always been meant to happen for us.
I feel it.
Epilogue
The happiest I’ve ever been in my life is right now.
I wake up to Logan’s handsome face every morning, and he gets to wake up to a face-full of messy hair.
I feel Logan wrap his arms around me as he puts his hand over my small, swollen stomach. I smile and place my hand over his, my thumb rubbing over his wedding band.
“Happy Birthday Wren,” he whispers in my ear.
“Thank you, love. Although, I’m starting to feel old now.” I groan.
“Twenty-seven isn’t that old. I just turned thirty. I don’t even want to hear about it.”
I sigh. “What time is everyone coming over?”
“I think about one. We still have plenty of time.”
I sink back into my pillow and Logan and I cuddle for a bit longer before getting out of bed. He goes to make some coffee while I take my shower. I decide to straighten my hair today since it’ll be easier to maintain throughout the day. I’m feeling pretty good, but I know I’m going to be exhausted before this day is over.
/>
I walk past the pink and green room that was painted a few weeks ago when we found out we were expecting a girl. I stop and peek in real quick at the crib, rug, curtains and stuffed animals. It’s so adorable in here, and I’m so ready for her to be in my arms and in her room with all her new things. I rub my belly and go down to meet my handsome husband in the kitchen. He hands me a steaming mug of hot chocolate with my favorite caramel macchiato creamer. It’s a shame I can’t have the caffeine. I could use it on a day like today.
I take a sip and sit on the stool at the center island. I set my cup down on the familiar granite countertop and remember the first time I came over to this house five years ago. Several months after Logan and I got back together, his roommate moved to another state for work and Logan begged me to move in with him. I was practically living here at the time anyway, so it only made sense.
“Are you excited for your show tonight?”
He comes and sits on the stool next to me. “I am, yeah, and I know the guys are too. I’m looking forward to winter so we can start slowing things down a bit. And when the baby comes, I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to play anymore.” He shrugs. “I guess I’ve gotta grow up sometime.”
“Well, you don’t need to just yet. You’ve still got several months. And I hope you’ll still play once she comes. It’s your passion. Don’t let us take you away from that.”
“You can take me away from everything, and I’ll be satisfied as long as you’re still with me. My family comes first. Always.”
I smile and lean in for a kiss. “You really are a great guy, you know that?”
“I do. Only because you tell me so. And you’re gorgeous, did you know that?”
I roll my eyes. “Only because you tell me.”
*****
Cassidy is the first one to arrive. She lets go of her fiancé Luke’s hand and grabs me for a hug. She acts like we never see each other when we only live thirty minutes away. I still work in Elmwood at my dad’s shop and try to stop into The Edge often enough to say hi to her, Jen, and Connor before my drive home. I smile at Luke while Logan shakes his hand and points to the table for gifts that I’m going to be mortified to open in front of everyone.
Jen and Dan arrive with their little boy, followed by Logan’s parents. The rest of our families come floating in, and the last to arrive are Jack and his current girlfriend...Megan I think her name is. I know his fling with Cassidy died out years ago, but I think a small part of her still wishes there would have been more. I watch her hold Luke a little tighter and give him a reassuring smile. I know she loves him, and he treats her better than any other guy has.
I start setting out the food since I’m starving and can’t go much longer without eating. I’ve been thinking about these loaded mashed potatoes since I glanced at the recipe a few days ago, and that chocolate cake sitting near the presents is calling my name. Whoever brought that is my new best friend.
While everyone is sitting around eating and chatting away, Logan comes up to me and kisses me on the forehead before walking behind me and rubbing my shoulders. “How are you feeling?”
“Overwhelmed, but that food sure helped. Let’s get this presents thing done so I can eat some of that cake!”
He laughs and nods his head. He makes the announcement, and we get down to business. I’m finding random pink gift bags with baby clothes and toys mixed in with my presents, and when I open a gift certificate to the spa I immediately know it’s from Cassidy. “That’s for after the baby is born,” she says.
I open Logan’s present last. Inside is a necklace with the month our daughter is due and her name underneath her birthstone. I wipe a tear from my eye and put it on. I blame the pregnancy hormones. Underneath is a long, blank envelope. I open it and find two tickets to the Metallica concert coming to town.
“I owe you a show. I talked to the pediatrician about the noise affecting our baby in any way, and it is fine.”
“That’s awesome! Thank you!”
I look around at our friends and family as they sing happy birthday to me. They make me so happy to all be in this one room together. After a few more hours of talking, we all leave to go to Echo where Logan’s new band, Callow, is playing tonight.
Before Logan is about to head on stage, he comes over and gives me a kiss.
“Hey, birthday girl. Want to know what I was just thinking while we were setting up?”
“I’m not sure. Do I?”
“I love seeing you at all my shows. There’s a warmth inside of me that I feel when I see you, and it’s nice knowing every time I look down from the stage, you’re right there in front of me.”
He kisses me one more time before yelling for Jack to hurry up, and then takes off.
Cassidy starts walking towards me with her drink when she stops. Her eyes bug out, and she turns around and walks away. I turn and see Zach walking towards me. He looks exactly the same as when I first met him. I immediately stand up, and he comes over and gives me the biggest hug, picking me up off the floor. He sets me down, and I see his eyes move to my stomach.
“Happy birthday, and congratulations on the wedding and the baby. It looks like you’re doing well.”
“Thank you, Zachary. Everything is great. How have you been?”
I haven’t seen him in years. He got a job offer at a motorcycle shop that he couldn’t refuse and left about a year after Logan and I got back together. Zach and I parted on good terms, and we text from time to time, but we’ve slowly drifted apart over the years.
“I’m really good, Wren.” He looks up as Logan starts playing and gives him a wave.
“Have you heard Logan’s new band yet?”
“No, I haven’t really had time. I joined a second band, and work too much, but I’ve wanted to come see them. I’ve heard they’re really good.”
“I think this band clicks a lot better than his last one did. They all just have fun, plus they have a new list of songs.”
“Well, I’m looking forward to hearing them. I can’t stay long because I have somewhere to be, but I thought I’d come out for a little bit.”
“I’m glad you did.”
When they’re about to start their second set, Logan announces to the entire place that it’s my birthday and then sings Happy Birthday to me, complete with jumping off the stage and standing right in front of me. Face red, I shake my head at him. He knows what he’s doing.
When all that is over and the band starts playing their normal set list again, Zach leans over and says goodbye before heading out. Cassidy runs over to me and grabs my hand, forcing me to stand up and come up to the stage. When we start dancing, Jen, Danielle, and Megan come up and join us. I see my brothers pulling their girlfriends up as well, and soon the entire family is on the dance floor.
Everyone I care about is in this very bar, even my unborn child. I rub my belly again to let her know I’m thinking about her, then look up at the man who gave me this precious gift. He winks at me from on stage and continues playing.
I’m tired from the long day, so after dancing for a while,I signal to Cassidy I’m going to go sit back down for a bit. I love having a front row seat to watch my man play guitar and sing some songs. I still get butterflies in my stomach just by looking at him, and I still blush whenever he points at me from stage or even bends down to kiss me if I decide to go up and dance. I hope this feeling never goes away.
As I watch my husband play, I am in awe of the man he turned out to be. I can’t believe he’s the same guy I met five years ago. Sometimes it seems like it’s been longer. I look around at his family who seems to like me as much as I like them. They’re not perfect, but they remind me of my own family, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
I went through a lot of bad shit with Logan. Looking back, I don’t know how I was able to keep holding on after all that, but I did. In all reality, it never should have worked out between us. When something has been broken, you can’t just put all the pieces back together
like nothing ever happened.
I should have been the rule. But I’m not the rule. I’m the exception.
I’m his exception.
He is what I’ve wanted for so long. This life is what I was waiting for. There’s a reason why it never worked out with anyone else.
Logan and I have come so far. I don’t know when it was that I first fell in love with him...I just know I always have. He is no longer my unrequited love. That love has been fully returned. And in the absence of love, I think we had both learned a lot.
It was always Logan, it will always be Logan, and I could never imagine my life without him. I know from experience that it’s no life at all.
We didn’t have the perfect first kiss. We didn’t have the perfect first date. We didn’t have a perfect love story, but it’sourlove story, and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
Acknowledgments
Yes, first and foremost, I am going to thank God - Because of you, ALL this is possible. Thank you for answering my prayers, pushing my limits, and testing me 100% of the way. You have blessed me with an opportunity that not too many others have the opportunity to grasp in their hands. But I got one. Thank you, for every blessing you have ever given me.
My husband - Where do I even begin? Thank you for encouraging me to write this, for supporting it, actually reading it, and giving me your input. You’re such an amazing husband and father. I really don’t know where I’d be without you. Thank you my love, for everything you do.
My daughter - Never in my life have I met anyone who truly inspired me to be a better person. You do. Every day. I love you more than words could ever express.
My unborn child - At this time, you’re only 16 weeks along. You’re a part of me and how could I not include you. You’ve been right in front of me for most of this writing process and we’ve definitely been sharing our emotions. I cannot wait to meet you, little one.
My Mom - You have always been there for me. Thank you. For everything. Also, thank you for reading my book repeatedly, your ability to find the tiniest mistakes, and your remarkable attention to detail. You’re the one who got me to actually get a plan, to start writing, and helped me through the rest of the process and kept me going when things got tough. You’re the unsung hero in all this.
