No Pasarán!

by Pete Ayrton

  ‘Not now, anyway. What happens afterwards is none of my business.’ I still didn’t understand. I asked, ‘But why... ?’

  He shrugged his shoulders without answering and the soldiers took me away. In the big courtyard there were about a hundred prisoners, women, children and a few old men. I began walking around the central grass-plot, I was stupefied. At noon they let us eat in the mess hall. Two or three people questioned me. I must have known them, but I didn’t answer: I didn’t even know where I was.

  Around evening they pushed about ten new prisoners into the court. I recognized Garcia, the baker. He said, ‘What damned luck you have! I didn’t think I’d see you alive.’

  ‘They sentenced me to death,’ I said, ‘and then they changed their minds. I don’t know why.’

  ‘They arrested me at two o’clock,’ Garcia said.

  ‘Why?’ Garcia had nothing to do with politics.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘They arrest everybody who doesn’t think the way they do.’ He lowered his voice. ‘They got Gris.’

  I began to tremble. ‘When?’

  ‘This morning. He messed it up. He left his cousin’s on Tuesday because they had an argument. There were plenty of people to hide him but he didn’t want to owe anything to anybody. He said, “I’d go and hide in Ibbieta’s place, but they got him, so I’ll go hide in the cemetery.’”

  ‘In the cemetery?’

  ‘Yes. What a fool. Of course they went by there this morning, that was sure to happen. They found him in the gravediggers’ shack. He shot at them and they got him.’

  ‘In the cemetery!’

  Everything began to spin and I found myself sitting on the ground: I laughed so hard I cried.

  Jean-Paul Sartre was born in Paris in 1905. It was as a student at the Ecole Normale that, in 1929, he met Simone de Beauvoir. They visited Spain in 1932 as tourists – in love with the country but unaware of the momentous political events (including a military coup!) going on around them. At that time, they rejected commitment: for both of them, the priority was to write and to be an intellectual. The Spanish Civil War forced them to reconsider these priorities; it was a crucial moment in the intellectual life of the time. It made Sartre and De Beauvoir realize that political events demanded a public show of commitment, action and support. Written in 1939, ‘The Wall’ contains in a fictional form many of the themes that were to become central to Sartre and De Beauvoir’s existentialism; freedom of will, the priority of existence over essence and the notion of the absurd. In the story, Pablo’s solution of his dilemma has had a fatal result very different from the expected outcome. He sees that he is responsible for the death of Ramon Gris: it is so absurd that all he can do is laugh. Over time, Sartre refined his philosophy in works like Being and Nothingness, but ‘The Wall’ remains an early, succinct exposition of these ideas – and an easier read! In 1964, Sartre was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature but declined it, saying that ‘a writer should not allow himself to be turned into an institution’. He died in Paris in 1980. His funeral was attended by 50,000 Parisians, who mourned a man for whom remaining silent was not an option.

  MANUEL RIVAS

  BUTTERFLY’S TONGUE

  from Vermeer’s Milkmaid: And Other Stories

  translated by Margaret Jull Costa

  To Chabela

  ‘Hello, Sparrow. I’m hoping this year we’ll finally get to see the butterfly’s tongue.’

  The teacher had been waiting for some time for those in state education to send him a microscope. He talked to us children so much about how that apparatus made minute, invisible things bigger that we ended up really seeing them, as if his enthusiastic words had the effect of powerful lenses.

  ‘The butterfly’s tongue is a coiled tube like the spring of a clock. If a flower attracts the butterfly, it unrolls its tongue and begins to suck from the calyx. When you place a moist finger in a jar of sugar, can you not already feel the sweetness in your mouth, as if the tip of your finger belonged to your tongue? Well, the butterfly’s tongue is no different.’

  After that, we were all envious of butterflies. How wonderful. To fly about the world, dressed up as if for a party, stopping off at flowers like taverns with barrels full of syrup.

  I loved that teacher very much. To begin with, my parents couldn’t believe it. I mean they couldn’t understand why I loved my teacher. When I was only little, school represented a terrible threat. A word brandished in the air like a rod of willow.

  ‘You’ll see soon enough when you go to school!’

  Two of my uncles, like many other young men, had emigrated to America to avoid being called up for the war in Morocco. Well, I dreamt of going to America as well just to avoid being sent to school. In fact, there were stories of children who took to the hills in order to escape that punishment. They would turn up after two or three days, stiff with cold and speechless, like deserters from Barranco del Lobo.

  I was almost six and everyone called me Sparrow. Other children of my age were already working. But my father was a tailor and had neither lands nor livestock. He would rather I were far away and not creating mischief in his small workshop. So it was that I spent a large part of the day running about the park, and it was Cordeiro, the collector of litter and dry leaves, who gave me the nickname. ‘You look like a sparrow.’

  I don’t think I ever ran as much as in that summer before starting school. I ran like a madman and sometimes I would go for miles beyond the limits of the park, my eyes fixed on the summit of Mount Sinai, fondly imagining that some day I would sprout wings and reach as far as Buenos Aires. But I never got past that magical mountain.

  ‘You’ll see soon enough when you go to school!’

  My father would recount as a torment, as if he were having his tonsils torn out by hand, the way in which the teacher would try to correct their pronunciation of the letters g and j. ‘Each morning, we had to repeat the following sentence: Los pájaros de Guadalajara tienen la garganta llena de trigo. We took many beatings for the sake of juadalagara!’ If what he really wanted was to frighten me, he succeeded. The night before, I couldn’t sleep. Huddled up in bed, I listened to the wall clock in the sitting room with the anguish of a condemned man. The day arrived with the clarity of a butcher’s apron. I wouldn’t have been lying if I’d told my parents I was sick.

  Fear, like a mouse, gnawed at my insides.

  And I wet myself. I didn’t wet myself in bed, but at school.

  I remember it very well. So many years have gone by and still I can feel a warm, shameful trickle running down my legs. I was seated at the desk at the back, half crouching in the hope that no one would realize that I existed, until I was able to leave and start flying about the park.

  ‘You, young sir, stand up!’

  Fate always lets you know when it’s coming. I raised my eyes and saw with horror that the order was meant for me. That teacher, who was as ugly as a bug, was pointing at me with his ruler. It was a small ruler, made of wood, but it looked like the lance of Abd al-Krim.

  ‘What is your name?’

  ‘Sparrow.’

  All the children burst out laughing. I felt as if I were being whacked on the ears with tins.

  ‘Sparrow?’

  I couldn’t remember anything. Not even my name. Everything I had been up until then had disappeared from my head. My parents were two hazy figures fading from my mind. I looked towards the large window, anxiously searching for the trees of the park.

  It was then that I wet myself.

  When the other children realized, their laughter increased, echoing like the crack of a whip.

  I took to my heels. I began to run like a madman with wings. I ran and I ran the way you only run in dreams, when the Bogeyman’s coming to get you. I was convinced that this was what the teacher was doing. Coming to get me. I could feel his breath and that of all the children on the back of my neck, like a pack of hounds on the trail of a fox. But when I got as far as the bandstand and looked back,
I saw that no one had followed me and I was alone with my fear, drenched in sweat and pee. The bandstand was empty. No one seemed to notice me, but I had the sensation that the whole town was pretending, that dozens of censorious eyes were peeping through the curtains, and that it would not take long for the rumours to reach my parents’ ears. My legs decided for me. They walked towards the Sinai with a determination hitherto undetected. This time, I would arrive in Coruña and embark as a stowaway on one of those ships whose destination is Buenos Aires.

  The sea was not visible from the summit of the Sinai, but another, even taller mountain, with rocks cut out like the towers of an inaccessible fort. Looking back on it, I feel a mixture of surprise and wistfulness at what I was capable of doing that day. On my own, at the summit, seated in a stone armchair, beneath the stars, while the members of the search party with their lamps moved about the valley below like glow-worms. My name crossed the night mounted on the back of the dogs’ howling. I was not scared. It was as if I had gone beyond fear. So I did not cry, nor did I offer any resistance, when the robust shadow of Cordeiro came to my side. He wrapped me in his jacket and held me in his arms. ‘It’s all right, Sparrow, everything’s over.’

  I slept like a saint that night, lying close to my mother. No one had told me off. My father had remained in the kitchen, smoking in silence, his elbows on the oilcloth covering the table, the butts piled up in the scallop shell ashtray, just as had happened when my grandmother died.

  I had the sensation that my mother had not let go of my hand all night. Still not letting go, as if handling a Moses basket, she took me back to school. And on this occasion, with a calm heart, I managed to get a look at the teacher for the first time. He had the face of a toad.

  The toad was smiling. He pinched my cheek with affection. ‘I like that name, Sparrow.’ And that pinch wounded me like an after-dinner sweet. But the most incredible thing was when, surrounded by absolute silence, he led me by the hand to his table and sat me down in his chair. He remained standing, picked up a book and said,

  ‘We have a new classmate today. This is a joy for all of us and we’re going to welcome him with a round of applause.’ I thought that I was going to wet my trousers again, but all I felt was a moistness in my eyes. ‘Good, and now, let us begin with a poem. Whose turn is it? Romualdo? Come, Romualdo, come forward. Now, remember, slowly and in a loud voice.’

  Romualdo’s shorts looked ridiculous on him. His legs were very long and dark, the knees criss-crossed with wounds.

  A cold and dark afternoon...

  ‘One moment, Romualdo, what is it you are going to read?’

  ‘A poem, sir.’

  ‘And what is the title?’

  ‘Childhood Memory. By Antonio Machado.’

  ‘Very good, Romualdo, carry on. Slowly and in a loud voice. Don’t forget the punctuation.’

  The boy named Romualdo, whom I knew from carting sacks of pine cones like other children from Altamira, hawked like an old smoker of cut tobacco and read with an incredible, splendid voice, which seemed to have come straight out of the radio set of Manolo Suárez, the emigrant who had returned from Montevideo.

  A cold and dark afternoon

  in winter. The schoolboys

  study. Monotony

  of rain behind the glass.

  This is the class. A poster

  shows Cain in flight,

  and Abel dead,

  next to a crimson stain...

  ‘Very good. What does “monotony of rain” mean, Romualdo?’ asked the teacher.

  ‘That it never rains but it pours, Don Gregorio.’

  ‘Did you pray?’ Mum asked, while ironing the clothes that my father had sewn during the day. The pot on the stove with the dinner gave off a bitter smell of turnip greens.

  ‘We did,’ I said, not very sure. ‘Something to do with Cain and Abel.’

  ‘That’s good,’ said Mum. ‘I don’t know why they call that new teacher an atheist.’

  ‘What’s an atheist?’

  ‘Someone who says that God does not exist.’ Mum gestured with distaste and energetically ironed out the wrinkles in a pair of trousers. ‘Is Dad an atheist?’

  Mum put the iron down and stared at me.

  ‘What makes you think your father’s an atheist? How can you even think to ask such a stupid question?’

  I had often heard my father blaspheming against God. All the men did it. When something was going badly, they would spit on the ground and take God’s name in vain. They would say two things: ‘God damn it!’ and ‘To hell with it!’ It seemed to me that only women really believed in God.

  ‘And the Devil? Does the Devil exist?’

  ‘Of course!’

  The boiling made the lid of the pot dance. From that mutant mouth emerged puffs of steam and gobs of foam and greens. A moth fluttered about the light bulb in the ceiling hanging from intertwined wires. Mum was moody, the way she always was when she had to iron. Her face would tense up when she was creasing the trouser legs. But she spoke now in a soft and slightly sad tone, as if she were referring to a waif.

  ‘The Devil was an angel who turned bad.’

  The moth beat against the bulb, which swung from side to side, throwing the shadows into disarray.

  ‘The teacher said today that the butterfly has a tongue, a very long, thin tongue that it carries around rolled up like the spring of a clock. He’s going to show it to us with an apparatus they’ve to send him from Madrid. Isn’t it amazing that the butterfly should have a tongue?’

  ‘If he says so, it must be true. There are lots of things that seem amazing, but are true. Did you like school?’

  ‘A lot. He doesn’t hit us either. The teacher doesn’t hit.’

  No, Don Gregorio the teacher did not hit. On the contrary, he almost always smiled with his toad’s face. When there was a fight in the playground, he would call the children to him, ‘Anyone would think you were rams,’ and make them shake hands. Then he would sit them down at the same desk. This is how I made my best friend, Dombodan, who was big, kind and clumsy. There was another boy, Eladio, who had a mole on his cheek, which I would have smacked with great pleasure, but never did for fear that the teacher would have told me to shake his hand and moved me from next to Dombodán. The way Don Gregorio would show that he was really angry was by silence.

  ‘If you won’t be quiet, then I shall have to be quiet.’

  And he would walk towards the window with a distant look, his gaze fixed on the Sinai. It was a prolonged, unsettling silence that was as if he had deserted us in a strange country. I soon felt that the teacher’s silence was the worst punishment imaginable. Because everything he touched was an engaging story. The story might begin with a piece of paper, having visited the Amazon and the systole and diastole of the heart. Everything fitted, made sense. Grass, sheep, wool, my cold. When the teacher turned to the map of the world, we were as absorbed as if the screen at the Rex Cinema had lit up. We felt fear with the Indians when they heard the neighing of horses and the report of an arquebus for the first time. We rode on the back of the elephants that took Hannibal of Carthage across the snowy Alps, on his way to Rome. We fought with sticks and stones at Ponte Sampaio against Napoleon’s troops. But it wasn’t all wars. We made sickles and ploughshares in the smithies of O Incio. We wrote love songs in Provence and on the sea of Vigo. We built the Pórtico da Gloria. We planted the potatoes that had come from America. And to America we emigrated at the time of the potato blight.

  ‘Potatoes came from America,’ I said to my mother at lunch, when she placed the dish in front of me.

  ‘What do you mean, from America! There’ve always been potatoes,’ she pronounced.

  ‘No. Before, people ate chestnuts. And maize came from America too.’ It was the first time that I had the clear impression that, thanks to the teacher, I knew important things about our world that they, my parents, did not know.

  But the most fascinating moments at school were when the teacher t
alked about insects. Water spiders invented the submarine. Ants cultivated mushrooms and looked after cattle that produced milk with sugar. There was a bird in Australia that painted its nest in colours with a kind of oil it made using pigments from plants. I shall never forget. It was called the bowerbird. The male would put an orchid in the new nest to attract the female.

  My interest was such that I became supplier of insects to Don Gregorio and he accepted me as his best pupil. There were Saturdays and holidays he would stop by my house and we would go off on an outing together. We would scan the banks of the river, heathland and woods, and climb up Mount Sinai. Each of these trips was like a journey of discovery for me. We always came back with a treasure. A mantis. A dragonfly. A stag beetle. And a different butterfly each time, though I only remember the name of one that the teacher called an Iris, which shone beautifully when it alighted on the mud or manure.

  On our return, we would sing along the paths like two old friends. On Mondays, at school, the teacher would say, ‘And now let us talk about Sparrow’s bugs.’

  My parents considered the teacher’s attentions an honour. On the days we went out, my mother would prepare a picnic for the two of us. ‘There’s no need, madam, I’ve already eaten,’ Don Gregorio would insist. But afterwards he would say, ‘Thank you, madam, the picnic was exquisite.’

  ‘I’m quite sure he suffers hardships,’ my mother would say at night.

  ‘Teachers don’t earn what they should,’ my father would declare with heartfelt solemnity. ‘They are the lights of the Republic.’

  ‘The Republic, the Republic! We’ll soon see where the Republic ends up!’

  My father was a Republican. My mother was not. I mean that my mother went to Mass every day and the Republicans appeared as the enemies of the Church. They tried not to argue in front of me, but at times I overheard them.

  ‘What have you got against Azaña? That’s the priest putting ideas into your head.’

  ‘I go to Mass to pray,’ my mother said.

  ‘You do, but the priest doesn’t.’