Forced Out of the Darkness

by Jackson Jr, G. Wayne

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  An Uncomfortable Proposition

  Cameron called Monti as he got to his car at the employee parking lot. They agreed to meet at Monti’s place at 4:30 pm. Cameron he looked at his watch to see that it was about 3:45 pm so he would have to go straight to out to Monti’s because rush hour was about to start.

  Cameron made it to Monti’s house at 4:30 sharp.

  “So, how was your trip?” Monti asked.

  “It was cool. I had a lot of time to think about this situation.”

  “I know Cam…I messed up. I have been thinking about this too.”

  “That is what you seem to do all the time. You never take my feelings into consideration. You have got to be one of the most selfish people that I have met.”

  “I deserve that. All I can say is I’m sorry.”

  “Well you got that right. You are sorry and you are a coward. If you have an issue with me or something you should talk about it. No, you choose to run away from the situation.”

  “Cameron, I am going to take this because you mean something to me. I just want you to know that I apologize for being selfish and thinking of only me. I want to show you that I can be the man that you want. I can be the one that makes you happy and that you can depend on. I know I have gotten chance after chance but that is what building a relationship is about. Learning about your other half. I am learning that you are a breath of fresh air. You are sexy. I love how your eyes sparkle when you smile. I love how you seem to have your life all together. I just hope that together we can be something that other people want to model their relationship after.”

  “If you want to try to make this work then tell me what was going on with you. Tell me what are your thoughts about this situation.”

  “I don’t know how to explain it to you. It is hard for me to explain it to you because it is difficult for me to understand it. What I do know is that I want to be with you. I am not perfect…I have my flaws but I am trying my hardest to address them so they do not keep causing problems in our relationship.”

  “What are the issues?”

  “My insecurities. The last four relationships I have been in, my exes cheated on me right in front of my face and I was just stupid and didn’t see it. Since this happened, I keep having this sinking feeling that the same thing is going to happen to me this time too.”

  “When I am in a relationship, I am in it to win it. I like full transparency and honesty. I can deal with most things. One of my exes was a crack head and stole my car. I stayed with him until I was tired of the antics. A person only has so much patience dealing with stupidity. I just don’t deal well with liars. If a guy will lie to you then he will cheat on you. If he will cheat on you, then there is no way to know where he will draw the line. I am not trying to be caught up in some crazy stuff.”

  “Baby, I am going to be straight up with you.”

  “I really hope that you are not playing a game on me.”

  “No, I am good baby. I promise that I am going to do what I have to do to prove to you that I am here for you. What I did the other day was some straight up bullshit. You know after I thought about it…I even had a panic attack because I thought you were not going to give me another chance. I am willing to do what I have to do to show you that I am serious about this relationship.”

  “Oh, are you serious Monti? You said this before. How am I supposed to trust what you are saying this time?”

  “Cameron, yes I am very serious. What is it that I can do to prove to you that I am serious about this relationship?”

  “If you are serious about this, then I need to meet your family and friends. If this is going to be a viable relationship, we need to integrate. I can’t be a secret to the people that are special to you. You keep your flings secret from those you care about. If you love me like you say you do, you would not want to keep it a secret.”

  “Cam…baby, that puts me in a very uncomfortable situation. My family is not down with the whole gay thing. I don’t have anything to hide or stuff like that. I just don’t know.”

  “What about your friends?”

  “They don’t know about me either.”

  “That’s a problem for me Monti. How can those people be your friends if they don’t know the essence of who you are? Friends are the ones you tell everything to and they love you in spite of it all.”

  Monti exhaled in defeat because he wasn’t selling this point to Cameron. He was not ready to be out and open like Cameron and his friends were. Inside, Monti wanted to be free from the bondage and hurts of his past and present, but he was scared of transparency. He settled into the normal down low life, but his whole world was abruptly changed when he heard Cameron’s next statement.

  “I refuse to be someone’s secret. I respect your decision and where you are in your life. I am not there and because of that, I can’t continue in this relationship. I had a very nice time with you.” Cameron stood up and walked over to Monti. “I’ll take my keys back now.” Monti felt as if Cameron had punched him in his stomach and knocked the wind out of him.

  “Wait Baby!” Monti panicked. “It’s just like that? You just end it with no thought about it?”

  “No thought? Monti. No, I spent the last two days thinking about this relationship and how it was going.” Cameron said calmly. “I didn’t sign up for this and I am not going to stay in this situation. If you are not the one, that gives me what I need from a partner, I am not going to waste your time and I am surely not going to waste my time going through the motions when it is only destined to fail. I have no hard feelings for you. I wish you well and hope that you find what you are truly looking for.”

  Monti could see in Cameron’s eyes that he was serious. He knew that there was no changing Cameron’s mind so he quickly acquiesced to Cameron’s stipulations. He handed Cameron back the house key and asked, “Cameron, what are you doing on Saturday?”

  “I’m off and I have not made any plans yet.”

  “Give me till Saturday before you make your final decision, ok?” Monti asked. He felt defeat at this moment. He finally found something that he wanted in his life more than he wanted to prove himself right. He knew that there was something in Cameron that he needed and he knew it was time that he tried to make his journey out of his darkness.

  “What happens in three days, Monti? I have given you the last couple months. Why do you think I should give you another minute? You got some fucked up shit going on in your life. You are in the closet, you hold all these secrets and you avoid dealing with you insecurities.”

  “I graduate in three days, Cameron. I want you to be there with me when I walk across the stage. My kids and my mom will be there and I thought that I could show you how serious I am about making this work with you.”

  “I can do that, it is only three days away, but I am not settling for anything less than we talked about.”

  “Thanks sexy.” Monti said as he pulled Cameron into him and gave him a smothering hug. Cameron loved that feeling of being in Monti’s strong arms. It made him feel comfortable and safe. Would he be able to be safe in these arms for the long haul? Would Monti be able to address the demons? “Are you hungry, Cam?”

  “Yes, I could do with something to eat. I don’t want to stay out late tonight because I had an early start today.”

  “No problem. Will you do me the honor of treating you to dinner?”

  “Sure. Let me change out of this uniform and I will be ready.”

  Cameron went to his car to get his flight bag. He always took and extra set of clothes with him on a trip because he did not know if his trip would be extended due to the airlines operational needs. He changed his clothes and washed his face so that he could get some of the airplane off.

  “Do you want to ride with me?” Monti asked.

  “I would rather drive so that when we are done I can head home, if you don’t mind.”

  “Alright, just follow me and stay up. You know how slow you like to d
rive.”

  “Me…that is you who drives like an old man.” Cameron joked.

  “Whatever boy…come on let’s go. I have a great place in mind.”

  “Oh Lord, you thinking is a scary thing.”

  Monti had two places in mind where he wanted to take Cameron. He thought about going to Capers but quickly dismissed that notion, as he knew that Michael was going to be working. So he decided to go to Greek town. He wanted to go to a local Cajun/creole favorite called Fishbone’s. The two of them had a great time, great food, good conversation and some strong Hurricane drinks. The Hurricanes in Fishbone’s were the best outside of New Orleans.

  Once dinner was over, Monti walked Cameron to his car. He felt a sense of accomplishment. He wanted this relationship because Cameron was different from most of the other guys that he met. Most of the guys were into Monti because of his physique and wanted a superficial situation. Cameron was different. He wanted more than just a sexual relationship and he was willing to call it quits if he was not getting what he wanted in the relationship. Cameron was not a selfish man but one with a big heart. Monti knew that and felt that he needed someone to love the hurt away from him. Cameron did not participate in the drama that most guys Monti met. He also did not run the gay circuit in Detroit, so it was easy for Monti to keep his extracurricular activities a secret. Maybe this was his opportunity to leave this lifestyle and have something substantial in his life for once. Monti’s problem was that he felt he could hold on to the substantial and the unessential at the same time.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Holding No Punches

  “Good Morning.” Monti said with excitement.

  “Hey Monti. Good morning.”

  “How are you feeling this morning?”

  “I’m ok. Are you excited to be graduating today?”

  “Yes, I am glad it is over.” Monti replied. “Here is the game plan for the day. I will be there to pick you up in an hour. I am planning to spend the entire day and night with you, if you know what I mean.”

  “Sure thing Monti. Let me get up and get dressed so that I am ready. I don’t want to put you behind schedule.”

  “See you soon.”

  “Bye”

  Monti was both excited and nervous today. He was excited to be graduating and getting one step closer to his doctorate degree; however he was nervous to bring Cameron to meet some of his family. He was not ashamed of Cameron at all but he was concerned with how his kids and more importantly his mom, Mrs. Burroughs, would act when she met Cameron. Monti had to get through the day and he needed some supernatural strength, so he stopped what he was doing to say a prayer of thanks and one of peace.

  Father God, Thank you for this day. Thank you for seeing me through this degree. God as you have blessed me before, I humbly ask you to send peace to this meeting between Cameron and my Mother. Please don’t let her act up and completely embarrass me today. Amen.

  Monti was on his way to Cameron’s house when he thought that he should call Yolanda to make sure that the boys were going to be ready. Yolanda had a way of pulling stunts, like leaving the house with the kids thirty minutes before he was supposed to come pick them up. This was her way of showing Monti that he was not in control. She used these moments to make Monti’s life hard because he left her with two kids to fend for herself while he was out chasing dick and ass.

  She was bitter because she could not compete with men for her husband’s affection. She did not have the equipment that Monti desired. She was mad at herself for marrying a gay man. She was stuck in the betrayal and could not climb out of that inadequate hole. Her pain was just as real today as it was four years ago when she found out her husband wanted dick, muscles and facial hair more than the softness of her skin and the warmth and wetness of her pussy.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey Yolanda. This is Monti”

  “I know who the hell this is.”

  “Look, don’t start off the day being angry.”

  “Where is your man?” She spit angrily.

  “You are still mad at me because you are a woman and can’t get a man. I am a man and I don’t have a problems getting one.”

  “Fuck you faggot! What do you want?”

  “I’ll be there in about an hour and a half. Make sure the kids are ready. I am not coming in and I don’t want to have to wait.”

  “You are not welcome in my house anyway, you cheating bastard.”

  “You heard what I said.”

  “Go to hell!”

  “I lived in hell when I lived with you. Or did you forget how poor of a wife you were?”

  “Don’t make me take my faggot soon-to-be- ex-husband to the Friend of the Court for more of my money that you already DON’T have, you broke poor excuse for a FAGGOT father.”

  “Have them ready.” Monti said as he hung up the phone on her.

  Monti knew that he was not going to let Yolanda’s anger ruin his day. He had to get this off of him because he was coming closer to Cameron’s house. He knew that he had to be on his best today because Yolanda was the least of his worries. Mrs. Burroughs was to come. Monti parked in front of Cameron’s townhouse and rang the buzzer. Cameron looked out of the window and buzzed Monti in. He went up to the third floor to find Cameron putting on his black sandals. Cameron saw Monti and smiled. He knew that this was a deciding moment for him in many ways. He knew that no matter which way Monti went, he wanted to support him on his graduation. Cameron got up to give Monti a hug and a kiss. He was happy to see him but also eager to know what his decision would be for the relationship.

  “Wow, Cam. You sure do look amazing today.”

  “Thanks Monti. I appreciate your kind words. Are you ready to walk across the stage?”

  “You know I am. I am ready to get my paper and keep it moving.”

  “I know it is early, so what are you planning on doing between now and the time of the ceremony?”

  “I have to pick up my boys and then swing by my mom’s job to give her the ticket. I have to go home to get ready and then go to the ceremony, which is about ten minutes from my house.”

  “Oh, ok. I take it that this will be my first introduction to the family?”

  “That is what you wanted, so I have to give it to you. In order to make sure that I keep one of the best things that came in my life, in my life.”

  “Thanks. I hope that they like me.”

  “They would be fools not to. Are you ready to go?”

  “I sure am. I got something I want to give you first though.”

  “Oh really? What?”

  Cameron got up and went into his closet and brought out a silver colored gift-wrapped box.

  “Open it.”

  “Ok,” Monti said as he took off the bow. He carefully unwrapped the gift that Cameron had picked out. When he got through the tissue paper, he saw that Cameron was attentive. He saw the black Kenneth Cole Leather Flap-Over Portfolio case that he had wanted. It was the perfect present for him because he has aspirations to climb the corporate ladder and he would be able to use this portfolio case when he was interviewing for a new job. “Thank you so much baby. You did not have to do that.”

  “I know I didn’t but you worked hard and I know where you want to be and I want to be instrumental in helping you reach and exceed your goals.”

  Monti set the box aside and wrapped his arms around Cameron and kissed him. He knew he had to keep this man. In the few months that they had been together, Cameron had allowed his realness to show through and Monti knew that he was genuine.

  “Let’s go. I am sure Evil-Lynn will be waiting to say something when we get there to pick up the boys.”

  “Evil-Lynn? That’s your wife’s name?”

  “Ex-wife!”

  “Is your divorce final?”

  “No, not yet.”

  “Your divorce is not final yet so she is still legally and technically your wife.”

  “Whatever, let’s go.” Monti said as he did not want
to agree with Cameron even though he was correct.

  They went to Monti’s Jeep and headed towards Monti’s ex-wife’s house.

  “What happened between you and your ex-wife that you all have such negative interactions?”

  “That’s a long story.”

  “We have plenty of drive time.”

  Monti began to tell Cameron about he and Yolanda’s relationship. “I knew her from around the way. I thought she was a good woman and she was really into me. We ended up dating.”

  “Did you know you were gay?”

  “I was bisexual back then.”

  “Back then? When did you change from being bisexual to being gay?”

  “I just knew that I liked guys. I did not wake up one day and say that I wanted to be gay. I did not choose to walk down the street and notice a man. I was born this way. I think most black guys who ultimately embrace their sexuality start off being bisexual. In the Black community, it is easier to be accepted as a bi-guy rather than a sissy.”

  “Sissy? Why do you use such derogatory terminology when you describe people who are attracted to the same things that you are attracted to?”

  “I am sorry but I didn’t know how to describe it.”

  “How do you describe yourself?”

  “As a man who likes other guys.”

  “Sounds like denial to me. Anyway, go ahead back to your story…”

  “I felt that I needed to do the right thing and marry her after we had dated for about a year and a half. We cared for each other and all that. I felt that I could put my feelings for men on the back burner and by devoting my time, energy and efforts to building my family. I felt that the feelings would go away. Or get small enough where I did not hear the call anymore.”

  “You married so that you could become straight?”

  “You can say that.”

  “I would say that you married so that you could be a gay man that was married.”