Splinters Are Children of Wood

by Leia Penina Wilson

  all i ever wanted, you, myself—

  re: i want.

  how do the promise of heaven and the brokenness of earth correspond—

  re: it will rain tonight.

  will i have to kill (you) can i—

  re: hold my hand i will steady you.

  are you aphrodite, ares—a ghost, some god—

  re: what can i know the dandelions have already dispersed.

  i do not remember if only—

  re: do not remember.

  they killed her—

  re: yes.

  i hate them—

  re: yes.

  i will murder them—

  re: yes.

  i will not weep for it—

  re: do not weep for it.

  what can i give you—

  re: what will i not take.

  if this catastrophe is eternal—

  re: it’s located in my body, yours, do not forget i will make you fiercest.

  will i find you when it’s all over—

  re: i will shed blood for it.

  is it always permanent red can we breathe in all that red—

  re: we will bathe in it.

  i do fear—

  re: i die by my own hand.

  did we ever recognize each other—

  re: i will cut you mark you.

  let us be brave—

  re: let us be badass.

  YOU MUST ALWAYS FEED FROM THE BODIES

  you must always feed from the bodies

  grandmotheri refuse love i sin

  weeping with earth’s knife i drop

  this bodyand empty

  myself

  horrorhere! i! am!

  our blood unrecognizes

  each otherthe other

  skinloud

  boneloud eyeloud

  this moonyour body

  what’s left of itgriefdream—to know

  i survived first: loyalty

  you’ve grown

  uglier

  your hands covered with cuts—

  each a long and short vowel

  it’s timeta‘ei

  ta‘ei—fe‘ai—fe‘ai

  aeiou

  fa

  gala mo nu

  pi sati

  vi

  o nowildness thievedi’ll speak / in english

  to every awe

  & embarrassment—

  o most gifted eye do not

  see the banality of this world

  see only what grace lent

  in unwise pegasusall eight

  wings of the seraphim

  avenge our griefwhat is left

  what i believe

  a skull falls to earthi carry

  it aroundshow it the worldhere

  heregreen proud hummingbird

  fervor pinked skyhere

  cicadas have swarmed

  turtle is full

  moths have lived

  two dayspine marten plays

  eats squirrel

  mountain bones crumble

  worn down by ice

  the sudden erosion of a seabed: why

  i murdered youthe power

  of suggestionof inflection

  of invocationlet me

  have you

  let me

  have you

  let me

  have you

  let me

  have you

  let me

  have you

  let me

  have

  tenderness—

  teeth—

  becauseother motheri see

  your bodyboarbodysharkbodythe garden

  woundsthe hunt or the hurtwhat bends (to)

  an ideafire or word—what have i forgotten as a poet

  of the empireor—

  what narrow shame

  what can i know a part from

  the plot—

  what can i know

  take me back

  take me backtake

  my bodyslowly

  into the sea

  slowly into the seadon’t leave me

  here

  don’t leave me hereplease take

  my body back into the sea

  however slowly

  slowly / a favorite lover’s kiss

  the first leaf of each new tree after the snow melts

  or joy

  slowly / joy

  mother’s dark hairher

  sharpsharp tongueodin’s right eye gifted

  grown from sacred vines

  that temper i inherit

  all green mischiefi queen

  of poem

  performing humility

  tear the roots up

  denounce what will healwill heal

  each petal falls

  each sounds woe

  echothe clearing

  thrilled cunts

  and we are thrilled

  and we are cuntsin true friendship

  i singin griefsong

  shed grieftears

  shed griefsweathere

  drinkrage

  rage

  rage

  rage

  (against the dying)

  i live itknowingno mother

  forced to translate the self out

  white dress blue stockings first soulbe mother

  hold mewe must

  love each other or die

  i take a showerkeep the mating ground clean

  i eat i earn i ridin spring i open every window

  too suddenlythe lungsgrasping

  each day

  you are meani must

  guiltour building

  unwitnesses our love

  she weighs her heart against a fat rabbit

  o pure heartyour romance unreliable

  gathering the lost parts of her brothershe makes him

  her hippopotamus

  her loveface contorting

  i seal my heart

  in the belly

  of a great reptile

  everydayi feed it

  everydaythrow it meat

  pour water on its great green head

  wipe smut from its early morning eyes

  ou te alofa ia te oei tell it

  i promisealofa ia te oe

  i win the heartof a good goat

  place it at your feet

  i have undone the evildoermother

  lay claim to this world

  with closed lips drink this world

  how willful these lips!

  all men drop their own name!

  i find achilles hiding among women

  and make a prettypretty dress

  out of his leanlean skin

  i confess i lovealmost

  successfullythis day’s sun cleanses

  who i wasthe great danger

  i might die

  without

  find my clean self

  smear mud on my red gold horns—

  stand mouth openmy own

  animali prepare clean winecakes

  baked into the shapes of other animals

  to show gratitude

  i know i will die terribly—

  —what social inheritances don’t

  baffleo sweet eel

  long toothed devili know your loyaltystill

  do not weepmotheryou have taught me

  my own name

  how to weigh my bones

  deathanyway

  let’s smile at what wealth

  my new nostrils these necessary

  nearnesses i love you

  also this is my revenge

  mother mother mother mother mother i murmur

  i am your most fierce

  warriormother do what

  you will with me

  i will do what you will

  myselfan animal

  no spot or stain

  no truer bodygiving thanks

  to the sacred fishat last

  i arrange my kills

  to control the soliloquy


  that solitary distrust

  my impatienceall skulls

  neatly forward

  my real selfall tender

  tender red

  protect my priestesses’

  enemies from their failure

  fill them with arrowspreserve

  what goodness they offerput their

  useful parts in jarslungjar

  liverjar kidneyjar

  when they are accustomed

  to their sufferingi will teach them

  it is realmadnesson my knees

  i approach love

  i holdi repeatholdrepeat

  hold

  all the bells say

  too latemorning sun cuts

  goats from an evergreen forestmy sisters fleenot wholly

  animaltheir voices untimely

  frostseeding errorsay ferocious

  is the centipedesay i pretend

  understandingsay do not let gomother!

  your blood calls to me

  my samoan blood!

  i drinkredden myselfstand

  hornedobey the storm’s wet

  i leave fruitmy love

  the soft underbelly of many foxes

  motheri can speak to birds and

  trees and blossoms

  these orange flowers are their own evident

  exaltation

  my syntax mistakesi wrap myself in a coat

  given to feelingi cry

  o heart living by death

  o noble temper tell me the word

  that makes my heart groano call

  not me to wound this wrongthe bluest

  blueterrorcall not me for i am of

  endless night and know no

  sweet delights

  baby let me

  tell you some secret you

  already

  no.every secret

  already wild. don’t

  take it

  tame. i don’t

  want

  just

  any fight. do i

  want

  a pretty pink man-o-war

  washed up on shoredon’t

  touch

  touch& you’ll never

  make it home

  sometimes the sea gives

  sometimes she

  takes

  i won’t

  warn you

  (again)

  how do i know

  what you have

  taken awayin the next book i will

  know what i know about death

  i will know what i know about affection

  o guardian beast how often

  my affection

  falters!

  i will know what i know about resisting

  the meaningwhatever

  it is that meansyet here

  right nowsing—

  sing with me—

  either closer to hell or further from

  can wesistersbeas beautiful

  astoo much of a good thing

  asi feel so deeply

  there’s something in the air

  o overripe banana!you heel!

  bursting—bursting—bursting—to

  burst forthfrom underneath

  could i leave it all behind mother

  could i just fall away / an evening fog

  the tide coming in and out

  shadows flickeringstretching towards—descending—

  the descent i’m

  tired of it

  a violence or a love

  me love me not love me love me not love me love me not lo

  lo—lo—& behold!

  she kills a bear

  eats its hearttakes its strength

  there’s pleasure here & an inability to communicate

  as if it took more than a moment to figure out the killor

  to come to terms with such live threshingor

  she couldn’t bring herself to ityet wet evidence

  the ooey-gooey between her toesblushing footprintsi dream

  there’s snowthe snow is dirtynothing is out of sight

  nothing is escapable—

  would that this were sand—less traceable witness

  suddenly it’s all so immortalso what

  she makes a talisman of its lung—may i too

  breathe clearly this winterunslept

  may i too be so full—

  the next daysuperstition or love or

  she offers it to her sisters

  here eat my heart

  take this strengthbe so full

  baby am i master

  of what

  i speakthat is

  poetry

  undescent—(is it indecent)

  light, wound

  glistening, duskam i

  going to writethe grammar

  whose tongue isdeath

  or immortality

  ah! AGAIN THESE CHOICES

  did i love you(did i ever!)

  profound beliefvibrant coral

  the moth knows luxury

  is such a human thing

  mother gave me this body

  this fine and useful life

  today i return these parts to mother

  the mirror of my heart reflects so softly the horrorfalse

  experiencewhy do i recall your bones

  mother rejects my first conclusion my fifth

  she rejects my forwardness my affection

  lionheaded motherit’s upon us

  do you hear itsuch delicate sounds

  reallybrother

  you must always feed

  from the bodies

  i did love youagainst my every

  domestic fearsounds like domination

  sister your plastic lover pollutes our oceans

  if it isn’t sustainable it will kill you

  he will kill all of us

  i love you

  i am willing

  to do this killingsister! mother! i bundle

  wild sage chamomile my own

  glimmering body safely put away

  for just an occasionnow pass me

  the bloodbowl i offer it to you full

  swear an oath

  i boil the silkwormremove its body

  steal its silkfor the pyre

  for youmotheri will restore you

  even the first blue crocus

  of springwhich i have kept safe

  i burn

  take your bloodsong

  into myself

  i sing

  unattach my/self from the divine

  am divineworld— does it meancourse of anyone’s life

  mean forgive me these trespasses

  mean forgive these worldly waysheavy reading is not

  the same as heavy pettingif onlydo not worry mother

  i have not lost sight—i place my good eye

  at the trunk of the oldest treei mix

  my mixed blood into the wings

  my afakasi bloodi make

  the pegasus red-winged—set her free

  no need to escape—what state

  of disorderis there some worse

  form of life than this mirror-of-steel

  uninsistence—

  i didn’t notice the horse-backed rider

  i fail us

  all my goats are dead

  i wash their still

  soft headstear open

  the darknesslearn its

  alphabetthe rich soil

  is not a dead thing

  my goats shed their skin

  i shed my own cocoon

  the fresh skinno longer

  jove’s costume

  i dance

  deliberately

  smack the earth

  with my bare feet

  an occasion a quickening

  brother

  beat the drum for me

  o unlearned feelings! crisis! do not

  lamentthe last yellow

  petals of spring have

  fallenchasm!rupture!

&nb
sp; what sacrifice will turn

  your headalready

  my daughter learns her image

  records the way she looks

  whenever she looks at herself

  repeats her imagedirty satyr!

  i weep for slights

  insults unavenged

  vengeance! come!

  here! i am dangerous

  here! gone mad

  here! gone homemother!

  all-mother!i’m so scared i imagine immediate

  redimmediate red immediate red

  destroyer of the vinei imagine

  the bowbentevil

  faced two ways

  twice brokenreaving

  i keep the woundopen

  uncoveredto take refuge

  wolves winter overmy fear my womb

  feeds itselfmakes me a knifemost delicate pearl

  layered treasure sunken each anemone sacrificing their desire—

  layered angler-fish-glow deep sea camouflage deep sea poison—

  each gesture most delicate blue braided into

  bladewhat violent delightfulness