Dying to Run

by Cami Checketts

  Jesse strode to my side and helped me to my feet. I struggled to free myself from his arms.

  “It’s all over now, love.” He brushed his lips across my forehead. “I’ve got you, relax.”

  “I’m not sure I want you to have me,” I muttered. The fighting had died down and the people were milling around as if unsure what to do next. I completely understood. The adrenaline rush was over and all I could think was my Nana was dead and Jesse was to blame.

  Jesse swung me off my feet, cradling me like a child and walking towards the burning wreckage. A roof beam collapsed, sending sparks and ash into the air. The smoke was horrid, with a stench like death itself.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I don’t want to leave you alone, but I’ve got to make sure.”

  “Make sure of what?” I mumbled.

  “That no one got away.”

  “Fat chance of that.” I leaned against his chest, too exhausted to fight my way free, but knowing inside no matter how much I loved this man I couldn’t forgive him for killing Nana, I couldn’t.

  “Who was that guy, what did you tell him?” I asked.

  “He was one of the slaves who helped free the others. I told him to search for other guards, but to put their guns down when the police come. These people don’t have a lot of faith in the police and I don’t want a battle.”

  Jesse carried me gently around the wreckage. A cloud of dust appeared on the road and within minutes policemen were spilling onto the scene. They quickly started canvassing the area and asking questions. Jesse hurried around the edge of the house where we could continue our search unimpeded. Shouts drew us to the backyard.

  “We’ve got a live one here,” someone called.

  “Get the EMTs, quick.”

  Jesse and I exchanged glances. He set me on my feet and we ran. When I saw Nana lying there on the grass, eyes closed, blood trickling from her forehead, but obviously breathing, I smacked Jesse as hard as I could, then sprinted to her side.

  “Nana,” I screamed.

  Jesse pushed a couple of cops out of my way. I dropped onto my knees.

  “Cassie,” she moaned, opening her eyes and looking me over. “You’re okay.”

  “You’re okay!” I wanted to fling myself into her arms but thought better of it. She looked like she might not survive the next minute, let alone an excited hug.

  “I’m a surgeon,” Jesse told the cops. “I can take care of her until the EMTs get here.” They nodded and drifted away. Jesse started examining Nana, playing his doctor role.

  “I’m fine,” Nana pushed weakly at his hands, “just let me pretend I’m old for a minute.”

  Jesse ignored her and grabbed my, or actually his, T-shirt, and used his teeth to rip a stretch of material off the bottom. He tore it a couple more times then started using the fabric as compresses against her cuts.

  Another section of roof collapsed, launching more smoke and debris into the air.

  Nana stared hard at Jesse. “Thank you. I wasn’t sure if we could trust you, but you protected her.”

  I threw my hands up. “Don’t thank him.” I lowered my voice in case any cops might overhear. “He’s the idiot that set the bomb.” Jesse arched an eyebrow at me as he checked Nana’s neck for spinal injury. I folded my arms across my chest. “Yes, Nana survived, but you still did this.” I gestured towards the wreckage.

  Jesse focused on Nana. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t just murder a bunch of people.”

  Nana growled as loud as Jesse. “Don’t be such a brat,” she said. “I came here to save you and Jesse not only saved you, he saved all of these people. This is more than the rest of us have accomplished in the past ten years fighting against the traffickers.”

  “You’re proud he almost killed you?” I could not believe this crap.

  Nana waved a hand at me. “I’m wrinkled body and soul. Who cares if I got blown up when so many lives have been spared today?”

  I swallowed and glanced at Jesse. His eyes begged me to understand why he didn’t stop the bomb, why he agreed with Nana.

  An arm came around my waist. “I’m glad you both made it.”

  “Daddy!” I turned into his embrace. “You’re here. You’re okay.”

  He held me at arm’s length and looked me over. “You being okay is the important thing.” He patted Nana’s hand, glancing at Jesse. “Is she all right?”

  Nana swatted him away. “I’m fine. All that matters is our girl is all right.” Her eyes actually glistened. Wow. I didn’t know Nana could express that much warmth.

  “From the initial assessment she doesn’t have any serious injury,” Jesse said quietly.

  I could feel how uncomfortable Jesse was with my dad watching him. He’d almost killed Nana and my dad had already warned him to stay away from me. He was really going to get an earful now.

  “How did you get here?” Nana demanded of my dad.

  “I followed the tracking device to a truck stop west of Twin Falls. When I realized Jesse wasn’t there.” He gave Jesse a hard stare. “I doubled back to the last stop he’d made. I’ve been searching the fields since last night. When I saw the fireball I knew I was in the right place.” His full lips turned up into a grin. He released me and offered his hand to Jesse, eyeing him like a proud papa. “Great job. Amazing. But next time don’t go all hero on us and do it alone. We’re lucky none of you were killed.”

  Jesse nodded, stopping his perusal of Nana and returning the handshake. “Yes, sir.”

  Two men ran at us with a back board.

  Jesse gave them his report, “I don’t see any sign of spinal damage, but I know you’ll take every precaution. Besides the scrapes she looks pretty good, but make sure they do a full cat scan at the hospital just to make sure there’s no internal damage I might have missed.”

  They nodded, not questioning why a tattooed man with no shirt was telling them what to do. They lowered the board to the ground and after strapping a soft collar around Nana’s neck, carefully transferred her. “Stop,” Nana commanded. “Jesse, did you catch Ramirez?”

  Jesse leaned towards her. “He wasn’t inside?”

  “He took me out onto a patio, bragging to me.” Nana did an all-over body shiver. “He’s such a slimy putz. They were planning to kill all of us, ship the slaves off to their destinations tonight, then leave. It would’ve been a while before anyone found our bodies.”

  “You think Ramirez survived?” Jesse asked.

  Nana nodded. “He’s too evil to die.”

  Jesse squeezed my hand and kissed me quickly. “I’ll be back for you,” he said before taking off at a run into the cold morning air.

  I watched until his muscular form disappeared behind a large barn. Dad put his arm around my shoulder. We walked slowly after the EMT’s carrying Nana. “Jesse’s a good man. I might have to revoke my decree and let you date him.”

  How ironic that my dad had been convinced of Jesse’s goodness by the very thing that was driving me away. Jesse had almost killed Nana. He’d killed his own father. What kind of a man could do that?

  Chapter Eight

  I watched Sham sleeping, amazed that this man had taken a bullet to protect me. I knew Jesse would do the same, but I’d been focusing with all my might to keep Jesse out of my head. Sitting in this room, where even the air was sterilized, and touching Sham’s smooth, brown hand seemed to help. It was also nice to be alone for a few minutes. The rest of my family was still sitting with Nana, who luckily just had a few stitches and some gnarly bruises to show for her bomb experience.

  I persuaded Tasha to go home and get some rest. Apparently she’d been watching over Sham since Nana left early this morning to come find me. As she gathered her purse she commanded me, “If he wakes up make sure to tell him I’ve been watching over him. Do not try and be cute with him, make sure he knows you love Jesse,” I cringed at that, but said nothing, “Oh, and tell him how wonderful I am
—here’s a picture.” She thrust her latest glamour shot into my hand. I smiled and agreed so she would leave. I was pretty sure, but admittedly not 100%, that Sham was too smart to be Tasha’s latest conquest.

  Sham opened his eyes. I pulled my hand from his, afraid I’d taken liberties I shouldn’t have. For several seconds he simply stared at me, and then he whispered, “Cassidy.” His eyes were suddenly sparkling. A tear crested the side of his lid and rolled slowly down his cheek.

  I blinked, from what I’d heard Sham wasn’t overly emotional.

  “You’re okay,” he said.

  I stood, held out my arms, and spun a slow circle. “Everything’s intact.”

  He gave me half a smile before the seriousness returned. “Nathan?”

  “He missed all the excitement.”

  “Nana?”

  “She’s okay.” I shuddered, sinking back into the hard chair and remembering that she’d come close to being a long ways from okay.

  “Jesse?”

  I stared at the hospital wall, unable to meet his gaze. “Haven’t seen him since the explosion.”

  “Explosion?”

  “Jesse rigged the ranch house to blow so he could kill Ramirez, Panetti, Damon.” I lifted my hands. “We think Ramirez escaped in one of the planes, but Jesse killed his dad, Damon, and a whole ton of other men.”

  “Good man.”

  I jerked to stare at him. “Good man? He killed a lot of people.”

  Sham nodded. “A lot of people who were selling, torturing, and often murdering human beings.” Sham held my gaze until I had to look away. He was right, but it still made me sick. “The problem isn’t those men dying,” Sham continued, “From what Nathan has told me you want to stop trafficking as much as any of us. The problem is you love Jesse Panetti and you want him to be this perfect man, which none of us can be.”

  I closed my eyes, but all I could see were Jesse’s sculpted features. I missed him and it had only been one day. “Who told you I love him?”

  “It’s all over your face.”

  “I’m not sure I can love him after what he did.”

  He nodded. “We all make sacrifices to protect the children. Jesse did what he had to do. You don’t understand. We live in a different world than you. A world of kill or be killed. A world where we are sworn to protect the children at all costs. But no matter how it bothers you, Jesse did the right thing, the noble thing in my eyes.”

  I stared. Sham was right. These men were at war. What did I know about the battle against human trafficking? I admired them for what they were doing. I thought about that cute little boy Jesse had protected from the guard. The children were worth any sacrifice, but my image of Jesse had been shattered. I’d idealized who he was and what his mission was. I felt let down and nauseous. Could I love this new Jesse, this violent, killing Jesse? I didn’t know yet.

  “You’re right,” I admitted when the silence had stretched on for too long, “it’s hard for me to understand.”

  “Ah.” Sham nodded, his dark eyes solemn as they swept over my face. “That is because of your innocence.”

  “You mean stupidity, naivety, lack of exposure to the big, bad world you live in.” I gnawed at the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood. I didn’t like being labeled as innocent when that wasn’t really what he meant.

  Sham clucked his tongue. “No, you are wrong, Miss Cassidy. Your innocence is beautiful. When I say you’re innocent, I mean you are honest and pure. You are the sweet and fun Cassidy I’ve heard so much about. Even Damon was drawn in by your light. Never make fun of that. We all need softness and innocence such as you possess and see it far too little.”

  Unsure how to respond, I simply nodded my thanks and clutched my hands together. It was nice that someone thought my “innocence” was beautiful. I just felt dense most of the time.

  Sham studied me for a while before saying with his soft accent, “I let Damon kidnap you.”

  “When you get shot and pass out from lack of blood, I give you an official ‘stop blaming yourself card.’”

  He stared at me again. “You do not understand. I am bound to protect you.”

  I leaned away, slamming my back into the hard chair. “Bound? Don’t you think that’s a little . . . Robin Hoodish?”

  His eyebrows dipped together. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean, Cassidy.”

  I cringed at the way he kept saying my full name. Jesse used it much too often. “Okay, first of all, it’s Cassie.”

  “Cassie.” He nodded and smiled.

  “And second, you don’t need to be bound to me.”

  He shook his head. “You don’t understand what this means. First, I am bound to protect the children of my home. Second, I am bound to protect Nathan Christensen, your father, who is the protector of children everywhere.”

  “Huh? I thought he just helped out in Mexico.”

  “No. Your father came to Mali years ago and helped free many from oppression. I swore to protect him and stay by his side. I failed to protect your mother.” He closed his eyes for a second before focusing that gaze on me again. “But I will not fail to protect you.”

  I swallowed as I thought about my mother. She’d been like a ministering angel to so many; beautiful, kind, and nurturing. Sham blamed himself for not protecting her. No wonder he was being a little silly about this “bound to me” stuff. “No one is blaming you for my mom dying,” I whispered.

  “No one but me.”

  I exhaled slowly. “Look, if you need to have somebody to protect I understand, but really, I’m doing fine on my own.”

  He chuckled and then looked like he regretted it. He drew a long breath before saying, “You have almost died twice in the last month. I do not think this is ‘doing fine’.”

  “The man has a point,” I said.

  Sham lifted one of his huge hands from the blanket. For some reason I didn’t understand, I leaned closer to him. He placed his hand over my heart. My heartbeat increased and a warmth spread from his hand outward. I wouldn’t have labeled it a physical attraction, but a feeling of peace and well-being.

  “I, Sham Jalloh, am bound to protect you, Cassidy Christensen.”

  I simply stared at him, for one of the few times in my life I had nothing to say. His hand slowly lowered back to the bed, but the warmth stayed in my chest. After a few seconds I couldn’t take the seriousness of the moment anymore. I batted my eyelashes, tilted my head to the side, and said, “Well that seals it then, we’re bound.”

  He smiled. “You are a silly girl.”

  I leaned away from him. “Hey, I grew out of silly halfway through college.”

  His smile broadened. “Silly is good. I can use more silly in my life.”

  “So there’s nothing I can say to stop you from being my protector?”

  Sham shook his head and closed his eyes. “No.”

  A few minutes later he was breathing deeply. The door softly opened behind me. My dad must’ve finally pried himself from Nana’s side so he could visit his best friend. “I guess Sham and I are bound together.”

  “He’s one of the best men I know, but I don’t want you bound to anybody but me.”

  I whirled around. “Jesse!”

  He smiled. I’d forgotten how good this man looked to me. The sparkle in his dark eyes made my heart rate jump. I tried to suppress the love I felt—I failed completely. It wasn’t just the way he looked, but the way he made me feel: when he spoke, when he stared at me like I was the only woman for him, and especially when he touched me. It was that innate feeling that even though he was hardened enough to kill he was still an amazing man. The kind of man who loved children, would help a stranger without being asked, and give the shirt off his back to me, even though he didn’t want me to see his chest.

  We studied each other for a few seconds before he asked, “Can we talk outside?”

  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk to him, hit him a few times, or throw myself into his arms. I slowly stood, to
ok his offered hand, and followed him out of the room. We walked in silence until we entered a deserted hallway that was familiar.

  Jesse pulled me into a hug. His eyes locked onto mine. Slowly, deliberately, he lowered his face. His cinnamon-tinged breath drew me in. Wanting nothing more than to kiss him, I forced myself to resist the temptation and bury my head in his chest. If I let him kiss me, I’d say yes to anything this man wanted. I wasn’t ready for that right now. I made the mistake of inhaling, the soft touch of musk made me tremble and cling more tightly to him.

  “Do you remember this hallway?” he whispered into my ear.

  I glanced up. “It’s where I found out you are, or were, Panetti’s son.”

  He nodded. “You didn’t trust me then because you didn’t have all the facts.”

  I bit my lip. “And I don’t trust you now because I have too many.” I pulled away from him, folding my arms across my chest, and studying the clean, white wall.

  Jesse sighed. “What’s bothering you the most?”

  I focused on him. “You murdering all those men, killing your own dad, almost killing my Nana, Carlos telling me about all the women chasing you, finding out you were a drunk driver and killed a girl in college.”

  Jesse flinched as if my words were physically assaulting him.

  I couldn’t look at him anymore. “I might not be so bothered if you were more bothered.”

  Jesse moved to touch me. I backed away. He moaned in frustration. “And we’re in a worse position than we were last time in this hallway.”

  I stared, saying nothing.

  “Of course it all bothers me, Cassidy. Do you think I’m so hardened to death and dying that I’m not sick about what I had to do?”

  I shrugged. “I really don’t know what to think.”

  “Well believe me, it more than bothers me.” He moved a step closer. “You know I didn’t intend for Nana to get hurt, and I think when you have some time to think you’re going to realize that blowing up that house saved many lives and made a huge difference for the children. Sham and your dad would both tell you I did the right thing.”