My Name Is Desire: The Bad Baker Boys: Mark's Story

by Tonya Brooks

  When Mark walked outside and saw Desi’s car in the parking lot, his state of mind became even more disturbed. He jumped in the Mercedes and raced to the apartment, determined to beat the hell out of his brother if he was with Desi, but John's truck wasn't there and the lights were out in her unit. He tamped down the anger and jealousy that gnawed at him and grabbed a bottle of scotch out of the cabinet. Sighing in disgust because his life was becoming a country music song, Mark sat down and tried to drink her off his mind.

  Unfortunately, it didn't work.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Friday, August 23, 2013

  “So, what's going on with you and Desi, bro?” John asked bluntly when he arrived at the bar that night. He was intending to push his big brothers buttons to make sure he was as jealous as hell and regretting the stupid decision to let Desi go before the floor show began. He and Luke had quite a night planned for Mark, and they knew he'd be pissed enough to kick their asses before it was over. “Are you two through or what?”

  “It's done,” he said flatly.

  “You're sure?”

  “Positive,” Mark said firmly.

  “So, you wouldn't mind if I ask her out?” he suggested and received a look that assured him Mark did mind and was already considering the ass kicking. Just to twist the knife a little deeper, he added, “I mean the woman lives here now and she's gonna start dating someone, so it might as well be me.”

  “You're too young for Desi,” his brother growled and didn't like the idea of her dating anyone, dammit.

  “The kid is the only one who thinks so,” John reminded him with a grin because his plan was working. “Besides, it’s a damn shame to let such a fine lookin' woman go to waste.”

  Mark’s hands curled into fists as he barely resisted the urge to hit his brother and snapped, “Do whatever the hell you want.”

  “Thanks, bro,” John flashed him that bad boy grin and said wickedly, “Let's hope the lady says the same thing.”

  Sonuvabitch! Just the thought of his Desiree with another man made him crazy and Mark fought the nearly overwhelming impulse to beat the hell out of his brother. Not that he could blame him. Desi was an incredible woman. She was beautiful, intelligent and sexy as hell. The fact that she could cook was just an added bonus. Desi was damn near the perfect woman, he thought grimly.

  At least he knew John would treat her treat her like the lady she was, but that didn't help matters. He fervently hoped she'd turn him down. She'd damn well better. Mark didn't think he could handle seeing his woman with someone else. He just didn't realize how soon his resolve would be tested.

  Desi arrived with the rest of his family and it was obvious they were in a party mood. The fact that she was sitting between Luke and John didn't go unnoticed by Mark or anyone else in the room. His brothers were flirting outrageously with her and he was absolutely furious because she didn't seem to mind at all. It actually seemed as if Desi were enjoying the attention, which only made matters worse.

  Dammit, she was supposed to be as miserable as he was, not out having a hell of a time with another man. Make that two other men, he corrected himself viciously. And she was wearing that damn sexy green dress again. Mark vividly recalled the night that she'd worn it just for him and how much he had enjoyed removing it from her beautiful body. He cursed crudely and poured himself a double.

  ~~~~

  Luke walked up to the bar where his brother stood and said, “Hey, bro. Give me a beer and a glass of white wine for Desi.”

  “Desi doesn't drink,” Mark snapped as he opened a beer and sat it on top the bar with more force than necessary.

  “She asked for it,” Luke pointed out in amusement and was pleased that John's plan to make him jealous seemed to be working. Mark was in a piss poor mood for sure.

  Mark gave him a furious look as he poured wine into a glass of ice and added club soda to weaken it. He placed a slice of lime on the rim and said, “I made her a spritzer. You get her drunk and I'll kick your ass.”

  “I thought you two were through,” he commented with a raised eyebrow at the warning.

  “We are,” the older brother said flatly.

  “You're sure?”

  “Damn straight,” Mark agreed adamantly.

  Luke's smile became wicked. “Good. Our little brother is trying to give me some competition, but once he takes the stage, Desi is all mine.”

  That comment infuriated Mark to no end. Luke was already claiming her and she wasn't even his, dammit! The thought of his Desiree and one of his brothers together was almost too much to deal with. 'What goes around, comes around.' some imp from hell reminded him in malicious glee. 'Now you know how Matt felt when you and Harley pretended to be a couple.' Of course, that guilty reminder didn't help matters at all, and he still wanted to beat the hell out of both of his brothers. He tossed back the double he'd poured and glared at an unsuspecting customer. Mark sighed wearily. It was gonna be a long night.

  A few minutes later, the band took the stage and John flashed that bad boy smile. “We've got something different planned for you in this set, folks. I'm feeling a little lonely tonight. How about you?” he announced with that wicked grin the ladies loved and the women in the audience called out their agreement with enthusiasm. The look on his brother’s face assured him that Mark wasn't happy with the idea but the rest of the men sure as hell didn't complain if the women were looking for companionship.

  Mark stayed behind the bar and tried to stay busy and keep his mind off of Desi, but the lyrics hit him hard because it described exactly what he was going through. “... you're not something I deserve. In my head there's only you now, this world falls on me, In this world there's real and make believe and this seems real to me. You love me but you don't know who I am. I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand. You love me but you don't know who I am, so let me go, just let me go.”

  His stormy gaze strayed of its own accord to Desi dancing with Luke and the smile on her face assured him that she was enjoying herself. Part of Mark was glad that she'd been able to move on, but the other part wanted to haul her into his arms and remind her who she belonged to. He was the one she loved, dammit! He should be the one holding her and making her smile. And he seemed to be the only one who couldn't let go.

  The damn song finally ended and he breathed a sigh of relief that was short lived. The band went right into 'Broken' and he groaned aloud when John began to sing the second chorus. “I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that’s still beating, In the pain, there’s no healing, in your name I find meaning, so I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm barely holding on to you.” Every damn word could have come straight from his heart because he was still holding on to her even though Luke was the one holding her body so close to his. Dammit, if she loved him, why didn’t Desi seem to need him as much as he still needed her?

  John went straight into the next song and Mark's frown became a scowl. If he didn't know better, he'd swear his brother had intentionally chosen the songs just to torment him. The damn lyrics said everything he wanted to and couldn't. If ever there had been a reason for a man to change, it would be for the love of a woman like Desi, he acknowledged painfully. The thing was, he wasn't sure he could do it and the thought of hurting her again was unbearable.

  “I'm sorry that I hurt you, it's something I must live with everyday, and all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away, and be the one who catches all your tears, that’s why I need you to hear, I found a reason for me, to change who I use to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you.” When Mark had all he could take, he threw the towel down in disgust and headed around the bar, intent on telling his brother to change the venue when the interminable song ended.

  ~~~~

  Having planned to torment Mark for as long as he'd tolerate it, John had instructed Luke to keep Desi on the dance floor so she'd be close to the stage, because he'd had no idea how long it would
take before their older brother had enough. The fact that it had only taken three songs assured him that his plan was working all too well.

  He saw Mark leave the bar and knew what he was planning to do, so John quickly announced, “I've got a surprise for you tonight, folks. For the first time ever, a woman is going to join the Bad Boy's on stage.” After a second of stunned surprise, the women in the crowd began to call out their approval and he grinned wickedly. “And what a woman she is. Give it up for Desi Anderson!” he encouraged and the cheering and whistles continued from the men present as Luke lifted her up onto the stage.

  Mark froze halfway across the room and stared at Desi in shock. She can sing, he wondered in disbelief as he watched her pick up a microphone and turn to face the cheering audience. The sound of the piano being played softly quieted the crowd and then she began to sing just as softly, her voice gaining strength and power as the other instruments joined in. He was astonished. Desi could sing! Her voice was beautiful and the crowd was staring at her as if they were as spellbound as he was. Even the couples on the dance floor were just standing there watching her. Was there anything the woman couldn't do, he wondered inanely.

  “How can you see into my eyes like open doors, leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb, without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there in me its back home.”

  Her eyes met his across the crowded room and Mark knew that she was singing just for him. The song she had chosen described the hell that he was going through. Except for the pain, he was dead inside without his Desiree. Did she feel that way, too? Did Desi really need him as much as he needed her, he wondered as his heart began to hammer wildly.

  The band joined in, the music became more upbeat and she and John began to take turns singing. Desi poured all of the emotion that she felt for Mark into the song. The lyrics were a cry from her very heart as she pleaded with him to wake her up inside and make the coldness go away. “Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling, only you are the life among the dead.”

  “All of this time, I can’t believe I couldn’t see, kept in the dark but you were there in front of me,” John’s voice echoed through the room.

  “I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems, got to open my eyes to everything.”

  “Without thought, without a voice, without a soul, don’t let me die here lost and alone.”

  “Bring me to life,” Desi pleaded in desperation.

  The realization that Desi was suffering through the same hell that he was took Mark’s breath away and filled his burdened soul with anguish. He could see it in her eyes and realized that she wanted him to know her pain and the loneliness that she felt without him. Once again the woman had managed to completely disarm him with her transparency.

  The notes faded away as softly as they had started and the crowd went wild, cheering and applauding. Mark didn't move. He couldn't. He just stood there staring at her as the sad little smile she wore never wavered and her eyes never left his as the band began playing another song. It started out just as softly and her words pierced his very soul.

  “Say something, I'm giving up on you, I'll be the one, if you want me to, Anywhere I would've followed you, Say something, I'm giving up on you.”

  “No,” he gasped in desperation and it felt as if his heart had shattered into a million pieces. She can’t give up on me. Not now. He'd never felt like this about a woman before, never needed anyone the way he needed her, never wanted anything as much as he wanted her. She was his whole world. His chest filled with that peculiar emotion that threatened to choke him as he finally understood and the realization nearly floored him.

  Matt and Harley had been right. He loved her! Mark loved her with every fiber of his being and he knew that he couldn't live without his Desiree. He wanted to spend every second of the rest of his life with her and he'd do whatever it took to make her smile again, to erase the pain that he had caused. To show her how damn much he loved her.

  “And I will swallow my pride, You're the one that I love, And I'm saying goodbye.” Desi sang as a lone tear slid down her cheek unnoticed. This was it. She was giving up. If Mark didn’t realize that they were meant to be together, if he still couldn’t see that they were made for each other, then she had no hope left. The only thing she could do was let him go. God help her, she had to let him go.

  Completely oblivious to the curious onlookers, Mark moved slowly across the room until he was standing directly in front of her, the look in his eyes was one that she had never seen before and yet recognized instantly. And then he smiled at her and a brilliant smile lit her face as tears streamed down her cheeks. She held her trembling hand out to him and he took it in his.

  ~~~~

  Through tear filled eyes, Harley held her breath expectantly, her fingers clenching Matt's arm as they watched Mark's expression while he came to the realization of what everyone else had known all along. He looked as if he'd had the shock of his life and then walked across the room in a daze where he smiled up at Desi, the sweetest, most loving smile she'd ever seen on his handsome face and tears of joy streamed down her cheeks as her husband hugged her closer.

  ~~~~

  How she managed to finish the song, Desi would never know, but suddenly it was over and the crowd was standing and shouting their approval. She barely noticed because Mark lifted her off of the stage and kissed her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. God, it felt so good to hold him again and she clung to him fiercely, determined to hold on to him for as long as he wanted her. She didn't care that they had no hope of a future together. The only thing that mattered was that she was in Mark's arms, where she belonged.

  God, it felt so damn good to hold her, to be able to touch her and kiss her as he'd ached to do for days. Now that he had her in his arms where she belonged, there was no way in hell he was going to ever let her go again. “I love you, my Desiree,” Mark said emotionally, his own eyes damp with tears at the realization of what he had felt for her all along.

  “Oh, Mark,” she said tremulously, the microphone clenched in her hand broadcasting their every word through the speakers. “I love you so much.”

  “I'm never gonna let you go, Baby,” he swore. “You'll never be alone again.”

  The crowd began to applaud and cheer again while a grinning Luke thoughtfully unplugged Desi's microphone. “This one is for Mark and Desi,” John announced in satisfaction and began the intro, the band following his lead without question as usual. “You're never gonna be alone! From this moment on, If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall, never gonna be alone, I'll hold you till the hurt is gone.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Saturday, August 24, 2013

  “Why are we here?” Desi asked curiously when Mark pulled up in front of the house that she had loved but decided was too big for her and Kylie. The For Sale sign now said Sold she noticed sadly.

  “Timmy found a buyer for it,” Mark explained as he got out and went around to open her door. “I know how much you liked it, so I thought you might like one last look around before the new owners take possession.”

  The thoughtful gesture touched her deeply and if she hadn't already been in love with Mark, Desi would have fallen in love with him all over again. “We can do that?” she asked doubtfully as he took her hand and helped her out of the car.

  “Absolutely. Timmy's a very good friend,” Mark assured her as he led her up to the front door and unlocked it. “This really is a great house, isn't it?”

  “It's perfect,” she agreed a bit wistfully and was shocked when he scooped her into his arms to carry her inside.

  “Welcome home, Baby,” he said as he kicked the door closed.

  Desi looked up to see Mark grinning at her like a kid in a candy shop. “You bought the house?” she exclaimed in disbelief as realization dawned.

  “I did,” Mark admitted as he carried her into the living room where a bucket of champagne and
two glasses waited on the coffee table and sat her on the sofa. “I called Timmy this morning and told him we'd take it,” he said as he expertly twisted the foil off of the bottle, popped the cork and poured them both a glass.

  “Why?” Desi asked in confusion as she stared up at Mark and couldn't imagine why he had bought the home of her dreams.

  “Well, we've gotta live somewhere and you really liked this house,” he said evenly and turned to face her.

  “We?” she repeated blankly. Surely Mark wasn't suggesting that she and Kylie move in with him. God knows she'd love to, but they couldn't expose an impressionable young girl to an arrangement like that and he knew it. Especially not with gossip running so rampant about them already.

  “I want us to be a family, Desi,” he said as he dropped down on one knee in front of her and held up the engagement ring he'd bought that morning. “Please say you'll marry me.”

  Desi stared at him incredulously. “Mark, are you serious?” she barely breathed.

  “Never more so,” he assured her as he slid the ring on her slender finger. “I have absolutely no idea how to be a husband and father, but I swear I'll love you both and take care of you forever.”

  “Yes,” Desi said as a brilliant smile lit her face because it was a perfect world after all. “Yes, yes, yes!” she laughed and threw her arms around him. “I love you, Mark.”

  “I love you, my Desiree,” Mark vowed in that silky voice and felt his chest swell with the peculiar sensation that he now recognized as love and kissed her tenderly. “How would you feel about me adopting Kylie?” he asked hopefully.

  The last of her doubts gone, Desi smiled and said, “I'd like that and I know Kylie would be thrilled. She thinks you walk on water, you know.”

  He smiled at that. “She stole my heart before you did,” Mark admitted. “I couldn't imagine loving a child of my own more than I do that little imp.”