Ultimate Surrender: The Surrender Series, Book 2

by Jennifer Kacey

  “You’ve been under a ginormous amount of stress, not to mention a newborn, sleep deprivation, and the last twenty-four hours of Starling being upset. Give yourself permission to not be perfect.”

  Natalie sucked her cheek between her teeth and nibbled on it. “That’s so much easier said than done.”

  “And cut Campbell some slack.”

  “Uh, what did you just say? Isn’t this the portion of the girl talk where we discuss which method we’re going to use to throw his belongings out the window and how I can do better?”

  “If he were a dick and unredeemable, then absolutely.”

  “But…” Natalie prompted, not really knowing where the conversation was going.

  “Campbell’s been thrown into all of this right along with you. You have moments of doubt. He’s allowed the same. And I think he loves both of you.”

  “I asked him if he loved me and he said nothing. It wasn’t a maybe or a get back to me a week from Tuesday. It was just nothing.”

  “And you’ve told him you love him, right?” Skepticism dripped from every word.

  Natalie stuck her tongue out at her, which made her laugh. “I hate it when you talk to me about being reasonable.”

  “You have so many walls built up around you I knew it was going to take a very strong man to bring them down. Campbell’s incredibly capable of the task I think, but you’re going to have to meet him halfway.”

  “Is love always this hard?”

  Angela smiled. “Yes. But it’s also always worth it.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Natalie

  The night before Campbell had tried to talk to her on the way home from Angela and Clay’s studio. He was flustered, she was exhausted, and she’d very simply asked if they could just take a breather for the night and then talk in the morning.

  She’d expected a fight. An argument. A dissertation on why that wasn’t a good idea and why they should talk about it before they went to bed.

  Instead he’d kind of sagged back against the cab seat and tried to take her hand.

  Yes, she’d hesitated a bit, still so raw from their earlier conversation. She was having a very hard time getting her walls lowered even a little bit. He hadn’t said no, he’d just been silent. Saying nothing may have been worse. For a second she’d almost latched on to the most dangerous thing of all. Hope. “Sorry,” she’d mumbled as they drove along.

  “It’s okay,” he told her. “My fault,” he added a couple seconds later and then he focused outside the cab for the rest of the ride back to her condo.

  More silence.

  They’d gotten upstairs. She’d given Starling a bath and fed her while Campbell took the dogs out and then came back in and made sandwiches for dinner. Starling was out before she even finished her bottle, still wiped from the past day of not feeling well.

  Natalie took a shower and hesitated before she went into the living area but she’d pressed on.

  He set out a sandwich and a soft drink in a glass with ice for her to eat. They spoke of mundane things and she desperately wanted everything to not be awkward between them. She didn’t realize how much she’d relied on him for his strength and more surprisingly his comfort.

  For a while up to their huge argument he’d been a source of everything for her and she’d felt herself fumbling to find even ground again. She’d never imagined he was that even ground.

  Hope.

  It was a dangerous thing.

  She wanted to ask him if maybe Angela was right and he really did love her.

  But what if she was wrong?

  Hearing him really say it would kill something inside her she didn’t even know had blossomed to life, something she’d vowed would never happen again. Not ever.

  Trust.

  She’d trusted him with everything. Even the pieces she would never have willingly given over to him if she knew the outcome.

  Being vulnerable and laid bare before him terrified her.

  He tried to touch her several more times and she jumped each time. On the last time he balled his hand into a fist and told her he was going to take a shower. She’d nodded, her gaze not reaching above his chest.

  He never raised his voice and certainly not a hand to her.

  Not even an unkind word in her direction as he walked away.

  But what did she hear?

  The opposite of “good girl.”

  The tears came as she cleaned up the kitchen and turned the lights out. She didn’t even go in the bathroom and brush her teeth before she crawled in bed. Staying awake any longer wasn’t an option, especially not knowing how much longer their little ramshackle family was going to be together.

  Half of her was exhausted. The other half was a coward.

  Talk about a disappointing combination.

  Facing away from Campbell when he got out of the bathroom, she immediately closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. He killed the light and crawled in beside her. He whispered her name once. And then again, but with her heart in her throat she couldn’t answer.

  Not knowing what he wanted to say kept her frozen in fear.

  She held her breath when he whispered her name one more time. Finally he rolled over, away from her she guessed, and his heavy sigh mirrored her mood.

  She had no idea how long she stayed awake, staring at the wall or the ceiling. At some point she rolled onto her other side to face Campbell. It took her a second to realize his eyes were open, too, staring at her.

  She didn’t know who reached for who first. It actually seemed like they reached for each other and met in the middle.

  Clothes came off and their bodies came together.

  It was sweet and beautiful and at one point Natalie began to cry because she was so scared it was her goodbye. He’d held her tight and hummed to her just like he did with Starling. Neither of them came but they moved together, finding their rhythm she was afraid they’d never have again.

  Their pace slowed and Campbell rolled her on her side as he cuddled up to her back. Slipping back inside her, he covered them up with a sheet and rocked her to sleep in his arms. In his safe keeping as he possessed her.

  She jolted awake as he got up when Starling woke up in the middle of the night. He fed her in the nursery, burped her, changed her, and then rocked her to sleep.

  How did Natalie know?

  She stood outside the door and listened to the sounds they made, memorizing them if there came a day when he wasn’t there to make them anymore.

  Back in bed before he got Starling down again, Natalie slipped into a fitful sleep. She woke with a start when Campbell slipped back between the covers. “Come here.” His voice rumbled through her and she rolled toward him.

  He pulled her against his chest and covered both of them up again.

  As if she’d been plugged into some kind of life support, her entire body sighed and relaxed into him.

  “I’m not going anywhere, okay? Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He’d kissed her head and held her tight.

  How could he have known that she’d been afraid he’d just up and disappear? Her threats were all gone. He didn’t have to be there to protect her anymore. How could he have known that she worried he’d simply abandon her and leave her with nothing and no answers?

  How?

  Unwilling or unable to think of anymore what ifs, she closed her eyes and slept until the alarm went off the next day.

  Things seemed a little better in the light of the morning. She’d gotten Starling ready for the day as he took the dogs out. He’d put in a call to Wyatt in the cab ride to the clinic and he knew a whole lotta nothing new except Eric had discovered some kind of program on the PC clone they’d missed on the first run-through. Apparently Eric had wanted another crack at it.

  What it meant? She had no clue, but she was ho
ping it was going to be a slow day so she could find her bearings again.

  Slow and day did not go together.

  Things were busy from the word go as she tried to make up for the down time, and she didn’t have a chance to sit down at her computer until several hours later.

  When she walked into her office, the look she saw on Campbell’s face didn’t bode well. “What is it?”

  He looked up from the screen and rubbed his eyes. “More of the same.”

  “The same what?” she asked as she rounded her desk to look at the monitor. He scrolled through pages for her until she closed her eyes. Shaking her head, she mumbled, “But the bad guy’s supposed to be dead now.”

  “I know.” He rubbed her back for a second then stopped abruptly, removing his hand.

  An apology nearly spilled from between Natalie’s lips but she honestly didn’t know what to be sorry for. She’d been honest and she’d meant what she said. Maybe she could have been nicer about it.

  She shook her head and crossed her arms to keep from reaching for him. “Found anything on camera? Anyone coming in here?”

  He shook his head and stood to stretch. “Nothing. I’ve been in here all morning looking through it, so has Jay, and there’s just nothing. No one in or out for days except you or me and Starling, and I’m pretty sure Starling isn’t carrying a USB full of porn in her diaper.”

  She paced over to her wall of photographs and then turned to face him. Climbing in his lap held a huge amount of appeal so she decided to keep her distance and try to stay strong on her own. “Can you tell anything new from the pics? Date and time when they showed up? Anything?”

  “That’s another odd thing. They all have different metadata. Each one has a different date and timestamp this time. No ability to trace anything else on them. At least, not that I can find on it. The amount of time and effort that alone had to take is impressive.”

  “Impressive? That’s the word you’re going to pick?”

  “The crapton of time and effort that went into the project was crazy as shit. Better?”

  A ghost of a smile made her feel a little bit better. “Much.”

  “And you got another email too. I wasn’t snooping around, I promise. The mail program was already up and one of those pop-up notifications came through.”

  Natalie’s smile died a quick death. No rest from the awful. She didn’t move. Didn’t really want to hear anymore. Looking around for an easy button proved fruitless so she asked, “What was on this email? More vague threats?”

  “This one threatens to send damaging pictures to the magazines.” He leaned over and did something with the mouse. “Ruining your reputation would be an honor and a privilege to show the world you aren’t sweet and innocent at all.” He rolled his eyes. “Asswipe.” Something crossed his face and his jaw tightened.

  “Something else?”

  “He threatened Starling.”

  “He did what?” Natalie barked back at him as she strode fully around the desk.

  “At the end he says, the baby is going to be truly an orphan when he’s done with you. Definitely escalating.”

  That was it. Nothing else. “Different IP? No other info? But he’s dead. Could this be like Wren’s letter? Like it got lost in the mail. Something? Anything?”

  “I just don’t know. Sure hope so. Eric’s coming in just a few to pull everything off again.”

  “But if no one got in here how did it all show up?”

  Campbell shrugged. “Don’t know. Eric seemed to wonder if maybe something was on a delayed release timer. Kind of like what you said.”

  She’d just been grasping at straws. “Is that possible?”

  “Anything’s possible with enough money and motivation and unfortunately this asshole seems to have plenty of both.”

  “Ugh.” She rubbed her temples and he pulled her close. She didn’t fight him. Much.

  “I know you’re supposed to stay late tonight but we need to call it early.”

  “But—”

  His fingers touched her lips. “Due to a shitty day and a bad night’s sleep for all three of us and we have to keep changing up your schedule in light of this development. Keeping the fruitcake off the trail is exactly what we need to keep doing. Agreed?”

  She made a noise.

  “Did you just growl at me?”

  “Possibly.” She moved away to go scoop Starling up from Greta who was watching her in the front area.

  The threat was fruitless. It had to be. No one was going to hurt her daughter. Ever.

  “Natalie?”

  “Mmhmm,” she said at the doorway.

  “Early.” Not a question.

  She growled again and walked out.

  * * * * *

  Several hours later, after Eric had made copies of everything, they’d left the clinic early. Natalie hadn’t wanted to, but she’d had to begrudgingly accept Campbell’s reasons for leaving.

  All of them were valid.

  Truly.

  But leaving when she had things to do just felt wrong.

  Then she’d gotten a call.

  One she’d never wanted again.

  From the fire department, saying someone had called in and told them smoke was coming out of the clinic’s backdoor.

  The fire department had gotten inside, AKA broken the door down, and put the fire out.

  Wasn’t a huge fire, wasn’t an electrical issue like the last one, just a small fire in a trashcan, they’d said.

  By the time they got Starling to Clay and Angela’s and got back to the clinic it was late.

  A small fire.

  Small.

  That’s what they’d said on the phone.

  Natalie had felt gut punched when she walked in the back and saw the damage it had done.

  Campbell had a crew show up less than an hour after they’d been there to start cleaning up, tearing out sheet rock, replace the door.

  By the time they left that night only one word infiltrated her fog.

  Arson.

  A word she never wanted to hear.

  And the area where the fire happened?

  Not on camera.

  She’d tried believing it couldn’t possibly be any of her people but…

  Just but.

  The next couple days were nothing but a nightmare trying to help patients in the interim while the clinic was closed for repairs. Not to mention Campbell and the fire marshal and the cops interrogating her staff on the fire, which no one would cop to.

  That made Natalie happy and pissed. It didn’t start itself obviously but they got nowhere. Fast.

  Couple the late nights with a bunch of stress, not enough sleep, and still feeling off with Campbell meant she was short with him.

  A lot.

  Then the crews finally left. The last of the new paint in the back was going to dry overnight and then they could finally open the next morning.

  Thank God.

  Campbell bounced Starling up and down, humming to her to get her to fall asleep. They were trying to get her down for a nap so they could get some last-minute things done before they took off.

  Natalie stood in the break room, fixing a bottle, when the door chime went off out front.

  “The clinic is temporarily closed. It will be back up and operational tomorrow. Can I help you?” Campbell asked whoever it was and he already sounded annoyed.

  “We’ve come to see Natalie. Please tell her we’re here.”

  Natalie’s stomach dropped to her shoes and she kind of half wandered out to the front.

  “May I tell her who’s decided to stop by?” The annoyance in his tone was clear and she wanted to laugh.

  But she couldn’t since she wanted to be sick. “No need, Campbell. These are my parents.”

  He nodd
ed at her. “I figured as much.”

  Of course he knew who they were. Didn’t take two seconds to find images of them all over the internet.

  Natalie’s hackles raised from the moment she stepped into the room.

  The look of derisive displeasure on her father’s face at Campbell’s presence annoyed her. The look of disapproval when her mother looked at Starling set her off.

  “What can I do for both of you, since I’m certain this isn’t a social call?”

  “We just heard some arsonist was taking out some kind of vendetta on you. Can’t we be worried about our only daughter?” Her father feigned insult. Her mother feigned hurt.

  “No, actually you can’t. If you’ll excuse us, we need to get our daughter,” yes she enunciated that part, “down for a nap so we can get finished and get out of here for the night.” As soon as she was close enough, Campbell wrapped an arm around her and stood up to her parents. Damn it felt good, but the last thing she wanted was him to have to deal with them.

  Starling thankfully let out a cry then and he bounced her again.

  “Let’s not throw her off schedule just because her grandparents want to be inconvenient.” She shook up the bottle one more time. She’d thankfully grabbed it from the break room and handed it to Campbell. “Why don’t you see if you can get her down? I’ll only be a minute and then we can get cleaned up.” Yep, she glared at her parents.

  “You sure?” That was all he asked.

  She loved that he asked, and she knew whatever she answered he would be okay with. He trusted her to be honest, which she absolutely was. The dynamic between them wasn’t one that anything he said was law and she had no say. The connection between them was a two-way street she didn’t know could even exist in kink.

  “Positive.”

  He took the bottle, kissed her, and then glared at her parents on the way out of the front reception area.

  “I tried to tell you this was a bad idea,” her mother sniffed as soon as they were alone, her nose going up a couple degrees.