by Ivy Jordan
“So, your last day,” Allison said. “At least you’re ending it off with a bang.”
I laughed. “Literally. When do the fireworks start?” The moment I said that, we heard a small one go off in the distance. “Wow, already?”
“Oh yeah, they start early here, and they’re going to be going all evening. I think they get more and more extravagant as the night goes on.”
“Well, I’m glad I chose this as my last night here. It’s a good way to end things.”
“Have you had a good time? I can’t believe it’s been a month. Time went so fast.”
“I know. It was a very quick month. And yes, I’ve had a great time. It was nice to get involved more this time and not to just come as a visitor. It’s going to be kind of weird going back. Although I’m sure I’ll settle in easily again. It’s always a bit strange when you come back from a holiday.”
Allison chuckled. “Not that you’ve had much of a holiday. You’ve been working so much. It was good to have you here with the group. A big help. And it gave me a chance to take a bit more of a back seat. I liked concentrating on the food.”
“Oh trust me, Allison, everyone liked that you concentrated on the food. Even me. You’re an amazing chef.”
She grinned. “Thank you for saying that. Speaking of, I need to finish off some of the food in the kitchen. I’ll bring out some more lemonade when I’m done.”
“Can I help you with anything?” I asked.
“No way. You can sit and relax for a change.”
“Thanks, Allison.”
And she left, another firework went off in the distance.
“Ah, I’m actually going to miss this,” I said to Mike. I expected him to say that he was going to miss me too but when I turned to look at him, I saw that he was grimacing.
I frowned. “Uh, what’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “You know, Travis, I really expected more from you. I know I don’t always show it but I really do look up to you. You’ve always gone after your dreams and there is something to be said for that. But I’m not so sure anymore. In fact, I think you’re a coward.”
“What? What are you talking about?” I couldn’t believe his sudden change of tone with me. What the hell had I done wrong now?
“A coward,” he mumbled again.
“A coward? Why? Because I don’t live here anymore? You’re the one that just told me that you’re proud of me for going after my dreams. So why has that suddenly changed? Anyway, I’ve already agreed to come out more than once a year to help out. So what else am I supposed to do to get you to stop thinking badly of me? I thought the two of us had finally made amends. I had a great time with you here and I honestly believed that you had a good time with me too. Clearly I was mistaken.”
He sighed. “I had a great time with you, but it has nothing to do with you going back to the city. I’m fine with that, and I really am proud of you. You really have to believe me, Travis. I’m not angry at you for leaving this place. I know you love it but I know you had a different path to take.”
“So what’s your problem then? Why are you calling me a coward if you’re so proud of me?”
“It’s got nothing to do with your career choices. My problem is that you finally met the woman of your dreams and you just let her go. You’ve been moping around ever since she left. And don’t tell me that you offered to help me on the ranch because you wanted to. I know that you only did that so that you could keep yourself busy. I know that all you’re doing is trying desperately not to think about her. If you think you’re fooling us then you’re wrong.”
I could feel the heat rising to my face. “Harper? What has that got to do with anything? Anyway, you know very well that Harper and I wouldn’t work. We’re too different.”
“Uh, how exactly are you different? You’re so similar. She’s from New York City, you’re in Washington. She would fit into your high-powered big city life perfectly. What’s the problem? I don’t get it. I know it would be a bit of a distance problem but it’s not the end of the world. You’re hopping from city to city for work often anyway. If you really wanted to you could make it work. I don’t see why it has to be such a big deal. It’s pretty obvious that you’re in love with the girl. And I think she’s in love with you too.”
I looked down and sighed. “Well… uh… Harper sort of thinks I live here.”
“Here? What do you mean?”
“I never told her where I was from or what I did for a living. She just assumed that I was from here and I just went along with it. I mean… I didn’t lie to her… I just… well, I just omitted the truth. That’s all.”
“That’s a lie.”
“I guess. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I think Harper was just after me because she liked that I was this cowboy out here living his dream. I don’t think she ever wanted it to be anything more. Anyway, she fell for me as a cowboy, so who knows what she would really think about me if she knew the truth. Maybe she would never have gone for me at all. She might be in love with me, but she’s not in love with the real me. She’s in love with this idea she has of me.”
Mike groaned. “Are you kidding me? I cannot believe I’m hearing this. So, let me get this straight. You’ve spent so much time in the past few years trying to define yourself as anything except a cowboy. And now, just when this real identity might help you, you’ve run the opposite way. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to have met a woman like that? And you’ve just gone and thrown it all away because you’re worried she might not like the real you. Do you even know who the real you is anymore?”
I gulped. “Uh… I don’t know, Mike. I thought I did.”
“Well better you figure it out, because it sounds to me like you have no idea what you want or who you want to be. When, truthfully, all the answers are clearly in front of you.”
“It’s easy for you to say. Things were easier for you.”
He laughed. “You really think so? If you really believe that you clearly don’t know me well at all. God dammit, Travis, I had to work damn hard to get Alison. And I’m still working hard. We love each other so much but it doesn’t mean that everything is easy. If you’re not prepared to work for something then you don’t deserve it at all.”
I was just about to say something else when Allison walked in with a tray of snacks and lemonade for us. We both changed the subject. It was my last night here and I didn’t want to end things off on a bad note. I knew that Mike wasn’t being horrible to me. He was just looking out for me as a brother and a friend. I hated how right he was too. Had I really just ruined the one good thing I had going? Was it too late to get Harper back? Why hadn’t I gotten Harper’s number? Why had I been such an idiot? The fireworks were getting louder now and I was glad to have something else to concentrate on.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Harper
A month had already passed since leaving the ranch. I thought it would be easy to integrate myself back into my old life, but it had actually been a lot harder than I thought it would be. Thankfully work had been keeping me busy. I was just finishing up on a presentation to my boss about a new perfume company. I’d decided on a very romantic theme even though I knew it would only appeal to a select demographic. I was relieved when my boss was happy with the idea. Once the meeting was over, I stared at the slideshow I had created for the presentation. The romantic theme had only made me think of Travis more. I was so lost in thought that I jumped when I heard my phone ring. It was a number I didn’t recognize and for a brief second I thought it might be Travis.
“Hello?”
“Harper?”
“Speaking.” The voice on the other end was not Travis but it was still very familiar. “Who is this?”
“Harper! It’s Barry!”
I laughed. “Barry. Oh, it’s so good to hear your voice. I’ve been meaning to call you. Have you made the big move yet?”
“We arrived a few days ago, and you were right. I love this place. Any chance you’re
free for dinner tonight?”
I grinned. “Actually, I was going to meet Jillian and Thomas tonight anyway. I’ll call the restaurant and ask them to make the booking for five instead of three.”
“Wonderful! Oh this is so exciting. Will you please send me the address and the time?”
“I sure will.”
I wasn’t sure how happy I was about the change of plans. I was very happy to see Barry and Priscilla, but I was also worried that it was going to bring all the memories of Travis back. Memories I was trying hard not to think about.
That evening, I made my way to the restaurant and found Jillian and Thomas already there. It was nice to see the two of them together, and to see Jillian so happy. She’d been begging me all week to let me set her up with someone but I insisted that I wasn’t ready for it. I greeted them both and took a seat.
“I’m not sure why they put us at a bigger table. Apparently the booking was changed but I don’t know anything about it.”
I grinned. “I made the change.”
Jillian’s eyes widened. “Did you invite a guy? A date?”
I shook my head. “No. No. I told you I’m not ready for that. But I do have a surprise for you. Oh, here they are.”
Jillian turned around and gasped. She got up and jumped up and down with excitement at the sight of Barry and his wife. She introduced them to Thomas and then told Jillian about the surprise we’d been planning.
“So you actually live in NYC now?”
“We sure do!” Priscilla exclaimed. “And we knew we just had to see you again.”
Jillian smiled. “I can’t tell you how good it is to see you,” she said and then she told Thomas all about how much they had saved her skin while she was there. “I’m not sure I could’ve done it without them. Barry was a huge help when it came to the horses.”
“And let me tell you,” Barry said. “This girl could not stop thinking about you.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about her too,” Thomas admitted.
We spent some time catching up and telling Barry and Priscilla all about the area, what they should do and where they should go. It was a fun evening and I was now glad that they had called me. Until Barry turned to me with a grin.
“And how about you? Have you kept in touch with Travis? Don’t tell me that there was nothing going on between the two of you because it was pretty obvious to all of us.”
I sighed. “I guess all good things come to an end.”
“Did you make plans to see each other again?”
I shook my head. “No. We left without even exchanging numbers. I guess… oh I guess our worlds were just too different. It seemed pointless to stay in touch.”
“No way,” Priscilla said. “Two people with a connection as strong as yours? There’s no way you should part ways. Even if you can’t be together it doesn’t mean that you can’t stay in touch. That would be such a shame to waste. And who knows, maybe one day you can find a way to get together. You’ve got to at least try and make it work, even if that means just staying friends with him. I know that I would much rather be friends with Barry and talk to him all the time than not see him ever again. I know it’s not ideal, but it would be such a shame.”
“But I don’t even have his number,” I said and then realized how silly it sounded. “I mean, I guess I could just call the ranch. And I have been meaning to call Allison anyway.”
Priscilla grinned. “I think you should.”
I looked at Jillian. “What do you think I should do?”
Jillian squeezed Thomas’s hand before answering. “I think love always finds a way. I agree with them. I think you should at least call him. What have you got to lose?”
I went to bed that night thinking about whether or not I was going to call him. I figured I’d sleep on it and decide in the morning. The moment I woke up I saw that there was a message waiting for me from Priscilla and one from Jillian, both telling me that I should call him. I laughed. I wondered if they had planned to both send me those messages at the same time. I wouldn’t be surprised.
I made myself a cup of coffee and then pulled my laptop onto the bed with me. I looked up the dude ranch and found the number. Then, with shaking hands, I finally got my phone and called. I panicked and hung up, then took a few deep breaths and tried again.
“Hello, Allison speaking.”
I smiled at the sound of her voice. Just hearing it transported me back to the ranch. I was surprised at how much I wanted to be back there. “Allison. Hey, it’s Harper. Is this a good time to talk?”
“Oh my god! Harper! It’s so good to hear from you. Yes this is a perfect time to talk. How are you?”
“I’m good. It’s good to hear your voice again. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get in touch. It’s been busy here, readjusting to life and just getting back into the swing of things at work. Time has just gone so fast. But I’ve been thinking of you often. How are you doing?”
“Ah, same as usual here. We miss you.”
“How’s Thunder?”
“Thunder misses you too. I’ve made sure to give him extra kisses every day.”
I smiled. I had taken a picture of Thunder which I’d now printed. It was stuck on my computer at work and I looked at it every day. Never in a million years did I think that I would have a picture of a horse up at work. One of my work colleagues had seen it and had looked at me as if I’d lost the plot a bit. I didn’t blame them. It seemed very unlike me. At least, it wasn’t the sort of thing I would’ve done before the ranch experience. “Thank you. I will never forget that horse. Uh, Allison, is Travis there? I don’t have his number so I figured I’d call you instead.”
“Travis? He’s not here. He left almost two weeks ago, I think. Gosh, time flies, doesn’t it? It feels like just the other day when you were all here. Soon enough we’re going to be getting ready for the next group of people. Funny how life goes.”
I frowned. “What do you mean he left? Where did he go?” He hadn’t told me about any plans of going travelling, unless it was something that came up once I had gone.
“Oh, he’s back in Washington, of course. I’m surprised the two of you haven’t talked yet.”
“Washington? For how long? When do you expect him back?”
“I’m not sure. I guess he’ll be back next year. Fingers crossed he pops in to visit again soon. I know he loved it here this time around, but you never know with him. Just like you, he’s always so busy and I know how fast the months roll around. It will be Christmas before we know it.”
“I’m so confused.”
“Uh, what’s wrong?” she asked.
“But why is he only coming back next year? What is he doing in Washington?”
“Okay, now I’m the one that’s confused,” she said. “He’s in Washington because he lives there.”
“What?”
“He lives in Washington. You know that, don’t you? He was only here for a month to visit. It just happened to coincide with when your group was here. Which was lucky for me. I was glad for the help. Wait… didn’t you know that?”
What the hell? Travis lived in Washington? “No. I… I thought he lived there with you. I thought he was a rancher just like Mike. I mean, I know he didn’t have much in his room, but he said that wasn’t his house. He said he was just staying with you for a while, but I just assumed he lived nearby still. I….” I felt like such an idiot.
“Oh, goodness no. Wow, I thought you knew this. Travis is a city boy, through and through.”
“He is? What on earth does he do then, if he doesn’t work on the ranch?” I asked. It was strange to think of him in another role.
“He’s actually a political science professor and think tank fellow. He was raised on the ranch with Mike but he moved to the city to pursue his dreams. He loves it here, but not to live. I don’t understand though… I thought you knew all this. What made you think he lived here?”
“Well… he never told me about this work. Not once.”<
br />
“Did you ever ask?”
I shook my head. “No. But… I just assumed. I mean, why didn’t he just come right out and tell me?”
“I have no idea,” Allison admitted. “Maybe he thought you were only interested in him because you thought he was a cowboy? Maybe he was too scared to tell you? It could be a million things. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”
“This is a lot to take in,” I said. “So… you stay that he works at a university in Washington?”
I listened as Allison told me all about the university and the think tank that Travis worked at. I tried not to show her how upset I was, but when I put down the phone, I burst out crying. I wasn’t sure if I was angry at myself or angry at him. I wished he had told me, but I also wished that I hadn’t made such a big deal about it only being a holiday fling. Would all this have been different if we’d only been honest with one another? I wasn’t sure who was at fault with the situation. All I knew was that we were more similar than we realized. Two people who were still trying to find ourselves in this big world. Two people who were so scared of getting hurt that they didn’t allow anyone to get too close to them. I still wished he had told me about his life, but I knew now that I had to find a way to see him. I had to know if this was something worth fighting for.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Travis
It took me a while to settle. Thankfully I had my work to keep my mind off things, and I had a book that wasn’t going to write itself. I sat at my office now, researching and writing down notes. I was pleased that things were finally coming together for me. I’d done a little while I was at the ranch, but not enough. Definitely not enough. Perhaps it was because I was back to familiar surroundings again, but I found myself finally able to come up with some ideas. I still wasn’t as focused as I had been before the holiday, but I was getting there.
Every now and again I would feel myself drifting off, and instead of working an image of Harper would float in front of me. Or sometimes little things would set me off. Words, smells, sounds. Anything could trigger an emotion or a memory of her. This had never happened to me before. I’d had plenty girlfriends in the past, but once the relationship was over, I simply stopped thinking about them. But Harper never strayed far from my mind. It was like she had set up camp inside my mind and I knew it was going to take a long time to stop thinking about her.
