Cowboy Professor_A Western Romance Love Story

by Ivy Jordan

  “I’m sorry for showing up at your job,” I said. “But you wouldn’t answer the phone, and I have to talk to you.”

  “It’s been off,” she said.

  I raised an eyebrow. If she didn’t want to talk, I could walk away.

  “Sorry.” She sat down in her chair. “By all means.”

  I sat down on the couch, like I had when we had our therapy sessions. I looked across the room at her and tried not to internalize the look she gave me.

  “I didn’t do anything with Stacy,” I said. “She told me she had nowhere to go, so I let her stay at my house. I told her she could sleep on the couch. She came into my room while I was sleeping and took those photos, or maybe she photoshopped them. I’m not sure. But I didn’t do drugs; I didn’t have sex with her; I didn’t do anything.”

  Quinn’s jaw tightened, and she looked down.

  “And I’m sorry that it happened. I shouldn’t have talked to her at all. I should have known better than to let her into the house,” I said. “I knew she was trouble and I trusted her not to act up. I was going to tell you about it, but you didn’t pick up your phone. And then you called me while I was at the hardware store with Pete, and then you wouldn’t pick up your phone. You wouldn’t let me explain myself. So I’m sorry that it happened, Quinn, I really am, but I don’t know what exactly you want me to do when you won’t even hear me out.”

  She frowned and clicked her pen. “I know,” she said. “It was shitty of me not to answer. I… I should have. At least I should have heard you out.”

  I sighed. “I was just worried. And the nightmares are coming back, and I don’t know what to do about those.”

  Quinn clicked her pen again. “I believe you,” she said. I noticed for the first time the dark circles under her eyes, setting careful bruises against her cheeks. I hated to think that this had caused her so much discomfort, and I hated even more that there was still irritation in my gut about the entire situation. I wanted more than anything to forgive and forget, but perhaps that would be easier now that she was telling me what I’d needed to hear.

  “Thank you,” I said. “Thank you, I… I was wondering if we could do therapy again. Because of the nightmares.”

  “I can’t,” Quinn said.

  I raised my eyebrow at her.

  “It’s a crime,” she said. “Or at least I’ll get my license revoked. It’s called sexual misconduct. Even if we’re both consenting, it’s not something I’m supposed to be up to. I can refer you to someone else, though, and of course I’ll talk to you outside of therapy. I just can’t have you as an official patient.”

  “Okay. Then we’ll talk outside of here,” I said. “If you want.”

  She swallowed again and glanced up at the clock over the door. “I don’t know how much good it will do, Sawyer.”

  Why couldn’t she just accept this and move on? I didn’t understand her insistence on making this situation as painful and ridiculous as possible. I did my best to curb my irritation and merely tilted my head slightly. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you said you’re having nightmares again. We’ve resolved the issues with your father, so that can’t be it. I would imagine that this is about what happened overseas, but you won’t talk to me about that.”

  I clenched my jaw despite my intention to remain calm. “I told you, I’m not ready.”

  “That’s fine,” she said. Her tone began to take on something a little snappier, and I grew irritated that she felt she had the right to get irritated. She was the one who refused to let this be over! I was trying to do what I could to smooth things over, and she didn’t seem to want things smoothed over. Did she want me to leave? Did she want to leave me?

  Maybe she had left me. Maybe she’d intended to, and I’d just shown up and shattered that opportunity. But dammit, I wouldn’t have had any way of knowing because she wouldn’t talk to me.

  “But if you’re not going to talk to me about it, then it’s never going to get better.” Quinn folded her arms in a flatly defensive stance.

  “You can’t teach me how to regulate panic attacks, refer me to good sleeping medicine, none of that? Just either I tell you what happened or you’re going to refuse to talk to me?” I asked. “You’ve already made up your mind about what I need? Why don’t you listen to what I’m telling you I need?”

  “Because you think you can go the rest of your life without telling anyone what happened over there and still expect everyone to walk on eggshells around you. It’s not fair to expect me to just attempt to work around this enormous hole.” Quinn was flatly snapping now, her tone harsh and cutting.

  I stood up. I didn’t need to listen to this. I didn’t deserve to listen to this. It wasn’t like I was keeping some juvenile secret. Therapists, and people in general, were supposed to be understanding when a person didn’t want to open up right away. I was asking for an iota of patience with the issue, I was trusting her with my deepest concerns, and she was getting pissy and refusing to deal with me.

  I didn’t have to listen to it. I walked out of her office, ignoring when she called something out to me, and drove away.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  QUINN

  As soon as Sawyer started to storm off, I knew I’d gone too far. I’d known in my gut that in this situation, I was the one who needed to be apologizing. I just didn’t know how to handle any of this, and I’d not expected him to show up where I worked and pester me. It was a relief I hadn’t had a patient in at the time.

  Just as I decided to go home and think about the situation, I got a call from my aunt and uncle.

  “Hey, Quinn! We were just trying out the grill and makin’ some fajitas and we were wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming over? It’s been an awful long time since we’ve talked to you.” Janet sounded happy as could be.

  I had no reason to turn them down, but I also couldn’t stomach talking to Stacy’s parents. I shook my head and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, sure, I’ll, um, I’ll be right over.”

  “Are you alright? You sound distracted.”

  “I’m just fine. I’ll see you in a bit.” I hung up and got in my car. Maybe I’d never get another minute of rest to think about this situation.

  When I got to Janet and Jesse’s house, the smell of grilled beef hung heavy in the air. Behind the house, smoke plumed off into the sky, perfuming the whole block with a tempting aroma. I watched it go up into the pinkening sky and took my time walking up the short steps to their house.

  “Quinn!” Jesse answered the door and beamed. His smile faltered, and he said, “I have to admit, we called you over to talk to you about Stacy.”

  Once we’d gotten seated to eat, Jesse explained their situation.

  “Sawyer was by the other day,” he said. “He was asking if Stacy was here, because apparently she told him that she was homeless.”

  Another affirmation that Sawyer wasn’t lying, and I’d been the asshole for assuming he’d done something wrong. I nodded and took a sip of my drink, for some reason pretending I had any idea what was going on outside of the mistakes I’d made.

  “We were just wondering, dear, if you had any idea what was going on,” Janet said. She folded her hand together on the table and furrowed her brow. I could tell that she was trying to keep herself from looking as concerned as she really was, and I felt guilty for not getting in touch with them sooner.

  “I… It’s kind of a long story,” I said. “Basically what happened is when I went out of town last weekend for my conference, Stacy went up to Sawyer and told him that she was homeless and didn’t have anywhere to sleep. He felt bad and let her sleep on his couch for one night, and then she took a bunch of photos to make it look like Sawyer had been up to some bad stuff.”

  It occurred to me then that I hadn’t gotten in touch with Stacy since finding out that she’d lied to me. I wondered if I would hear from her, or what I might say.

  “Anyway, Sawyer and I fought, and we’re… we’re working on it. He’s pretty
mad at me for buying anything she told me, and I’m pretty mad at myself for it, too. I handled the whole thing awfully.” I shook my head. “I don’t know where Stacy is now. I haven’t heard from her since two days ago when she gave me the photos.”

  Jesse shook his head. “I told you, Janet, there’s no sense in calling the police if the girl doesn’t want to be found.”

  “I thought maybe she…” Janet shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Quinn. You know she was so bad for Sawyer, and Sawyer’s done so much to move past that. He really has.”

  “I know,” I said. “You don’t have to convince me. He’s done everything to move on.”

  “And she won’t,” Jesse muttered. “And that’s not your fault or Sawyer’s, and you shouldn’t be suffering the consequences of it. Sawyer deserves someone who can keep their head on their shoulders, at least for a few weeks at a time.”

  I offered him a small smile, and Janet stiffened, presumablyy battling with the concept of that their daughter was worth the world and also knowing that their daughter was a terrible person.

  “I don’t want to get her in any kind of trouble,” I emphasized. “I really want to leave this all behind us.”

  “That’s perfectly fine with us,” Janet said. “But what about you? What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to try to make things right with Sawyer,” I said. “If I can. If that’s even still possible. I don’t know anymore.”

  “It most certainly is,” Jesse insisted. “Sawyer’s nothing if not reasonable. I think if you talk to him and reason through it, there’s no reason why you can’t have a cordial understanding.”

  “Well, how would you recommend going about that? Because I tried to talk to him, and I made it much worse.” I didn’t know if I’d made it much worse, but I’d certainly made it less pleasant, and as it stood, I owed him about six hundred apologies.

  “You should talk to him, for one,” Jesse said. “And hear what he has to say. Don’t tell him what you think, don’t interject, just hear him out. And then put some genuine thought into what he says and make your apologies count.”

  I sighed. “I do make my apologies count.”

  “You’re also a bit presumptuous, dear.” Janet smiled at me apologetically. “You’re very, very smart, but with that comes a little bit of presumptuousness. You don’t have any way of knowing what he has to say or what’s going on unless he tells you. Everything else is an assumption, and you’d do well not to act based on those.”

  It was really the same thing that Babs had told me earlier. I needed to talk to Sawyer before I went around making decisions and accusations about situations I didn’t even fully understand, only because I’d seen cases similar.

  “So I should call him?” I asked.

  “Well, he might not answer,” Jesse warned. “Especially if he’s irritated. You might want to go over to his house and talk to him.”

  “Isn’t that creepy?” I frowned.

  “Maybe a little,” Janet said, offering a raised eyebrow of caution to her husband.

  “It might sound a little extreme,” Jesse said. “But Sawyer doesn’t pick up on subtleties. And it’s not like he’s dangerous. If you go over and he doesn’t want to talk, then you can go home. But you need to be there where it’s harder for him to turn you away.”

  “You think I have to win him back at all costs, huh?” I asked.

  “Do what’s best for you,” Jesse said. “I don’t want to tell you how to live your life. But I think that as much as Sawyer needs you, you need him, too. You just might not know that yet.”

  I considered this. I didn’t like to think I needed anybody, but I was also learning that I knew drastically less about myself than I thought I did. I finished dinner and thanked Janet and Jesse for their advice and their forgiveness. I never understood how they could be so consistently forgiving and kind.

  I went out to my car and dialed Sawyer’s number. He didn’t pick up. I dialed him again.

  When I got no answer the second time, I sat back in my seat and wondered if there was any point in trying to revive this relationship. It seemed like the easiest thing to do was to leave it. Like before, when I’d been happy to walk away.

  But then I thought of how Sawyer had come to my work, insisting that I hear him out. He still cared, in his own way, that our relationship stayed alive. He still wanted us to work. And I knew that I did, too. The thought of dating someone else made my gut turn, and I had grown attached to Sawyer, whether or not I liked it.

  I decided that I would go to Sawyer’s house the next day. It was getting late, and I didn’t want to wake him up if he was asleep, nor did I want to get into an argument with both of us tired and stressed. I could go and talk to him the next day, and if he told me no, then at least I could go home and move past all of this.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  SAWYER

  Pete ended up buying a new tarp for his vegetable garden instead of actually getting a roof. At the hardware store, he’d purchased an assortment of new pots and plants to put in the ground. I spend a good chunk of the day helping him get some lemon trees in the ground and trying to talk him out of putting apple trees in as well.

  “It’s too hot to plant apples here,” I told him. I leaned against my shovel and pushed sweat off my brow. “They’ll be dead in a week.”

  “I can keep the sun off ‘em,” Pete insisted.

  And we went back and forth for a while before I conceded, because if Pete wanted to try to plant apples, I didn’t want to stop him. We planted some more, and when it was about time for me to go, I returned the shovel and hoe to the shed.

  “You headed to Quinn’s after this?” Pete asked.

  I closed the door to the shed. “No. Why would I be?”

  “I thought you had some making up to do with her.”

  “Nope.” I took off my cap and winced at how sweaty I felt. I needed a quick shower. “I think I’ll head home and get a shower.”

  “You’re going to have to talk to her eventually.”

  “I tried.” I shook my head. “And it didn’t go so well. She seems to have already moved on. I probably ought to do the same.”

  “Oh, I think that’s horseshit,” Pete protested. “I think you need to be happy. Being without Quinn, that just won’t make you happy.”

  “I can find my own happiness.”

  “You won’t, though.” Pete pushed his cap back. “Just give it some thought, yeah?”

  “I thought you were all for me not getting in a relationship. You said you didn’t care for the thought,” I reminded him.

  “Yes,” he said. “But you have since informed me that I won’t be abandoned when you get married. Besides, I like Quinn. She’s friendly.”

  I sighed and shook my head. “You’re going to hound me about this until I talk to her, aren’t you?”

  “Something like that.”

  I nodded. “Alright. I’ll think about it. I’ll think about it, Pete, but don’t get your hopes up.”

  “No sweat.”

  I went off on my way to drive home. As soon as I got in the house, I bolted for the shower and cleaned up a little. The increasing heat meant that the outdoor labor got just a little grosser, not that I minded. Nothing could measure up to the unfathomable desert heat I’d lived in for over five years.

  I got out of the shower and put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, making my way to the kitchen to fix something to eat. As I started to go through the refrigerator, I heard a knock at the door. Worried it might be Stacy, I was cautious in opening it, like that might prevent it from being her at all.

  It wasn’t Stacy, though. It was Quinn, and she didn’t look angry.

  “Oh, good. You’re home.” Quinn rubbed her arm and offered a smile.

  All at once, I dearly missed when everything had been calm between us. I missed being able to talk to her being able to hold her. It had been my one piece of familiarity in this strange new world I’d come home to.

&nbs
p; “Yeah,” I said. I opened the door a little wider. “Here, come in.”

  Quinn walked in and stood until I motioned for her to sit on the couch. She did, and I sat on the chair across from her.

  “I wanted to apologize,” she said. “About everything. I got so… I got so scared of how well things were going that I sort of froze up. It was easier for me to accept that you were a bad guy then sort through the emotional complication and, I don’t know, my friend thinks I’m afraid of commitment, which might be a little true, and it’s…” she cleared her throat. “I came here to hear you out because I did a pretty shit job of that last time we talked.”

  I didn’t fully understand what she meant when she said that she was afraid of commitment, but it would make some sense. I didn’t care to a large extent. Whatever the case may be, I just wanted everything back to normal, and I could nod my head along with whatever she needed me to in order to achieve that normalcy again.

  “There isn’t much for me to say,” I said. “I… I’m sorry about what’s happened with Stacy, but I guess we know that’s not the real issue here. I guess we can’t make any real progress unless I come clean about what happened overseas.”

  “Well, I don’t… I don’t want to pressure you.” Quinn frowned. “If you want to tell me, you can tell me, but if you don’t, that’s okay.”

  I frowned. “The way I see it, I can’t come clean unless I tell you. It’s not fair for me to keep expecting you to be patient if I don’t give you something to work with.”

  “I’m not your therapist,” Quinn reminded me. “You’re not obligated to share this with me.”

  “But I want to,” I said. “I want to.” I wanted to prove to her that I trusted her and the best way to do that was to trust her with the one thing she knew I couldn’t tell anyone about. If nothing else, it would prove I trusted her, and maybe through that trust, she could begin to glimpse how much I cared about her. It was the only card I had left to play, and she needed to see me play it.