Moonshade (Vampire Conclave: Book 1)

by S. J. West

  “I would like that,” I say. “When can you come back?”

  “How about Saturday? I have to work tomorrow and Friday, but I’m free this weekend.”

  “That sounds good. I’m not sure what we’ll do yet, but I’m sure I can think of something.”

  “Great,” Gage stands from his chair. “I should probably be getting back home. I have to be in early to work tomorrow.”

  I stand and lead Gage to the front door.

  “Thank you for a wonderful time this evening.” He leans in and gives me a light kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

  After he leaves, I concentrate on my connection with Julian to pinpoint his precise location.

  I walk back out onto the patio and take my shoes off to make it easier to walk across the back lawn to the edge of the woods. I find Julian sitting on a fallen tree truck, waiting for me.

  “Did you have a good time?” he asks as I approach.

  I’m not sure what comes over me. I’m usually not a violent person, but the moment I see Julian an intense rage takes possession of my body. I slap him as hard as I can across the face. I must have tapped into my super-strength because I hit him so hard he has to catch himself with a hand on the tree trunk to prevent himself from falling off.

  “What the hell was that supposed to be, Julian?” I demand hotly. “Your subtle way of telling me you don’t care about me? I don’t need you to be my pimp! Or were you hoping Gage could make me forget that I love you?”

  Julian lifts his hand to his jaw, testing to make sure it still works.

  “You need to let go of your foolish romantic fantasies about me, Sarah. We can’t have that sort of relationship. I thought I made myself clear on that point last night.”

  “Crystal,” I say, unable to hide my irritation. “You know, I don’t see how someone who has lived for four hundred years can be such a coward.”

  “I am not a coward.” Julian’s dark tone tells me I’ve hit a nerve, and I’m not about to let up on it. In fact, I’m about to yank it until it hurts.

  “Yes, you are! You’re a coward because you can’t face the fact you have feelings for me. What kind of man sets up the person he wants with another man?”

  “I am not a coward, Sarah.” He rises from the trunk, now standing only a few inches away from me. “What I did for you tonight was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done!”

  I can barely make out Julian’s expression in the moonlight, but I can hear the pain in his voice clear enough.

  “Then why did you do it?” I demand, my anger slowly draining out of me. “I don’t want him. I don’t want anyone but you.”

  Julian closes his eyes. “Why are you making this so difficult? I’m trying to make sure you have a chance at something of a normal life. I want you to experience the joys of motherhood and what it feels like to be a part of a family of your own. I can’t give that to you, Sarah. I can’t father your children. I’m not someone who can grow old with you. I’m trying to do what’s best for you. Can’t you see that?”

  I stretch out my hand and place it over his heart. “I know what’s best for me. I just wish you knew it, too.”

  Julian opens his eyes and looks down at me.

  I take a chance and slowly grab a fist full of his shirt with the hand I have on his chest. He doesn’t try to fight me as I bring his head down to mine. When our lips touch, the floodgate Julian is using to hold back his emotions for me bursts wide open. He kisses me like a man no longer listening to what his mind is telling him but giving into where his heart is leading him.

  I feel his hands travel down my back and come to rest on my hips. He lifts me up into the air until his hands are underneath each thigh. I do what comes naturally and wrap my legs around his waist. I feel him sit back down on the tree trunk, running his hands up the back of my dress. His fingers seem to be searching for something, and I realize he’s trying to find the zipper.

  I don’t want to break the contact between our lips to tell him how to take the dress off. I’m afraid if I do, he’ll have too much time to rethink what we’re doing. So I let go of his shirt and let the zipper at the side down myself, slipping the dress off the one shoulder holding it on.

  Julian’s hands find their way to the three hook-n-eyes holding my strapless bra on and makes quick work of unhooking them to slip the thin piece of lingerie off, tossing it onto the forest floor somewhere. I feel his hands glide across the naked skin of my back as they slowly make their way across to cup each of my breasts in a warm caress.

  “Sarah! Sarah!”

  Helen’s urgent call seems to act like a bucket of ice water on Julian. He immediately drops his hands away from my breasts and breaks the contact of our lips.

  “Sarah! Kaylee’s in the hospital asking for you! Are you out here, dear?”

  I quickly scramble off Julian’s lap, slipping my dress back onto my shoulder and hastily zipping it back up, sans bra. I don’t even wait to see if he’s following behind me. I run as quickly as I can to Helen, who is standing by the back door on the patio with a worried look on her face.

  “What’s wrong? Why is she at the hospital? She isn’t due for another couple of months,” I say in a rush of panic.

  “I don’t know, dear. Her mother just asked that you come to the hospital as soon as possible.” I see Helen’s eyes dart to Julian walking up behind me.

  I pick up the shoes I left by the door and slip them back on my feet.

  “I’ll drive you to the hospital.” Julian offers, laying a comforting hand on the small of my back.

  I nod my head, unable to think about anything except getting to Kaylee.

  On the way to the hospital, I try to call Susan, Pete, and Ben, but either their phones are shut off or they aren’t getting good reception in the hospital because I keep being sent directly to their voicemails.

  “No luck?” Julian asks when he sees me drop my phone back into my purse with a disappointed sigh.

  “No. I can’t get in touch with any of them.” I lean my head back on the headrest, trying to steady my nerves and calm my frustration.

  “Everything will be fine, Sarah. Don’t worry.”

  I shake my head. “You just don’t understand. Kaylee’s my sister. I can’t lose her, or Em.”

  “Em?”

  “Emma Louise Whitaker is the name of Kaylee’s daughter. We’ve already nicknamed her Em.”

  “I see.”

  I close my eyes, trying my best to hold back the tears I feel coming on. Julian places a comforting hand on my thigh and squeezes it reassuringly.

  “They’ll be fine, Sarah. Don’t think the worst.”

  I try to believe in what he says, but I know I won’t feel better until I see Kaylee with my own eyes.

  When we get to the hospital, the receptionist gives us directions to Kaylee’s room. She isn’t in the maternity ward, so I know she isn’t delivering Em that night. I find Susan and Pete sitting on one of those foldout couches in Kaylee’s room, watching the news on TV when we get there. Kaylee is sitting up in her bed, talking to Ben who is seated on the edge of her mattress holding her hand.

  “What’s wrong?” I immediately ask when I enter the room.

  Susan stands up and walks over to me, giving me a brief hug in greeting.

  “Kaylee fainted,” she tells me. “Her doctor says her blood pressure got too high.”

  “It was so weird,” Kaylee says as Ben leaves her side so I can take his place. “I was washing some dishes and started seeing these little black dots floating everywhere. Then I got really hot and passed out. Ben found me and called the ambulance.”

  “So what does the doctor think is wrong?” I ask.

  “He’s doing some tests to see if it’s eclampsia. If it is, he said we might need to deliver Em tonight.”

  “When will they know?”

  “Shouldn’t be too much longer. They just needed to run a few tests on my blood and urine.” Kaylee’s gaze falls to the dress I’m wearing.
“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything important?” she says with a hopeful tilt to her voice. How can she be thinking about my sex life at a time like this?

  However, I can’t prevent the rush of blood her question brings to my face.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I tell her, hoping she’ll take the hint and not ask for details in front of everyone.

  “Well, you look gorgeous,” she sighs. “While I look like a beached whale,” she half-heartedly laughs.

  “You’re the most beautiful woman I know, sweetie.” Ben leans down and kisses his wife on the cheek.

  That’s the one thing I like most about Ben. He loves Kaylee almost as much as I do.

  The doctor walks into the room a few minutes later with good news. He says Kaylee’s condition isn’t as serious as he first feared, but that she does have hypertension. So, he wants to see her twice a week for the rest of her pregnancy to keep an eye on her condition.

  “If things look like they’re getting worse, we can induce labor if we have to,” he tells us. “But right now, I see no reason why she can’t go home in the morning. Just make sure she doesn’t overexert herself in any way and that she rests as much as possible.”

  Julian and I stay for a little while longer until the nurse comes in to tell us visiting hours are over. I tell Kaylee I will come by her house the next day to make sure she’s following the doctor’s orders while Ben is at work.

  When we get back into the car and are on our way home, I let out a relieved sigh.

  “Are you all right?” Julian asks me.

  “I’m fine.”

  Now that my worry over Kaylee is over, being alone in the car with Julian is making me a bit uncomfortable. What is he thinking about? Is he regretting what almost happened in the woods between us, or is he regretting the interruption? I’m not sure which side of the fence he’s on, and I don’t have the strength to ask. My heart has been through enough for one evening. All I want to do now is curl up in my bed and go to sleep.

  Julian seems to be locked in his own little world on the drive home. I want a peek inside his head in that moment to see what tangled paths his thoughts are leading him down.

  When we pull up to his house, he brings the car to a stop on the driveway in front of the front door.

  “Why don’t you go in and go to bed? I can sense how tired you are.”

  “You didn’t get any blood last night,” I point out to him. “Don’t you need to feed tonight?”

  “It can wait,” he says. “You need your rest more. I’ll be fine. After I park the car in the garage, I’ll come inside.”

  When I reach the second floor, I see Helen just about to walk into her room. I quickly tell her what happened to Kaylee.

  “That poor thing,” Helen says with a small shake of her head. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do for her.”

  “I think she’ll be ok,” I reassure her. “If I know her husband, Kaylee won’t be lifting a finger much less doing anything that will make her faint again.”

  Unintentionally I yawn, and try to stifle it with a hand.

  “Go get some rest, dear,” Helen urges. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  All I can do is nod and turn to walk into my room. I don’t even bother to change into my pajamas. I just slip my shoes off and crawl underneath the covers. I feel Viktor jump up on my bed and curl up against my feet, but I’m so exhausted I don’t even open my eyes to look at him. Sleep takes me in its arms, dragging me down into a peaceful slumber.

  When I wake up the next morning, Viktor’s soft lean body is snuggled against the top of my head again. I reach up and begin to rub his warm belly, receiving a pleased purr of pleasure in return. The dregs of sleep are still clinging to my mind when I realize something is very wrong.

  I sit up with a start as I realize Julian isn’t in the house. He’s not even close to its vicinity. Oddly enough, I don’t feel the all-consuming loneliness I have on other occasions when Julian was physically far away. I still feel an ache in my chest and a need to be with him, but my separation anxiety is bearable. At least I don’t feel like staying huddled in my bed and sobbing my grief out into my pillow until he returns.

  I get out of bed and prepare myself to go over to Kaylee’s house. She should be returning to her home this morning, and I am determined to make sure she takes her doctor’s advice and does as little as possible until little Em is born.

  By the time I venture downstairs, I can smell the sweet aromas of pancakes and bacon wafting from the direction of the kitchen. Helen is standing by the stove, flipping a pancake over with an expert wrist, humming a happy tune to herself.

  “Where’s Julian this morning?” I ask her when I enter the kitchen.

  “He said he needed to meet Petru somewhere.” She pulls out a sealed white envelope from her apron pocket. “He asked me to give this to you.”

  Inside the envelope is a hand-written letter.

  Dear Sarah,

  Petru called me this morning to let me know Dorka’s relative is ready to speak with us. I will be back home in a few days. In the meantime, perhaps you should consider spending some more time with either Daniel or Gage. I’m sure either of them would be happy to entertain you during my absence.

  Best Regards,

  Julian

  I read the letter a second time to make sure I’m reading it correctly. Is he actually suggesting that I spend time with other men after what we almost did last night? I want to crush the letter and throw it in the trash because that’s exactly what I think of his suggestion, but I don’t. I simply fold it up and tuck it into the back pocket of my jeans.

  “Did he happen to mention to you when he would be back?” I ask Helen.

  “No, dear, I’m afraid he didn’t,” she says, sliding the pancake she just made from the skillet and onto a platter of at least twenty others.

  Apparently I don’t hide my disappointment very well, because Helen says, “I’m sure he’ll return as soon as he can. He understands how much his absence affects you.”

  “It’s not as bad this morning,” I confess as I take the platter of pancakes to the kitchen table and sit down. “At least I don’t feel like crying. That’s a definite improvement.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful to hear, dear,” Helen says with a smile. “I suppose it is about time for your connection to one another to transition into a more normal rhythm.”

  “I’m grateful it has,” I confess. “Feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest every time he left wasn’t working for me at all.”

  After I finish eating my breakfast, I tell Helen not to worry about making me lunch or dinner because I plan to spend the day with Kaylee and then stay the night at my apartment. I decide to take Viktor with me. Kaylee has always liked cats, but she can’t have one in the house since Ben is allergic to them. Actually, I’m normally allergic to cats, too, but since Viktor isn’t just a cat he must not exude the same allergens. I just hope I’m right in assuming Ben will be at work all day since it’s Friday.

  By the time I reach her house, it’s a little after nine o’clock and the Durango is missing from the driveway. With its absence I know Ben is gone, since he uses it to travel back and forth to work.

  I soon realize a day with Kaylee is exactly what I needed. We play board games like we used to when we were kids, and Kaylee gets a kick out of having Viktor visit.

  “Now, who did you say gave you the cat?”

  “Just a woman at Julian’s sister’s party.” I shrug one shoulder like it’s not a big deal, trying my best to make it sound like nothing important.

  “Why would she give you her cat?” Kaylee asks, still confused.

  “She said Viktor wanted to be with me.”

  “How would she even know that? What is she, the cat whisperer?” she asks jokingly.

  If only she knew…

  “Hey, it’s almost lunch time.” When in doubt on how to answer a question, change the subject. “What do you have in the kitchen to coo
k?”

  We rummage through Kaylee’s fridge and cabinets, quickly discovering that Kaylee has absolutely nothing edible in the house. It’s Friday and she and Ben usually do their grocery shopping on Saturday mornings. Since I’m starving, I order us some pizzas from the local pizzeria.

  While we’re waiting for the delivery guy to show up, Kaylee finally asks me the question she’s been yearning to all morning long. I knew she was waiting for me to be the first to mention Julian, but a conversation about him wasn’t something I had planned to initiate with her.

  “So… what did my little emergency interrupt last night between you and Julian? And don’t try to fool me, Sarah Marcel; I saw that blush on your cheeks last night, so don’t you dare say nothing happened. I need details, woman!”

  I smile at Kaylee’s enthusiasm over my love life, but roll my eyes at her nonetheless.

  “We made out, but that’s as far as it went.” I don’t think telling Kaylee she’s the reason things didn’t go any further is a wise decision, not in her condition.

  “Was there at least some heavy petting?” she inquires with a playful lifting of her eyebrows.

  I have no idea how to respond to that, but apparently my shocked expression and silence is enough of an answer for her.

  “I knew it,” she says smugly. “I miss the days when Ben and I would spend a whole day in bed together just touching and…”

  “Please,” I interrupt, placing my hands over my ears “for the sake of all things holy, don’t finish that thought. You’re giving me information overload here.”

  “Pfft,” Kaylee says, waving a hand in my direction like I’m the one being silly. “There’s nothing wrong with two people who love each other making love all day long. It’s one of life’s little pleasures. I’ll bet Julian will be an attentive lover. He just gives off that ‘I am man. I will take care of you’ kind of vibe.”