Psyche Shield

by Chrissie Buhr

  “If it becomes necessary, I will protect the pack even from you. If you go mad, I will end your torment. I will not let you live as one of the monsters you hate. I’ll tell your mate and friends why you made this choice. You have my word.” I heard reluctance in his voice, but he would keep his promise.

  The weight Kathryn mentioned lifted just a little. “Thank you.”

  He added his own promise, one I didn’t fully understand. “I also will not kill you unless I’m certain you’re gone. You are Pack, and I will not break that promise either.”

  * * *

  I feel about two inches tall. I told Billie after our guests left. Only Sierra remained. As a more permanent guest, she claimed one of the bedrooms and retired for the night.

  So do I. Billie admitted. I don’t know what more we can do, though.

  I don’t want to keep so much from Jason. Kato said not to trust that anything I tell the others will be safe from another Kratos. Your mind is the only one I can be certain about.

  She knew I held back information, but we hadn’t had a chance to talk yet. What did you discover?

  Between Lief and Winston, a lot. Beatrice is the most powerful, other than me. She’s the one that Kratos fear. Then there’s my uncle, Harmon, and Lief’s little brother, Emel. He didn’t know much about the fourth. According to Lief, Beatrice has Emel eating out of her hand, so I could end up facing two instead of one.

  She didn’t like the sound of that. How bad is it?

  I vented a little as it all caught up to me. It all comes down to my family. If there’s a problem, they’re probably behind it. They’re pretty much the Mage Mafia. I always wanted to know what my birth family was like. Careful what you wish for.

  She hoped I’d find something or someone good in all this. Anything about your parents?

  Winston’s memories were pretty jumbled, and I’m not sure what to make of it all. I think I saw my parents. I think he met them. Billie stopped abruptly and looked at me. I shook my head, unsure and confused about my emotions. I’m not even sure it was them.

  You said Beatrice was his original owner forty years ago, right? Gods, forty years! I can’t imagine living in that kind of nightmare. I almost did.

  It was horrible. Going through his mind was revolting. For the first time I agree with the old policy of killing any Wolf who’s collared.

  You didn’t before? Billie asked, shocked by my admission.

  It seemed very extreme and final, but I understood how important it was to Wolves. I could respect your decision about it. Now I agree with it. If a Wolf can’t be freed by someone like me, they shouldn’t have to live like that. Death is a mercy. He did a lot of things no Wolf would ever do. He made Wolves so they could be collared. Killed Wolves, Mages, and Humans. Before he lost his mind he hunted for Beatrice, tracking down Mages who tried to escape her. I stopped and took a deep breath. One of the Mages he tracked down and killed was my dad. Or at least I think it was. Some of his memories are distorted, so I don’t know for sure. He couldn’t find my mom.

  Gods, Sadie. You actually saw your dad’s death? She was appalled. I do not envy your abilities.

  I saw a lot of people die in his memories. Sifting through his mind was no picnic, and I saw only a fraction of what he experienced. I paused again, wishing I could give her what she was looking for. I saw when he bit you and Nathan.

  What do you know about it? She stilled. She’d never found her answers. I could tell her a little but not much. I hoped it would be enough to satisfy her.

  Beatrice ordered him to find a strong, spirited and beautiful woman to make Wolf. She wanted a female fighter, someone to show off. Like what Cassandra thought you were to me. He watched you for a few days to make sure you had the personality Beatrice was looking for. You did. After he bit you, he returned to Beatrice. She was going to come back to claim you, but someone contacted her and she abandoned you instead. He didn’t know why or who. By the time she made it back for you, you were gone.

  Billie shivered. I might have spent my entire Wolf life collared instead of here. That gives me the chills.

  Tell me about it. My grandmother did it to you. It makes me sick. I told her.

  Hey, love. She took my head in her hands. I love being Wolf. And you are not your grandmother.

  I smiled sadly at her. My family is doing all of this. I wonder what that makes me.

  Lucky. She said flatly. Lucky that you weren’t raised to be the same way.

  Maybe. I couldn’t tell her what I told Matthew or what Kato told me. But I needed to tell her something. I’m scared, Billie.

  Of what? She asked, concerned.

  I’m scared of what this is doing to me. I’m scared of using too much magepower and getting trapped in the void. I’m fighting it with everything I have, and I’m still scared.

  You are as you choose to be. Isn’t that what Kato told you? It can’t change you unless you let it. She insisted, but I didn’t believe it. I could choose not to use it, but I didn’t know if I could continue to use magepower and have any choice in the outcome.

  I’m going to have to face them eventually. I told her. My family will keep showing up, and one of these days it will be my grandmother that I’m fighting.

  The grandmother who killed your parents and tried to kill you. She reminded me. The grandmother who’s terrorizing two entire races.

  Exactly. She may be the second most powerful Kratos, but she has a lot more experience than me. I’m not ready. When I face her I have to be ready.

  You will be. She seemed so confident in me that I almost believed her. Come on. You’ve barely slept in days. Let’s go to bed.

  Chapter 17

  “The 10K is tomorrow morning,” I reminded Billie. “I completely forgot about it.” She’d encouraged me to enter the race, and I’d trained diligently for it for a while. But since discovering my Mage heritage, my life had turned upside down, and it didn’t even seem important anymore.

  “What are you going to do?” she asked me.

  “I’m going to go to John’s funeral and run with the Pack. I can always enter another race if I want to,” I told her without hesitation, and it pleased her. We gathered supplies for a long weekend out of town while waiting for Jason to arrive. Hopefully we’d reach Graham before the morning grew late.

  The sun, just beginning to rise, woke the world to a crisp autumn morning. It promised summer would end soon, and we could look forward to a brief period of moderate weather before it turned cold. We had almost everything in our hiking packs when I sensed Jason’s approach. “He’s coming,” I told my mate. By the time he walked in the front door, we were ready to leave.

  Jason acknowledged my presence when he entered, a friendlier greeting than usual. Nodding at the camping supplies, he asked, “Leaving early?” The rest of the Pack didn’t plan on heading to our campsite until late afternoon. A few of the Humans hadn’t even left Portland yet.

  She nodded briskly. “Assuming Graham answers his phone. We want to visit Leroy on the way up.”

  “Who’s going with you?”

  “Kathryn, Sierra, Amy. and Nathan. Hopefully Richard will join us, but I’m not holding my breath.”

  “When are you two going to kiss and make up?” he raised a single eyebrow expectantly.

  “I wish it were that easy,” she replied sadly.

  “You tried to kill him twice the first month you were here, and he didn’t have any trouble getting over that. What’s the problem?” I’d only heard about one incident and reminded myself to ask Billie later.

  “I never went after Kathryn,” she reminded him. “I never threatened his mate. This time it isn’t as easy to put it behind us.”

  “No, you went after Kathryn’s mate. She got over it.” He sounded almost paternal, more like an uncle than her Alpha. I hadn’t seen this side of their friendship before. I knew how Billie felt about him, but I’d never seen how they got there.

  “It’s different,” Billie asserted stubbornly.
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  “Why?” She didn’t answer right away so he continued. “Richard barked and growled at your mate, but he never acted on it. I gave the kill order, and Matthew tried to fulfill it. But Richard’s the one you can’t forgive?”

  “You did what you believed was best for the Pack. Matthew was following orders. It was never personal. With Richard, it’s personal,” Billie asserted, unable to let it go.

  “De-personalize it,” he suggested. “It’s over. Sadie’s Pack now.”

  “I’ll talk to him this weekend,” she promised and nodded at the phone in his pocket. “Let’s get this over with.”

  Jason punched in the number for the Montana Alpha. I’d thought a lot about what I’d tell him, but and I still twitched nervously. Graham greeted us with a warning. “We’re barely home, Jason. This better not be bad news.”

  “I said we’d call if we had any information. You’re on speakerphone. Billie and Sadie are with me, and I’m sure Sierra can hear us from upstairs.”

  “It’s just Stephen and me on our end.” He didn’t sound like he wanted to hear what we had to say.

  “Your new Wolf could be more trouble than we expected,” Jason began.

  “He’s already more trouble than we expected. Your Mage was right. The Wolf’s touched.”

  “That’s not all.” He nodded at me to explain.

  “Freeing Winston is likely to draw some unwanted attention, and not from your standard variety Mages,” I told the Montana Alpha and Beta. “I’m worried someone powerful is going to come looking for him. Your pack could be in real trouble if that happens.”

  “We’ve been handling Mages for a very long time, Sadie,” Graham’s voice lowered several notches, but his use of my name softened the delivery. Usually Wolves who didn’t like me just called me Mage. “I can protect my pack.”

  “I’m not doubting your ability. Not after seeing you in action. I’ve seen how cunning of an adversary you are, and that makes me feel better. But you’ve never gone up against someone like this. My packmates haven’t either. I didn’t mean to dump this in your lap, and I feel a responsibility to help if I can.”

  “How do you know we haven’t gone up against someone like this?” he challenged me.

  “You’re alive and free. The Mage I’m worried about can collar a Wolf in a matter of minutes instead of days or weeks like most of my people.”

  “A Mage like you,” he challenged.

  He’d seen what I could do, and he needed to know I could help. I took a risk, and I answered honestly. “Yeah, a Mage like me, except a total psychopath.” Jason’s eyes narrowed that I’d answered Graham after I’d ducked the same question the first five times he asked it.

  “What are you suggesting?” he asked suspiciously.

  “If anything Mage-ish starts happening, will you contact me? I can come take care of it. I owe you that much for sending trouble your way.” I’d decided to bypass his defensive Alpha solidarity by claiming an obligation instead of offering my help.

  It didn’t work. “I appreciate your integrity, Sadie, but we’ll take care of any Mage that comes around. We always have.”

  Arguing wouldn’t get me any further. It would only push him away. “If you change your mind, I’m a phone call away. At the very least, I can give you some tips from a Mage’s perspective. Increase your advantage.”

  Stephen’s voice emerged from the phone. “What’s our best defense against someone who can collar a Wolf in minutes?”

  “About ten miles at top speed,” I replied flatly. “If you can spread the Mage’s attention in too many directions to focus well, it will help. But it’s risky. Your best defense is to get the hell out of the way and give me a call.”

  “I’m grateful to have Bran back and glad to give Winston a chance to live free. But I already told you I don’t want anything to do with this. It’s not right.”

  “You shouldn’t have to,” Billie added. “That’s the advantage of having a Mage as Pack.”

  Jason elaborated. “We keep our fights on even ground, Graham. Sadie stays out of Wolf fights, and she takes point with any Mages. Equal footing. She feels an obligation to you if freeing Winston brings any Mages to your doorstep. Call one of us if you want to take advantage of it.”

  He gave a noncommittal answer. “Anything else?”

  “I have some good news too. Bran was the only collared Wolf in your Pack. He wasn’t collared long, and his mind wasn’t damaged at all.”

  “That is good news,” he replied.

  “Winston’s mind is irreparably damaged. I hope he pulls out of it, but to be honest I don’t believe it’s possible. Please be cautious. He’s capable of anything.”

  “We’re aware,” Graham assured me.

  “Thanks for the call.” Stephen said goodbye and the phone went silent.

  “I don’t know whether that went well or not,” I admitted.

  “They won’t ask a Mage for help,” Jason grunted. “I wouldn’t either in their shoes. Now get the hell out of town,” he ordered and stalked out the door.

  Billie texted the others and called to Sierra with mock sternness. “You heard your Alpha. Get your butt down here.”

  Immediately she began thumping down the stairs on her crutches, a light bag draped over one shoulder. “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

  Finding out Sierra officially joined the pack had boosted my spirits the night before. It still made me smile and I said so. “I like the way that sounds. My Alpha. Your Alpha. I’m glad we’re Pack.”

  “Me too. It’s your first full-moon run, isn’t it?”

  “It might be the first time a Mage has ever joined a pack on the full moon,” I replied. I’d wanted to join them the moment I heard about it. The full moon didn’t hold any compulsion or mystical draw to the Wolves. One night a month they came together as Pack and celebrated being Pack. Every full moon they hiked into the wilderness, Wolves and Humans together where they could be themselves without risking the outside world discovering them. This time the celebration would include a Mage.

  Amy arrived first, and Phil dropped Nathan off a few minutes later. He’d been uncollared for less than two weeks, and they still required him to stay with a stronger Wolf at all times. This excluded Amy, so she didn’t pick him up on the way. Billie met them in the driveway as Nathan stepped out of the truck.

  “I’m lifting the babysitting requirement,” Billie told the two Wolves. “You’re a free Wolf, Nathan.”

  “Woowee!” Amy whooped and tackled her mate. He lifted her easily and kissed her on the nose. We are so disappearing today. I haven’t had you all to myself since we got home from the Sawtooths. Phil listening to us is such a turn-off.” Nathan blushed in agreement.

  Phil looked like Billie handed him a birthday present. “It was no party for me either. Congratulations. Have fun. I’ll see you guys tonight.” Nathan grabbed his pack out of the back before Phil drove off.

  Richard arrived with Kathryn, surprising all of us. He stepped out of the borrowed SUV hesitantly, but I didn’t sense any antagonism from him. “I’m glad you came,” Billie embraced her friend.

  “Me too.” I didn’t approach him, but I meant it.

  We loaded our gear in the SUV and piled in. Still fatigued, I slept as we drove. Even though I still kept watch on my surroundings, I let myself relax. I needed the rest.

  We surprised Leroy by walking into his shop. His face lit up when he saw all of us together. “I wasn’t expecting you!” he exclaimed, circling the counter to greet us properly. I couldn’t sense Donna anywhere nearby, and no customers graced the store.

  “Hello, Leroy.” Kathryn embraced her nephew. “I believe you’ve met everyone except Nathan, Amy’s mate.”

  They shook hands and Leroy beamed at Sierra. “I’ve been thinking about you. You look good.”

  She smiled widely at the man. “I had to visit my favorite hunter.”

  “I thought you’d be home by now.” He leaned back against the counter, an array
of silver art shining from beneath the glass.

  “This is home now. I joined the Boise Pack,” She told him proudly.

  “Sierra’s misfortune came with an exciting revelation,” Kathryn informed her grandson but let Sierra share the news herself.

  “When you found me in the bushes and called me ’cousin’ you were more right than you knew. We discovered that Kato’s my Great-grandfather.”

  Leroy’s face tightened in confusion. “But Kato didn’t have any children.”

  “That he knew of. My Great-grandmother wasn’t able to get word to him.”

  “Well, this calls for a celebration!” he declared. “Let’s grab something to eat and head to the river.”

  “I like the sound of that,” I declared.

  He started shutting down the shop. “Your piece is done, Richard. I just finished it. Want to see it before we go?”

  “Most definitely!” Leroy conscripted Nathan’s help and they disappeared into the back of the shop. When they returned they carried a very large and delicate piece of silver art. Oval in shape and nearly four foot wide, it contained a mountain scene. A full moon hung in the sky over a small creek that cut through the trees. A pack of wolves raised their noses to the sky, howling.

  “By the Gods, Leroy. This is a masterpiece.” It took Richard’s breath away.

  Astonished by the intricate design, I looked closer. The life-like wolves almost moved in the metal. Two of them leaned close as they sang together. Delighted at my discovery, I pointed at them. “That’s Kathryn and Richard.”

  Leroy nodded, pleased that someone recognized it. “I’ve seen Grandma in her wolf form on several occasions. She helped me with the others.”

  “There’s Kato.” Billie pointed at one wolf standing behind a tree and obscured enough to hide his Ethiopian Wolf markings.

  Amy pointed. “Billie and Jason. Geez he looks fierce even made out of silver. That’s me way in the back!”