by Mardi Ballou
Dominique’s kindness and concern nearly pushed her over the line to tears again. “I’m really all right and I don’t want any more coffee.” She made another feeble attempt at a smile. “If it’s okay with you, I just want to work. That would be my best medicine. Since I look worse than I feel, I’ll hide in the back office if anyone comes in.”
Dominique waved a hand in a dismissive gesture. “Fine, of course you can stay. Don’t worry about how you look. You’re being tougher on yourself than anyone else would be, as usual. Any time you want to talk, I’m here.”
She nodded.
“How did you make out with Rafe Graywolf’s intake interview last night?”
That was it. That question was all Lilith needed to lose her tenuous hold. Unbeckoned and unwelcome, more tears filled her eyes. She hadn’t braced herself for the impact of hearing his name, though it was only logical for her friend to ask.
The flood arrived quick and hot. Even worse, Lilith found that she couldn’t bring herself to say what was going on. Heck, she couldn’t talk at all. Any time she tried, she started sobbing again. Eyes now full of worry, Dominique, took her by the arm and steered her inside her office. She handed Lilith a much-needed tissue, which she demolished in nanoseconds. Dominique got the box ready. When Lilith had calmed down enough to catch her breath, Dominique said, “Please tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I can help. Is it about Rafe? Did he do anything last night to hurt you?”
How was she supposed to answer? On the other hand, she’d better set the record straight right away. She didn’t want Dominique to think Rafe had done something hurtful—Fangly, My Dear had a zero tolerance policy for disrespectful behavior. “No, nothing like that.” She shook her head to indicate she wasn’t going to say anything more right now.
“How about I make you a cup of tea? Nice, soothing herbal tea. Then, when you’re ready, you can tell me as much or as little as feels right.”
Lilith didn’t want anything more to drink, but she also didn’t want to keep turning Dominique down. “Okay,” she whimpered.
While her friend bustled and hummed, Lilith pulled herself together. She couldn’t believe what a girly girl she’d been acting like with all the tears and sighs and shuddering. Enough. If she didn’t stop soon, she’d undo all the good Rafe’s fantastic lovemaking had accomplished for her.
Dominique brought back two cups of chamomile tea. One day real soon, Lilith would confess that she despised chamomile tea. But for now, she sipped the hot brew and let it calm her.
“Are all the tears about Rafe?” Dominique asked when they’d both taken few sips.
Lilith, who still didn’t completely trust herself not to break down, winced and nodded.
“I hate to intrude where you don’t want me, but I must know. After all, our clients trust us to screen out undesirables. If he’s done anything to hurt you, if he’s in any way a creep, tell me. I assume he didn’t assault you. There are other, less egregious ways a person can inflict damage. I don’t care if he’s alpha of the Wentworths or the freakin’ king of San Francisco, if he’s bad news, he’s out of here.”
Warmth spread through her at her friend’s generosity and concern. Too bad the situation between her and Rafe wasn’t simple. “You’re on the wrong track if you think my bizarre behavior this morning is because Rafe did anything wrong.” If only he hadn’t done so many things right. “He’s quite wonderful and he’ll be a dream match for the right person.” At least she was able to get those words past the giant lump in her throat—something she could do right.
“The bad news is, I wasn’t able to complete the interview. I apologize for that and promise I’ll never again be so unprofessional. Please, you do the interview.” She swallowed down more of the tea.
Dominique appeared surprised and confused. Lilith could understand her reaction, since conducting an intake interview was usually no big deal. “I can’t believe you’re so upset this morning because he didn’t cooperate for the intake form. He seemed macho, but I didn’t think he’d be that difficult. That’s not it, though, is it?”
Lilith put down her cup and sighed. “No.” More tears started to come and she swallowed them before she resumed. “You see, I can’t help Rafe complete the forms because…” She sniffled and scrubbed the tears away, then started again. “Because I’ve gotten personally involved with him.”
Her voice had risen into a squeak, but at least she’d gotten the hateful words out.
Dominique sat still for a moment, obviously mulling over what she’d just heard. “You and Rafe Graywolf?”
Lilith nodded. “I know it was a totally wrong, stupid thing to do. But once we were together, it was like we got caught up in something bigger than both of us.” She made a face. “Yuck, that sounds like such a cliché. I can’t believe I said it.”
Her friend shook her head. “I can’t believe you did it.”
Lilith snorted. “I know. My behavior was unprofessional and inappropriate, not at all the image for Fangly, My Dear. Ah, heck. If you want, I’ll resign.”
“Resign? Why in the world would I want that?”
“Because I, uh, got involved with a client?”
Dominique rolled her eyes. “You don’t remember when Antoine signed up as a client so he could convince me to see him again?”
“That was different.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. My concern here isn’t that you and a client got together. Goddess, I’d be thrilled if Fangly, My Dear did bring you and your soul mate together.” She waved a hand as if to sweep away Lilith’s objections.
“You would?”
“Oh, yeah. My concern is the particular client. Rafe Graywolf is about the most unavailable guy on our list. What with him being the alpha of the Wentworth pack. We know he’s looking for a mate with very specific qualities. You, my darling friend, wonderful as you are, don’t fit the required profile.”
Like any of this was news to her. “Exactly.”
Dominique hugged her. “Lilith, you’d be a fantastic life mate for any male. Heck, any one you’d pick would have to count himself one of the luckiest men in the world because you’re wonderful. That said, Rafe has constraints on him… Those have been clear from the start.”
“I know all that,” Lilith sniffled. “We both do. Unfortunately, that particular slice of reality wasn’t enough to keep us apart last night. He had me so knocked for a loop, for the first time ever, my empath skills failed me. I’ll have to talk to Mom to see what’s up about that.” She swallowed hard. “Most of all, though I knew it was wrong, I managed to shut out the voice of reason. So did he, at least for a while. But we can’t keep pushing away the real world forever.” She shook her head. “I think I’m starting to fall in love with Rafe Graywolf. Oh, Dominique, what am I going to do?”
Chapter Five
“The Treglio pack is making noises about breaking our agreements and starting up a consortium with some other packs,” the elder droned on.
The painkillers Rafe had had to resort to this morning hadn’t yet managed to quell his monster headache. If he had to listen to one more speech he might go stark-raving mad and start leaping around the room, tearing the place apart. That would sure throw the elders for a loop. An insane out-of-control spree might almost be the perfect remedy for what ailed him—if he couldn’t have what he really craved, Lilith. He’d wanted to spend the night with her, wake up with her. He so didn’t want to be at this council meeting this morning when he should be at her side, convincing her to be with him.
After Lilith had left last night, after Rafe had failed to convince her to stay, his emotions had dropped him into an overwhelming cold emptiness. He’d transformed into wolf form to run off some of his frustrations, but the expected release from his emotions hadn’t come. He’d run and howled, chased other wolves and been chased by them—everything that usually worked. Though he’d done everything he could to exhaust himself, he was still wired.
Just before dawn, he’d at last managed to fall int
o a fitful sleep. No surprise, though, he’d woken up far from rested. With her by his side, he’d have been able to sleep even without going into wolf-in-the-woods mode. Okay, so they would have spent half the night making passionate love, which brought its own kind of exhaustion. Good exhaustion. At least between bouts they might have gotten some decent rest. Then he wouldn’t have felt like warmed-over shit from the pit of hell this morning.
It was all her fault. When would those damn painkillers start to work? His head throbbed on the edge of exploding. Hell, it wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just the way things were. He needed to find and marry a life mate who could rule alongside him, the perfect alpha’s wife. Lilith was a demi-ghoul. A vegetarian, which kept her inner ghoul at bay but complicated the situation for the leader of the pack. Those were the bald facts. Nothing could alter them. Nothing could be added to or subtracted from this equation to fix their situation. End of story.
The men around the table were looking at him in expectation, as if he had some magical formula to make the Treglio pack toe the line and live up to their agreements. Hell, he didn’t blame them for looking to him for leadership—and he didn’t even blame the Treglios, who were out to take advantage of perceived weakness. Business as usual. The miracles Rafe was supposed to perform as alpha weren’t materializing—and there was no reason to expect anything to change. He’d heard the whispers. He couldn’t even run his own life, couldn’t settle with a mate. Maybe it was time for everyone to realize his becoming the pack alpha had been a huge mistake. If that happened, he and Lilith…
“What would happen if we just told the Treglios to go their own way, do whatever they think is best for them?” he asked. “What if we all agreed our previous accord is now null and void? That would just formalize the reality of the split that’s happening.”
The shocked gasps around him answered that question, but he kept pushing. “What exactly does having the Treglios allied with us accomplish? Why should we put any energy into keeping them in our orbit?”
One of the elders cleared his throat. “The Treglios may not do us any good per se, but letting people break away from our accord would hurt us.”
Murmurs of agreement.
Rafe massaged his right temple. “Can you explain?”
“It’s a fundamental principle of leadership. To remain in control of our position in the shifter community, we need to be able to count on the loyalty and support of other packs.”
“Even when those packs are pretty much running on fumes?” Rafe figured with deadwood like the Treglios, the intelligent action would be to cut them loose and let them drift. Though holding on to their dubious allegiance cost the Wentworths far more than they were gaining, convincing the elders seemed on a par with planning a trip to Saturn.
He hated to see his pack waste so much energy on minor matters when a far greater danger—the imminent arrival of the Loups-Noirs from Vancouver—loomed. “Let’s move down our agenda to more pressing concerns. We can come back to the Treglios later.”
By the time he’d heard the latest, Rafe got into gear. The renegade pack had swept through Washington and were now in northern Oregon—headed directly to them.
Time to go into battle mode and kick some Loups-Noirs butt. For the first time since he’d become pack alpha, Rafe understood in his gut why he had to lead.
***
Dominique looked up from her computer screen and frowned. Even though Lilith swore she’d given up on her impossible dream of being with Rafe, she’d been moping around the office for hours. “Try to cheer up. Despite all the obstacles to your being together, my gut and my witch’s instinct indicate you and Rafe are the real deal. We’ll just have to find a way to make this work.”
Lilith didn’t want to hear any of it. Maybe obstacles didn’t matter in a hundred cases, but she and Rafe were number one hundred one.
Dominique shook her head. “I don’t know how to convince you, but trust me. When there’s a soul-deep connection like there is with you two, obstacles tend to disappear. But first of all, you’ve got to believe.”
Lilith got teary. “You don’t know shifters like I do. I’ve studied their community dynamics. They treat ghouls with such contempt. It’s like they consider us lower than the dirt they wipe off their paws.”
“And you put up with that from any group?”
Lilith shrugged. “I suppose ghouls haven’t had the best PR.”
“You think witches have?”
Lilith couldn’t help remembering that only a short time ago, Dominique had been anti-witch, denying her connection. “You’ve never been perceived in as bad a light as ghouls.”
“Tell that to the witch hunters and all the witches burned or drowned.”
“Sorry.” Lilith grew hot with embarrassment. It wasn’t like her to be insensitive.
Her friend shrugged. “Come on. I sure as heck hope you don’t believe any of the nonsense the ignorant or the biased put out there. You know, the crap about the vampires being the nobility of the paranormal world. It’s more like they have the largest, fattest advertising budget and know how to manipulate the media. I know you can see through the hype.”
Lilith nodded. She also knew all the promotion in the world wouldn’t rehabilitate the public image of ghouls fast enough to make a difference for her and Rafe. It would take several centuries or so to rehabilitate ghouls. Maybe she could help with some PR. That would be more productive than obsessing over Rafe or passively watching him hook up with his life mate—barf. “It’s a moot point.”
“Well, I’m going to give Rafe a good talking to when we meet for his intake interview. I’m almost tempted to tell him and the pack to get lost.”
“You can’t. It’s not his fault his duty forces him…”
Dominique shook her head. “As long as we’re alive, we have choices. Sometimes, even afterward… Actually, I haven’t been able to reach Rafe this morning.”
Lilith bent over her friend’s computer screen. “I wonder what’s going on. In the background material I read something about another pack posing a danger.”
“Really? I didn’t realize there were many other packs around here. From what I understood, the Wentworths are the head of a kind of consortium, which would make Rafe the alpha in charge of all of them. Pretty rare for a young, single guy. The common practice is that they’re mated before they become alphas.”
Lilith winced at the word single. “That’s why he’s got to take his duties so seriously,” she said in a soft voice.
Of course, a leader with such responsibilities needed to have a refuge, a place to go to escape the pressures and let off steam. Rafe had hinted that taking his wolf form allowed him some of that space. Lilith knew lovemaking with the beloved of one’s heart and soul provided another crucial outlet. The way the two of them had made love the night before. Her pussy creamed and her nipples hardened at the reminder. What wouldn’t she give for even a few more moments of that intense intimacy? How she longed to touch him, to feel his touch bring her alive.
She had to stop her mind from wandering down such dangerous paths. Rafe Graywolf couldn’t be hers. Now, with Dominique unable to contact him, she had to wonder if she’d lost him as a client for Fangly, My Dear. How unfair would that be to her friend? Heck, to both of them?
“Wait, look at this. The local packs have gone to a full-moon alert.”
Lilith bent over Dominique’s computer screen and stared at the updated message flashing on the Wentworths’ home page. “What does that mean?”
“According to what they have written here, it’s the pack equivalent of preparation for a major turf war.”
Lilith gasped. “Do you have any idea what happens in pack wars?” As alpha, Rafe wouldn’t be the kind of general who issued orders from the rear. He’d be right in the midst of the worst fighting. What if Rafe was seriously wounded in battle—or worse? What if she’d never saw him again? Her stomach clenched and fear grabbed hold of h
er nerves.
Her blood coursed through her with glacial iciness. She had to go to him. Now. She had to tell him…to tell him…what? She had no idea. She’d figure it out when she was with him.
She straightened up and ran to the office door.
“Where are you going?” Dominique asked.
“I have to see Rafe before…before he leaves.”
Dominique nodded. “Of course you do. Maybe when you’re together again, you’ll be able to figure things out.”
Lilith snorted. She was leading with her heart, not her head.
***
Once they began to mobilize for battle, Rafe was amazed and impressed with how fast the suits and the old codgers sprang into action. He’d thought the lack of activity and the years of passive paper shuffling had sapped the men’s vitality. Now that they had to unite as they prepared to face the approaching enemy, Rafe sensed a new energy of purpose and animation in his pack—all for the good.
His own blood coursed through his veins at an accelerated speed. Leading his men into battle made all the crap that went with leadership worthwhile. The diplomacy and maneuvering, the politics, bored him. If he had a regret, it was that they had to move with no warning—which meant no time to contact Lilith before they left.
Maybe it was better that way. They’d be better off making a clean break, accepting that they had no future. Except that just the thought of her sped his heartbeat up even more than the coming battle, not to mention the relentless hard-on. When it came to Lilith, he turned into the randiest, rawest high school boy. The young and the horny. He was too old to act like either, but his body refused to behave.
The pack followed the guidelines Rafe’s dad had laid down for preparation for warfare. He’d been an amazing alpha. Bloody hell, Rafe missed his father, especially right now. He’d give just about anything to consult with him, even for only a few minutes, about all the questions filling his head. How to lead so all his men came back safe and whole? How to balance toughness and compassion through the challenging times ahead? As to Lilith, what would his father tell him? Follow his heart, his head, neither?
