by Mardi Ballou
She tried to sit up, but he was so all over her that she couldn’t. “I know it’s selfish not to think about your partner’s needs.”
Geez, where was she coming from with this anxiety? He’d always heard ghouls were the most selfish, self-absorbed beings in the universe, but Lilith was incredibly selfless—even generous. He rubbed his dick against her leg, which radiated shock waves of pleasure through his groin. With super self-restraint, he stroked the side of her face with his thumb. “You’re the most giving person I’ve ever met.”
She smiled at that. “I want to touch you.” She started to reach her hand down in the direction of his cock.
Too much. He’d reached the end of his self-restraint. With a groan that was half howl, he swung them both around so she was straddling him. Looking up at her beautiful face, Rafe felt his heart go into a funny hammering rhythm. “Baby, I want you to touch me and I want to touch you back. I want us to touch on every level known to man or beast. But we have to hold back on that right now so I can get inside you.”
He bent his knees and she sat propped up, leaning back against his thighs. There was her gorgeous feminine core, teasingly nudging the head of his cock. It didn’t take much nudging at all to convince him to plunge into her from below—especially when she raised her hips to provide him full access. “Oh, baby,” he rasped as his cock wedged fully, deeply into her. She surrounded him with her sexy warm heat of welcome and they were transformed into male and female in the primordial forest. All they’d ever need was each other.
She looked beautiful as she perched, legs wide open to him in erotic invitation, straddling him from atop his groin. Her full breasts swung in provocation with each move, the nipples and the areolas winking at him any time he deigned to open his eyes. He longed to reach up and cup a breast and claim possession of her that way, too. First, though, he didn’t want to disrupt the rhythm of her movements, so he settled for resting his hands on her hips.
“You fill me so completely,” she whispered. “I was always so empty before you. Now I know what it means to be complete.”
His heart wrenched at her words. A woman like this should never be so neglected, never left alone and empty. She moved in a tight circle around his cock, rotating her hips first one way and then the other. Pleasure shot up and down his penis, through his balls and seized control of his body. Hell, he felt like an enormous, throbbing cock with just one goal in life—to reach an explosive orgasm and a depth of satisfaction unlike any before.
A man could get used to this. But a pack alpha? How could it be—to find this degree of rightness in the arms of the wrong woman? A demi-ghoul vegetarian. This woman could never be anything to him but a lay, a one-night stand. He bristled at the prospect and couldn’t bear to think of her in such terms. Though he couldn’t choose her to be his mate, he refused to treat her with any less respect—even in his thoughts—than he would his mate. Maybe he’d choose a mate his pack would accept and have Lilith as his mistress.
No. That was not his way. Not the way of the alpha. Not what Lilith deserved. Besides, having a woman other than his mate, even a recognized and acknowledged mistress, did not fit with his understanding of having a mate for life. However, this was all he could offer this woman, who made his body vibrate with divine ecstasy.
“Rafe, I don’t know what you’re doing to me. Before you, I was amazed if I had one orgasm in a night. With you, I can’t stop coming. I feel like I’ve turned into a fountain, gushing like some natural wonder all over you.”
He winced at the nuance of apology he heard in her words. If he could do nothing else for her, maybe he’d leave her with the assurance of her beauty and how much she had to offer any man who was free to offer her the best. “More like a blushing fountain.”
She turned even redder.
“Ah, Lilith, you have no idea who you are and what you bring to a man.” He cupped her chin. “I wish I could give you that, wrapped up with a ribbon. Know who you are, Lilith Graves. Know that any man would be lucky to call you his mate.”
He could feel her blood course more rapidly through her veins, deepening the crimson of her cheeks. “Rafe. Tonight with you is the best gift I’ve ever had. With you I have a taste of all that life could be.”
“I wish it could be more. My inner beast wants to drag you into my cave and keep you there, away from all others. But I can’t offer you—”
The possibility of any other male experiencing his Lilith the way he did would be intolerable. If he ever got wind of another male being intimate with her, Rafe would have to kill him. Lilith was his.
Except. Except he couldn’t be hers in the same way he demanded she be his. She’s a demi-ghoul. He had to remind himself of this inalterable fact again and again and again. He could stake his claim on Lilith, but she couldn’t reciprocate. He couldn’t give himself to her. Did he really intend to condemn her to a solitary, celibate life? Is this what he wanted for a woman he lov—dangerous turf.
These thoughts should have put him off, but instead, he became more turned on. It didn’t take much imagination to realize he might never again be with this woman in this way—hell, in any way. If the pack leaders really got on his case, he’d have to give priority to finding a mate—and walk away from Lilith. Instead of cooling off, his desire for her ratcheted up. If he could be with her only this one night, it would have to be one neither of them would ever forget.
Lilith squeezed his balls, which amped up his erection. He wanted her to come again before he gave himself up to his release. He reacted without thinking, scooting his balls away from her talented fingers with a sharp intake of breath.
Confusion skittered across her face. “Shouldn’t I have done that?”
He raised a brow. “Yeah, Lilith. You need to avoid providing such pleasurable touches which risk pushing me off the cliff.”
She studied him. “It felt good?”
He chuckled. “Sugar, saying your touch feels good is like calling the Mona Lisa cute.”
“Really?” She grinned before letting her fingers resume their previous play. At least this time he was prepared, so he didn’t jump. And he didn’t come. Yet.
“I don’t want to come before you.” Though he’d planned to deliver this sentence in a normal voice, his clenched teeth somewhat distorted his expression and his intent.
Her laughter pealed merrily. “You won’t. I just came before… A short time before.”
“Yeah, but that was by mouth. I want you to come again with me in you.”
She licked her lips and the sight of her tongue ratcheted up his arousal. His cock throbbed within her, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. “But,” he gasped, “if you keep doing things like that, I may not get my wish.”
She bucked her hips slightly forward, surrounding him with softness and warmth. “I’d hate to disappoint you,” she murmured.
“God, Lilith, nothing about you could ever disappoint me.” He put a hand at the top of her rear crease and began a gentle exploration of her there.
“You say and do all the right things.” Moving with erotic grace, she swayed her ass from side to side so the pressure of his touch intensified. He enjoyed a woman who liked to get her ass stroked. Moving his fingers playfully, he explored her crease and darted his fingers down to her opening. She stiffened.
“Maybe you shouldn’t touch me there.”
“Why not?” He didn’t remove his hand just yet. If she came up with a valid objection, he would move away. But he’d bet she’d never experienced this kind of stimulation before and was letting modesty inhibit her.
“It’s not nice.” Considering that she had relatives who were ghouls—talk about not nice—Rafe found her scruples a bit unexpected. Yet again, Lilith was turning out to be a surprise to him. He needed to find the balance between opening her up to newness and not offending her sensibilities. Right now, though, the way her body was responding to his touch, he figured her objections were more formalities than indications of actual distr
ess.
“Au contraire, my little one. It’s very nice and you’re very nice. If I weren’t otherwise occupied, I’d kiss you back there.”
Her mouth twisted as if she was going to say, “Ewww.” He lubed her with a wet finger and then played around her hole. Despite her scruples, her face reflected pleasure. In fact, this seemed to be the touch she’d needed to get her moving toward her orgasm.
A fast learner, Lilith tried the same maneuver on him, wedging her hand under his butt—a tight squeeze. When he felt her wet finger trace the outline of his cock, Rafe cried out with pleasure, which made her smile. He tightened his grip on her ass and began to speed up his in and out pistoning. At the same time, his finger rode the opening of her back crease.
“Oh, Rafe,” she purred. “It feels so amazing being with you like this—” Her voice broke as the urgency of need impelled her forward.
She trembled in his arms with the force of her release and he heaved a sigh of relief. At last, he could allow himself to come—before he exploded.
She gripped his hips harder with her legs and panted out her release. That was it. With the force of the big bang, he came and came and came. As the satisfaction of his release filled his body, Rafe yearned to hold on to the intimacy of his bond with Lilith. With a pang of regret, he clung to each sensation as the intensity began to recede.
Hook, line and sinker. Falling for Rafe Graywolf would be the easiest thing she’d ever done. Easiest and stupidest. Stupid, stupor. As Lilith lay on top of Rafe in a stupor that reduced her IQ to negative numbers, she willed herself to stop obeying her most primal instincts and start thinking. So what if she’d experienced the sexiest, most erotic interlude of her life? Aside from how fabulous she felt in Rafe’s arms, there was nothing right about their being here together—and far too much wrong. Talk about potential for damage. Rafe could hurt her in ways that hadn’t even been invented yet. She needed to gather up her clothes and her dignity and get the hell out. She definitely wasn’t the right person to conduct Rafe’s intake interview. How wrong she was bordered on the ridiculous. That was exactly what she would tell him, as soon as she could pull herself together enough to put some physical space between them. She now realized the futility of any other plan.
Summoning the remnants of her strength and will, she dragged herself off him. The separation hit her like a cold shock as air rushed to touch her all the places where she and Rafe had shared skin contact. It reminded her of when she’d tried to eat ice cream with a cavity in her tooth—only a hundred times worse.
“Where are you going?” Rafe reached out an arm to draw her back to where she’d been, on top of him.
She swallowed hard. “I have to get going.” Her voice seemed soft and meek, despite her intention to sound determined. He’d intuit, for sure, how easy it would be to talk her out of leaving.
Eyes locked with hers, Rafe sat up. She adored the look of his body—along with the taste, smell and feel of it, and then there was the strong, silent stealth of his movements. His voice set off eruptions of goose bumps along her arms and legs. All her senses flourished in his presence, except common sense.
“Stay.” He freighted that one simple word with a universe of meaning. He leapt out of bed and took her arm in his powerful grip. She snuck a peek at where his hand clamped onto her arm, his tan against her porcelain skin and she had to pretend she didn’t welcome his touch.
No way could she let herself continue with what they’d started. She wrenched away from him and closed her eyes in an effort to resist his charm. “Rafe, I can’t.” The words, each like a burning stone, came from her gut. “Look, this—”
He took her hand in his and her eyes flew open. She had to break the contact so she could say what she had to. When he held his hand out to her again, she shook her head and forced herself not to meet his glowering gaze. “I can’t. What we just did was beautiful, but we both know it shouldn’t have happened and can’t be repeated. We each have lives filled with other demands.”
“You say we know that, but we don’t. Those are your words.” There they both stood, still naked, the scent of their recent sex filling the air. She needed to continue looking away from him and shutting down her senses or she’d be lost. With great effort, she held herself aloof.
“I really mean it. I have to go.” Her voice scarcely a whisper, she was begging.
“You were going to stay with me tonight.” His voice was pitched so low, she had to strain to hear him.
She wished that could be. There was nothing in the universe she wanted more. If only there was a way she could stay with him until whatever spark there was between them played itself out. But she knew now that she couldn’t. The longer she spent alone with him, the more impossible it would be to break away. “Rafe, I’ve gotta go. I’m sure you understand.”
He exhaled hard and shrugged, and she could sense him begin to withdraw behind a wall. What a time for her empath self to wake up. Still, she needed those skills even if what they told her hurt.
“Sure. Use the wolf guy. Then when you’ve had your jollies, leave.”
She shivered, his words shocking her like a punch. They had no possibility of being able to fulfill each other’s needs in the real world and he knew it as well as she—maybe better. “You’re joking, right? You have to be, Rafe.” She could scarcely get the words out. “I’m not like that. You know that’s not how things happened. You have to know that.” Damn it, angry tears sprang to her eyes and her throat closed as if she were choking.
“Oh, yeah?” He cocked a brow and his voice sounded flippant, sarcastic. “I know what I see. Damn it, Lilith, I thought we had something special. I know what my senses are telling me, but you’re saying I can’t rely on them. That for the first time in my life, I can’t rely on scent, sight and touch, but should believe the words you can hardly bring yourself to say.”
She sniffled back the coming tears the best she could. “You know why I came here.” Her lip trembled, but she forced herself to continue on. “The words aren’t any easier for me to say than for you to hear, but they’re necessary.” She failed in her attempt to smile, then bit her lip and turned her head. “I’m not the person to service your account in a professional way and for that I apologize. I’m going to tell Dominique to take over. I’m sure she’ll call you first thing in the morning.” Compared to the emotions and intensity of their lovemaking, their real-life roles and responsibilities seemed to fade in significance. She had to cut off that train of thought pronto.
“I don’t want you to leave,” he growled in his best big-bad-wolf mode.
“I know. I don’t want to leave, but I have to.” Lilith could sense that though he didn’t say anything about not doing an intake interview, Rafe hadn’t forgotten about it. Despite the emotional charge of this moment, Rafe wasn’t losing sight of the duty that led him to Fangly, My Dear for an appropriate match.
Amazed and alarmed at the speed with which dejection took the place of elation, Lilith scooped up her clothes and rushed to the nearby bathroom.
He called through the door, “If you insist on going home, let me take you. It’s late.”
She sniffled again. Dignified, not. “It’s okay, Rafe. I got myself here. I have no problem getting myself back home at any hour. Heck, I go out alone lots. I’m used to it.”
Silence. She came out of the bathroom only slightly the worse for wear. Okay, a lot worse for wear. Rafe had thrown on jeans and a gray sweatshirt. His long feet were bare and even his toes looked sexy. Shit. She had to stop thinking like this or she’d be in major doo-doo.
All she needed to do was get out the door. She’d made it this far, so completing her exit shouldn’t be an impossible challenge. She just had to get over her desire to linger, to hear one more word, to share one more kiss or touch.
He stood and watched, devouring her with his eyes. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to.
It was the hardest thing she’d ever done, but Lilith got herself to Rafe’s door
and put her hand on the knob. Then, swallowing back tears, she opened the door and stepped out into the dark night.
He let her go.
***
After a sleepless night and oceans of coffee, Lilith dragged herself to her office the next morning. Though Dominique had never been other than sweet, generous and understanding, Lilith dreaded asking her friend to take over Rafe’s intake interview. She imagined how the conversation would go. Her friend, who was rational, in contrast with Lilith’s current insanity, would want to know why she didn’t want to complete this particular assignment. Lilith couldn’t begin to figure out how to explain. No matter how understanding Dominique was, she would probably have a difficult time dealing with Lilith’s unprofessional—to put it mildly—conduct with Rafe.
To make an awful situation even worse, Lilith looked like hell this morning—an accurate reflection of how she felt. Sleep or tears—or the damning combination of both—brought all her ghoul genes to the forefront and made her resemble a cross between a frog and a troll. Red eyed and nosed, she had charming oversized bags competing for space with the black rings and shadows beneath her eyes.
Dominique took one look at her and could obviously see that something was wrong. “What is it?” She put a sympathetic hand on her friend’s arm. “Are you sick? Maybe you should just go home and take care of yourself. I can handle anything that comes up.”
Lilith shook her head. She should have known better than to think she could fake being okay with Dominique. The question remained, how much truth should she tell her friend? She hated putting Dominique in an untenable position vis-à-vis Rafe and the Wentworth pack. On the other hand, she knew Dominique had an unerring sense of how to zero in on what was going on. “I’m okay, fine to stay and work.” The way her voice wobbled, she couldn’t possibly sound convincing, which Dominique’s skeptical look confirmed.
“You don’t look or sound okay. Tell you what. Get yourself some coffee and come chat with me. If you feel okay, fine, stay. But don’t hesitate if you need to go home. I looked over the schedule and there’s nothing pressing here today.”
