Wiping Out

by Carrie Quest

  Tyson opens his mouth again, but Zeke shoves him out the door and Gabe slams it shut.

  We all sit down, and instead of recording the promos, they interview me about what it’s been like for me since the crash. I don’t know if it’s because I’m talking to Zeke and Gabe, or because I’m ready to finally let it all out, but I answer the questions as honestly as I can and don’t sugarcoat anything.

  The last thing Zeke asks me is what I’m going to do next, and, for once, I know exactly what to say.

  Gabe volunteers to scrap the footage, but I tell him to air it. Who knows, maybe it will help some other kid in a hospital bed somewhere. At the very least it will get people to stop fucking asking me my least favorite question.

  After the rest of them leave I wander outside onto the balcony and lean against the rail overlooking the pipe. It’s fucking cold, but the sun is beating down on my face, and a few of the guys working to get everything ready for tomorrow have shucked off their jackets. For the first time since I’ve been here, I look directly at the pipe in the light of day, really study it without just letting my eyes skim over all the details.

  I miss it so damn bad, and I let myself sit with that pain for long time. I don’t push it away or tell myself it will end when I ride again, or when I’m away from snow and winter, or ever, really. It won’t end. I’ll always miss this. I hope the pain will get better, but it will probably always sting, at least a little. The thing is, I can handle that. I’ve been through fucking worse. I’ll survive. I won’t give in because I have plenty of other things to live for.

  I stay there a long time, riding it out. It’s way worse than the last time I tried this, deeper and more intense. Waves of panic and sadness well up inside me, and I want to bolt back to my room. Instead, I stay, breathing through them, waiting for them to recede. I let myself grieve, and I start to tell myself a new story. Instead of thinking I lost this and I can’t ever get it back, I think I was lucky enough to have this and nobody will ever take that away from me.

  The sun is going down when I finally move, and I’m stiff from standing so long in the cold. I’m shaking out my arms and stomping my feet, trying to warm them, when Ben comes running up the stairs and practically skids to a stop next to me.

  “You okay?”

  His face is tight and pale, and way too concerned for someone whose biggest problem is a buddy with cold feet.

  “I’m fine. Did something happen?” My stomach drops. “Is it Piper? Nat?”

  “The girls are fine. I’m talking about your interview. I’ve been looking for you since I saw it.”

  “Seriously? It’s up already?”

  Ben whips out his phone. “Adam, it’s gone viral. Gabe must’ve posted it right after you guys wrapped things up. You’re trending on every social media thing I can find. You’re everywhere.”

  He holds out his phone to show me, but I dig into my pocket and find mine instead. “I turned it off when we were recording,” I explain.

  As soon as it powers on, it starts pinging. All my notifications are going crazy. An email pops up and I laugh.

  “I just got invited to do a TED talk. This is fucking nuts.” I skim the messages, looking for her name, but there are so many it’s overwhelming.

  “You deserve it, dude. You really laid it all out there. You were amazing.”

  I shrug, eyes still on my screen, but Ben grabs my shoulders and gives me a gentle shake. “I mean it, dude. Nat cried when she watched it, and even I got a little teary. My mom is probably ordering a case of tissues on Korean Amazon right now, so you’d better avoid her unless you want to get hugged to death. But seriously, I’m proud of you. You put yourself out there and you’re gonna help people.”

  “Thanks.” I offer him my hand, but he pulls me into a hug instead.

  “You’re fucking freezing, dude. Let’s get you inside. Hungry?”

  “Starved, but I’ve got something I need to do first.”

  If this thing is viral, then Piper has seen it, and I need to talk to her, because everything is different now.

  Ben rolls his eyes a little but he’s smiling. “She’s at the hotel with Nat. Come on, I’ll walk over with you.”

  Another text pops up. Not gonna lie, I wish it was from Piper, but I smile anyway because it’s Dr. Warne.

  You can start to trust your brain, Adam.

  Yeah, I’ll take it.

  25

  Piper

  “What are you going to do next?”

  “I’ve got a date. In Paris.”

  I pause the video and drag my finger along the line to rewind it. I’ve watched Adam’s final answer at least twenty times, and I still can’t believe it. But I play it again, and nothing has changed. It’s still Adam’s face, his dark eyes serious, the corners of his lips turned up in a tentative smile. I’ve watched the entire interview as well, and he mostly looks at Zeke, listening carefully to the questions and taking his time before he answers.

  But for the Paris answer he’s staring directly into the camera. Straight at me.

  I’ve got a date. In Paris.

  I pace around the room, stress eating Korean cookies, which are basically sweet sticks dipped in chocolate. I crunch my way through the box as I wear a path in the carpet, trying to figure out what to do. I want to put on my coat and burst out into the world to find him, but I don’t know if that’s the best idea.

  A date in Paris could mean anything, right? Maybe he just wants to meet me there for a week this summer and then go our separate ways. He said in the interview that he was working on accepting his new limits, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to be with me or move back to Colorado.

  But why bother to mention Paris at all if I’m not a part of the equation?

  I check my phone for the zillionth time, but there aren’t any messages from him. I scroll through Facebook, where the post featuring the interview is up to thirty thousand likes and rising fast. But Adam hasn’t posted or commented anywhere. His last Instagram shot is of the Viking snow sculpture in Breckenridge.

  He’s a ghost.

  I’m a mess.

  Nat was waiting with me for a while, but I sent her back to her room, mostly so I could watch Adam’s interview over and over again without any judgment. Also because she was starting to look at me like I needed a tranquilizer.

  Fuck. I can’t just stay here waiting. Ben headed out to look for Adam after he didn’t reply to any of our messages, but now Ben seems to have disappeared as well. Maybe I should go out myself. Anything has to be better than sitting around here waiting.

  I’m pulling on my coat when a text finally finally pings through. It’s from Nat.

  Ben found him. They’re heading back here.

  I collapse on the bed, all the adrenaline that’s been keeping me going suddenly gone. He’s coming.

  The room is a mess, stacks of papers covering every surface. Joe the room service guy came through with a printer and my mom figured out how to hook it up to my laptop yesterday, which made her pretty damn pleased with herself. I should probably clean up, but if Adam is coming from the mountain, he’ll be here soon and I’d rather spend these precious few moments de-crumbing myself after that cookie binge. And brushing my teeth. Just in case.

  I planned to play it cool, but when his knock finally comes, I swing the door open so hard that it crashes into the wall, grab Adam’s hand, and pull him inside.

  “I guess I’ll see you guys later, then.” Ben’s voice drifts through the door, along with the sound of his laughter, but I ignore him. He should be getting ready for the final tomorrow anyway, not tormenting his little sister.

  Adam grins at me, the kind of full-bore, life is beautiful, let’s go celebrate grin that I haven’t seen from him in years. Since before Japan, if I’m honest. I drop his hand and take a step back, letting my eyes run over his body.

  The grin isn’t the only thing that’s different. His shoulders are loose, not hunched up and tight with stress. He puts his hands in his j
eans pockets and rocks lightly on his feet, waiting for me to speak. The grin fades slightly as the silence stretches on, but he still looks relaxed and happy—the little lines between his eyes and along his forehead have vanished altogether.

  “Like what you see?” His voice is a low, husky rumble. A little flutter of excitement starts low in my belly. We’ve got a lot to discuss, but I suppose most of it can wait an hour.

  Maybe two.

  There is one thing I need to say now though.

  “I’m sorry about Japan.”

  “You already apologized for that,” he says, prowling forward until we’re toe to toe.

  “Yeah, but I didn’t go far enough. I didn’t tell you that I won’t give up on you again. Ever. I don’t want to fix you, Adam. I just want to love you.”

  He brings a hand up to cup my cheek and I lean toward him. I expect him to kiss me then, but instead, he wraps his arms around me and lets his head fall forward. I’m totally surrounded by Adam. All I can feel are his arms, strong and hard as they circle me, and his chest heaving against mine, like he can’t contain all the emotions trying to break free.

  I curl my arms up so I can hook them around his shoulders and pull him even closer. I breathe him in, clean skin, fresh air clinging to his clothes, the woodsy smell that he carries with him everywhere. One ear is pressed against his chest and I hear the thump of his heart, steady and strong and mine. All mine.

  “That’s really good news,” he finally says, lifting his head so I can see his smile.

  “Will you be my date in Paris, Piper?” His scratchy words vibrate through me, amping up the little flutters until I’m trembling with need.

  “I know I’m a little late,” he continues. “But I was really hoping you’d meet me there.”

  He lowers his head so I can feel his breath on my lips, hot and fast, but he doesn’t kiss me. He simply lingers there, waiting for my answer.

  I rise up on my tiptoes and brush my lips over his, then glide them across the stubble on his cheek so I can whisper in his ear.

  “Yes.”

  Then he moves, lifting me up and twisting around so fast that there’s nothing I can do but go along for the ride. He falls backward onto the bed, pulling me down on top of him, chest to chest, our legs tangled together. Papers fly everywhere, my neat stacks obliterated, and I don’t give a damn. I only have eyes for Adam.

  He brings his strong hands up to wrap around my head, weaving his fingers into my hair and guiding my face down to his.

  “I love you, Piper Easton.”

  “I love you too.”

  His first kiss is tender, soft lips sipping against mine. “I love you,” he says again, dragging his open mouth across my cheek so he can whisper in my ear. “I love you so damn much.”

  The tip of his tongue sweeps across my ear and little sparks of energy shoot down to my core, where I’m already aching. I squirm on top of him, because I can feel his hardness against my stomach and that’s not where I want it. Not at all.

  He groans and bites my earlobe.

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he says. “But we need to talk first.”

  I bring my legs up so I can straddle him.

  “You really want to talk?” I gasp. “Now?”

  “Fuck no. I want sink into you until I’m so lost I’ll never be found.” He runs his hands down my sides until he’s gripping my hips, trying to hold me still.

  “I like that plan,” I tell him. “Better than the talking plan.”

  His fingers tighten around me. “God, Piper, please be still. Just for a minute. You feel too good up there.”

  I push up to sitting and scoot back a little, resting my hands on his chest, so I can stare down at the man I love. His eyes are black and hooded, and his mouth is slack with lust. I sway a little and his eyes follow me, like I’m the snake charmer and he’s the cobra, mine to command.

  “What did you want to talk about?” I walk my fingers up to his chin and grab the zipper on his coat.

  He gulps as I slowly start to pull it down. “Our plan.”

  I yank the zip down hard and his coat falls open, revealing a worn gray t-shirt underneath.

  “Do you have a plan?”

  “We need to make a plan…” He trails off as I slide my hands under his shirt and push it up, so I can see his flat stomach.

  “We will,” I promise, dropping down to lick a circle around his belly button. His hips kick up involuntarily, and I rub his hard-on through his jeans. “But right now I have a different plan.”

  He stops trying to hold me still and instead grips my hips tighter, pulling me up a little and grinding me down onto him until we both groan.

  “Fuck it,” he says fiercely. “Fuck me.”

  He pulls me down to kiss him again, and this time there’s nothing sweet about it. He ravages my mouth, licking inside, tickling and teasing and rubbing his tongue against mine until all I can do is try to keep up. He sits up and breaks the kiss to shuck off his jacket and pull his t-shirt over his head, leaving his hair a wild tangle.

  “Get this off,” he mumbles, his hands ripping at the bottom of my sweater. As soon as I get it over my head his mouth is back, fused to mine, sucking my tongue into his mouth while his clever fingers unclasp my bra. I shrug it off without breaking our kiss and then we’re skin to skin, finally.

  He sits back for a minute, panting, and looks at me. “Fucking beautiful,” he says, before lowering his head and nipping at one stiff nipple.

  I fumble at the button on his jeans, but what he’s doing feels so good that I give up and throw my head back, pushing more of my breast into his hot mouth. He palms my other breast and squeezes, hard, and I feel my orgasm building. I just need…

  That. His other hand works its way under the waistband of my leggings until he finds my wetness. He rubs slick circles around my clit and the tension builds inside me, winding and winding until he pinches down on the hard little bud and I unravel. Heat rushes through me, licking into every part of my body, melting my muscles and my mind until Adam has to hold me up.

  Then he lays me gently down on my back and peels my leggings and my panties off. His jeans drop and I reach for him, pulling him down on top of me, welcoming his weight and his heat and opening my legs so he can slide inside and ease the deep ache that the orgasm he just gave me didn’t seem to touch. I don’t know how it’s possible to be this satisfied and still want so much, but maybe Adam makes me greedy.

  He buries himself in me and starts to move; long, slow strokes that kindle the fire inside me until it’s burning again, melting and reshaping me from the inside out. I pull his mouth to mine so I can kiss him while I come, and as soon as he feels the first deep clench of my orgasm around his dick, he groans and comes hard, calling out my name.

  A minute later he rolls slightly to the side, careful not to crush me, and collapses onto the bed. We stay there for a long time, exchanging lazy kisses and soft touches, staring into each other’s eyes without speaking a single word.

  “About that talk,” he finally says, a little smile playing on the corner of his lips.

  “Ah, yes. Sorry I distracted you.”

  He laughs. “I’m not.”

  He sits up a little so he can pull the covers over us, then pulls me into his arms.

  “I want to meet you in Paris,” he says. “But I’m not sure I can do Colorado in the fall. Not yet. I’m feeling a lot stronger, but it’s still tough, so I was thinking we could travel until your school starts and then you could come meet me during your vacations. I know it’s not perfect, but it’s all I can promise right now.”

  I shake my head. “No.”

  He pulls back, his face stricken. “No?”

  I reach under the covers toward his ass, but he catches my hand. “You’re not distracting me this time. No sex, Piper. We need to talk.”

  I grab the clump of papers I saw earlier and pull them out. “I know,” I say, sitting up and riffling through the pile until I find the o
ne I want.

  He takes it from me and stares. “Duke University?”

  I nod. “They’ve got a great physical therapy program—it’s in the top ten in the country, and they’ve even got this really cool global exchange that will hopefully be expanding to the Middle East and Africa in the next couple years. How amazing it that?”

  “Pretty amazing.” His face is shuttered, serious and closed down, and my heart starts to beat faster because he might really not like what I have to say next.

  “I turned down my place in Denver.”

  He sits up fast and the paper about Duke sails down to the floor. “What?”

  “They emailed me yesterday—a couple days early—to tell me I got in. I called the dean and turned it down.”

  “Why would you do that?” His jaw is tight. “When did you call? Today? It might not be too late to change your mind. Where’s your phone?”

  “I’m not changing my mind.”

  He closes his eyes and buries his face in his hands. “This is exactly what I didn’t want, Piper. I can’t let you fuck up your future because of me. Please don’t do this.”

  I grab his fingers and gently peel them away until I’m looking into his eyes. “My future is going to be better because of this, Adam. And it’s not all about you. I didn’t even apply to any other schools because I was so convinced that I needed to be near my mom, and she doesn’t need me. Not really. I was scared to leave her so I closed off all the other possibilities, and that wasn’t the best thing for me. Not at all.”

  He shakes his head. The worry lines are back between his eyes, and I try to smooth them away with my fingertips.

  “I explained the situation to the dean, and she has a friend who works at Duke. I have to wait until next year to apply, but she promised to put in a good word for me, and she said the internship will definitely help. I’ll apply to some other places as well—there’s a program in Georgia that looks good.”