So she kissed him some more, urgently. Greedily. Rising with him to his climax. Edging nearer and nearer to the edge. And that connection, the tiny threads strengthening, tugged them dangerously closer and closer and closer.
‘Feel better?’ Vaughn dragged a throw over them both and held her tight against his chest. He was laughing, which was becoming more and more common with him. He’d hidden that part of himself at first, but he’d let her in, just a little, and every day it was a little more. But at some point he’d stop, she knew, and she wouldn’t hear that delightful rumble that came from deep in his chest. ‘Think you can concentrate on work now?’
Never. Never while he was within the nearest hundred miles or so. ‘I suppose so. If I have to.’
He tapped her bottom. ‘You have to. The plan was that we celebrated after you got your work done.’
She tapped him back. God, he had a great backside. ‘Slave driver.’
‘Someone has to be. Otherwise, we’d spend all day doing this and be bankrupt by the end of the week.’
We. One word that was so tiny and yet so significant.
Her heart stretched, but she didn’t want to pursue that line of thought. He’d warned her of how little he could give, and she wasn’t sure how close he was to shutting her out. ‘Okay, give me time to catch my breath, and I’ll get to it in a minute. And you can make some tea while I’m slaving over a hot laptop. I’m parched.’
He sat up, pulling her with him, seemingly unwilling to let her go quite yet as he absentmindedly stroked the inside of her thighs. ‘Are you saying you actually own tea bags now? That is a step up. Next thing, you’ll have all those luxury extras like bread. Milk?’
‘Whoa… baby steps. Like I said, I’m a work in progress.’ She kissed him again, slipping her fingers into his. ‘You ever thought about how weird this is? I mean, when I saw you striding up the aisle all grumpy and serious in your morning coat, I never imagined that this could happen. It wasn’t even on my radar.’
‘I would hope not, seeing as you were waiting to marry another bloke.’
She remembered his taut expression as he’d walked towards her. The tight shoulders, the fixed jaw. Every step he took closer, she knew. She just knew what he was going to say, so when he reached her, she was already at boiling point. ‘I hated you. I mean, really, really hated you for ruining my day. My whole life, actually. And Jason too… I hated him more than anything.’
‘I know. I’m sorry I had to do it. If it helps, I hated Jason at that moment too, to be letting you down and not having the guts to say it himself. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. The second I set eyes on you in that frothy dress and long veil, I knew you were something. I also knew my cousin was an idiot. But there you go. His loss and all that…’ He laughed again. ‘Of course, that was until you beat me up with the flowers; then I realised you’re just plain crazy. Beautiful, but completely mad.’
‘Hey! It takes one to know one.’
His legs wrapped around hers, cuddling her in. ‘I’m just grateful you weren’t wooed by guitar guy. Or dog-in-a-bag man. Then we might not be doing this at all.’ The Love Plan seemed such a long time ago, when she’d been trying hard to be someone she wasn’t. ‘Believe me, I was torn. Unfortunately, neither of them appeared to think I was remotely the girl for them. Actually, I’ve been thinking that DrewsAmused might be the kind of man my mum would fall for. If he managed the dog hair a bit better and bought a comb.’
Vaughn grunted. ‘Matchmaking? Really? I don’t know your mum or your sister very well, but are you sure that’s such a good idea?’
‘It does make me feel just a little bit weird thinking about my mum and a man.’ She squirmed. ‘Ugh. But we all need somebody.’
‘Do we, though? I thought you were done with love.’ His smile was still there, but his body language had changed. His shoulders had hitched, and there was a little twitch in his cheek.
‘For stress relief. And fun.’ She kissed him, trying to diffuse the emotion in her chest and trying hard to convince both of them that there were no emotions there at all. ‘And strawberries, of course. Who are we to deny that to anyone? I’ve already texted Jenna’s friend, Nick, and asked him to meet me and Jenna for a drink next week.’
He frowned. ‘Are you sure it’s a good thing to get involved in something like that?’
Chloe thought about how spooked Jenna was yesterday about even thinking of Nick in any way other than a friendship—and because of some misplaced loyalty, she wasn’t going to let a good man into her life, friend or otherwise. That would be a shame, for herself as well as Evie. Her daughter needed good men in her life. ‘I don’t know if it’s the right thing at all, to be honest. But she gave me a push to jump back into the dating pool and look what happened. Fun, yes?’
‘We’re dating?’ He froze, then tried to hide it behind a grin. She was also aware of a momentary panic in his eyes that left as she brushed off any suggestion of connection between them.
‘Don’t be daft. I think dating involves going out, you know, for dinner, or to the cinema, dressing up nicely. I don’t think a walk to the play park with a toddler or random sex in a variety of locations counts.’
He sat up a little more, putting some distance between them. ‘Do you want to go out?’
Dredging up a smile, she made her voice lighter than she felt. ‘When would I have the time for a date? Seriously? I work two jobs and spend the rest of my time babysitting.’ Judging by the relaxation of his shoulders, he seemed suitably reassured, although she wasn’t. Because the thought of dating Vaughn made her undeniably happier. Which made her feel worse. Which made her switch the conversation to something else. ‘I think I need to repay Jenna after getting me back on your horse—excuse the terminology.’
‘Excused.’ He actually looked quite proud at that. ‘Glad to oblige.’
‘Although, I’m not going to suggest she does the whole beautifying thing I did. It’s way too much hassle.’ She saw his eyebrows raise and regretted mentioning it immediately. ‘Not that you need to know anything about my bikini waxing fails.’
‘Oh? I think I do.’ He prodded a finger into her ribcage, again and again, making her wriggle and squirm. ‘I’m not going to stop this until you tell.’
‘Never!’
‘Now. Biking wax fails, or I tickle you forever.’
‘Stop! Stop.’
His finger prodded, but then his hand palmed her breast. ‘You like this? You like this. God, I like this. But no more until you tell me.’
‘Okay! I surrender! But you have to promise not to judge me or to laugh. No laughing, okay?’
‘Okay.’ But his mouth was tipped up in a grin, and his shoulders were already shaking.
So she told him about the blue Smurf fluff and her Velcro-ed legs and Sheila/Shona/Sheena, and his eyes grew huge, and he guffawed, pulling up the throw and diving underneath. ‘Show me. Show me.’
She ducked under too, pushing his hands away playfully. ‘You’ve already explored enough, thank you very much.’
‘You are absolute gold, Chloe.’ This was a side of him she didn’t see very often. The man who could be silly and serious and sexy all at the same time. He cupped her face and grinned. ‘You are truly one of a kind. I wish I’d seen it.’
‘No, you really don’t.’
He snuggled against her, his hand reaching down between her thighs. ‘Hey, come to Papa Smurf.’
‘Not bloody likely with that chat-up line.’ But she kissed him anyway, and somehow one thing led to another, and his magic hands made her come with Papa Smurf all over again.
It took Chloe a few minutes to anchor herself back to planet Earth. The room was dark save for the glow of her laptop and the orange sheen from the street lamps filtering through the blinds.
‘We are so, so good at that.’ She stretched out her legs one at a time, her eyes closed, breathing in Vaughn’s scent. Her limbs were languid and limp, her heart as full as it had ever been as she gr
abbed the throw and pulled it back over them. It had suddenly turned cold in the room. ‘Well, wow. I’m definitely not stressed anymore.’
‘Well, fuck it, I bloody well am.’
Chloe’s stomach lurched. That was not Vaughn’s voice, and it wasn’t in her ear or whispering softly over her neck; it ricocheted across the room, bouncing off the walls.
Vaughn jumped up, leaving a cold space between them and a chill in her heart as it thumped loud and hard.
Her eyes snapped open. ‘Jason?’
JENNA
Sender: [email protected]
Dear Nick…
Hi Nick!
Nick,
Thanks for today. I love your apartment. Very nice! I like the cool blue paint you’ve chosen for the walls and the slatted blinds. (Lame, Jenna!!!!!)
Here’s the website I told you about for the custom shelves: www.shelfsolutions.co.uk
They’re great and quick and not too expensive.
Er…You know we talked about going out for dinner? Well, the thing is…you see, you’re too nice, and I’m in a kind of whirl about seeing you I have trouble getting a babysitter.
I’m scared that you’re so hot, and I’m too fat and that I’m reading things into our conversations. Did I imagine that long pause and the way there was an electrical surge when our hands touched?
Shit. Shit and shit. This is rubbish. I can’t even say the things I want to say. I’m so bloody scared about just being even a friend. What kind of person does that make me? Half of one? Because I don’t really feel whole. I haven’t felt whole for a long time.
It’s too hard being brave all the time and sometimes I just want someone to share the difficult times with. I’m so lonely. I know I have Mum and Chloe… but they’ve been such a help for so long I don’t want to keep going on and on. I should feel better by now. I should. But part of me doesn’t want to.
Okay…
Nick, I had a lovely time today, too lovely. And it felt so nice to be with someone with no pressure to be anyone but myself. You seemed to accept me exactly for who I am. You were considerate and kind and asked about Evie, and you wanted to see the photos. And when we sat on the packing boxes, and you asked me about Ollie you looked so devastated when I told you. You held my hand and just sat in silence, and I wanted to lean against you and cry and cry and cry. I wanted to lean into your strength and your compassion and I couldn’t because I just can’t let go. Ever. I can’t ever be that person I was, and I mourn for that innocence and the joy I know I’ll never have again.
So please don’t be nice to me again like that. I can’t bear it. My life is all about nits and nurseries and mind-numbing things that a three-year-old wants to hear, and being a mummy and living for my daughter. And your life is just starting again—you’re so positive about your move here and about your future. And I’m so glad you think you’ll be happy back in London.
But for the first time in a very long time, I found myself thinking about a future too, and that spooked me so badly I wanted to cling to you and to run at the same time. That doesn’t make sense. Well, it does to me. So, until I feel brave enough to step out of my comfort zone and be a new person all over again (and let’s face it, I’ve already pushed myself into a dark corner being this person, and I’ve dug in hard and deep. So deep I’ve kind of got used to it. I don’t like it, but there it is. It’s where I am.) I don’t think I can see you again.
Best of luck
Jenna x
CHAPTER 19
‘WHAT THE HELL?’ Chloe sat up, blindly reaching for her clothes, which were scattered across the lounge room floor. It felt like a dress-of-shame as she wiggled to the edge of the sofa and grasped her pyjama bottoms with a hand snaking out from beneath the throw.
‘I could say the same.’ Jason glared at them both as he stormed into the room, mocking her words and her voice. ‘What the hell, Chloe? What the hell, VAUGHN?’
‘You gave me back your key. So how come…?’ Had she forgotten to lock it? No. It was a Chubb. It locked automatically. ‘I knew I should have changed the bloody locks.’
But there hadn’t been any money for that, for keeping her safe. She’d trusted him to keep away and get on with living his new life. He seemed pretty happy doing that, blithely and selfishly doing what he pleased.
Not anymore, clearly.
He looked very guilty. But not as guilty as he was angry. He shrugged sullenly but remained tight-lipped.
‘Did you have a spare or something?’ Her gut tightened. ‘Oh, my God, did you have a copy made?’
Another shrug. ‘I had one made, yes. In case I needed to see you or come back home. You know, to our house.’
Fury started to build in her chest despite the fact she was trying to drag on inside-out pyjamas. If this was on the TV, it would have been funny. It wasn’t. It bloody well wasn’t. ‘This is my home, Jason. You have nothing to do with it; you made sure of that when you demanded a payout.’
But Jason had tuned out; he was too busy staring down his cousin. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’
‘Isn’t that obvious?’ Vaughn looked indignant, and if he hadn’t been such an honourable man, she had no doubt he’d have smashed his cousin to the floor. He didn’t. Staying covered by the throw, he pulled on his jeans and his T-shirt. Then he stood up and pointed to the door, simultaneously handing Chloe her pyjama top. He snarled at Jason, ‘Outside.’ It wasn’t an invitation; it was an order. ‘Can’t you see Chloe needs some privacy?’
‘I wondered where you’d gone after football. We always have a drink after.’ Jason looked his cousin up and down and tried his hand at sneering; it came out more like a playground whine. ‘If anyone’s going to leave, it’s you.’
Vaughn reared up. He was at least six inches taller than Jason and broader. But his inner strength came to the fore, calming his voice, keeping him steady. ‘I said, come outside, Jason, just for a few minutes. We can all talk once Chloe’s got some clothes on.’
Jason shook his head. ‘It is true, then? You and her?’
Chloe turned to Vaughn, unable to believe he hadn’t done as she’d asked. Her voice was a whisper as she asked him, ‘Did you… did you tell him when I asked you not to?’
He turned to her, registering surprise. ‘Of course I didn’t. What do you think I am?’
‘Tell me what?’ Jason’s hard, black eyes bore first into Vaughn, then into her as he assessed the situation. For once, he joined the dots correctly. ‘It’s not hard to work it out. You were dancing at that wedding, and his car’s parked outside. You’re doing it… in my house. On my sofa.’ He clearly couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud. It had been fine when he was doing it with someone else in Chloe’s bed.
She wouldn’t lower herself to his level and have that argument. Finally dressed and feeling more confident and infinitely angrier, Chloe raised her head. ‘Why are you here? Are you drunk again?’
‘No. I’m very clearheaded right now, actually.’ Jason took a step forward, but Vaughn didn’t let him past, shielding her. ‘I want to talk to you, Chloe. But only when he’s gone.’
Vaughn shook his head. ‘I’m not going anywhere, so whatever it is you want to say, say it.’
There were a few long moments of silence as the men weighed each other up, like alpha lions assessing other males. Chloe looked from one to the other, wishing someone would say something, do something. The tension wrapped around them and tightened.
Eventually, Jason nodded. ‘So be it. I’ll say it anyway and then see what happens.’
‘Say what?’ She had a really bad feeling about this.
Really bad.
Vaughn’s eyebrows rose, but he nodded, indicating to Jason to speak.
Her ex stepped forward, took her hand and made her sit on the sofa. She felt vulnerable there, with these two men standing above her, so tall. So much testosterone, so much at stake—family ties were at risk here. A lifetime of connection compared to a month she’d shared with Va
ughn. Too many years with Jace. It felt as if the room were closing in on her. ‘Okay, boys, I’m going to stand up, too. Or you can both sit. Either which, I don’t care. But somebody move.’
Vaughn didn’t move one muscle.
Chloe stood.
Jason was still holding her hand, so he had to stand too. And they were all three of them cramped into her tiny lounge as if in some bad Victorian melodrama. One suitor grasping her hand, the other watching and grimacing. Only, of course, Vaughn was no suitor, he was… what was he? A bit of fun.
Ah, yes.
But the truth was, he was so much more than that, and right now watching her messy life unfold, instead of being impressed by her witty repartee about Smurf genitals and her not-committed hot, sexy kisses.
Her throat felt as if it was closing over.
Jason smiled, gently, tentatively. He pushed a lock of her hair back behind her ear with a hand that was, surprisingly, trembling. In his eyes, she could see he was scared, truly scared, and possibly being honest for the first time in his life. She didn’t want to hear what he was going to say, but it was like watching a car crash unfold… she couldn’t not hear it either.
‘Thing is, Chloe, I made a mistake. A big bloody mistake, and I’m not afraid to say so. I know what I did was unforgivable, so I’m not expecting you to forgive me. But I want you to know that I love you.’
Vaughn coughed. Chloe glanced up at him, but he still didn’t move. His eyes were burning into Jason’s back with such animosity that it made her heart almost split in two. These men were cousins. This was her fault.
And yet, despite everything he’d done, there was still a scant affection there for Jason. She’d been with him for a very long time. She hadn’t fallen out of love easily; she’d fought it for a while, fought it hard.
They’d shared a lot—a long past and dreams of a future together. She remembered the day he proposed, down on one knee at the top of the London Eye. The way he’d waited, breathless for her answer, like an anxious schoolboy. The day when Ollie died, and he’d cradled her in his arms and whispered sweet things to her all night. The way they used to go out dancing to Vixen nightclub, which was a dive, but was their dive where they met up with their group of weird and wonderful friends and laughed and danced into the early hours.
Something Borrowed Page 24
