The Life I Never Asked For

by Kira Adams

  The Life I Never Asked For

  A Novel

  By: Kira Adams

  https://www.kiraadamsauthor.com

  https://www.facebook.com/KiraAdamsAuthor

  http://www.wattpad.com/user/xKiraAdamsx

  http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7179367.Kira_Adams

  http://www.amazon.com/Kira-Adams/e/B00KQZ5838

  © 2018 Krista Pakseresht. All Rights Reserved.

  Cover design by Patricia Maia of Maya’s Teasers & Designs, Stock Photo from Deposit Photos

  Editing by Joanne LaRe Thompson

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.

  “Don’t forget, if you’re not doing something you love, you’re not really living.”

  –Kira Adams

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Sneak peek

  About the Author

  Books by Kira Adams:

  Don’t Dwell on the Negatives

  I’ll never forget their grayish-blue eyes, the one dimple on the left side of each of their cheeks, and their smell.

  It’s not fair. Life is a bitch.

  I had it all, and in the blink of an eye it was taken from me. Every longing stare, every kiss on those soft and ticklish feet. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone…except I knew what I had. I had everything.

  Waking up without them the first time was hard, and it’s only getting harder. The hole inside my chest feels bigger and deeper with each passing day. I can’t bear to touch their belongings. I can hardly even look at them.

  I pick up the phone and even though I know I shouldn’t, I dial his number. The one I’ve had memorized since he asked me out, our junior year. It rings like normal. Once. Twice. Three times. And then like clockwork, his answering machine picks up. My heart begins racing, anticipating what is to come. His voice makes me melt into a puddle, paralyzing me until the last syllable.

  “Hey, you must have missed me. Leave a message after the beep.”

  I take a deep breath, attempting to calm the tornado in my stomach. “I know, I know…” I stammer, ashamed. “I shouldn’t be calling you. I just…wanted to hear your voice.” I pause, staring at the floor. “I wish you would tell me what to do, how to move on from this.” Before I can form another thought, tears are pouring down my cheeks.

  “I miss you—” My voice cracks. The automated female cuts me off and asks if I’m satisfied with my message or if I’d like to rerecord. I choose to hang up instead.

  The darkness has become my only friend and solace, so packing has been, well, stunted. I haven’t been alone in almost a month. Everything feels surreal. Being back here…it just feels wrong.

  “You’re doing that thing again.” Torrie nods toward me, worry in her expression.

  Sighing, I rub my face, forgetting about the large and ugly cast. It’s rough on my skin so I stop immediately.

  “What do you think about going out to eat somewhere tonight? Anywhere you want, our treat.” Torrie’s eyes are wide and she is feigning excitement.

  I can’t remember the last time I ate more than a couple of bites, since that day, but I appreciate what my dear sister is trying to do. “Aww, Tor, you know I’d love to do that, but I just don’t want to be around anyone right now. You guys should go, have fun. I should really be making sure everything is handled for Sunday.”

  Torrie’s face falls. “You shouldn’t be the one worrying about that. Let us get it all taken care of.”

  Emotions are rising up inside me, and I feel like I might explode. “It’s my responsibility,” I say sternly, unsure how long I will be able to keep this up. “He’s my husband and she’s…” I can’t finish, a sob escapes my lips instead.

  “And no one is taking that away from you,” Torrie says softly. “You’ve just been so strong since you woke up and I think it’s time we shoulder some of the burden; that’s what family does for each other.”

  I force a smile upon my face. “I love you guys and can’t even begin to describe how much I’ve needed you these past few weeks, but I can’t let you take care of me. At some point, I’m going to have to learn to walk again, myself. Metaphorically speaking, of course.”

  Torrie sighs and throws her arms around me. “You know Doug and I are here for you if you need anything—day or night. We just want you to be okay.”

  I nod. “You guys are the best.”

  She squeezes me tighter before releasing and giving me one more longing look. “Last chance to get out of the house for some fresh air and bomb food.”

  I shrug.

  “Takeout?”

  I nod. “Thai.”

  “Thai it is.”

  My eyes fly open and quickly adjust to the darkness surrounding me. I don’t know what time it is, but if I had to guess, I’d say probably three or four in the morning. I’ve been having trouble sleeping since I was brought back home, but the nights I do sleep, I get to see both Finn and Easten in my dreams.

  Waking up is another story, because it feels like I’m torn from my fairytale and dumped into my nightmare. I would never wish this on anyone. My heart feels heavy as I force myself to get up off the couch and shower. I need to look good today…which is going to be a feat in and of itself, because the bags under my eyes have only gotten worse, not better, with each passing day.

  Going through the motions feels robotic. I’m numb to life without them here, without laughter filling our home with warmth and love. Now everything feels dark and dreary.

  Ordinarily, it’s expected for one to wear all black for such an occasion, but that’s not my plan. Easten would never approve. So instead, I’m in her favorite dress of mine. It’s Cerulean blue and hangs right above my knees. The fabric feels foreign on my skin even though I’ve worn it a million times. It feels wrong to wear it, knowing she won’t see it. My eyes feel raw as I wipe a stray tear from falling.

  She will see it, I tell myself.

  I’m scared to face everyone, today. The calls have not stopped, and my avoidance has continued. In the beginning, I could only handle seeing so many people at a time, so this will be the first time since Christmas that many of us will be in the same room—Finn’s family and mine, all here together again.

  Finn’s mother, Grace, has been a tremendous pillar of support for me. Dropping by with casseroles or lasagna and even to just simply be with me. I think out of everyone, we can relate to each other most.

  A loud knock emanates from the front door. Putting on my best game face, I open it. Grace is staring back at me with tears in her eyes instead of her usual cheerful self. We’ve cried together many times since the accident, but this is different. Today feels different.

  Unlike me, she is wearing an all-black
dress. Her short, brown hair is styled, and she looks very put together.

  “Come here.” Throwing my arms around her, I pull her into me.

  Her shoulders are heaving up and down and her breathing is uneven. “How am I supposed to do this?” she asks me through tear-stricken eyes. “How is a mother supposed to bury her son, let alone a grandchild? I’d rather die. There is no way this should ever happen.” She’s hysterical now.

  Tightening my grip around her, I run my hand soothingly over her hair. “There’s no instruction manual when it comes to life, we just have to live it the best we can, so when the end comes, we know that we really lived.” So much for the coverup, the tears are now flowing freely.

  “You sound like Finn,” she grumbles, pulling away.

  “That’s because those are his words and his motto. It’s part of my speech today—about grasping every opportunity by the horns, because what if tomorrow never comes?” Wiping my puffy eyes, I muster a small smile.

  She gasps and then embraces me. “I was so happy when he came home and told me he met a girl. I was ecstatic when I found out he fell in love with that girl and wanted to introduce us to her. I was excited when he told me that he wanted to propose. And when he told us you were pregnant? Put a fork in it, cause I’m done. You were his soulmate, and you are our family, and the daughter I’ve always wanted.” She releases me and then her expression grows serious. “I want to know that after this is all said and done, we are still here for each other. I want you to come to family dinners every Sunday. We are creating a new tradition.”

  I squeeze her arms. “We’re going to be late. Should we head out?”

  Her face falls and she nods. “Yes, lets.”

  Before – First Meeting

  “Tobin is here, everybody!” Jessica shouts, running around the group, pulling me along for the ride. Everyone cheers with their plastic solo cups, continuing to mingle.

  “There are so many people here,” I whisper. “Who are they?” Glancing around, most appear to be college-aged and older than my friend and me.

  Jessica hands me a cup of beer and then ‘clinks’ hers with mine. “I don’t know, but cheers to new friends!”

  I follow suit by taking a drink of the amber-colored liquid. It’s Pabst, and while it tastes like absolute piss, it can get me wasted easily. Plus, it’s cheap.

  My best friend, Jessica, invited me out to this beach party and it’s obvious who the social butterfly is, out of the two of us. “Where is Denae?” I glance around looking for our mutual friend.

  “She’s around here somewhere.” Jessica swivels her head back and forth.

  I feel something hard and tough run into me and then a cold liquid is running down my back. “Ahhh!” a cry escapes my lips, making me jump from the shock of it all.

  “Oh, shit! I’m sorry.” When I turn around, his glistening grayish-blue eyes are the only thing staring back at me. I’m paralyzed.

  “Are you okay?” the handsome stranger asks. When I don’t immediately answer because I’m still tongue-tied, he turns his attention on Jessica. “Is she okay?”

  Jessica giggles, waving her arm in front of me as if she’s dismissing the embarrassment that is me. “Don’t mind her, she’ll live. You on the other hand…give her your shirt.”

  “What?” Poor guy looks puzzled.

  “I’m sure you wouldn’t mind giving her your shirt for the rest of the night since you did ruin hers.”

  “Jessica!” I elbow her in the ribs.

  “What?”

  “You don’t have to give me your shirt, it’s okay.” Well, at least I’m making some kind of progress.

  The side of his lip curls up in a smile and I’m curious what he’s thinking. “She’s right. It’s the least I can do.” Within moments he’s ripped his shirt off, handing it over to me. My eyes can’t help but take in his defined chest. Blushing, I look away.

  Quickly, I throw his large gray shirt over my head and arms. It smells like cologne, but not overbearing.

  “I’m Finn.” Shirtless guy sticks his hand out for me. “Sorry about your shirt.” His grayish-blue eyes compliment his skin tone and brown hair, just so.

  “Tobin. And don’t worry about it. It’s just a shirt.” In reality, it’s my favorite Good Charlotte t-shirt from their last tour, but it’s nothing a wash can’t fix.

  “So, do you go to UW?”

  I shake my head. “Do you?”

  He laughs. “No. I just come to the parties, sometimes.”

  I feel like a jerk. I forgot Jessica was even here. Locking eyes with her, she is winking at me, and buying into every bit of this.

  “Do you want another drink?” she asks, pointing at Finn’s empty cup, the contents of which are currently sticking to my back.

  He nods eagerly. “Thank you.”

  She skips off into the sea of people, and it’s just me and handsome. “Where do you go?” He turns his attention on me.

  Taking another drink of the disgusting beer, I giggle. “I don’t know if I should tell you. It may get me into trouble.”

  He glances around quickly and then points at himself. “Me? No, come on. I can be trusted.”

  “Oh, you can, can you?” I tease. “Okay, fine, but you can’t judge me.”

  His eyes are playful as he anticipates what I will say. I’ve got him hook, line, and sinker. Too bad I’m worried once he finds out my age; it will all be over before it ever began. Here goes nothing.

  “I’m sixteen,” I say barely above a whisper.

  His eyes widen, and he backs up with his hands in the air. “Oh, no. Jail bait!” He cups his hands over his mouth and shouts. Guys everywhere begin cheering.

  A blush rises up my neck and into my cheeks. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

  He chuckles. “Don’t worry. Nobody cares. I’m not twenty-one and I’m here breaking the rules just like you.”

  “How old are you?” He’s definitely older than me, but I’m curious just how much older.

  “How old do you think I am?”

  Opening my mouth, I second guess myself. “Twenty?”

  He smiles, shaking his head. “Close. I’m seventeen.”

  My eyes roll on their own accord. “That’s not close. Are you really seventeen?”

  “Do you want to see my driver’s license?” He doesn’t bother waiting on me before reaching into the back pocket of his shorts, pulling it out.

  Taking it from his hands, I inspect the small card. “Finn Thomas Price.”

  “Yes?”

  “What did I miss?” Jessica reappears with two full cups of beer, handing one to Finn. She eyes me curiously as I hand him back his ID.

  The Past is Your Lesson

  Grace and I are not late, in fact, we end up being the first two at the funeral home. It’s just us and the attendant.

  There are no caskets because we had Finn and Easten cremated. Instead, their urns sit before big portraits of the two. There is a third urn that sits amongst them as a representation of what would have been. A family of four. All the hairs on my neck and arms stand. It’s one thing to prepare yourself for such an occasion, but it’s another to live through it. My heart feels heavy and tight.

  People begin piling in, one by one. Most are people I’ve seen recently. My mother and step father, Torrie and her husband, Doug, Finn’s sister, Caydence, and her boyfriend, Trey, and then a few people from Finn’s job.

  Finn worked as an investment banker, so most of his colleagues are hoity-toity, uppity, middle-classers. After exchanging pleasantries with every person who enters, I lose count of how many people apologize for my loss or tragedy.

  “You must be Tobin,” a husky, deep voice says. I glance up to see a rugged-looking guy. He has dark eyes and dark hair, and if I had to bet, I’d say he’s got tattoos everywhere. He probably owns a motorcycle, too. Only today he’s wearing an immaculate-looking three-part suit.

  Something about him rings with familiarity, and I rack my brain to rem
ember where we’ve met before.

  “I’m Keifer, Finn’s cousin.”

  The minute he says his name, warning bells go off in my head. “So, you’re the infamous Keifer. I never thought I’d meet you.”

  “And what a shitty way to meet, eh?” he says, cracking a sad smile. “It’s a shame what happened. I know we never got a chance to meet before, but Finn and I used to be very close when we were younger. We were more like brothers. I had to be here.”

  “Thank you for coming. We’re all going to be at Grace’s later. I hope to see you there.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He brushes past me and my breath catches in my throat. I can’t believe Keifer Jacks is here.

  He’s one of YouTube’s ‘influencers’. They’re people who have enough followers on social media that they get paid by companies to endorse their product. Only Keifer isn’t just any influencer, he’s one of the daredevil kinds. The guys who do stupid shit and film it and then rake in the dough. It’s gotta be a tough life, one minute he’s attempting parkour, and the next he’s swimming with alligators. And with endless amounts of cash, he travels even more. It’s been years since he was at any sort of family gathering, so I’m surprised he made time to be here.

  Finn used to tell me all sorts of stories about the stupid pranks Keifer would come up with and just how many views his stunts would garner. I don’t know…color me confused, but watching someone staple various parts of their body on a dare just isn’t appealing or interesting to me.