Letters to Alice

by Rosie James

Turning to open the door, Alice hesitated for a second, remembering. Remembering Lizzie standing there four years ago, and staring at her. Staring her out and saying how it was a good thing Alice’s papa had died. Alice bit her lip. Well, we’re both orphans, now, Lizzie, so I’m sorry and I know how horrible it must have been for you. Because it is horrible. Eighteen months ago Lizzie had left the house because she was training to be a nurse at the Infirmary. Professor Carmichael had seen to it.

  Just before the end of the Easter holidays, Helena told Alice that she and the professor wanted to talk to her.

  Alice washed her hands and face and re-plaited her hair, and at 7 o’clock went down the backstairs to the morning room. Mr. and Mrs. Carmichael were both there waiting for her, and Helena patted the seat beside her on the sofa.

  ‘Come and sit down, Alice,’ she said, smiling. The professor was sitting at a low table by the window, his spectacles on the end of his nose, poring over a huge book, and he looked up and smiled at Alice as she came in.

  ‘Now then, Alice,’ Helena began, ‘we’ve got things we’d like to say to you, and we’re hoping that you’ll agree with what we’re about to suggest regarding your future.’

  Alice caught her breath for a moment. Her future? What about her future? She hadn’t begun to think of her future! All she’d been thinking about was the past. But of course…things were going to be different now that her mother was dead. Things would have to change.

  Helena cleared her throat. ‘I’m sure you are aware, Alice, that legally you may now finish your education?’ she said. ‘That you are no longer obliged to go to school?’

  Leave school? So – what, then? Alice had never discussed that with her mother…

  ‘And it occurred to me…to us…that it would be wonderful if you were to take dear Ada’s place upstairs. To look after the girls and to give them extra help with their lessons – you are more than well-equipped to teach them – and to cope with their sometimes erratic behaviour! I know they can be pests at times, but they do love you, and you seem to have such a way with them.’ Helena leaned forward eagerly. ‘What do you think, Alice? Or would you rather prefer to go to school for another year or so? It must be entirely your choice.’

  Alice almost burst into tears! There was nothing in the world that she would like more than to remain part of this family! She realized that she’d never given a single thought as to what was going to happen to her next – or whether she would still even be allowed to live here! She’d only thought about not having her mother any more and that she’d be going to school next week, as usual.

  But to stay here and take her mother’s place was a privilege…and one she would never betray.

  She paused, giving herself a moment to recover. Then – ‘I would love to teach Rose and Margaret,’ she said, ‘and help look after them. And I’d always be ready to help Cook and do other things my mother used to do.’ She swallowed. ‘Thank you so much for thinking of it, Mrs. Carmichael. For thinking of me,’ she added simply.

  Helena clapped her hands delightedly. ‘Wonderful!’ she said. ‘Then I shall speak to your school and settle everything with them there, and you can take up your duties as soon as you feel like it, Alice.’ She rested her hand on Alice’s for a second. ‘You are being such a brave child, Alice…we are all missing Ada terribly, and of course it is so much worse for you.’

  The pensive silence was broken by the professor closing his book, and standing up. ‘I shall say hurrah for two reasons,’ he said jovially. ‘First that little Alice is going to be in charge upstairs, and second, that I’ve at last acquired that dratted stamp! I was beginning to give up hope! So hurrah and hurrah!’

  ‘You must forgive my husband,’ Helena said, smiling at Alice. ‘You see, stamp-collecting is his relaxation,’ she explained. ‘It helps relieve the stress of his working day. If he can track down a rare stamp or two, he regards it even more highly than one of his successful operations!’

  Alice had never collected stamps, but she knew that many people did.

  She stood up to leave, amazed that she could feel so happy and excited when for weeks she’d felt the direct opposite.

  ‘What we don’t want you to do is worry about your future, Alice,’ Helena said, following her to the door. ‘And for now, I intend to give you enough pocket money for any shopping you might want to do, and your salary will be put into an account for safe keeping, for your future.’

  She was to have a salary! ‘Oh – but I wouldn’t want any money, Mrs. Carmichael,’ she began earnestly – Alice had never known what it was to have any money – but Helena interrupted.

  ‘Everyone needs money, Alice, and you will certainly be earning yours! Of course, naturally the girls will be going to their own boarding school in two years’ time, and then we shall think further about you. I have a little plan in mind, which you might agree with. We shall wait and see.’

  ‘When my wife has a little plan, then everyone should beware!’ the professor said, his dark eyes twinkling. ‘But what we both mean, Alice, is that this is your home for as long as you need it, or want it. Don’t ever forget that, will you?’

  Dear Samuel

  Thank you so much for your letter. It was very good of you to find the time to write to me when you’ve got all those exams to think about.

  I am slowly getting used to the fact that I shall not see my mother until we meet again in Heaven. It was especially kind of you to say that you think I am a courageous person because I have never thought of myself like that. But I do have some wonderful news to tell you, which perhaps you know already.

  Your parents have asked me to stay on at the house, and take my mother’s place as nanny to Rose and Margaret. I hope I will have my mother’s patience to deal with their tantrums! But I am so, so grateful, Sam. To be allowed to stay on at the house which has been my home for such a long time is a true blessing, and I feel truly blest.

  It will be lovely to see you in the summer holidays, after which I know you will be off to university and medical school…do you think there will be midnight feasts there and night-time pillow-fights like at boarding school? Probably not!

  I hope you are well, Sam. Everyone here is keeping very well, probably thanks to Cook’s amazing meals!

  I send you my very best wishes.

  Alice.

  PS. Did you notice that, as usual, I called you Samuel at the beginning? See what a creature of habit I am! A.

  PPS. Don’t worry about your exam results because I have told God all about it. I have asked Him to take care of everything – (I’m always doing that)– and I usually find that He does. I know you are very clever, Sam, and that you have been revising like anything, but I have asked that the examiners are all in a good mood when they mark your papers. God must be getting fed up with me mentioning your name every single night, but too bad! He needs to be kept informed about important matters! A

  Dear Alice

  I loved receiving your last letter. It did make me smile when I thought about you going on and on at God, about my examinations! I agree that He must be getting sick of the sound of both of us! But it is kind of you to be thinking about me – and I have to tell you that when I went in to face the final, very difficult, paper, I imagined you being there as well (and God, of course) as if there were three of us tackling it, not just me! And I must say – it helped.

  Well – we shall have to see if there’s a miracle going begging!

  Best wishes, Alice. Sam.

  For the next three months, Alice felt as if she had found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. To have stepped right into her mother’s shoes straightaway, doing all that Ada had done was the best of all possible healing remedies. And it was as if Ada was there, helping and guiding her all the time. Alice could actually feel her mother’s presence.

  Rose and Margaret seemed to really enjoy having a younger nanny to look after them.

  ‘You’re like an older sister!’ Rose said one day. ‘We like you playing with
us!’

  ‘Yes, but if all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, then all play and no working is far too much shirking!’ Alice replied, pretending to be stern. ‘Now come on – how are those hateful long divisions going?’

  The days were passing very quickly for Alice…there was always so much to do, and she was often downstairs as well, helping Cook who seemed to revel in teaching Alice the fine art of pastry making and of whipping up a Victoria sponge.

  ‘Beating well until your arm aches is the secret,’ Cook told her. ‘Get that wooden spoon going until the fat and sugar look like cream, then add the eggs, folding them in one at a time…’ It didn’t take Alice long to get the hang of it, and to experience the thrill of turning out a perfect golden sponge. ‘Well done,’ Cook said one day, ‘you’re not after my job as well, are you, Alice?’

  One evening, with the girls safely tucked up for the night, the ironing done, and everything in the nursery tidied up and made ready for the next day, Alice went downstairs to spend an hour with Cook. It was funny, Alice thought, how she’d been a bit afraid of Betty Evans when she was younger. Betty was the sort you wouldn’t want to pick a fight with! Now she realized what a kindly person the woman was, and sometimes they would sit there chatting together and drinking mugs of cocoa before going to bed. It always seemed such a lovely cosy way to end the day.

  Tonight, Alice was a bit more tired than usual and she was glad to plonk herself down into one of the easy chairs next to the kitchen range. Cook brought over their milky drinks, and sat down opposite.

  ‘It’s going to be lovely having Samuel home again, isn’t it?’ Cook said. ‘Such a lovely lad. They’re fetching him tomorrow, and then he’ll be home for three months before he starts university in October…following in his father’s footsteps,’ she added, ‘but it’ll be many years before he qualifies. Such a lot of hard work ahead for him, poor dear…’

  Alice sipped from her mug of cocoa thoughtfully. Sam was clever, and hard work wouldn’t bother him. But it bothered her, Alice, that she would probably see less and less of him now. It was true that he’d been away at boarding school for a long time, but he’d always been home for long holidays, when they’d been able to spend time together and walk on the Downs, chatting, chatting… Now he would be entering another world full of people as clever as him – much cleverer than her!– and maybe he wouldn’t always bother to come home for holidays at all. And when he did, he probably wouldn’t want to waste time talking to her. Because what would she have to say that would interest him, now? His head was going to be full of interesting things, and of interesting new people.

  ‘And next week,’ Cook said, ‘young Millicent is coming to stay, so it’s going to be full-house in the dining room for a week or two! Still, I like that, and everyone seems to enjoy what I put in front of them.’ She glanced at Alice. ‘I might even be glad of a bit of help from you, now and then, Alice.’

  Alice looked across. ‘Who’s Millicent?’ she enquired.

  ‘Oh – don’t you know who she is…no, perhaps you don’t, because she hasn’t visited for quite a few years.’ Cook finished her drink and put her mug down. ‘She is the daughter of Mrs. Carmichael’s only sister, who sadly died giving birth to the child…it was a dreadful thing at the time, we were in mourning here for months. Still, I believe she has grown up to be a beautiful child, and very clever, apparently. Always top of her class at boarding school. She and Sam are the same age – and Mrs. Carmichael gets such a lot of pleasure visiting the family. Her brother-in-law owns a large farm in a very rural part of Wales.’ Cook folded her arms and leaned back. ‘Of course, Millicent is the favourite amongst the other children – being the only girl, the only daughter of Mrs. Carmichael’s sister – who she was so very, very close to,’ Cook added.

  There was silence for a moment as Alice took all that in. Then – ‘What does Millicent look like?’ she said slowly. ‘Is she…pretty?’

  ‘Well, like I said, she hasn’t visited for a few years, but yes, she certainly was a lovely-looking child last time I saw her. Striking, you’d say, even at that age. Quite tall and golden-haired, with a way of carrying herself…I think she wants to be a ballet dancer,’ Cook added.

  Alice felt her heart sink like a stone. So, Millicent, beautiful, clever, Millicent, was coming to stay. And Sam would be here as well, to spend time with his cousin, to entertain her, help her have a nice holiday with the family. With their family. Millicent was family, not like her, Alice, who was not. And who would always be a rank outsider. So what else did she expect?

  Alice shook herself angrily. These sudden, ridiculous feelings of jealousy were totally misplaced. But the trouble with feelings was that they arrived unexpectedly. They weren’t invited, they just materialized. And, often, they were unpleasant and uncomfortable. But surely jealousy, envy, had to be the worst of the seven deadly sins…jealousy is such a painful emotion…

  And as if to complete her sudden feelings of misery, Cook said, leaning forward conspiratorially, ‘Between you and me, I think Mrs. Carmichael hopes that Samuel and Millicent will get married one day. It would be just perfect to help bridge the gap, because I know she still feels the loss of her sister dreadfully. It would sort of complete the family circle,’ she added.

  Alice stood up, feeling desperate to go upstairs and be by herself. She knew she was being foolish, but she just could not help it. The huge void which existed between her and Sam had suddenly grown to insurmountable proportions, and suddenly she wished she had died alongside her mother. Sometimes it would be so much more comfortable to be dead…

  Chapter Eight

  Bristol 1938

  Alice went quickly down the backstairs and into the morning room, where Mrs. Carmichael was waiting for her.

  ‘Ah, there you are Alice…well? What news?’

  Alice passed Helena the large brown envelope which had arrived in the post that morning, and presently Helena looked up, her eyes shining.

  ‘Well done, Alice! I knew you could do it!’ She studied the pages she was holding, one by one. ‘These RSA certificates are your credential for life…and they are wonderful achievements! One hundred and forty words per minute in shorthand, sixty words per minute in typewriting…and top marks for your accountancy skills! You must be thrilled…well, I am thrilled. And my husband will be, too! You worked so hard for the exams – you deserve these results!’

  The lump in Alice’s throat was so large she couldn’t speak for a moment. Her employer’s enthusiasm was as genuine as if Alice was her own daughter. Then – ‘But it’s all thanks to you, Mrs. Carmichael,’ she said slowly. ‘To go to Pitman’s college was all your idea, and you’ve supported me in every way for the last eighteen months. I simply could not have done it by myself… I could not have done it without you. I…I shall always be grateful,’ she added.

  Helena brushed all these comments to one side. ‘You are – you have been one of the family for a long time now, Alice,’ she said. ‘And supporting each other is what families do.’ She paused for a moment, then added softly, ‘And I know that Ada is aware of your success, my dear, and is very proud of you.’

  Determined not to shed a tear in front of Mrs. Carmichael, Alice said quickly, ‘My college tutor has recommended one or two companies that are advertising for clerical staff at the moment, and she suggested that I send in my application as soon as possible.’

  ‘Then you must!’ Mrs. Carmichael said. ‘And if whoever interviews you requires a reference, then you know that the professor or I would be more than happy to oblige!’ She patted Alice’s hand. ‘Whoever employs you, Alice, is going be very lucky!’

  September 1939

  World war two – soon to be known as “The People’s War” had begun, and almost at once the first air-raid warning sounded. Yet for many months all was eerily uneventful and everyone began calling it “The Phoney War”.

  Despite that rather optimistic surmise, hundreds of people began evacuating from the city, and one day
Helena came upstairs to talk to Alice.

  ‘The professor and I have been talking things over,’ she said, ‘and we think it wise for me to go to stay with my family in Wales for a few weeks, perhaps months…until the situation becomes clearer.’ She paused. ‘Of course, the war may not come to anything, but in any case it will be rather nice to spend some time with my brother-in-law and his family, where it is obviously very quiet. My husband will not be joining me because he can’t be spared from the Infirmary – but he will come to Wales from time to time, when he can.’

  Alice listened carefully, and Helena went on – ‘Most of the house here will be shut for the time being. The children are all away at school, of course, and Sam is in the middle of his medical studies in London – which does worry me, but there’s nothing I can do about that. As for Cook, she has a relation in Cornwall, where we shall take her next week.’ She smiled at Alice. ‘Of course, our main concern is for you, Alice – and although my brother-in-law is more than happy for you to come with me – in fact he suggested it – we do not want to take you over, or for you to feel pressured into fitting in with our arrangements.’ She paused. ‘You have been working at the estate agent’s office for more than a year now, and I know you are very happy there, and have made new friends. You probably do not want things to change,’ she added, ‘so this must be your decision.’

  Alice smiled quickly. What Helena had just said cleared the way for something she’d been plucking up courage to say.

  ‘Mrs. Carmichael,’ she began, ‘it is very, very kind of your brother-in-law to invite me to come with you, but…as a matter of fact…’ She swallowed. She didn’t want this to sound ungrateful… ‘Last week I saw an advertisement in the Western Daily Press for someone who wants to rent out a furnished room in her house. She is a single lady, living alone, and would like the company.’

  ‘Oh, I see…’ Helena said doubtfully. ‘Where is the house?’