Letters to Alice

by Rosie James

  But on Christmas Eve, Alice, realizing that things were a bit sad at the Gates’s house, had also invited Valerie to come and have supper on the same evening that Rex would be there. It had been a spur of the moment thing – but it had worked out well, with Rex enjoying every moment of being in the company of four young women. And after supper, they’d played Monopoly, and whether it was luck or not, Valerie had managed to walk away with almost everything on the board. Rex had been so impressed that he’d offered her a job at his office if she ever felt like coming to Bristol to work. Alice had watched the by-play between the two of them…Rex had been charming, Valerie soaking up his every word.

  At 11 o’clock, just as Alice had been heating yet another bottle of mulled wine, there had been a ring on the bell – and Valerie had cried out –

  ‘Oh NO! That’ll be my brother! I told him that I thought the party would be over by this time, and asked him to come and fetch me…to walk me home.’ She made a silly face. ‘But I don’t want to go home yet! Because we’re going to play another game, aren’t we? Shall I ask him to come back later?’

  ‘Poor chap, certainly not,’ Alice said. ‘At least he must come in and have some of this wine.’

  For a full ten seconds, Alice had just stood and stared up at the man on her doorstep, unable to utter a word. Because on that first impression, he reminded her so much of Sam that she’d held onto the door for support. In fact, for a stupid second, in the dim half-light, she’d thought it was Sam…

  Ronnie Gates was tall and well-built, his chestnut hair almost the same colour, and brushed back from his face like Sam’s – or like Sam’s used to be. Alice had no idea how Sam did his hair now…

  After some general introductions had been made so that everyone knew who everyone else was, Valerie’s brother readily joined in with the jollity of the evening, obviously relieved to forget his troubles for an hour or two. He and Valerie stayed until nearly 1 o’clock, and after she’d had time to really observe him, Alice knew that Ronnie was not like Sam at all. He didn’t have the same features or dark eyes…and his laugh wasn’t the same either…

  But he was someone you could easily take to, she’d admitted…and once or twice he’d looked at her in a way that had stirred something sensuous in her that she hadn’t felt – well – not since Marvin… And the realization had warmed her more than the wine she’d been drinking. Perhaps, one day, she could forget Sam and learn to love someone else…perhaps she wasn’t slowly dying inside, after all…

  By the time that day had finally ended, the six people present in Alice’s house had become the best of friends, exchanging addresses and telephone numbers and vowing to always keep in touch. Well, Christmas can sometimes do that to people, and the mulled wine had been unusually good.

  The 20th of January, the day before Alice’s 26th birthday, fell on a Sunday, and Rex, unknown to Alice, had contacted Fay and Eve, Valerie and her brother, and secretly arranged the day out for them all to be together again. All Alice knew was that Rex was coming to Dorchester by 10am to bring her a birthday present and take her out to lunch.

  Alice glanced out of the window as she did up the zip on her warm skirt. It would be wonderful when clothes rationing eventually came to an end, and there was really nice stuff to buy again, she thought. It had been a long time since she’d actually browsed in the shops for herself – even though she’d never done much of that, anyway – and Goulds dress shops – at the top and bottom of the town – looked likely targets of interest when stocks really began to arrive again and there were bright, colourful things to purchase.

  Just then the doorbell rang. 10 o’clock on the dot. Alice smiled. Rex was always punctual. It was one of the things he’d always been proud about, and Alice ran quickly down the stairs. She’d already prepared some coffee.

  But what she wasn’t prepared for was the group of people standing on her path, waiting to be invited in. Fay and Eve, Valerie and Ronnie, were there, all smiles, and bearing brightly-wrapped gifts.

  ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday tomorrow!’ they all chorused. ‘Happy birthday, Alice!’ Then, hardly waiting to be asked, they trooped in, everyone talking at once and Alice almost in tears as she hugged them, one at a time.

  ‘Rex!’ she exclaimed. ‘You…you…scheming wretch! And the rest of you! At least one of you might have let me in on the secret!’

  ‘Ah well, it wouldn’t have been a secret, then, would it, my luvver?’ Fay said. ‘Hope coffee’s ready – we’ve been on the road a long time and breakfast was some time ago!’

  Rex explained that his surprise plan was a trip to Weymouth. ‘It might be a bit crowded in the car,’ he admitted, ‘but Ronnie can sit by me in the front, and you four girls can make do in the back…on each other’s laps or something…it won’t take long to get there.’

  For the next hour they sat around the dining room table to drink coffee and to munch on some cakes, and to watch Alice open the gifts they’d brought her. And she did feel touched that they’d all wanted to come and be with her on this particular weekend. January was not a good month to have a birthday – especially a Monday, a working day in January – which added to its dreariness. So Rex had decided that Sunday would be the day to celebrate instead. And Alice was going to enjoy it with the people she really liked…

  But never forgetting certain of her other birthdays with people she liked, loved…and with all his conniving, she somehow didn’t think that Rex could arrange a royal visit for this one…

  Much later, well wrapped up against the cold and blustery weather, the six walked along Weymouth’s promenade arm in arm, all chattering and laughing, with Fay, as usual, leading the banter, and Eve wanting to stop and make a fuss of all the dogs who passed by with their walkers. Ronnie treated them all to fish and chips for their lunch and they sat huddled together in one of the shelters to eat it out of newspaper, later, all licking at the ice cream cornets Eve insisted they should have.

  To outsiders, the situation might have seemed cold, grey and dismal, but there was nothing dismal to the six. Everyone was in such high spirits, obviously enjoying being together again so that climate and temperature were irrelevant. And later, in the warmth and comfort of a hotel lounge bar on the front, they sat around swapping stories and anecdotes and drinking anything they wanted with Rex determined to pay the bill. Well, this was all his idea, and it had gone – was going – so well – he’d even have settled the account for them all to have an overnight stay! If it wasn’t for blasted work in the morning and having to get Fay and Eve back home again.

  He glanced down at Alice. She was sitting next to Ronnie, listening avidly to what he was telling her about some of his war experiences…and Rex bit his lip. His own life had nothing of such interest, of such import. Nothing to shout or brag about. Anyway…he didn’t hold out much hope for himself with Alice, not any more. Not in the way he’d once hoped.

  He took a swig from his beer. He’d noticed the way Ronnie had made sure he was next to Alice all the time they’d been walking, and that they’d been holding hands. And that Alice had clearly not objected. Not one bit.

  After the day was done and she was tucked up in bed once more, Alice thought over everything that had gone on to celebrate her birthday tomorrow, and what a special experience it had been for her. Rex was such a good bloke…he’d gone to some trouble to link up with the others, had brought Fay and Eve down, and then all of them in his little car to Weymouth. That had been quite a squash, admittedly, but they’d managed, with Valerie sitting on her brother’s lap in the front for some of the time.

  And she thought of something else, as well. Of how Ronnie had been so attentive for much of the day, had stayed close to her, not letting go of her hand…and of how she hadn’t wanted him to. Well, he must be missing his wife – and Alice? She had to admit that she found Valerie’s brother attractive, had liked the warmth of his hand around hers, the feel of his fingers lacing with her own in a sort of possessive gesture that she fou
nd appealing…

  The following morning, Alice got to the office early so that she could set everything up properly in order to greet the first client who might wander in. Last week had been exceptionally busy, and she hoped it was the omen of things to come. There were already two viewings arranged for Wednesday and Thursday, and she was looking forward to dealing with that. Being with customers on site was Alice’s favourite part of the job, and Valerie was very good at keeping everything ticking over while she was out. In fact, in the few months they had been working together, Alice and Valerie had formed a very good team – and Mr. Pennington, who’d come down just before Christmas, had complimented them both on how they were handling things.

  It had been barely light when Alice had left the house earlier, and she’d almost bumped into the postman as he came up the path. She had taken some mail he had for her, and pushed it all into her bag, and now seemed as good a time as any to look at who had written to her. Valerie wouldn’t be in for another half an hour.

  Alice quickly put aside any in brown envelopes with windows, then sat down to study the rest. There were birthday cards from the five she’d been with yesterday, and one from Helena.

  And then there was the envelope bearing Sam’s familiar handwriting! That was a total surprise, because he hadn’t remembered her birthday for the last couple of years! Alice’s hands trembled slightly as she opened the small package containing a birthday card, letter, and a gift neatly wrapped in pink, shiny paper. But the only thing she wanted to look at was the letter…

  My dear Alice

  Happy birthday! I am so ashamed to admit that I only remembered the date just in time to catch the post! Also that I know I have missed one or two of your birthdays in the past. But to be honest, I only remember my own when my mother reminds me!

  Anyway, the little gift I have enclosed is to wish you a very happy day, and to ask your forgiveness for my poor memory. I have made a New Year’s resolution to try and improve.

  I am kept well informed about your progress, Alice – the family, all of us, are so proud of you, as we always have been.

  I wonder if you will be coming to Clifton at all soon? It would be so good if you could find the time. But we realize what a full and interesting life you lead, and we must not be selfish and make any demands.

  In the meantime, I would love to receive one of your letters to cheer me up. It seems my whole life is one long process of learning and studying and sitting exams – will there ever be an end to it? Frankly, I am in need of some support, so, when you have a moment…

  With my best wishes, and my love –

  Sam.

  PS. If we can’t entice you to Clifton, why don’t I come down to Dorchester? I know the town, and it would be lovely to visit it again, and to see where you are living. I have time off during Easter this year, so perhaps that would be a good idea? If you are free, of course. Let me know. I am beginning to think that we shan’t know each other if we don’t meet soon…though I am certain that you will always look as I remember you. But I could always wear a red carnation or something, to identify me! S

  Alice was glad that Valerie wasn’t in yet, because she wanted time to read and re-read the letter…the first for such a long time. Perhaps saying he wanted to come to Dorset was because he felt a bit guilty. But still – the bit at the end was something…Sam had sent her his love – again! Did he really mean it in the way she hoped? Or was it becoming a routine way of ending his letters now? Insignificant, really?

  It was several minutes before Alice opened the gift he had sent, and she took time to undo it, putting the paper to one side and folding it carefully before opening the small box.

  Inside was a heart-shaped locket on a fine gold chain, and immediately she saw it Alice’s own heart quickened. This was surely something significant…a significant gift to send anyone! To send a girl! After studying it for a moment, she carefully prized apart the two sections which contained spaces for tiny photographs on either side, hoping there’d be one of Sam…hoping he might have put one there so that she could match it with one of herself…that would really tell her something!

  But they were just blank spaces, signifying absolutely nothing.

  And anyway, lockets were a very popular gift. Many people wore them, with or without photographs inside. Alice’s shoulders slumped briefly. She was such a fool. How many times had she made things up, read things that were not there…

  She put the necklace back into the box, her mind a mix of emotions. Whatever she thought about his present to her, his letter meant everything, everything in the world. They were in touch…and he wanted to hear from her, wanted to see her! The best birthday greeting she could have wished for! She felt light, airy…as light as a feather drifting on a summer breeze…

  In bed that night, unable to sleep, Alice thought about Sam’s letter again…well, she already knew it by heart, and the thing that had been missing was any mention of Millicent…nothing. You’d have thought that if the two were engaged to be married, Sam would have included the news…perhaps there’d been a falling-out, a parting of the ways?

  Alice tortured herself, considering all the possibilities…

  After all, the fact that he hadn’t said anything didn’t mean anything, either…but Alice knew what she knew. What she’d seen on that unforgettable afternoon at The Ritz…their obvious adoration of each other, their faces so close, the way he’d lifted her hands to kiss them…and Millicent, Helena’s precious niece, had had her feet under the table in the Carmichaels’ family from the word go! She was holding all the cards, so there was no contest, was there?

  Alice turned over, burying her face in her pillow. If only Sam had put a tiny snap of himself in the locket he’d sent her, it would have meant everything! Everything! It would have given her a little hope – well, quite a lot of hope…because it would have suggested he wanted her picture next to his! But he hadn’t bothered…it had obviously not crossed his mind to do that. No, the locket was just a little trinket he’d probably noticed in a jeweller’s window as he passed by on his way to the hospital, something that he knew might appeal to her. And it did have a very nice chain…

  Alice reached for the hankie she’d put under her pillow, and blew her nose. She hadn’t cried for a very long time and she wasn’t going to start now.

  Dear Samuel

  Thank you so much for your birthday wishes, and for the locket. It is charming, and just the right length to go with most of what I wear.

  I had a lovely day, spent with friends, old and new – well the celebrations actually took place a day early, since my birthday fell on a working Monday – ugh!

  I would love to see you at Easter – perhaps on Easter Monday, when my office will be closed? It’s a couple of months ahead of course, but let me know in good time when you would expect to arrive, and I’ll be at the station to meet you. I’m pretty certain that there won’t be any need for you to wear a red carnation, or any other form of identification. Unless all your hard work has changed you beyond recognition!

  Love, Alice.

  PS. I shall enjoy reacquainting you with the town, which really feels like home to me now.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Alice stood silently with the rest of the congregation, and listened as the two made their vows.

  She hadn’t wanted to be here at all, and anyway, would rather have been at the back somewhere out of sight. Instead, they’d insisted she should have a seat near the front which gave her a perfect view of the bride and groom.

  It was a fine, autumn day at the end of September. Almost the same weekend as Gloria’s wedding last year, when she, Alice, had had a more significant part to play than just witnessing these two people at the altar make their promises.

  She tried to take deep breaths, realizing that she didn’t really like weddings. She found them unnerving, somehow…

  The sun shafting through the ancient windows shafted its beams around the central characters in this performance, a
ccentuating every detail of their appearance. The bride, tall and graceful and supported by one tiny bridesmaid, was dressed in a simple, cream gown, and carried a small posy of red roses. She was gazing up at her beloved with an expression of such meaning that it brought a lump to the throats of all those present. Because she clearly adored this man, and was promising to love him with all her heart until death parted them.

  And he, tall and immaculately turned out, bent his head towards her – that head of rich, coppery hair that glistened and shone with fiery lights – and returned her gaze with one as deep as his bride’s…speaking his vows clearly and without hesitation. Leaving no one in any doubt that this union was unassailable and would remain for ever.

  The simple ceremony took less than twenty minutes, and was followed by the lusty singing of “Love Divine, All Loves Excelling”. Then the wedding group came back down the aisle of the church, all smiling, some tearful, as the organ rang out with Mendelssohn’s famous “Wedding March”.

  It had been simple, and brief. Just as Alice would have expected. Just as anyone would have expected. But gloriously evocative and sincere and meaningful as any more elaborate ceremony might have been.

  Because that morning, with a heart full of love, understanding and forgiveness, Ronnie Gates had taken his bride to him for a second time, and had joined her in a re-enactment of their union.

  And this time, it would be for good.