Letters to Alice
Page 35
By now, most feeling had drained from Alice’s body, because she was numb. All she did feel was a renewed sense of loss. This was really the end for her. And another bereavement. Losing Helena had been painful enough, but now she was finally losing Sam, as well.
But – suddenly – Alice didn’t care any more…didn’t care about whether Millicent would feel second-best or not as she shared in Sam’s glittering career, didn’t care if she felt neglected. Didn’t care if the woman was happy, didn’t care if she was alive or dead…
Alice forced herself to look up at Sam, and saw that he was genuinely worried, genuinely anxious and concerned, about this most vital of decisions. And he was asking her to decide for him! How could he be so cruel, so utterly cruel…
He was gazing earnestly into her eyes, waiting for the answer he wanted to hear about his beloved. And she would give it to him. She could do nothing else. Honesty was always the best policy. She cleared her throat.
‘The answer to your problem hardly needs stating, Sam,’ she said, her voice clear. ‘If your wife-to-be loves you, loves you deeply for the person that you are, and respects what you intend doing, then she will want to marry you. Come what may, she will not hesitate, nor will she ever blame you for your chosen path in life.’ Alice swallowed hard before going on, her fingers automatically reaching for the anchor at her neck.
‘She will want to travel it with you, Sam – as your mother did with your father,’ Alice went on, knowing that tears were forming behind her eyes. ‘So, in my opinion, you should get married as soon as possible.’
Well, she’d said it, and her own words hit her with a savage blow. She was advising Samuel, her Sam, to marry another woman. To marry the wretched Millicent, who’d always held all the cards in the pack. And what she, Alice, had just said to Sam was true enough – if the woman he intended marrying loved him, truly loved him, if Millicent loved him, as she surely did if appearances meant anything, that was the answer to his problem. There was no problem.
There was a long, long silence, then Sam dropped to his knees and took both Alice’s hands in his. Then –
‘Thank you, Alice – I knew you would give me good and sound advice,’ he said softly. ‘And I knew I could trust you to have my best interests at heart. So…’ he waited before murmuring, ‘will you marry me, Alice? That’s if you love me enough, of course…’
If a bolt of lightning had suddenly hit her, Alice couldn’t have been more stunned. What had he just said? Would she marry him? But…wait a minute… She tried to say something, but no words came out, and he went on –
‘Look – you don’t have to answer straightaway… I realize you’ll obviously need to think this over very carefully – and I’m sorry if you feel that asking you here has been something of a ruse, but I wasn’t sure exactly how to go about all this…my proposal of marriage, I mean…I don’t have any experience of marriage proposing…’ Alice interrupted him.
‘Sam – what about…Millicent?’ she murmured tremulously. ‘I thought…I thought that you and she were…I thought it was Millicent you were talking about…’
Sam frowned, still holding Alice’s hands tightly. ‘Millicent is my cousin,’ he said. ‘We’ve always been quite close – mostly because she was my mother’s link with her only sister who died giving birth to Millicent. Millicent always looked on my mother as her own, and my mother was very, very fond of her. But – me and Millicent? Never,’ he said firmly.
Alice wasn’t convinced. ‘But I saw you Sam, I saw you together at the Ritz. In London. During the war…’
Now it was Sam’s turn to look mystified. He knelt back on his heels and stared at her. ‘You were at the Ritz, Alice?’
‘Yes, I was there with Fay and Eve, having tea. Fay arranged it as a surprise. And I saw you with Millicent…you were sitting very close together…you seemed very…intense.’
Sam’s expression cleared, and he smiled slowly. ‘Oh Alice. Fancy you thinking anything about that,’ he said. He sighed. ‘I’m afraid my cousin is a rather flighty girl and is in and out of relationships all the time. Which always come to grief.’ He looked serious. ‘I hope it will come right for her one day,’ he said. ‘Anyway, she’d asked me to meet her there to give her some advice over the latest matter of the heart – that’s all. I have been her father confessor for many years,’ he added, smiling briefly.
By this time, Alice knew that she wouldn’t be able to get to her feet however hard she tried, and she wondered if she was dreaming. She buried her hands more closely into Sam’s to make sure…but no, it was real, he was real. He wasn’t going to melt away, and she wasn’t going to wake up in a minute.
‘So,’ Sam said quietly, ‘do you need time to consider what I’ve asked of you, Alice? I shall quite understand if you do.’
Alice dropped her head softly, slowly, onto his shoulder, breathing in the strong, manly scent of him… ‘Samuel, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam,’ she murmured, ‘I have always loved you. Didn’t you know that? Did you never guess?’
He put his arms right around her then, and held her to him. ‘And did you never guess that I’ve always loved you, too, Alice?’ he said. ‘My mother knew it – almost from the beginning. Even when we were children she said we were like a pigeon pair. But she was adamant that as you grew up you should not be coerced, that you should be allowed time to spread your wings away from us– of course the war took care of some of that, it’s true –and before that she encouraged you to have a career. She wanted you to have time away from this family to whom you’ve given so much of your life. Freedom is a natural right, and she said that you should be given yours.’ Sam paused for a second. ‘She also said that if we were meant to be together, we would be. It would happen. One day, we would be together.’
Alice had sometimes allowed herself to wonder how she would accept a proposal of marriage – if she was ever given one. Now that moment had come. And they both knew what that answer would be. She snuggled into him more closely, then made to stand up and he stood as well, moving away slightly, but still holding her. And not wanting these wonderful, magical moments to pass by too quickly, she whispered, ‘Dance with me, Sam. Let’s dance. Let’s dance that foxtrot again…can we? It’s been such a long time…’
Reluctantly, he let her go and went over to the gramophone. The record he wanted was already on the turntable, and in a few seconds the dance band began playing the familiar number…
Then he took Alice in his arms, holding her so close that they might have been one person, and now with their lips touching, touching deeply, intimately, for the first time in their lives – they began to sway to the dreamy, wistful music…and let the words speak for them.
Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there’s a land that I dreamed of, once, in a lullaby. Some day I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me…
For Alice, at last, the clouds were drifting out of sight, and she was flying above the rainbow…flying…flying…with all the birds that ever sang…
At midnight on Tuesday, the 23rd of December, 1947, Samuel Carmichael escorted his new wife up the front stairs to their newly refurbished master bedroom.
Another Mrs. Carmichael was now in residence at Clifton.
As for those other wise monkeys…Fay Reynolds and Eve Miles?
Well…
CARINA™
ISBN: 978 1 474 03198 1
Letters to Alice
Copyright © 2015 Rosie James
Published in Great Britain (2015)
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