by Ivy Jordan
“He said he’s fine. I’m sure he’s fine,” I stated.
“No, he could be lying. What if it’s worse than he said?” Holly started to become hysterical.
“Baby, I’m sure he’s fine,” I gripped her in my arms and held her tight.
Her little body was shaking. My God. She was terrified of losing her father. I hadn’t realized just how close they’d become, how much it truly meant to her to have him in her life.
“I’ll go. I’ll go check on him before work,” I promised.
My promise calmed her down. She sniffled, her body lifting in my arms, and then lowering with a deep sigh.
“Thank you,” she said sweetly.
I pulled from the embrace, wiped the tears from her eyes, and offered her a tissue to blow her nose.
Kids were already walking up to the brick building, ready to start their day, and I knew the bell would go off soon.
“You better go,” I smiled, getting a faint one in return as she opened the door of my car.
I loved my mornings when I could take her to school, my late days, but now instead of stopping for coffee and a donut, I’d be visiting Liam in the hospital. What was I even going to say?
Anxiety poured over me like a rainfall as I pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Aiden’s truck was parked beside me, and as I got out, I noticed blood on the passenger side door.
My stomach turned as I looked away, heading quickly into the emergency room.
Aiden was asleep in the hard chair outside the triage entrance, roused awake by my presence standing over him.
“Alyssa, what are you doing here?” he asked groggily.
“Holly insisted I check on her father,” I admitted.
I wondered how much Liam had told Aiden about our hookups, my crazy behavior. Ugh, probably everything. Why wouldn’t he? They were best friends.
“That’s sweet,” he smiled.
“Where’s Liam?” I questioned.
“He’s back there, waiting for a doctor,” he advised, pointing me towards the door behind him marked as triage.
I moved to the desk beside the door. A small woman with mousy brown hair and a thin nose greeted me with a less-than-friendly smile.
I gave her Liam’s name, avoided telling her we weren’t a couple, and simply explained I have to check on him for our daughter.
She was reluctant, but got up with a sigh and opened the door.
“He’s in room two,” she pointed down the hall.
The hallway was long, winding, and the rooms I passed all had drawn curtains so I couldn’t see inside. I finally made it to the room she directed me to, again, greeted by a closed curtain. I hesitated before sliding the curtain open.
“What are you doing here?” Liam asked, surprised.
“Holly wouldn’t calm down until I promised I’d check on you,” I chuckled.
It was awkward, being in this hospital where I gave birth to Holly alone, now with Liam lying in a bed similar to the one I’d had.
“I’m sorry about that. I just didn’t want to disappoint her by standing her up in case I wasn’t out of here. This place is crazy,” he gasped.
“It is. Always has been,” I smiled.
“Oh yeah, you have experience?” he asked, a slight smile on his face.
I wasn’t sure I was in the mood for small talk. I was still leery of him, fearful he’d leave, break not only my heart, but Holly’s.
“This is where I had Holly,” I admitted.
His eyes widened, and his smile disappeared.
“I wish I’d been here,” he admitted.
“Me too,” I sighed, taking a seat in the chair next to his bed. “Let me see your hand,” I asked, leaning forward.
He extended it towards me, covered, but obviously still bleeding quite a bit.
“You want me to take the wrap off?” he asked.
“No,” I shook my head.
“You still queasy around blood?” he laughed.
“Not as queasy as you. How’d you keep from passing out?” I teased.
“Being in the SEALs, you learn to deal with blood,” he grimaced.
“Having a baby, you learn to deal with it too,” I chuckled, lightening the topic.
“I’m really sorry I wasn’t here,” Liam reached out, placing his right hand over mine.
“Being a SEAL was your dream, your destiny,” I smiled.
“It was amazing. I saw the world, fought a war, made life-long brothers, and I’d trade it all to have been here,” he gushed.
“I wouldn’t have asked you to do that,” I sighed.
It was true. I wouldn’t have wanted Liam to miss out on all those experiences, even though I did try to make him stay after my brother died. He died doing what he loved. He wouldn’t have been happy here, living a long life to please us, giving up on what he was born to do. Liam wouldn’t have been either. I knew that. I’d made peace with that.
“How big was Holly when she was born? Was she as cute as she is now?” he asked, somewhat giddy and a little groggy.
It was obvious he’d been given pain medication for his hand. I chuckled at his messed-up expression, leaned back in my seat, pulling my hand from his, and told him the story of when Holly was born.
He listened as I explained the car ride, the doctor that forgot my name, and how Holly had come two weeks early, determined to be in the world.
“Yes, she was just as cute,” I sighed, remembering what it was like to hold her for the first time.
I cried so hard that day, missing Liam, and praying that he would walk through that door. I didn’t tell him that part.
“I want to see her baby pictures,” he smiled proudly.
“You will,” I replied, thinking it may be nice to have an evening on the couch going through her baby albums.
The doctor came in, unwrapped Liam’s hand, and gave me the first glimpse of his injury. My stomach twisted and turned as the doctor explained how he planned to remove it quickly and then pack the hole with gauze for the next few days.
“Hands heal quick,” he smiled.
I wanted to throw up.
Liam’s drugs had either kicked in, or he truly had grown accustomed to blood overseas, because he turned his hand back and forth, checking out the nail that went all the way through.
“It isn’t so bad,” he laughed.
“Ugh,” I groaned in disagreement.
“Are you his wife?” the doctor asked.
My throat closed, nearly instantly. I couldn’t speak.
“Yes,” Liam slurred.
My face went pale, and I could feel my hands beginning to sweat. Why would he tell him that?
“So, you’ll be taking him home?” the doctor asked, directing his question towards me.
Aiden walked in through the curtain. “No, I’m taking him home,” he announced.
Thank God.
“Okay. He will be loopy for a few hours after this procedure, probably the rest of the day. Let him sleep. He can clean the wound out with water, nothing else, but the gauze should stay in place for at least twenty-four hours,” the doctor gave instructions on his care.
I was still reeling from what he’d said. His wife.
“I better get to work,” I patted Aiden on the back and then nodded towards Liam with a smile.
I had an urge to lean in and hug him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t.
The sky covered with gray clouds, and rain started to spit on my face as I walked out of the hospital. It matched my mood.
I climbed into my car, sitting there for what felt like an eternity. I was in a daze, a trance, just numb from the emotions that had flooded through my heart once again.
I loved him. I loved Liam. It was a mistake. I knew that. I had to shake it off.
Tears spilled from my eyes, burning my cheeks as they flopped onto my scrubs, competing with the ones from the sky, growing larger as they splashed onto my windshield.
What was I crying for? Was it the fact I still loved L
iam, or that fact that I knew I couldn’t, that I shouldn’t?
Chapter Nineteen
Liam
My hand throbbed like crazy, but my mind was finally clear. I picked up the prescription bottle filled with pain pills and tossed them into the trash. I didn’t need any more of that. I barely remembered Alyssa coming to see me at the hospital, but Aiden confirmed she’d been there.
Holly had been by twice since I’d been home, and even though it was foggy, I could remember her smile. She told me she loved me, and I’d told her I loved her. It felt so surreal.
Now that I was back in my right state of mind, no pain medication in my system, I wanted to see my daughter, but she was in school. I’d have to wait until that night. Did I make any plans? I couldn’t remember.
I should call Alyssa anyway, to make arrangements to see Holly. I knew her leaving her house to walk to mine was weighing on her heavily; that part I could remember clearly: Alyssa standing in my bedroom doorway, her hand on her hip, scolding Holly who sat on the edge of my bed. Shit, what did I even say to her?
I picked up my phone, opened a new text for Alyssa, and just stared at the screen.
What should I say to her? There was so much.
Me: Hey, sorry if I’ve been out of it the past couple days…
I bit down on my lip, waiting to see a returned message come through, but nothing.
I shoved my phone into my pocket and puttered around the house. There wasn’t much I could do. I was bored.
The garden was unsafe; with the hole in my hand, dirt could create an infection. I was still in pain, so I wasn’t up to starting any new projects, but I couldn’t just sit here, antsy.
I pulled my phone back out of my pocket, ready to text Aiden to check if he was off work due to the rain. It was a dreary day. From what I remembered, it had been pretty nasty out since I was released from the hospital.
The screen with the text I sent Alyssa was still up, and it showed that she was typing a message. I stared, waiting, anxious to see what she’d send, when finally it beeped.
Alyssa: It’s okay. I’m glad you’re feeling better.
Me: Thanks. I know Holly had been over, but I barely remember it. Anyway, I could get her tonight?
Alyssa: She has a birthday party to attend tonight.
Me: Okay, well, do you want to get together?
It was a bold move, I knew that, but I had to try. I didn’t want to be alone, mainly because all I could do was think about Alyssa.
I sat down in the kitchen chair, watching the screen, but nothing. There was no notification that she was typing a message, just nothing.
Dumbass, why did you have to scare her away?
Alyssa: Sorry, had to answer the phone. I have a meeting at church tonight about the carnival.
It didn’t sound like an excuse. It sounded legitimate. Okay, so she had a meeting, she didn’t say no, hell no, or quit asking me. This was a good step in the right direction.
Me: Okay. Holly and I have been working on the boards and decorations; they are almost done. Do you need me to drop them at the church?
Alyssa: I didn’t know you two were working on that?
I could tell she was excited. It had been a surprise, but I couldn’t help but spill the beans. Holly wouldn’t care. She’d been begging to tell her for over a week.
Me: Yes. We wanted to help.
Alyssa: Thank you!
I waited for another response, or one that answered my question. I knew she’d have an easier time explaining to the church what she had planned with the visuals. The boards looked great, the games were all done, and the only thing left was to create the booths, which were mainly stakes in the ground with colorful material attached like curtains. It was going to turn out great.
Why wasn’t she answering me?
I wanted to text her back, ask her to respond, but didn’t want to push. Maybe she got another call or had a patient. Maybe she didn’t want to talk to me anymore and had just been polite initially.
Alyssa: I just finished up here. Do you want to grab lunch?
Her text left me speechless for a moment.
Me: Absolutely!
Alyssa: I know a great place, but it’s a couple towns over. I’ll text you the address.
Me: Okay. Leaving now.
I jumped up, giving myself a head rush, and almost losing balance. I caught myself with the back of the kitchen chair, but unfortunately, used my bad hand. Fuck, that hurt.
I stared at the trashcan, at the pill bottle. Nope. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t drive if I took one. But, damn, I needed one.
Even with my hand throbbing, I managed to get dressed in record time. As I walked out the front door, my phone beeped. It was Alyssa, giving me the address of the place she wanted to meet at. Damn, it was twenty miles away. Was she afraid to be seen with me, or was this place that good?
As I pulled up the diner, it was run down; a sign had two letters missing, calling it Lod’s instead of Lloyd’s. It certainly wasn’t for the atmosphere, and doubtful for the food with the empty parking lot, so she must have chosen this place because she was afraid to be seen with me in public.
Alyssa’s car was parked in front, so I parked beside it. She was already inside. I stepped out of my car, walked towards the door, my hand nearly slipping from the greasy handle as I pulled the doors open. I knew then she must really be embarrassed to be seen with me.
Alyssa’s hand waved in the air as if I couldn’t find her in the empty place. She was in the back, her long dark hair flowing down her shoulders, and her dark eyes glistening from the dim lights of the diner.
“Hey,” I said sliding into the booth seat across from her.
“I know, this place is a wreck,” she smiled nervously.
“Yeah. I was thinking you must really be ashamed to be seen with me,” I chuckled.
“It’s not that. It’s just, people talk, ya know?” she shrugged.
“I get it,” I said, even though I didn’t.
I didn’t have to get it. I was here with Alyssa. It didn’t matter where I was as long as she was with me.
“So, this place have anything edible?” I whispered.
An older lady wearing a stained waitress uniform from what looked like the seventies and gray hair pulled up in a messy bun approached the table.
“What can I get ya?” she asked, her fingers stained with nicotine, her teeth mostly missing, and lipstick painted on where I can only assume her lips used to be.
“I’ll just have coffee,” I smiled politely.
There was no way in hell I was eating anything from the kitchen that was behind her. It was covered in grease, and a large man behind the counter scratching his back with a metal spatula stared at the fly on the wall like he was hunting down his prey.
“Me too,” Alyssa added, sending the waitress on her way for a moment.
I didn’t speak. I waited for the woman to return, pouring what looked like black sludge into our dirty cups.
When she walked away, I rolled my eyes, pushed the cup to the center of the table, and gave Alyssa a concerning look.
“I’m really sorry,” she gushed.
“You should be,” I laughed.
“So, when do you start work?” she asked.
“This November,” I replied.
“Senator Kline is a good man,” Alyssa smiled.
Small talk. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk, but it was a start.
“Yes. I usually don’t get too involved in politics; well, at least not with politicians. But I liked what he stood for, and I do believe he can do some good,” I explained.
“Yeah. I didn’t really see you as a political junkie,” she teased.
Wow. That smile. It was good to see her smile.
“Ya know, that’s the first smile I’ve seen since I got here,” I pointed out.
She giggled.
My heart was melting just listening to her, watching her. That nervous, shy demeanor that made my heart sing
for her in high school was still there. She hadn’t changed much.
“Senator Kline is a patient at our office,” Alyssa changed the subject back to my work.
“Oh, so you clean his teeth?” I smirked.
“I do,” she replied and then giggled again. That sound was so sweet, so delicious.
I reached across the table, touching her hand for only a moment. She didn’t pull away.
“So, how did you score a half day?” I asked.
“It was just super slow,” she stated.
“Thank you for letting me be a part of Holly’s life,” I rambled.
I reached across the table, this time leaving my hand on hers. She still didn’t pull away.
“It means a lot to her,” she sighed.
“I’d like to be a part of both of your lives,” I admitted.
“You’ve been gone a long time, Liam. Things have changed,” she said softly, but that wasn’t exactly a no either.
“You don’t seem to have changed much,” I smiled.
“I have; we both have,” she inserted.
“I know one thing that hasn’t changed,” I grinned, squeezing her hand tightly in mine.
“What’s that?” she took the bait.
“How I feel about you,” I whispered.
Her eyes locked onto mine, so intimate, so seductive. I could have thrown her down on that dirty, sticky diner floor and made love to her while the old man swatted at flies with the spatula.
“It wouldn’t take much to get the old flame going again,” I flirted.
“I don’t think that’s a problem,” she giggled and then blushed.
“Then what is the problem?” I asked as she pulled her hand away from mine.
“I’ll have to think about it,” she finally said.
So that’s it. She didn’t say yes, but she didn’t say no. She would think about it, and that’s something, right?
Chapter Twenty
Alyssa
“What am I gonna do?” I pleaded.
Maria sat across the kitchen table, the one that I bought from a thrift store for fifty dollars. It wasn’t much, but it was cute, vintage, and went well with my décor. She pushed her hair back from her shoulder, glaring at me with dark, unforgiving eyes. I knew she wasn’t pleased with my question.
