Covert Desires

by Sondae Bennett

  Amber shook her head even as the smile she’d been trying to hide bloomed. “Always so quick with the comebacks.”

  Indecision gripped her. On the one hand, she wanted to go out with Danny. Wanted to spend time with him. The past two weeks had merely cemented her feelings for him. And he clearly wanted to spend time with her as well. Her gut was screaming yes, yes,yes!

  But then there was the other side. Her job, her duty, and her sanity. How could she continue to deceive him, and what happened when she slipped up and revealed too much? Her mind had a tendency to forget who she pretended to be around him.

  Her boss had been asking about him. Kept urging her to get closer to the one friend she’d made. But Amber knew in her heart using Danny wasn’t the right move. And it wasn’t something she could keep doing with him creeping closer and closer to her heart. If they kept heading down the route they were on, she’d have to eventually reveal everything. Already, she felt closer to him than almost everyone else in her life.

  Around him, the agent went away and the woman emerged. The woman who wanted to feel feminine and loved. Who wanted to give in to the desire pulsing through her body whenever he neared. The one tempted to quit her job and leave her life in DC for the one she could see building here so clearly.

  “One date. That’s all I’m asking for.”

  It wasn’t a plea. The dare shone clear as day from his eyes. From his one upraised eyebrow. What harm could one date cause? She’d been in the area for three weeks now, and so far had seen nothing more suspicious than his bitchy sister and mean-looking brother. Not all that suspicious in the first place. Not to mention they’d been practically dating every day when he came over while she pretended to search for a job she didn’t need. Maybe it was time to get out and have a little fun. What was that saying? All work and no play…

  “Fine, one date.”

  His smile was positively lethal. “All right. Saturday. I’ll pick you up at nine. AM. Wear something warm and comfortable.”

  She expected him to leave then. To her surprise, he picked up the Windex and continued to clean the windows. She watched him for a moment. Saw the determination lining his body.

  “You’re still going to come over every day, aren’t you?”

  “What, you want me to give up our afternoons together just because you agreed to spend the day with me on Saturday?”

  “Whoa, I agreed to a date, not a whole day,” she shot back with a grin. Now that she’d given in, she saw no reason to hold back at all. Besides, judging from the past few weeks, awareness of time seemed to vanish when they were together. Even if she wanted to limit her time with him, which she no longer saw the need to, she doubted she’d stick to the resolve.

  “Semantics.”

  She caught the rag he threw at her.

  “Now, come help me clean these windows.”

  Amber bit the inside of her cheek. “I see, now I have to clean.”

  “You don’t have to do anything. But if you help, we’ll get done sooner. And then we can spend the rest of the afternoon flirting over lemonade.” The smile he gave her was positively predatory.

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “How did you know I have fresh lemonade waiting inside?”

  As if he were avoiding the question, he shrugged and turned back to the window. “Considering the town is now in a lemon drought, I asked Joe at the supermarket what gives. And he admitted a certain someone bought out the store.”

  “I did not buy out the store.” She swiped him with her rag before turning to the windows and rubbing at the spot he’d sprayed with Windex.

  “Besides, I can smell the lemons.”

  That made her pause. She sniffed the air and couldn’t detect any such thing. Curious. Even more curious was the fact that Danny still wouldn’t meet her eyes. Then again, maybe he was just teasing her again. Joe had probably told him she’d bought a whole bag of lemons. Small towns were always rife with rumors. Everyone always in everyone else’s business.

  Or he could have seen the pitcher through the windows he cleaned. Lots of ways for him to find out, and she was being silly. Concocting conspiracy theories because of lemonade. She almost laughed out loud. Ridiculous.

  Chapter 10

  Checking her hair once more in the hallway mirror, Amber went to open the door with a smile in place. True to his word, Danny hadn’t stopped coming by in the afternoons to do chores around the house. But even though she’d seen him every day since agreeing to go out with him, she was excited to discover what he had in store for their date.

  Her smile died when she opened the door and saw who waited on the other side.

  “Not happy to see me, huh?” Laurie asked, striding in as if she owned the place.

  “Danny’s coming to pick me up and then we’re heading out.” She turned to face the woman. Hopefully Danny would arrive before the punches started flying. Although Laurie hadn’t made any snide comments…yet.

  “I know.” Laurie paused, sizing her up. “You’re important to Danny. Which makes you important to me. My question is, is Danny important to you?”

  If her eyes had been unfriendly, Amber would have scoffed at the question, and told the woman to mind her own damn business. But there was no condemnation in her eyes. Instead, there was a frank shrewdness. She could now see why Danny thought they could be friends. Obviously Laurie loved her brother a lot, and that love made her protective of him. To an extreme, granted. But she understood the sentiment.

  “Danny makes me feel good inside. When I’m with him, nothing else seems to matter. I can’t tell you what the future holds, because I don’t know, and I’ve given him no guarantees. But yes, your brother is important to me.” She decided on the truth, as much of it as she could reveal, instead of making promises she couldn’t commit to.

  Laurie nodded before holding out her hand, a strange smile on her face. “All right, then. Let’s bury the hatchet. Truce?”

  Amber stared at the hand, expecting…something. Snakes to come out and bite her, or an electric shock from a joke buzzer. But nothing happened. Laurie raised one eyebrow at her in a gesture that reminded her of Danny. This was his sister, and she was right. Whatever the future held for Amber, she realized with a start that she wanted Danny in it. And that meant getting along with Laurie.

  “Laurie?”

  Amber spun around at the sound of Danny’s voice.

  “Just leaving,” she said, sweeping past Amber and heading out.

  “Everything okay?” he asked her as Laurie got into her car and drove off.

  “Perfect,” she replied.

  The joy on his face lit up the room.

  Shaking off the encounter and the strange emotions causing her heart to pound faster, Amber crossed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He turned his head when she started to slide away, and swept his lips over hers, sending shivers down her spine.

  “Good morning,” he whispered, his eyes smiling down at her.

  “Morning,” she replied, pulling away before she gave in to the urge to wrap her arms around his neck and show him how she really wanted to kiss him.

  “Come on, let’s hit the road. We’ve got a bit of a drive.”

  As they left, Amber turned and locked the door behind her.

  “Where are we going?” she asked at his car, but he only smiled at her. “Another surprise?”

  “I like surprising you.”

  Something in the trunk caught her eye through the windows of his Explorer. Covering her eyes, she peered inside the darkened windows. Rope. A lot of it.

  Past memories swarmed around her. Her skin crawled with the sensation of being tied up. Helpless. Of being blindfolded while men questioned her, striking her until she passed out from the pain. Her chest felt heavy, each breath harder and harder to pull in as she backed away from the car. Why did Danny have so much rope? Had he discovered what she was and planned an ambush?

  She didn’t want to believe it. Not now, after she’d accepted him into her life. Into her
heart. It was too much. This betrayal would flatten her. She couldn’t believe it of him. Not of Danny, whose goodness always shone so clearly from his eyes.

  But what else was she supposed to think? He was a computer software developer, not some handyman. What other reason could he have for so much rope in his car?

  The world went hazy and gray around the edge of her vision. Her lungs ached as she tried to draw in more air. She tried again, but her chest felt too heavy. She was on the verge of a whopping panic attack, but she couldn’t stop her brain from remembering the past. Or considering the horrible possibility that Danny was about to betray her. She had to get away. Get inside. Before her emotions swamped her and prevented her from protecting herself.

  “Hey!” Hard hands gripped her biceps as Danny’s face swam into focus. He shook her once, the jolt allowing her to draw in a deep breath. A small sob spilled out as she pushed out of his arms. He looked hurt, but didn’t follow her as she put distance between them.

  * * * *

  Danny stood very still, watching Amber back away from him, even though he felt as if his heart was breaking. His wolf strained inside him for control. He wasn’t quite sure what had happened or what was going on, but something had spooked her. Not just spooked. Terrified. And his wolf was desperate to protect his mate from any perceived threat.

  “Honey, talk to me,” he said gently. If only she’d allow him to touch her, hold her. He could find out what had happened and set it right. But right now, she looked as if she’d run the second he reached for her.

  “Why…” She paused to swallow. The betrayal in her eyes almost brought him to his knees. He’d do anything to take that hurt away from her. “What’s all that rope for?”

  Every muscle in her body was rigid, as if she prepared to flee or to fight. This panic was because of the rope? He wasn’t sure what he’d thought she’d say, but whatever he’d been expecting, it hadn’t been that. Frightened by some rope?

  “There are some great mountains around here. I thought it might be fun to spend a little time outside. There’s a place not too far from here with some easy routes for beginner rock climbing.”

  It took a moment, but eventually her limbs started to relax. Her breath returned to a normal rhythm, even if it was still a bit shaky.

  “Rock climbing?”

  “We don’t have to go. If you’re scared of heights, or of…rope?”

  He thought he’d be relieved to hear her laugh, but the sound was infused with hysteria and raised the hair on the back of his neck.

  Knowing how close to cracking she stood, Danny slowly crept forward. He reached out one hand, pausing to give her enough time to back away. Instead, she surprised him when she stepped forward into his arms. She clutched him like a lifeline, and Danny breathed a sigh of relief.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered against his chest.

  “Don’t be sorry. Just tell me what happened. You scared the crap out of me.” Now that his woman was in his arms, where she belonged, his wolf settled down. He inhaled her scent, putting the animal and the man further at ease.

  But no sooner had he gotten control than she was pulling out of his arms, averting her eyes. Without her uttering a word, he sensed her embarrassment.

  “You can tell me,” he murmured, putting a hand on her cheek and nudging her gaze upward.

  Amber met his gaze before averting her eyes. She worried her bottom lip until Danny smoothed over the mark her teeth had made with his thumb.

  So many emotions had been in that quick glance. Embarrassment, shame, but also longing. She wanted to tell him, even though something held her back. When she finally spoke, her voice was no more than a whisper.

  “About a year ago…” She cleared her throat and started again. “The last man I was in a relationship with…he wasn’t all that he seemed. Turned out, he had ties to the Mexican Cartel. I didn’t know…and even if there were signs, I ignored them. When I did find out, I had no idea how deep his involvement ran until it was too late.” She wiped a tear away as it rolled down her cheek.

  He clenched his fists against the need to reach for her, or to hunt down the bastard who put the wounded look in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not explaining this very well.” She rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache. “I was with him for three years. Three years and I thought… I overheard him talking with a buddy. Some pretty nasty stuff. It sounded like something the authorities should know.”

  Danny knew this wasn’t the whole story. Sure, normal people could find themselves in a situation similar to what she described, but not with the kind of job she had. Knowing what she did for a living allowed him to fill in some of the missing details, even though she didn’t know he could make the connections. Not a doubt in his mind this cartel guy was part of an assignment. An assignment gone wrong, if the tears in her voice were any indication.

  “Go on.” His claws poked into the skin of his palm. Every instinct wanted to reach for her, but he knew she needed to stand on her own. The tension in the air fairly vibrated, and he didn’t want her to break down. No matter how painful, he needed to hear what had happened.

  She looked at him then, and he couldn’t stop himself from crossing and sweeping her into his arms. He’d never seen that kind of turmoil in another’s eyes. He ran his hands over her back and felt hers fist into the back of his shirt. Her forehead fit perfectly in the nook of his neck.

  Danny had no idea how long they stood there in silence, drawing on each other’s strengths.

  * * * *

  Amber snuggled deeper into Danny’s embrace. What was she thinking, to have started this story? But when he’d looked at her with those sympathetic and compassionate eyes, she’d felt compelled to speak. Not even in therapy had she felt such a yearning to talk about the horrors she’d experienced during those two weeks of confinement. But Danny made her want to tell the truth, or as close as she could without compromising herself. Flubbing a few details about her involvement was the safest option for both of them.

  So she’d justified talking about it. It would bring her and Danny closer. She didn’t have to reveal everything, like what she’d really been doing dating that asshole. She could tell pieces, leaving out the more incriminating parts.

  “Somehow they found out I was responsible for giving information to the authorities. I didn’t see it coming. I can still picture Nick that last night. I’d been living with him at the time. I was at the stove cooking, and he came in with flowers. A bright bouquet of sunflowers. They used to be my favorites and now I can’t even look at them.” Her voice broke and she clutched harder at Danny as he squeezed her.

  She took a deep breath. Danny’s scent surrounded her, leaving her with a sense of peace. In his arms, she was safe. Nothing could harm her here. Illogical maybe, but the thought rang true in her heart. She wasn’t sure why she was so certain, but she was. Danny would keep her from harm, even harm from the past.

  “He told me to stop cooking. That we were going out.” Stop cooking, baby, I have a surprise for you. She shivered even as Danny’s warmth surrounded her. “He took me to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. When I think back on that night, I’m still shocked at how stupid I was. Even the warehouse didn’t scare me.” She laughed with little humor. “I don’t know what I expected. Certainly not to run into three of his buddies. They tied me up and blindfolded me.”

  “Oh, God.” At the sound of Danny’s gruff voice, Amber looked up only to see he’d closed his eyes. “Did he… Did they…”

  His muscles clenched under her hands. What was he trying to ask her? Then it struck her. “Did they what? Rape me?” At his jerky nod, she continued. “No. I’m not sure why I was spared that, but they had more traditional torture in mind. There were others housed in the warehouse. They used it as a sort of prison for those who went against them, or for those they held hostage for one reason or another. All that time with him, I never even knew that place existed.” One of her deepest regrets. Somehow th
e warehouse and its victims had escaped her notice. Not only would it have expedited her own rescue, but the screams of the others she’d heard would haunt her for the rest of her life. “Who knows, maybe there were other women kept in one of the cells for that kind of torture. Maybe that’s what saved me. God, I hope not.”

  Danny rested his forehead against hers, staring deep into her eyes. “If it spared you–”

  “No.” She cut him off, and then continued more calmly. “No, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. When I first got there, they brought me into this room. They removed my blindfold long enough to make me watch…” She paused, swallowing against the lump in her throat as the memory rose up, trying to drag her under. “Make me watch while they removed some guy’s hand, one finger at a time before removing the lump of his palm. I’ve never felt more horrified in my life. Worse, I felt helpless. I couldn’t help him. Or myself. Or any of the others. I’d hear them screaming or crying some nights while I curled into a ball.

  “At first, I was so sure I’d get rescued immediately. After a week… Time felt different there. Every hour dragged on until it felt as if it would never end. By the time rescue arrived, I’d given up hope. My whole world began and ended with pain and terror.” She paused as the memories assailed her.

  Her mind hitched at the memory of one of the men kicking her in the face as she curled up in a ball on the ground. She reached up and ran a finger over the bump in her nose. Looking in the mirror never failed to remind her of the past.

  When Danny’s hand brushed against hers, she jumped. She’d been so lost in her own world, she hadn’t seen him move.

  Throughout the story, she’d managed to hold it together pretty well, all things considered. It was the first time she’d gotten the story out without having a panic attack or an emotional breakdown. But telling the story to Danny felt different for some reason. More cathartic than before. Maybe because for the first time, she didn’t feel forced to talk about it, as she had when debriefed or in therapy. She spoke because she wanted to. In her heart, she knew she could trust the knowledge with him and he wouldn’t use it against her.