His Cowboy Heart

by Jennifer Ryan

  “Maybe you’re right.”

  “I am right.”

  Jamie sighed and squeezed his hand, holding something back, or just not able to say what she wanted to say.

  He really didn’t want to know, but asked anyway. “Does this have something to do with Tobin? Are you two—”

  “No.” Jamie shook her head.

  “Tobin saved you during the attack on your convoy. That’s got to mean something to you.”

  “It does.” Affection mixed with something he couldn’t read mixed in her bright eyes. “We’ve worked together for a long time.”

  Her gaze fell away.

  “He’s more than that to you.” The thought made him uneasy. She might have left her old life behind to come back here, but that didn’t mean she’d left everyone behind. She didn’t take his calls. Maybe they’d had a fight and Tobin wanted her back? Ford’s gut tightened with dread.

  “Ford, we’re standing here beating around the bush about taking this relationship forward in a real and meaningful way. Do you really think I’ve got a thing for Tobin and want to be with you at the same time?”

  No, but he wanted her to say exactly what she did want from him. “You tell me.”

  “It’s always been you.”

  He’d hoped that was what she’d say, but hearing it made so plain and blunt hit him straight in the heart like a sledgehammer. He wanted to reach for her, drag her into his arms, and hold on to her forever, but she took a step back, distancing herself from him. He had an idea why. He’d find a way to make her trust him again.

  “I dated after I left here. Nothing too serious, just trying to forget you. Didn’t work.” She gave him a pouty frown that made him smile. “Tobin and I spent a lot of time together, working in the same unit. We got to know each other really well. He has a thing for me, but for whatever reason, I never encouraged or pursued a deeper relationship. In fact, for the most part, I ignored it and acted like it didn’t exist.”

  “Why?” He didn’t know why it mattered. She didn’t want a relationship with the guy. Good enough for him, but something about why she’d told him this extra information seemed relevant to why she refused Tobin’s calls now despite the fact the guy saved her life. His actions should prove to her that he cared deeply for her, yet she avoided him. She didn’t want to talk about him. Why?

  “I can’t explain it. He’s a nice guy. Kind of intense. Possessive where I’m concerned. It seemed sweet at first, but because we work so much together, it became uncomfortable. I wanted some space and distance from work. You know, to decompress after a long day. Spending all my time with him seemed confining.”

  “Friends is one thing. A relationship is another. You like him, but you weren’t attracted to him to the point where you’d fall for him. How did he take it?”

  “We never really discussed it. We shared a silent conversation where he’d slowly push for more and I’d allow it to a point, then back off when it became too much. It’s one thing to listen to my gripes and comfort me when I’m upset, but another to push for something I’m not willing to give.”

  “You’ve said it a dozen times to me since you came back. You wanted to be left alone. What you really wanted was for everyone to stop asking you for something you didn’t want to or couldn’t give.”

  She nodded. “I guess. When I left here, I wanted to stand on my own. I did.”

  “You still do, Firefly.”

  “Given half a chance, Tobin would rule my life. He’s just that type of guy. That’s not the kind of relationship I want.”

  “What do you want, Firefly?”

  “I like the easy way things have been between us lately, but . . .”

  He didn’t want to hear the but.

  “I want more.”

  He liked that but.

  She tilted her head, adding, “You’re holding back. I guess I am, too, because I’m afraid of doing or saying something to push you away. Although I’m better, I’m always aware that something could set me off. I’m constantly on guard for a threat even when there isn’t one and that puts distance between us even though that’s not what I want. Hell, I still search for snipers in the rafters.” She stared up at the tall ceiling overhead, shaking her head with self-deprecation.

  Ford held out his arms wide. “Come here.”

  Jamie didn’t hesitate to walk into his arms. He wrapped them around her and held on tight. She placed her hands on his back and pulled him close, nestled against his chest.

  “Here, you are safe, Firefly.” He kissed her on the top of the head. “I promise, I’ll never let you go again.”

  She sighed so heavily he felt her relief in his own body. He didn’t push to take things further. He just stood with her, the horses nickering and swishing their tails in their stalls, and let her work it out in her mind and heart that this was the way things could be from now on. Her. Him. Them together and building a life they both wanted. Happy on their ranch.

  She buried her face in his neck and inhaled his scent. Her soft murmur of contentment made him smile. Such a simple thing meant so much to her.

  In the last few weeks he’d noticed she responded best when he took things slow and let her have the distance and time she needed to step out of the space she’d been in and adjust to something new—or something familiar but long put on hold. He hoped he had the will to restrain his desire to drag her to his bed and the patience she needed to adjust to being back in his life permanently.

  “I missed this,” she whispered, hugging him close.

  “I missed you every day you were away. I don’t want to miss you anymore.”

  She leaned back in his arms and smiled up at him. “You know what else I missed?”

  “What?”

  “The long rides we used to take. Let’s take a break.”

  “I’ll saddle the horses.” He moved to release her and get the horses ready, but she held on to him.

  “I’m sorry you had to go through all that, taking care of your grandfather, holding on to the ranch, alone. I know what they both mean to you.”

  God, she had such a good heart.

  “You mean that much to me, Firefly.”

  He leaned down and kissed her softly. He meant it to be a thank-you for understanding, for forgiving him for what he’d done to her, but like every other time he had her close the hunger built until he was desperate for more. He slipped his tongue past her sweet lips and took the kiss deeper. His hands slid down her back and over her round bottom. Her fingers dove into his hair and held his head to hers as they got lost in each other.

  He needed to be closer to her. With his hands gripping her ass, he pulled her up to her toes. She nestled into him, her hips rubbing against his. He backed her into the wall and pressed her against it with his body.

  “Ow!” Jamie tried to pull her arm down between them, but had little room to maneuver with him crowding her.

  Ford leaned back and stared down as she squeezed her arm to her side and rolled her left shoulder.

  “Sorry. I can’t move like that yet.”

  He touched her cheek and tried to get a hold on the lust coursing through his veins. As much as he wanted her, he didn’t want their first time back together to be a wild romp in the tack room. He wanted her laid out in his bed where he could take his time.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I should be more careful with you.”

  “I’m fine.” To prove it, she tugged on his shirt so he’d come in for another soft kiss.

  This time, he kept it soft, slow, and way too short for his liking. He’d find the perfect time, the perfect way for them to make love again.

  Chapter 14

  Jamie rode Dusty next to Ford and his mount, Mo. The wind blew her hair back. The sun felt warm on her skin. The land spread out before her in fields of green and gold with trees dotting the landscape. She’d missed this. Being with Ford out for a ride in the wide-open space.

  She kept her impulse to find cover in check. She stopped looking for snipers a
nd focused on the beautiful day and the man beside her, who’d made it clear he wanted her by his side. She felt lighter. She’d hold on to the good memories and set aside her hurt about him sending her away. He’d been needed here, and she’d had to go. Simple and complicated, they’d needed to do for themselves so they could come back together now knowing how much they’d given up and appreciate this second chance even more.

  She’d almost died thinking he didn’t want her anymore. Now she knew better. This time, she wouldn’t let anything or anyone tear them apart. She’d been fighting her way back to being well. She’d fight just as hard to keep Ford.

  “You’re awful quiet, Firefly.”

  They rode at a slow and steady pace. While the ride hurt her back, she wanted a little more action.

  “Just scouting out my route.”

  Ford’s worried gaze landed on her. “Jamie, honey, I don’t think—”

  She pointed into the distance. “Last one to that tree does the dishes tonight.” Jamie kicked her mount and leaned over Dusty’s neck as the horse took off. The speed sent a bolt of adrenaline through her veins. Her heart pounded along with the horse’s hooves over the ground. The wind in her face made her eyes tear up, but that didn’t stop the laugh bubbling up from her gut as Ford gave chase, gaining ground beside her. Jamie gave Dusty another nudge. They pulled out to the lead just as they approached the cluster of trees.

  Okay, maybe Jamie had the faster horse and weighed less than Ford, giving her the advantage, but he’d given her a real run for her money.

  Exhilarated, she reined in close to the trees, jumped off Dusty’s back, and turned to face Ford. She pointed at him, smiling and still laughing. “I beat you!”

  Ford dismounted next to her, smiling, too. “Yes, you did.”

  “Ha!” The rush of adrenaline and just pure fun made her smile so big her cheeks ached.

  Ford’s steady gaze filled with awe. “Look at you, Firefly. You shine.” He wrapped his arms around her middle, picked her up, and spun her around. “God, how you shine.” He let her body slip down his until she came face-to-face with him and he took her mouth in a searing kiss.

  She wrapped her arms around his head and held him close, losing herself in the sheer joy. She hadn’t felt this free in a long time.

  Ford set her back on her feet and stared down at her, the worry she always saw in his eyes gone. Seeing her happy eased him. If their talk earlier hadn’t convinced her, his peace did. He cared deeply for her. Not just her recovering, but also her truly being happy again mattered to him.

  “I need to get you out of the sun before you burn. Your cheeks are already pink.” He unstrapped the saddlebag from his mount and led her to the copse of trees.

  She pulled the hat he insisted she wear off her head and tossed it on the grass. She undid the scarf around her neck, protecting her healing skin from the sun, sat, and tugged Ford’s hand so he’d join her in the shade.

  He pulled out the sandwiches and bottles of water they’d packed before they left the ranch. He handed her one. She dipped her hand into the bag and pulled out her bottle of pills. She took one, so she’d be able to ride back.

  “You must be sore. Was that too much for you?”

  “Stop worrying,” she scolded. “I’m fine. Better than fine.” She bumped her shoulder into his arm. “Thank you for dropping everything and coming out here with me.”

  Ford swallowed his bite of sandwich and smiled down at her. “My favorite thing to do is spend time with you.”

  “I love being with you, too. But I know you’ve got a lot of work. So much so, you got delayed coming to get me this morning. Maybe Dusty’s ride will tire him out and keep him from escaping again.”

  Ford’s eyes narrowed as he stared off into the distance. “I still don’t get how he busted the gate the way he did.”

  “Didn’t he kick it open?”

  “The lock was busted, but he didn’t do any damage to the gate itself. It’s odd.”

  She gave him a lopsided frown. “He didn’t leave any marks on the wood?”

  “No.”

  “That’s strange.”

  “Even stranger is the two fence lines that were pulled down. One by the road. I’m surprised one or more of the cows didn’t get hit by traffic on the blind curve. With them in the road, someone could have had a bad accident. I had a devil of a time getting the cows back into the pasture.”

  “Do you think someone messed with the fencing?”

  Ford stared off into the distance shaking his head. “I don’t know who would have done it. The drug dealers who rustled cattle at Rory’s place know this used to be Sadie’s brother’s place, but with him in jail, what could they want here? Unlike the Kendrick land, this place is too open to hide a meth lab. None of the cattle were missing, so it doesn’t appear someone was after making a quick buck off them. It’s more likely something spooked the cattle and they rushed the fence line and took it down.”

  Jamie glanced up at the sprawling tree branches overhead. “Mountain lion, maybe.”

  Ford followed her gaze to the empty branches and chuckled. “Doubt it. I didn’t see any tracks.” Ford ate more of his sandwich, lost in thought, staring at the pretty landscape before them. “I’ve had a string of bad luck the last week or so.”

  “Including my kicking your ass in that race,” she teased.

  “I just like staring at your ass, sweetheart.”

  They laughed together, but Ford sobered. “The electrical on one of the water pumps went out.”

  “Another thing that needs maintenance and an upgrade, huh?”

  “I checked it when I first moved onto Sadie’s spread. It worked perfectly.”

  “Sometimes things wear out.”

  Ford shook his head. “Sadie replaced the pump last year. It’s practically brand-new.” Concern clouded Ford’s eyes and the heavy burden of getting the ranch up and running filled his deep sigh.

  He put in some long hours, but always found time for her. Like today, sneaking away for a ride and a picnic lunch under the trees. She helped out, but more often than not she felt like she held him back.

  She stood and held her hand out to him. “Come on, let’s go. Days a wasting and we’ve got work to do.”

  Ford took her hand, but instead of her pulling him up, he pulled her down into his lap. “Work can wait. I may have to do the dishes, but I was hoping you’d ease the sting of defeat.”

  “And how am I supposed to do that?”

  He rolled to his side, laying her out on the grass next to him, with his body down the length of her side. “Kiss me.”

  “Now, that’s my favorite thing to do.” She reached behind his head and pulled him close, her lips brushing his in a soft sweep before she settled her mouth against his. This was how it used to be, them sneaking away to a secluded place under a tree. Lost in sweet memories, she melted into him, taking the kiss deeper.

  His hand swept up her arm, over her shoulder, and down her chest to cover her breast. She leaned into his hand, sighing out her pleasure when he squeezed her aching nipple between his two fingers. He kissed his way down her neck. His hand swept down her belly and back up under her shirt. He pulled the bra cup out of his way and squeezed her bare breast in his rough palm.

  She lost herself in the waves of heat every lick of his tongue, every caress of his fingers over her sensitive skin created. His head dipped and took her exposed nipple into his mouth. He licked and sucked until she writhed beneath him wanting more.

  “Ford.”

  In answer to her call, his hand slipped down her belly to the button on her jeans. He had it undone and the zipper down with her next breath. By the next one her jeans and panties were at her knees and pulled over her boots.

  “Sorry. I can’t wait to taste you again.”

  Before she understood his intention, he slid down her, pulled her legs up and over his head, and buried his face between her legs. The first lick made her forget that her boots were digging into his back
. He didn’t seem to care. The second his tongue plunged into her throbbing core she didn’t care about anything. His tongue came up and circled her clit. She moaned his name.

  “I’m going to light you up, Firefly.”

  He slipped his hands beneath her bare bottom, lifted her to his mouth, and lit her up so bright she exploded like a supernova.

  Chapter 15

  Jamie found herself listening for Ford’s truck, thinking about their afternoon under the tree as she made dinner. Everything had changed this afternoon, or so she’d thought until she’d found her breath and the energy to reach for Ford after he did in fact light her up. In that moment, she’d felt as close to him as she had before they parted years ago. But he hadn’t made love to her today. Instead, he’d kissed her, helped her get dressed, and said they needed to get back to the ranch.

  He wanted her. The evidence of how much had been pressed to her thigh. The torment of holding back had shown in his eyes. Still, he’d pulled away from her, cleaned up their picnic, and lifted her into her saddle, leaving her feeling completely satisfied in one respect, but also incomplete.

  “We have all the time in the world.”

  His words to her before they rode back to the ranch. Apparently work couldn’t wait, but they could. No. That’s not what he’d meant. Ford wasn’t like that at all. He wanted to give her time to settle into their relationship again. He didn’t want to move too fast. She appreciated his consideration, but she also wondered if maybe he’d seen her apprehension about him seeing the scars on her body. He’d stopped because she hadn’t been bold enough to show him how much she wanted him. She’d hesitated, and they’d lost the moment.

  What the hell am I doing?

  She had a chance for a real future with Ford. About time she immersed herself in all the love and comfort he offered her. If she wanted to keep Ford, she needed to put her heart on the line and believe in him, them, again.

  Ford wasn’t the kind of guy to reject her based on some physical flaw. He told her the scars didn’t bother him. Why didn’t she believe him? Not because he lied, but because she had trouble looking at the scars. That was her issue. Her problem to solve by seeing them for what they were—a badge of survival. A reminder that she was stronger than the events that hurt her.