His Cowboy Heart

by Jennifer Ryan

  She couldn’t breathe for the punishing grip he kept at her throat.

  “Why couldn’t you just forget?” Tears shined in his eyes, highlighting the desperation and betrayal he focused on her.

  She kicked her knees into his back and tried to throw him off, twisting her hips, but he was too big and heavy.

  “Why couldn’t you choose me this once?”

  He gripped her hair, picked up her head, and slammed it back into the ground. Her head bounced. Lights flashed in her eyes. She gagged and scratched the hand at her throat, desperately trying to pry it free.

  Ford slammed into Tobin, knocking him off Jamie’s stomach and making him release her. The two men fell beside her in a tangle of legs and swinging arms, fists connecting with solid thuds.

  Jamie rolled to her side and coughed, sucking in huge gasps of air. She pressed her hand to her throbbing neck, trying to breathe and not puke up her guts.

  Ford sent a punishing fist into Tobin’s side, making him gasp and bend sideways to defend himself. That only opened up his head for Ford to sink his fist straight into Tobin’s jaw. His head snapped sideways and blood spurted out of Tobin’s mouth as his teeth gnashed his lip.

  Tobin grabbed Ford around the waist, rose up with an insane amount of strength, and slammed Ford into the ground, landing on top of him. Tobin got in a few good punches, but Ford used his legs to shove Tobin back and away and came up swinging, catching Tobin in the eye. Tobin stumbled back on unsteady legs, shaking his head to ward off the dizziness clouding his eyes.

  Ford raised his fists, ready and poised to go after Tobin again.

  Jamie fired one shot into the ground at Tobin’s feet, making him jump back. “Don’t move, asshole.” Jamie held the gun in front of her pointed right at Tobin’s chest.

  “Jamie, no!” Ford ordered. “Don’t do it.”

  She didn’t look at Ford, but kept her steady gaze on the man who’d betrayed her, their friends, and their country. “You are going to pay for what you’ve done!”

  “Jamie, please, baby, don’t do this,” Ford pleaded.

  Sirens sounded in the distance, closing fast.

  Tobin held his hands out to his side. Blood ran down his lip and chin. One eye was nearly swollen shut. His cheek puffed out in a dark red lump. “You either pull that trigger, or I’m out of here. Either way, there is no way in hell I’m letting them put me in a cage for the rest of my life.” Tobin kept his hands open, arms wide, and slowly sidestepped toward his car.

  She followed his progress keeping the gun trained on him. “I will never forgive you for what you’ve done.”

  “I know.” His eyes filled with regret and a deep sadness she recognized because she’d seen the same look in the mirror. “I did love you.” The words held the goodbye he couldn’t bring himself to say, but she heard it anyway because he’d said he “did” love her. Not, I do love you.

  Tobin ran for his car and jumped inside. He started the engine and tore out of the driveway and sped away. The sirens grew louder. Closer. He didn’t have a chance in hell of getting away now. He had to know it.

  Ford’s big body pressed against her back. He wrapped one arm around her middle, and reached over her and put his hand over hers on the gun she still held in front of her. “Let it go, Jamie.”

  She wished she could let it all go.

  She opened her hand. Ford took the gun from her. Spent, she sagged against him.

  Ford tossed the gun in one of the daisy bushes he’d bought her and planted next to the stairs a second before a police cruiser pulled into her driveway. Several others sped by, chasing down Tobin.

  “You called the cops.” Was that her raspy voice?

  “Yes.”

  “You thought I’d kill him.”

  “I hoped you wouldn’t and they could arrest him for what he did overseas.”

  “He set the fire. To scare you, get you to back off. He never meant to kill you. But he almost did,” she choked out.

  Ford swore.

  She stared down the road, seeing Tobin even though he was long gone. “Did you see his eyes? He won’t be taken alive.”

  “They’ll get him, Jamie.”

  “I couldn’t do it. He knew I couldn’t do it.”

  “You are not the terrible thing.” He gave her the words his grandfather had said to her.

  The sirens rang out in the distance but didn’t soften as if they were getting further away. They had him.

  Her phone rang in her pocket. She pulled it out, answering without looking at the screen, knowing exactly who it was.

  “Tobin, please, don’t do this.”

  “I’m sorry, Jamie. I wish things could have been different for us. I always knew you loved him, but I thought maybe you’d grow to love me, too. I can’t stop thinking about what I did. It plays in my head and all I see is the blood pouring out of you, knowing I’m the one who hurt you. I thought I killed you.”

  “Show your hands. Get down on the ground.” Cops yelled the order over and over.

  “Tobin, please,” she cried. “Don’t do this.”

  “Goodbye, Keller.”

  The shots rang out over the phone and in the distance. She flinched as if she’d been struck. Ford held her up as her legs collapsed beneath her and a scream ripped from her aching throat. She dropped her phone. Ford gently lowered her to the ground on her knees. She buried her face in her hands and cried out all her grief and anger and pain. For the friends she’d lost. The pain she’d endured. And yes, for Tobin, the friend who’d betrayed her and others, who hadn’t had the strength to face his past.

  But she did.

  Now she knew the truth. She’d stood up to him. She’d tried to save her friends. She’d given them justice, though she’d never wanted Tobin’s death. As many times as she’d killed that dark figure in her nightmares, she’d never wanted this.

  Chapter 34

  Ford held Jamie close. Her wracking sobs tore his heart to pieces. He didn’t know exactly what happened, but he knew enough to know she’d never grieved her fallen friends, because she’d needed to know what happened to them so she could let them go with a clear heart. Tobin’s betrayal cut deep into her soul. A man she’d trusted, who had saved her life, had also nearly taken it. Her mind had been unable to believe the unbelievable, so the dark man in her nightmares had become a monster she couldn’t face. Until she stood before him and called him a murderer and refused to let him get away with it.

  “Mr. Kendrick, are you both okay?” the officer asked, approaching slowly.

  “What happened to Tobin?” he asked instead of answering because he didn’t know if Jamie would ever be okay after this.

  “Uh, Michael Tobin refused officers’ orders to drop the phone and put his hands up and get on the ground. He reached for something behind his back and officers fired, killing him.”

  Suicide by cop.

  Jamie had been right. Tobin never intended to be caught. He couldn’t face what he’d done, knowing she’d never forgive him and he’d spend the rest of his life behind bars.

  Ford crouched behind Jamie. Her tears faded and she sat quietly staring at the ground. He tried to comfort her with soft strokes of his hand over her head and down her neck. She didn’t move or acknowledge him, or any of the officers who crowded the yard.

  “Mr. Kendrick, we need to ask you some questions. When you called in, you said Mr. Tobin posed a threat to your girlfriend because she remembered that he’d murdered several members of her team. Is that correct?”

  “Jamie is ex-military. She returned several months ago after a brutal attack left her severely injured. The military medically discharged her. Tobin shot her and is responsible for the deaths of several of their fellow soldiers. She came here to confront him and let him know that she would not stand by and let him return to the military.”

  “What happened when she confronted him?”

  Ford touched his forehead to the top of Jamie’s head and asked, “Did you argue?”


  She nodded but didn’t say anything.

  “When I arrived, Tobin attacked her. He shoved her off the porch and went after her. He choked her.” Ford brushed his fingertips lightly over the dark red marks around her neck. Clear evidence that corroborated his story for the cops. “She tried to fight him off. I tackled him and got in a few good shots. We all heard the sirens. He made a run for it. He didn’t want to face up to a fire he set at my place, nearly killing me, or what he did here and in the military, which is why he gave your officers no choice but to shoot him.”

  “There’s an ambulance en route. You should take her to the hospital to get checked out. You, too.” The officer pointed with the pen he’d used to take notes to Ford’s bruised jaw and the ribs Ford kept his arm braced against to ward off the stinging pain. “Looks like he got a few shots in, too.”

  Ford pulled up his shirt and stared at the bruising already starting to bloom down his aching side. “I’m fine.” He worried more about Jamie, who had gone so still and quiet it unsettled him. He barely felt her breathe beneath his hand.

  “I’ll take her over to the clinic myself.” He didn’t know what else to do for her. “Mind getting the truck door?”

  Ford scooped Jamie into his arms and picked her right up, hissing out a gasp as his ribs screamed at him. She squirmed in pain, but settled against his chest. “Your back must hurt after that fall you took.”

  No answer. Nothing. Her eyes remained blank and unfocused on some spot in front of her that she really didn’t see. He needed to reach her, but didn’t know how.

  He set her in the front seat of his truck, grabbed the flannel shirt he’d hung over the seat at some point, and draped it over her to keep her warm, despite the low eighties summer temps. He hoped the trembling in her body would stop once the shock wore off. He hoped she recovered and this quiet distance didn’t linger.

  She’d endured so much in the last months.

  How much could she take and not break?

  “We may need to talk to you and her again,” the officer said.

  Ford closed the passenger door and spoke at a whisper. “She’s in no shape to answer questions. She’s suffering from PTSD. I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to talk about this.”

  He wished Tobin had never come here. He wished she’d never remembered what happened.

  He wished he’d never sent her away all those years ago and saved her this pain and trauma.

  This was his fault.

  Unable to fix the past, he’d be there for her now.

  He needed to make some calls, but didn’t want Jamie to overhear him. He gave her the space and quiet she needed as he slipped behind the wheel, started the truck, shut off the radio, and drove out past three cop cars. He turned right out of the driveway and didn’t have to pass the scene back the other way where officers had stopped Tobin’s vehicle and ended his life.

  Jamie sat beside him, her face devoid of all expression, her eyes blank as she stared at the road ahead. He wanted to say something, but didn’t know what, or even if she’d hear him.

  Her hand lay by her thigh on the seat between them. He covered it with his, trying to give her comfort in some small measure. He jolted when she turned her hand and linked her fingers with his, holding tight. He squeezed her hand back and drove with a glint of hope in his heart that in time she would be okay.

  Chapter 35

  Ford waited outside the room he’d walked Jamie into and Bell ordered him out of ten minutes ago. It felt like a lifetime waiting to find out what she thought of Jamie’s neck and the state of shock she’d fallen into, with a silence that disturbed him more and more the longer she didn’t speak to him.

  The door opened next to him and Bell stepped out.

  “How is she?”

  Bell bit her bottom lip and rubbed her hand over her pregnant belly. “I’m concerned.”

  “Is she hurt badly? She seems stiff. Sore. But she didn’t complain on the way over.”

  “Did she say anything about what happened?”

  “No. She needs time to let it settle and work it out in her mind. She’s been through so much, Bell.”

  “Too much, I’m afraid. I checked out her shoulder. I’d like to get an MRI. She may need surgery. Not right away, but soon. I think I can help her regain some mobility.”

  “Really, Bell? That would be so great. I know you’re an amazing orthopedic surgeon. You fixed Dane’s leg after that bull crushed it.”

  “Don’t remind me. I asked her a few questions to see how stable she is after what happened this afternoon.”

  “And?” Afraid to know, he had to ask, because he needed to understand how badly Jamie’s mental state had deteriorated.

  “She spoke very little. She’s suffered yet another trauma. From what you told me, her friend committed suicide while she listened, knowing exactly what he intended. The violence she’s suffered . . . She’s in a very fragile state. But she showed signs of hope and a good outlook for the future.”

  Surprised, he narrowed his eyes on Bell, wondering if she was giving him an overly optimistic answer to bolster his spirits. “What exactly did she say?”

  “That she had a really shitty day, but it’ll be fine because she gets to go home to the house she shares with you. I take it you two are moving in together.”

  “Uh, yeah. She said that?”

  “Yes. Which leads me to believe that even though she’s not really with it at the moment, being with you will make her feel better. So you should go in, hold her hand, keep her calm. Don’t push too hard for her to talk or do anything right now. She seems to be in a place where just breathing is enough. I gave her a sedative to help her relax and some pain meds for her back and neck. I’ll keep her overnight and we’ll reassess in the morning. Because of her background, I’m suggesting we don’t leave her alone at all until I see a marked improvement in her mental state.”

  He didn’t like that, but understood Bell’s concern. “Give her time. I know she’ll pull through this.”

  “If I really thought she’d hurt herself, I’d call in a psychiatrist. Right now, I’ll try to contact her doctor and update him. I’ll ask his recommendation.”

  “Thanks, Bell. Colt and Zac will be here soon.”

  “Sent for reinforcements, huh?”

  “Colt’s bringing her a change of clothes and Zoey.”

  Bell smirked. “Her emotional support dog.”

  “If anyone needs one, it’s her.”

  “I’ll let the front desk know it’s okay to let the dog in.”

  “Thanks, Bell. For everything.”

  “I’ll check back with you both soon. By the way, how are the ribs?”

  He couldn’t hide the pain or the tilted way he stood to ease the ache. He pulled up his shirt to show off his colorful side. “They hurt like hell, but you should see the other guy.” He’d gotten off easy compared to Tobin.

  “Broken?”

  “I’ll get an X-ray later. Right now, I need to be with her.”

  “I’ll send the nurse in with some pain meds and an ice pack.”

  “Thanks. For everything.”

  “You said that already. And you’re welcome.”

  He pointed to her belly. “When’s the baby due?”

  She rubbed her hand over the baby. “Any minute.”

  His eyes went wide on her huge belly, thinking she meant that she was in labor. “Really?”

  She laughed it off. “I’ve got a couple weeks to go.”

  “Sadie’s not too far behind you then.”

  “Maybe we’ll be attending your wedding soon and you’ll get one of these, too.” She rubbed the baby bump.

  He hoped so. Someday. “First, I need to take care of my girl.”

  Ford walked into the room, around the bed, sat in the chair next to Jamie, and took her hand. She stared right through him, but her fingers clasped his in a tight grip.

  “Hey, Firefly, are you okay?”

  “Dr. Bowden drugged me,” she whispe
red, her voice rough and raw.

  He hadn’t actually expected an answer from her, but he took it as a positive step in the right direction. “She’s going to do the same to me in a few minutes.”

  Jamie leaned up on her arm and looked him up and down. “Why? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

  “Woah, honey, I’m fine. Calm down.” He cupped her face as she fell back onto the pillow, tears rolling over her cheeks.

  “Why did he do it? Why?” she whispered.

  “Aw, honey, he didn’t want to hurt you. He wasn’t in his right mind.”

  “Am I ever going to be?”

  “You already are. You are so strong. You handled yourself so well today.”

  One eyebrow shot up. “You mean, I didn’t kill him.”

  “You lost it when you remembered what he did, but by the time you got there and confronted him, you had your head. You saw him as your friend, someone who needed help, not the enemy you needed to destroy.”

  “I wanted him to pay, but not that way. I never wanted that.”

  “Of course you didn’t. Because you care, honey. I have a feeling that now that you know exactly what happened, you’ll find it easier to grieve and heal and put it behind you.”

  She reached out, grabbed his shirt, pulled him close, and held him tight. “I just want to go home.”

  “I will take you home as soon as you’ve had some rest and Bell says you’re good to go.”

  “I’m okay, Ford. I swear it. I can’t explain it, but I feel different.”

  “That heavy pain you’ve been carrying is finally gone,” he guessed.

  “Now there’s a new one. Everything aches.” She buried her face in his neck and sobbed her heart out. For her past. What happened today. The friends she lost, including Tobin.

  He shifted up to sit beside her on the bed, lifted her, despite the pain it caused his ribs, and laid her across his lap, wrapped in his arms. He held her through all the tears and the wracking shudders. He held her close when the nurse came in. Jamie flinched and trembled in his arms, but that didn’t stop the nurse from strapping the ice pack around his middle. She handed him the pain tabs, which he promptly popped in his mouth, crushed with his teeth to make them dissolve and work faster, then drank the glass of water the nurse handed him.