Dark Secrets Box Set

by Angela M Hudson

  “How is that possibly any good to me—to know that?”

  “Because you learned something. And if that’s all you can take from this, then it’s better than walking away with only grief.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t give me that rubbish, David. They spoon-fed me that crap in the hospital until I nearly choked on it. There is no lesson to be learned. There is no goddamn bright side. There are two facts here: they are dead, and if I hadn’t called Mom, they wouldn’t be.”

  I could tell David was frustrated. I could tell he wanted to shake me. I wanted to shake me. I didn’t want to feel this way, and couldn’t expect anyone else to understand, which is precisely why I hadn’t said it to anyone.

  “Why are you shaking your head?” I asked him.

  “I just… I’m angry. Not at you, but at everything. What… who’s been talking to you about this, who have you had to comfort you?”

  I brushed my hair from my face. “My dad.”

  “Does he know you blame yourself?”

  I swallowed, unable to see my shoes through the blur of tears. “No.”

  “Then what kind of closure have you had?” David sounded almost as angry as me.

  “Only the funeral,” I offered. “They called that closure. But a storm hit, and it rained so hard I couldn’t even see their coffins. And most people left.”

  “Did you leave?”

  I nodded. “At first I refused. I knelt in the mud with my hand on Harry’s coffin as if maybe I could hold onto him—stop them from putting him in that hole. I didn’t want that to be it for him.” I looked at David and nodded, getting control of my voice. “It just seemed so unfair.”

  “It is unfair.”

  I nodded, sniffing up my tears. “My dad sat down next to me, got covered in mud too, and I know he meant well, but he just made matters worse. He took my hand and moved it down a little, told me it was over Harry’s heart—that he had his teddy and his little blanket in there to keep him warm and that, tucked up right beside his face, was a picture of me and Mom.”

  “That must have brought you some comfort.”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “He didn’t know Harry. He never even met him! What right did he have to make that decision? He should have asked me.” I wiped my nose on the back of my wrist. “He put a teddy in there with Harry. What teddy? Harry would’ve wanted his monkey. He wouldn’t want some stupid teddy. But it was too late. It was sealed up—locked up. I couldn’t change it. I couldn’t change any of it.”

  David rested his chin on my head, shaking his. “Ara, I just… I just wish I’d known you then. Or maybe if I’d met you when you first got here. I… I knew you were sad, I knew you were grieving, but this…” He kissed my hair. “I didn’t know it went this deep.”

  “No one does. And I won’t tell them. And neither will you.” It came out as a demand, but deep down it was a question. He held all the cards right now. If he told my dad that I called my mom that night, I’m not sure Dad would ever forgive me.

  David’s soothing touch wordlessly tried to wash away the pain of my scars. He just sat there shaking his head, making line after line over my jaw. “When did this happen? You arrived here a month ago, but your scars… they’re healed too much to have such little time pass.”

  “It was June.”

  “But you didn’t arrive here until—”

  “I refused to come out in public until my wounds healed a bit. My dad and I stayed at a motel in Australia until then.”

  “A motel? Didn’t you have any family to stay with?”

  “Only Mike—my best friend. But I didn’t want to see him, and we couldn’t go back to the house. Dad said it would be too painful.”

  “It would’ve been. But you still should have gone back once before leaving.”

  “I did. I made him take me back there before we got on the plane, but…”

  He waited, and when I refused to elaborate, he said, “But?”

  As I craned my neck to look at David, the feel of his breath on my nose and lips calmed me with the reality of his existence. He hadn’t run away yet. I told him I was to blame for my mother’s death, and he hadn’t run away. Why?

  “Talk to me, Ara. You said ‘but’.”

  I pictured the cold wind of that gray day, the way the rain made waterfalls over the windscreen as we pulled up outside my house. The lights were all out and the remainder of the daylight fought against thunderclouds for right of existence in my world. I took each shaky step up to the porch with a kind of stillness that had my dad lingering closely behind me.

  “It hadn’t really hit me that they were gone,” I said. “Not until I pushed the door open and looked down the hall. And… for a second I waited, truly believing I’d see Harry crawl up to me at full speed, with his little train in his hand.

  “Everything looked the same and it smelled like home, but it was empty and so quiet, like they weren’t there anymore. I couldn’t feel them there anymore.” I tapped my chest with an open palm, trying to push the pain back in. “The dishes were still in the sink, and the clock on the wall was still ticking—that much stayed the same. It felt strange how, even though we weren’t there, time just kept moving without us.” I blinked a few times, still seeing that ticking hand. “It should’ve stopped, but it didn’t. And it hit me so hard. I just broke apart and cried in the doorway.

  “Dad didn’t know what to do. He ran next door to get Mrs. Baker. She made me get up. She told me I had to be strong now; that childhood passes with tragedy, and the sooner I came to accept that, the easier my life would be.”

  David groaned, folding my face into his chest. “What did your dad say to that?”

  “Nothing. He just led me to my room and shut the door.”

  I closed my eyes and saw the dark shadows in the hallway near my room, how the absence of that warm summer sun meant the death of everything I loved.

  “I packed a few things, and… as I was leaving, I went to Harry’s room to get Pappy, his monkey toy. If Harry couldn’t have it, maybe I could. But Dad blocked the door and he wouldn’t let me go in there.” I broke into tears so deep the words came out in hiccups.

  “Why?”

  “He said it would hurt more. He said I needed to make Harry a memory—something that didn’t feel real anymore.”

  “He was just doing what he thought was best, Ara.” David choked back tears.

  “I know.” I nodded. “But he was wrong. They all think they know what I need, but they don’t.”

  “What do you need, sweetheart?” he asked. “Tell me, and I’ll make it happen.”

  “I need to go back, David—to that night. I need to put down that goddamn phone, and if I can’t do that, I just need to die.”

  “Ara.” David grabbed both my cheeks, thrusting my face up until I looked into his eyes. “What do you think your mother would feel to hear you say that?”

  “That’s just it.” I pushed his hands away. “She wouldn’t feel anything, because she’s dead and it’s my fault. No matter what you try to say, it’s my fault.”

  “It was no one’s fault. Get it through your head.” He grabbed me more firmly, not letting me break away this time. “You wanna blame someone? Blame the truck driver, blame the tire shop who fitted used tires, but don’t blame yourself, because it won’t bring them back.”

  My brow creased tightly in the middle. I grabbed his hand slowly. “Wait, I never said there was a truck.” In fact, I never said it was a car accident. But he knew that before I even told him.

  David stiffened, staring ahead, his mouth hanging like he was about to say something.

  “David?” I sat back so I could look right into his eyes. “Tell me how you knew about the truck? Did my dad tell you?”

  “Not everything.” He wiped his thumb over a line of tears on my cheek. “But he told me why you were here.”

  “When?” I yelled. “Why?”

  “Ara, calm down, it’s okay.” He went to pull
me closer, but I pushed away as hard as I could.

  “You’re traitors—both of you.” I jumped to my feet to get as much distance from him as possible.

  “Sweetheart, don’t be upset.”

  “No. All this time.” I looked away in disbelief. “You knew, and you made me talk about it. Why?”

  “Because I knew it wasn’t just their death bothering you. I knew it went deeper.” He stood up too. “Turns out I was right.”

  “So…” My eyes went wide, realization sinking in like nausea. “So you were digging for information—for my dad?”

  “Ara, no—”

  “What would possibly make you want to do that, David?”

  “Ara, it wasn’t like that.” He edged closer, both hands out.

  “When did he tell you? How long have you known?”

  “Please, just—”

  “When!” My scream echoed off the rocks and came back to haunt me with its severity.

  “When you first came here.” He walked slowly toward me, as if I were a mental patient he was going to grab at first opportunity. “He caught me during football practice, watching you on the swing, and—”

  “You were watching me?” An eerie sensation travelled over my neck and spine, like a hand just touched my shoulder in a room that was supposed to be empty.

  “Not like you think.”

  I backed away, one step at a time, in unison with his. “You’re a creep.”

  David stopped walking, lowering his arms as his green eyes flooded with pain. “I know how this sounds, Ara-Rose. But it wasn’t like that. I swear. Just. Listen to me.”

  I laughed, though it wasn’t out of amusement. “All this time you’ve known about me. Even when we talked in the library?”

  He nodded.

  “Well”—I shook my head—“I guess it makes sense now why you were so…” Friendly? Eager? Was that it? What was it with him? Did he enjoy the company of messed-up young girls? Perhaps it was a complex of his: Knight Syndrome. I felt like such an idiot.

  I turned and marched off to vent my anger away from anyone that could get hurt. I just felt violated; another choice taken away from me by people who thought they knew best. When were they going to realize that it made matters worse?

  “Ara?”

  “Just leave me alone. Don’t follow me!”

  I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to know if he followed or if he turned and went back home. As far as I was concerned, this was a friendship-ending offense. If I never saw him again, that would even be too soon.

  * * *

  My feet guided me down an alternative path to the one we came in on. Billowing grass grew up between old tire tracks, and I followed them, hoping they’d lead me into town. But my trek of rage drove me forward too quickly, submerging me deep into the woods before I realized I was going the wrong way.

  I stopped dead where the trail faded to thick shrubs, closing in up ahead by tangled trees and thorn-laced vines. The once-background sound of birds singing and leaves rustling in the wind was now unnervingly loud, making me feel very small and ultimately on my own, in a wild place.

  On exhausted legs, I wandered over and slumped heavily onto a nearby log, hugging myself as I looked up at the treetops and then down around the bases, trying to see through them to the distance. I wasn’t sure what to be worried about out here. Back home, I knew there could be kangaroos around, but also knew they very rarely attacked. Here, there could be any manner of man-eating creature, or worse, people.

  I checked my phone. No service, and it was getting late. Dad would worry soon. And David was probably already worried—not just about where I was but also that I’d never speak to him again. I knew deep inside that he never meant any harm. I was embarrassed that he knew about me all this time, and I guess I felt like he’d pretended to be my friend so he could get into my head for Vicki and Dad. But if I really thought about it, David wasn’t that kind of guy. He wouldn’t be here unless he wanted to.

  I flicked a ladybug off my shoe and stood up, dumping my phone in the pocket of my dress. Maybe he was waiting for me back by the lake. Maybe it wasn’t too late to apologize. I steeled myself for a round of groveling, but after only one step back up the hill, crashed right into the warm embrace of strong arms.

  “Ara!”

  “David?”

  He wrapped me up almost restrictively, his fingertips pressing against my ribs. “Don’t ever run off like that again. I couldn’t find you. I was worried sick.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered into his chest.

  “No. You. Have. Nothing to be sorry for.”

  “But I—”

  “No.” He shook his head against the top of mine. “I won’t let you say that word anymore. Not for anything.”

  I tugged a little to make him loosen his grip, looking up at him with new eyes. “Why didn’t you just tell me you knew about my mom?”

  He smiled, breathing out through his nose. “Would you have wanted me to know? Would you still have been my friend?” It was a rhetorical question; we both knew the answer.

  “So, what am I to you now? I mean, why would you still be friends with me now that you know all of this? Am I some damsel project, or something? Do you think you can save me?”

  David shook his head. “Ara. It was never about that.”

  “Okay. So if my dad hasn’t sent you in as his informant, then what do you want with me?”

  “Informant?” He looked down at me. “Is that what you thought?”

  “It makes sense. From the first moment we met, you acted like we knew each other—like we were already friends. I just… I wondered why you were so interested, when, you know, I’m no supermodel. I don’t really have anything to offer you.”

  “You have more than you think, Ara.” He exhaled, rocking his jaw. “Okay, at the risk of sounding creepy, I’m going to tell you why I was so… overeager when you first came to school.”

  “You weren’t really stalking me, were you?”

  “Ha! No, I wasn’t. But I had seen you several times.”

  “When?”

  “The first time was about a month ago—guess it was the day you arrived. I was on the football field doing laps for practice, and I passed your house, saw this sweet little thing in a yellow dress just standing there, looking up at the blue sky. And I stopped running.”

  I pictured it for a second: David on the field, me by the car, watching Dad get the suitcases from the trunk. Vicki stood on the porch steps, trying not to cry, and so badly, I knew, wanting to run out and hug me. But she didn’t. And I was glad for that, because I’d have pushed her away back then.

  “My first thought was how unusual it was to see a girl in a dress like that,” he said. “And you looked so pretty, so innocent. But when I looked a bit closer, I realized that you looked sad. And something in me felt tight.” He touched just below his ribs, rubbing firmly. “I hadn’t really felt that before.”

  I smiled.

  “I just wanted to make you okay,” he said. “And I hoped I’d get a chance to meet you. I knew that was Mr. Thompson’s house, so I figured you were his daughter.”

  “So you asked him about me?”

  He smiled, his lips spreading wide over his teeth. “Uh, no. I didn’t have the guts. I uh—I actually set it up. I guess I set him up to have to tell me about you.”

  “How?”

  “He was running football practice one afternoon, and you were out in the backyard. I asked your dad if that girl on the swing at his house was related to him. And he told me you were his daughter. And I told him you were beautiful.”

  “Suck-up.”

  He laughed. “I waited so long for you to come to school, Ara. When you finally did, and I finally saw you up close, I’m sorry”—he shook his head, grinning—“but I actually couldn’t believe how beautiful you were, and I…”

  “You?”

  “This will sound really creepy, and I’m sorry, but… I think, maybe… I instantly fell in love with yo
u.”

  My heart stopped beating, slipping through each of my internal organs until it hit my feet.

  David laughed lightly, tucking my hair behind my ear. “You’re going to be okay, you know. We’ll get through this. Together.”

  “Together?”

  “Yeah.”

  I snuggled into his chest, wrapping my arms all the way around him. “I like the way that sounds.”

  “Me too,” he said, and in his arms I stood with my eyes closed, feeling my own heart beat, while each breath I took unlinked my soul from the binds of my shadowed past. I never wanted to go back to before. I wanted this embrace to last forever—to stay here in his arms, where all of my troubles didn’t seem so absolute and the world didn’t seem so cruel. There was something about the way he held me that made me feel safe; made me realize, as wholly as I knew myself, that the empty feeling I’d suffered so long could only have been cured by this moment—by David, who came into my life as just a boy, and turned out to be a knight.

  9

  David closed the front door, and we both looked up the dark staircase to the sound of a piano.

  “That’s weird,” I said. “We don’t even have a piano.”

  He smiled. “I’ll wait here.”

  “By yourself?”

  His smile softened. “Something tells me you might need a minute.”

  “Why?” I frowned.

  “Ara?” Dad called down from his room. “Is that you?”

  “Uh, yeah. I just came back to get changed.”

  “Come in here first, please.”

  I looked at David, who took a step back, offering the stairway. “I’ll be right here,” he said.