“Why?”
“He uh”—he eyed Vicki as she passed my bedroom door, pretending not to look in on us—“he and I had a falling out a while back. Things are… neutral now.”
“Neutral?”
“Mm,” he muttered and sat up. “I’m just waiting for him to find out about you.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No,” he said in short. “At least, I don’t think so.”
“I don’t like that answer.”
Vicki passed my room again, and David pulled my hand, making me sit beside him. “How ’bout we get out of here for the day—go to the lake?”
A smile spread across my lips. “Sounds great.”
“Do you have a picnic basket?”
“Yeah, I think so,” I said, standing up beside him.
“Go get it.” He leaned in and pecked my cheek. “I’ll run to the store and get some supplies.”
10
The woodsy smell of David’s car made me smile, and though the upholstery was sticky and uncomfortable under my legs in the summer heat, it seemed to retain the aged scent of experience—a bit like riding in the car with my grandpa, which made it emotionally comforting.
Heavy weekend traffic made the trip out to the lake take longer today, so in my boredom I decided to sort through the CDs in David’s glove compartment. Most of the bands were plucked straight from my dad’s era, but a tickle of elation perked me up at the sight of some familiar cover-art.
“I’ve actually heard of these guys.” I held up the disk. “I know a few of their songs.”
David smiled. “I have that album on my phone. I’ll bring it with us when we get to the lake—play it to you.”
“Okay. Do… do you like them? I mean, I know you have a CD but, like, what’s your favorite one of their songs?”
His chest puffed out with a deep breath as he looked at the CD. “Off that album: Overcome.”
I nodded, scanning the song titles for one I actually knew. “Why that one?”
“I like the piano.”
“Hm.”
“We have more in common musically than just that one album, Ara,” he said, clearly having sensed my gloom.
“I hope so.”
“You’ll see. Don’t worry. It’s as important to me as it is to you.”
“Okay.” I put the CD back. “What’s your favorite song at the moment?”
“Hard to say.” He drew a tight breath through his teeth. “I go through phases. I uh—right now, I’m actually really enjoying Moonlight Sonata.”
“I like that one, too.” I smiled, sitting back. “Maybe you can play it for me at school on Monday.”
“Ara.” He placed his hand firmly on my leg. “I would love to.”
“Great.” I loved watching him play. It was almost as if he never even had to think about where his fingers were going. I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard him hit a bum note, and just the thought of watching him play again made me happy. “Hey, can I tell you something?”
“Sure.” He tore his eyes away from the road and they locked to mine for a second.
“David!” I sprung upright in my seat. “Watch the road!”
“It’s okay, Ara. You are more than safe in the car with me.” He reached across and pried my fingers from their grip on the leather seat. “My uncle forced me to take one of those stunt-driving courses once. I know how to handle myself on the road.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re incapable of having an accident,” I scolded. “Besides, it’s not just your driving I’m worried about.”
“Would it make you feel better if I told you I’ve never had an accident?”
“No.” I stole my hand back.
“Okay. I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with a breathy laugh, shaking his head. “No more eye contact when driving. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“Now, what were you about to say before?”
I wasn’t sure if I should say it now, since the moment had passed.
“Just say it,” he demanded playfully.
My uncertainty lingered in the air.
“Ara, say it.”
“I’m happy, is all.” I shrugged and looked away. “I’m happy that we love each other, even if people say there’s no such thing as love at first sight.”
We both stared forward for a while, silent. Dead silent. I kind of wished I hadn’t said it. One thing I’d learned about life was that happiness is subject to ignorance; as soon as you acknowledged it, it’d disappear—like everything else you care about.
David smiled, reveling in his own private joke again. “It really bothers you, doesn’t it?” he said.
“What?”
“Being in love with me.”
“I’m just at odds with how I feel and what common sense says, you know, what I should feel.”
David’s easy smile made me feel silly for having doubts then. “You can’t make rules for your heart, Ara. And… if you berate yourself for what you feel, you’ll eventually convince yourself not to feel that anymore. So”—he studied my face for a quick second then turned his eyes back to the road—“please just let yourself love me. I love you, and I don’t want to lose your heart to some silly laws made up by man.”
“But people just won’t understand it.”
“Then don’t try to make them. If they’ve ever loved before, then they’ll understand and, if not, just let it go. They’ll get it one day.”
I took a long, slow breath. Those were very wise words for a teenager. “You’re right, you know—about being aged beyond your years.”
He laughed. “Do you think you can still love me, even if I’m an old man deep down inside?”
“Maybe. How old are you, anyway? Emily said you’re older than us.”
“Emily should mind her business.”
I smirked. “Feisty, aren’t we?”
“No. I just despise gossip.”
“Well, we wouldn’t need to gossip if you ever told me anything about yourself.”
He exhaled. “I’ll be nineteen in November.”
“So you’re repeating twelfth grade?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I uh—” He scratched the back of his head, resting his elbow on the door after, his fist in front of his lips. “I went through a rough patch a few years ago and… I kind of let my grades slip.”
“What happened?”
“That was when I left my uncle to come here.”
“And… why did you leave your uncle?”
“I lost someone.” He swallowed, putting both hands on the steering wheel again. “I’ve been hiding from the world, in a way, I guess, ever since.”
“I’m really sorry, David.” I wished I could kiss all his pain away. But grief just didn’t work like that. “So, is that it? Is that one of your dark secrets?”
“No.”
“Will you tell me something else about you, something I don’t know?”
“Not today.”
“Why?”
David’s head rocked from side to side, fluid with annoyance. “You are a willful creature, Ara-Rose. I swear you will be the death of me.”
“I will if you don’t start opening up.”
“I’d open up if you could handle the truth about me,” he said.
“The truth?” I laughed. “Am I seeing a lie?”
“What if I said yes?”
“Well, which part is the lie?” I looked him up and down. “Were you born a woman and you’re only pretending to be a guy? Or maybe you’re really a fifty-year-old man in a mask, who likes teenagers—”
He laughed, shaking his head.
“—or maybe… I don’t know. I can’t think of any more.”
“Good, because you’re way off the mark.”
I folded my arms and watched the trees outside, blurring in hues of green and brown as we passed them.
The drive to the lake was relatively short, but the scenery changed so much, from closely gathered
houses to a long stretch of highway and, finally, a tunnel of trees around a hard-packed dirt road. As the tires crunched on the gravelly shoulder, my blue guitar, which hadn’t shifted the whole drive, clunked noisily—the vibrations drawing gentle hums of odd notes from the strings. I glanced over my shoulder to check on it, and as I turned back to face the front, David’s gaze quickly shifted from me to the road.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re not mad at me, are you—because I keep myself a secret?” he asked cautiously.
“No.” I offered him a sweet smile. “I mean, I want to know more about you, but… if that also means learning about your dark secrets… if they’re so interconnected that one can’t be spoken of without addressing the other, then…” I left it at that, and David nodded knowingly.
He shut the engine off, the sudden quiet making my ears ring, and then reached across to cup my knee. “Will you ever be ready to hear it?”
“When I’m okay,” I said earnestly, touching my heart. “I just need to heal first, before I face the fact that you’re anything other than what I’ve built you up to be in my mind.”
His eyes moved up from my hand to my face, and though his mouth opened to speak, he said nothing. Just nodded and opened the car door.
* * *
When we came out to the clearing by the lake, the familiar lemony spice of wet bark and the heavy clay scent of decomposing leaves awakened my senses. With the autumn hovering on the horizon, the leafy trees surrounding the lake began to turn a hundred different colors. An illustration of mottled pinks, yellows and reds emanated off the lake’s reflection, while dust motes settled on the water around the moss, like snow. Across the lake at the center of the tranquil masterpiece, several flocks of colorful birds disappeared into the dense greenery of the island, taking my awe of this magical place and doubling it.
“Come on.” David took my hand and turned me to face the small patch of grass flattened by the picnic rug, the basket centered, where his iPhone set the scene with some soft music. “Let’s sit down.”
“How did you set that up so fast?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, suddenly appearing on the rug, his hands behind his head and the cheekiest grin warming his eyes. “That wasn’t fast.”
“So I’m just phasing out then?” I said, narrowing my eyes at him. “Because I’m sure only two seconds passed.”
He laughed loudly. “See, I’ve become so accustomed to your trips outside your own head now that I use that time to freak you out.”
I wandered over and sat down in front of him, noticing then that his skin looked a bit pale and his eyes were sunken. I would have asked him if he’d slept last night, but the song on his phone had the most heartbreaking melody, and I had to ask, “What’s this song?”
“‘Overcome’.” David looked down at his hands. “The one I said I’d play to you.”
The words danced around in my head, lilting softly over the wistful tide of the piano like a breeze made of despair. David stared into the tree line, his mind a million miles away, and I watched his angel-like face for just long enough to see how out of my league he really was. His features were almost symmetrical, even down to the width of his mouth on both sides and the sharp, heart-shaped curve of his upper lip. There was this undeniable allure about him, something… maybe an energy that just drew me in, making me want to close my eyes and fall against him. It was too late for me. I’d never be able to go back. Never be able to live without him. ‘Overcome’ was very suitable for how I felt about this boy.
David looked up from his reverie and frowned at my face.
I wiped away my pout, forcing a look of composure, though inside, my heart was breaking. I wondered how I could possibly ever be good enough for him.
“Do you know why they say love is blind?” he asked out of the blue.
“Um…” Okay, that was a strange question. “Because… you can’t see straight when you’re in love?”
He shook his head. “It’s because you don’t need to see to fall in love. It’s purely chemical. You can fall in love with someone before you’ve spoken one word to them, and they don’t have to be perfect, Ara; just perfect for you.”
“What if you’re not from the same species, can you be perfect for each other then?”
He sat up a little. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” I toyed with the hem of my dress. “You’re… perfect, and I’m…”
He sat back, exhaling through his smile. “That’s what you meant.”
“What did you think I meant?”
“Nothing.” He reached across and took my hand. “Ara. I don’t know where you get this silly idea that we’re not right for each other, but—”
“I never said that.”
“Okay, sorry, you said you’re not good enough for me.”
I looked down at my pale white fingers wrapped around his golden skin, seeing the obvious.
“I’ve never loved anyone like this before. Ever. What do you think that means for me, Ara?”
I shrugged, not meeting his eyes, though I could feel them on me.
“I don’t love,” he insisted. “Not like this. So the fact that you have changed me, altered the way I view my own reality, means there is something more between us than just the kind of love that’s forged from one person’s measure against another’s.”
“I guess,” I said, not meeting his eye.
“In short, sweetheart, you are more than good enough for me—from personality to spirit, and all the way to superficial and unimportant qualities.” He laughed. “I mean, you’re the single most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on and, believe me, Ara-Rose, I have seen a lot of girls.”
One shoulder came up to my jaw to hide my scars. Once, I would have believed him when he said that. I knew I wasn’t literally the most beautiful girl in the world, but I was in his eyes, and that’s what mattered. Only, now… it just didn’t feel okay to believe it—not when I had scars that everyone else, if they were being honest, would say made me ugly. “I guess I just don’t see what you see.”
“Then I’m happy to keep saying it until you do.” He touched the backs of his fingers to my cheek. “Just relax into this, okay? We’re together. I’m not going anywhere. Not ever.”
“Promise?”
He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes awash with several responses. “Yes. But only if you promise to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself you’re beautiful.”
“Okay.” I smirked at his corniness. “I will.”
“Good. Hungry?” He jumped up with a movement as light and fluid as a man on the moon.
“Um, yeah. I am, actually.” I hadn’t even noticed it, but my stomach felt like a hollow pit. It might’ve even growled at one point, but I’d been too lost in David’s flawless face to notice. I could’ve starved to death and probably wouldn’t have cared.
“Here.” He handed me a small bunch of grapes and sat across from me, grabbing my guitar.
I picked at the plump round fruit while David plucked the strings, the squared tips of his fingers finding the notes so effortlessly, as if he knew every one like his own flesh. “Do you realize,” I said with my mouth full, “that I’ve never actually heard you play guitar?”
“Yes.” He smiled, keeping his head down, twisting the pegs atop the neck. After a strum and a nod of satisfaction, he started playing.
My eyes tried to close again as the sound touched my heart, but I forced myself to open them and watch the phenomenon that was David’s every note. In comparison to him, my musical ability was substandard, clumsy even. I hated that.
“You make me feel like an amateur.”
“Well, I’ve been playing for a very long time.” He laughed out a chest full of tension, and then he shuffled over and picked a grape off the bunch, chewing thoughtfully. “I wanna play you a song.”
“Okay.” I dumped the grapes back in the basket, readjusting my seat. “Do I know it?”
; “You might. It’s by Muse but it’s an older one.” He propped his left leg up, resting his strumming arm on the guitar. “It’s called ‘Unintended’.”
I picked through my music brain, but didn’t recognize the melody at all as he started playing.
With each chord change, my mind began to wander deeper into itself, the wind-chime notes carrying me to another place—a dream-like world where emotions were displayed in melody. This one, with its harmony balancing on the edge of sadness, would be the song of a night sky that fell in love with the sun—forever forbidden to be together—watching over a world that would end if one didn’t exist.
David looked at me as he sung, the notes starting low and rolling up through the scale, his lips curved into that sexy smile. He tried to hold it back, but it crept onto his face anyway.
I closed my eyes, letting David’s perfect voice surround my thoughts, making me want to cry, to be a part of him. And though I couldn’t see anything but the golden light turning my eyelids red underneath, I could feel the color of the lake around me; an image carved out in melody.
As the song came to an end, the last notes hovering in my subconscious for a moment, I wiped a fingertip under my eye.
“Ara, you’re crying.” Sudden warmth spread through my cheek, the bright red glow behind my eyelids becoming shadowed as David’s sun-kissed fingers touched my face.
“I know. I’m such a dork.”
“Was my playing really that bad?”
“I wish it was.” I laughed. “But, it’s just that music is something that comes from a really deep place in me. I feel things, feel everything so deeply, and that song…”—I leaned back and looked into his focused eyes, noticing that his pupils were so large they’d swallowed most of the green—“it was so beautiful that it hurt.”
“It reminds me of you—of us.”
“Why?”
“Don’t you get it?” The sudden shine to his smile penetrated my watery barrier, making my heart forget how to beat. “Forever doesn’t have to be a curse for me. Not anymore. Not now that I have you.”
Motionless, with the only connection to the real world being the burning sun above, my mind fought for reason—offering him forever with one look but denying it with common sense. “If only we could actually live forever.”
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 19
