“What if we could? What if you could have an eternity with me?” His thumbs pressed into my cheeks more firmly. “Would you take it?”
I nodded. “If eternity were real, I think I’d give my soul to spend it with you.”
“Ara?” He shook my face, as if he were trying to snap me out of something. “Open your eyes. Look at me and say that.”
The sun brought momentary blindness with its bright glare as I looked at David. “I didn’t know they were closed.”
“Ara, focus. Look at me.” He studied me carefully, his brow tight in the middle.
“What did you want me to say?” I asked.
Nearby, bees buzzed with a gentle hum and a few birds chattered noisily in the treetops above us, and David’s round eyes stared, glassy and distant, his lips sitting parted—no words coming out.
“David?”
“Nothing.” He lowered his hands and shifted away from me, weighted like the dead.
A cool breath lifted my chest in a long, slow gasp then, and a strange pull of energy—or maybe warmth—withdrew from the physical space between us, like hot ribbons had bound us and then snapped and tore away.
A spell had been broken.
The breath rushed back out of my lungs too quickly, tightening my throat. I touched my fingertips to the racing pulse between my collarbones. “I feel dizzy.”
“It’s okay.” He rolled my cheek onto his lap, brushing my hair from my face.
“What just happened? Why do I feel so sick?”
“Come on.” David patted my back and lifted me to sit. “You need to eat. You get dizzy when you’re hungry.”
“True.” But this was different, I was sure of it. It felt more like my soul had been connected to his for a split second. I felt so drawn to him, like I could’ve stayed there forever, died in his arms and have been grateful for that one, close moment. Now it was gone—that warmth, the breathtaking intensity of our bodies so close to each other—I wanted it back. I felt like it belonged to me.
David shuffled over and leaned his back against the rock while I swallowed every agonizing bite of the food he handed me, forcing it down with orange juice because my mouth refused to make saliva. In fact, my body refused to do anything normal—including breathe.
“Did you feel that?” I looked up from under my lashes, pinching the edges of a sandwich. “Before—when we were close?”
“Feel what?”
“That… the energy between us?”
He shook his head once, pursing his lips. “Nope.”
My mouth popped open. “You big, fat liar!”
“I’m not lying.”
“Yes”—I got to my knees—“you are.”
“Look, even if I noticed the way you… reacted, that does not mean I felt it.” He sighed heavily and threw his sandwich into the basket, then sat back against the rock, folding his arms.
“Well, what was that? What was I feeling?”
“Love?”
I dropped the sandwich to the rug. “David!”
“I don’t know, Ara. What am I, a scientist?”
I looked over at the picnic basket. “Did you drug those grapes?”
David laughed. “Why would I do—”
“Then what was that?” I cut in. “I know you know something about it. I saw how you looked at me.” I pointed at him. He shook his head, smiling down at his folded arms. “You felt it, too. I know you did. Now tell me what it was.”
“I’m not going to fight with you,” he said calmly.
“I’m not fighting.”
“Then drop it.”
“No. It didn’t feel natural, David. I felt a… a gravitational pull toward you, like my soul just split in two and then was suddenly”—I scrunched an imaginary piece of paper between my palms—“forced back together.”
“Gravitational pull?” One brow arched mockingly.
“Why do you do that?”
“What?”
“Make me feel silly; make me think I feel things you don’t.”
After rubbing his forehead viciously, he swept a hand through his hair and looked away. “Can we drop this, please?”
I focused on the ant-covered bread in front of me, blinking back tears.
“Ara.” His voice commanded I look at him. I shook my head. “Ara, please. Look at me.”
“Why?”
“Please?”
Reluctantly, I rolled my face upward.
His golden smile warmed. “Oh, sweetheart. Why are you crying?”
“Because I feel stupid.” I nodded to the place on the rug where we’d been sitting during the moment. “If you didn’t feel it too… what does that mean?”
“What that was has nothing to do with how I—” His teeth clenched in obvious frustration. “You are one of the most stubborn damn girls I’ve ever met. Do you know that?”
I bit my lip.
David appeared in front of me, tilting my chin upward. “But it’s also one of the most charming things about you. No more tears, okay?” He tugged my hand until I came to sit beside him against the rock, and I nestled the crown of my head under his chin, placing my hand over the cotton shirt that barely contained the coolness of his skin underneath, wondering if, no… sure he was getting colder.
“Ara?”
“Mm-hm.”
His strong arms squeezed me closer. “We’ll talk about things another time, all right?”
I nodded, but I didn’t agree.
“Hey?” David leaned around to look at me, and when I refused to respond to his smile, he jammed his fingertips into my ribs, making me squeal.
“Stop it!” I laughed, jerking downward to get away.
He shuffled after me on his knees, continuing his assault through boyish laughter. “Make me.”
“I can’t. You’re too strong.” I squealed again, cackling loudly. “Stop it or I’ll wet myself, I swear!”
“Go for it. It’d be hilarious.”
“Argh!” I sat up, and when he finally stopped tickling, reached over and slapped his arm playfully. “Jerk.”
“Ouch.” He rubbed his chest.
“What are you doing?” I laughed. “I hit you in the arm.”
“Yeah, but it hurt here.”
Aw. “Then, where would it hurt if I damaged your heart?” I asked in a light, joking tone.
His eyes darkened, the smile withdrawing like a shadow. “The soul.”
I cleared my throat and looked away from his eyes for a new conversation piece. “So what’s out on that island? Anything interesting?”
“I could show you, if you like.”
“Okay. But won’t we get wet?”
David looked down at the tops of my thighs, just covered by the rim of my green dress, and smiled. “You won’t.”
“Well, maybe we’ll leave it for today. There’s always tomorrow, right?” I rolled onto my knees and sat with my face right in front of David’s, the tips of our noses just off touching. We both took a long, shaky gulp of air, and the sweet scent of his breath touched my tongue, making my mouth water as it realized we could kiss right now—if we wanted to.
He slowly lifted his hand, taking hold of me and steering my face toward his. But he stopped and held me there, my lips tingling just in front of his, and softly ran his thumb over them.
“David?” I said, wishing so badly that he’d just do it.
He closed his eyes tightly. “Please don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
He didn’t answer. He just sat there, taking shallow breaths. I focused on his mouth, moving slowly forward to steal one.
“It’s getting late,” he said, and a cold rush separated us.
I turned around to watch him walking off, running a hand through his hair.
“You know, you’re right.” He stopped about ten paces away. “We can go out to the island another day. I think I remember something about a History assignment being due?” His voice rose in question.
The breath I’d been holding made
a huge lump in my throat. “It can wait.”
“No.” He shook his head, coming over to pack up the picnic basket. “It can’t.”
“Argh.” I flopped onto my back with a huff, secretly checking my breath to see if that’s why he sprung up so suddenly while, in the corner of my mind, my silly fantasy continued: David and I, all hands and lips, floating along the rest of the day in each other’s arms. But reality shut the door on that world, opening another to the mountain of impending homework I faced instead.
With a sigh, I stood up and folded the picnic rug. “Here, you wanna stash this back in your rock crevice?”
He stepped away from me, shaking his head. “This is your secret place now too, Ara. I’ll show you where to hide it.”
I hugged the blanket and smiled.
11
Everything had been set out properly. My pencils were neatly lined up beside a notepad, my laptop centered, and I even had a glass of water for hydration. But after surfing the Net for two hours, the only thing I’d accomplished was a mental list of reasons David wouldn’t kiss me and a few uneducated theories about what in the world of scientific reasoning that gravitational pull was.
After a while, with nothing but unrealistic explanations dancing around in my head, I lifted the feather quilt on my bed and slid my feet under it, rolling onto my side as I drew it up over my shoulders. Maybe if I could fall asleep until Vicki called me for dinner, I wouldn’t have to think about David.
I flicked the lamp out and snuggled down away from the sticky summer air, breathing the fruity scent of my sheets. That was the hardest thing about moving: how different things smelled, like the towels and my shirts as I pulled them over my head. Vicki’s clean laundry had a vibrant peachy smell, whereas my mom’s was a powdery scent. A bit like Mike’s, since our moms always bought the same laundry detergent. But peach was kind of comforting to me now. It meant I was in bed, away from the world, away from my troubles.
I lay perfectly still for a bit, listening for the crickets’ closing act, but the air was so thick and dense with heat that even the bugs had taken the back road to anywhere but here.
When I opened my eyes again, Mike smiled down at me from the photo I’d tacked on my wall beside my bed. I yanked it downward and touched my fingers to his bright, cheeky smile. In so many ways, every guy I met, every smile that made my heart flutter, had been measured up against Mike’s. It was always the first thing I noticed about a guy, always the deal-breaker.
I kissed the photo and pressed my thumb to it against the wall. “Miss you, Mike.”
A freaky sensation stilled my bones then when my phone rang. I jumped out of bed and grabbed it, knowing already who it was. “Hey.”
“Hey, kid, did I wake you?”
“Nah. I was just daydreaming. What’re you doing up?” I looked at my clock. “Isn’t it before six in the morning over there?”
“Yeah, I was in bed, but I was just layin’ here thinkin’ ’bout ya.” I could hear the grin behind his tone.
“Me? Why?” I sat at my desk.
“Interview’s booked now for next Monday. Thought I might start planning my trip.”
“When do you think you’ll be coming?”
He took a long breath. “I was thinking I should fly out that night?”
“Really?” I squeaked. “That’s fine with me. I’d be happy if you came now.” I flipped open my laptop, clicked on my calendar, then opened iTunes.
“You miss me that much, huh?” He sounded surprised.
“Mike, I’ve never had to live without you before. You’re like my security blanket. I miss hanging out, you know, just being… normal.”
“Great. I’m a blankie.” He laughed. “What about David? He still in the picture?” His light tone concealed a spearhead—something only I would notice.
“In the picture?” I practically snorted. “He told me he loves me! How much more in the picture can you get?”
“After a week?”
“Yes. Well, it’s not a week for him. He’s had around a month to think about it. But, you know, it’s funny ’cause I kinda fell in love with him too, like, the day I saw him.” It was hard to admit that, especially to Mike. I knew he couldn’t comprehend love, and I never wanted to hear the word infatuation. But that’s what he’d peg this as, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“So what’s the problem then?” He sighed, sounding bored. “You said that like it was a bad thing.”
“No, it’s the opposite actually. But he has me really confused.”
“Why?”
“He pulled away when I went to kiss him.”
Mike laughed. I could almost see him tilting his head forward, scratching his brow. “How long have you been official?”
“Well, how long were you and Bec official before you guys did more than just kiss?”
“That’s different. I’m an adult and you’re a kid. Did you ever think that that might be his problem—you being under eighteen?” Mike concluded. “How old is this guy, anyway?”
“He’s a little older.” I brushed over that one. “And yes, I did consider the fact that we’re not technically adults.” Well I wasn’t, but David was. “But we are at the legal age of consent here, and he’s a hot-blooded male, and there have been opportunities. I just don’t get it. A kiss can’t hurt, right?”
“Unless you’re a hot-blooded male, Ara,” he said dryly. “A kiss can make you want a lot more, and maybe he just has”—he paused for a second—“self-knowledge. He might think he won’t wanna stop if you were to ask him to go further. And maybe he’s afraid if he did have the willpower to stop of his own volition, it might hurt your feelings.” His voice dropped on the end.
“That could have something to do with it. But it makes me feel—” I knew the word, but didn’t want to admit it.
“Undesirable?”
“Yes,” I muttered.
He laughed—a loud, full bellow.
The tightness in my stomach spread to my teeth. “Mike. Stop laughing at me, you know I hate that!”
He stopped instantly. “I’m sorry, Ara, it’s just that… I’ve always thought you were cute. I’m not stupid, I have eyes, and I promise that you are not undesirable.”
“Mike, you can’t say that. You’re my friend.” My friend that rejected my apparently cute-self.
“Yes, I’m your friend, which means I can say that.”
I typed pick up Mike on Tuesday in my desktop calendar then went back to iTunes.
“What’re you doing?” he asked, sensing my absence, I guess.
“Downloading a song.” I clicked on search.
“A legal download, I hope,” he muttered in his stern ‘cop’ voice.
“Yes,” I hissed, rolling my eyes.
“What song?”
“It’s by this band called Live. You know them, right?”
“Yeah,” Mike scoffed. “Why would you be listening to them, though? It’s a little before your time, isn’t it?”
“Mike, I’m three years your junior. If it’s before my time, it’s before yours.”
‘Overcome’ started downloading, so I looked up the song David said reminds him of me—the one by Muse. I just had to hear it again. My playlist of David was getting very long.
“So, what Live song then?” Mike asked after a moment.
“Oh, um, ‘Overcome’.”
“Where’d you hear that one?”
“David likes it. He played it today on his iPhone. Why?”
“You know me, baby. I judge how you’re feeling by your playlist. Don’t you think that song’s a little…?”
“What, depressing?”
“Maybe,” he said reluctantly.
“Mike. Are you worried that I’m suici—”
“No. Ara. Please don’t think that. I just… you normally listen to such happy music. I just thought—”
“Really, I’m fine.” Just tired of people thinking I’m depressed. “I know Vicki and Dad think I’m suicidal
and, to be honest, if you don’t all leave me alone I might have to do something rash just to get some peace in a padded cell. So, shut it! Okay? I’m fine.”
For a moment, I thought he’d hung up, until he said, “I’m sorry.”
“Good. ’Cause I’m okay. I have David. I have a shit load of grief, too, but he makes all of that easier to carry. Look”—I exhaled and softened my tone—“I love you, Mike. I know you’re just worried. But it’s really an insult to my character that everyone keeps watching me in case I take my own life. I live with a former psychiatrist, for God’s sake.” It was supposed to be an attempt at reason, but unfortunately for Mike, he’d just become victim to two months’ worth of saved-up ranting. “Mike? You still there?”
“You’re not a little girl anymore, Ara,” he concluded softly. “What’s happened these last few months has… well, it’s changed you. A lot. You’ve really had to grow up and I’m sorry for that.” I rested my hand over my bellybutton to quiet the flutters his words formed there. “But I’m also really proud of you. I just need to see you again—make sure you’re still my girl.”
“I’ll always be your girl, Mike. You’re my best friend.”
“But you have David now. You won’t be needing me for much longer.”
“Don’t say things like that, Mike.”
“Why? You know it’s true. But it’s okay,” he assured himself. “It’ll just be an adjustment, that’s all—not having you all to myself whenever I wanna talk to you.”
“It was the same for me when you were dating Lyndall. It’s just the way things are. But I’m sure we’ll always be friends.”
“Yeah, I’m sure we will.” After a second, he laughed softly. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you. I can’t wait to pick you up and squeeze you until you can’t breathe.”
“Ha! No way. I’ll totally squeeze you harder.”
“Sure, those skinny spider arms’ll do so much damage.”
“Shut up, Hercules!” I chuckled the words out.
“Miss you.” Mike sighed, his laughter ceasing.
“Me too.”
* * *
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 20
