I looked down at my left hand then and traced my fingertip over the ruby. It really was such a pretty ring, and I couldn’t help but to smile at the odd significance of the single red rose.
28
A pale blue light filtered between a crack in my curtains, casting shadows of raindrops across my carpet, while memories of David paraded in my mind.
The celebration dinner Vicki made for Mike and I tonight kept me distracted until I was tired. But all it did to be distracted was make me realize how hard it was going to get to find things every day that made time pass until I grew old and died. Accepting life, accepting a future without David brought me more clarity than I expected, but sadly, no less pain.
“I dream about you, you know?” I whispered, imagining David sitting beside me on the bed. “When I go to sleep at night, I imagine I’m still with you. Will I ever stop?”
The apparition shook his head and reached out to touch me, then, like a cloud of steam brushed away by a hand, he vanished. Only a streak of yellow light remained in his place, filtering in from the hallway. I looked up and smiled at Mike, who leaned against the wall with two steaming mugs in his hands.
“You awake?” he whispered.
The clock beside me said midnight. “I am now,” I lied.
“Sorry, baby. I’ll leave you to sleep.”
“No. Wait. I’m awake. Please come in.” My feather quilt ruffled as I sat up.
He closed the door with his foot and walked through the darkness to my bedside. The cups clinked together on the nightstand, and as my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I noticed his look of concern.
“You okay, Mike?”
“You were quiet tonight—at dinner,” he said. “Is something up?”
“What makes you think there’s something wrong? Maybe I’m just tired.”
“Ara, come on. I’m the one person in the world you can say anything to—without consequence.” He placed the warm mug in my hand, securing my fingers around it before letting go. “Don’t shut me out.”
I sighed and looked down at the creamy layer of warmed milk, forming a white coating of froth in the mug. “It’s David.”
He nodded after a deep breath, sitting down. “It’s going to take a long time to let him go, Ara.”
“And you’re okay with that?” I asked slowly, like he was crazy.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because it’s… I mean, how can you want to be with me, knowing I’ll always have another man in my heart?”
He exhaled, his expression changing with thought. “Ara, I love everything about you: past, present, future. He was obviously a big part of your life the last few months, and he kept you safe while I wasn’t here,” he said simply. “So if you always have a place for him in your heart, baby, that’s something I can live with.”
My eyes filled with liquid. I smiled down at my hot chocolate and then took a sip through my teeth, swallowing down the rocks his words put in my throat.
“You don’t know how happy I am to see this on you.” Mike unfolded my ring hand from the cup, pressing his thumb firmly to the stone. “I dug it out so many times, practiced my speech, then put it away again.”
“How long have you had it?”
“I, uh… I designed it when I was seventeen.” He scratched the back of his head. “Ara, I’ve been in love with you for forever. Even when I was ten and we’d play that game where we get married, I knew that one day you’d be the girl I asked. I was just too stupid to do anything about it. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I took the design to a jeweler and had it made, in case I ever got the guts up.”
“A year? God, you are stupid,” I scoffed.
He sighed a few times, opening his mouth to speak then stopping, until finally he quietly said, “Your mom said the same thing.”
“Do you mean Vicki?”
“No.” He smiled. “I mean, yes, Vicki knew about the ring—”
“Since when?”
“Uh, I told them about a month ago.” And suddenly, her strange behavior toward Mike made so much sense. “But, I was talking about your real mom.”
I looked at the ring. “She knew about it?”
He nodded. “She cried.”
“So, she approved?”
He laughed. “Of course. She practically had us betrothed from the day you were born, Ara. She did make it very clear that we’d have to wait until you were eighteen, but she approved.”
The soft smile I gave felt nice across my mouth. I liked smiling, especially for my mom. “Well, it’s easily the most immaculate ring I’ve ever seen, Mike. I can’t believe you designed this. For me.”
“Well, you are and always have been my beautiful rose.” He laughed then—at himself, I think. “Look at me, Mike the poet.”
“I like poetry. I’ve always been a sucker for a romantic.” I placed my cup on the nightstand next to Mike’s.
He smiled. “Squidge over.”
I moved to the cold side of the bed, letting him slip beneath my covers, coming to rest my cheek against his ultra-warm chest. He felt so different from David; he was bulkier, warmer, and the sound of his heart beating in his chest brought a kind of fear to my own, knowing it could break or stop beating by the smallest, stupidest mistakes. But the humanness of Mike made me feel oddly safe in a way I hadn’t always felt with David. I was comfortable with him; we matched. Mike was my human match.
His arms fell heavily around me then, like wearing a bead-filled doorstop as a hug. This would be my life from now on, and I had to admit, after all the pain, after all the loss and loneliness, it finally felt like I could breathe.
A semi-conscious dream stole my eyes to the images in the back of my mind. Walking down a long aisle toward my destiny—toward Mike—I tried so hard to picture David there, but I couldn’t. It was Mike.
It had always been Mike.
Stopping at his side, I pulled the red rose from my bouquet and gave it to him, but when our hands touched, I jumped back with the cold shock of electricity, waking to the feel of icy skin—something real, tangible—and a familiar sweet scent hiding under the shadows of dawn: orange and chocolate.
“David?” I whispered.
No one replied. But I could feel him. I knew he’d been here just moments ago!
I jumped out from the warmth of Mike’s arms and ran for the window, stopping dead when I spotted a yellow rose on the windowsill.
My ruby ring suddenly felt heavy then, as if I was wearing the pain in my soul, knowing David would have shattered to see me sleeping in Mike’s arms. I picked up the cold, thornless blossom and pressed it to my nose, spotting my iPod underneath it.
Our lives, every inch of our journey, had been mapped out in song on that device—from the first time I saw him, through the days of wondering if he loved me, to the heartache of knowing he only loved me enough to leave me and, finally, to losing him. It would do me no good to listen to that playlist again, even though I knew that’s what David wanted. But I just couldn’t live my life in the past anymore. I had to find a way to move forward.
The street below was desolate, no sign of David having been or gone. The dawn sky looked cold and gray, like the world was readying itself for rain, while a soft red glow outlined the mountains to the east. I looked over at Mike, sleeping peacefully, and drew in the sweet pear scent of the rose once more. Then, as I went to press the Home button on my iPod, noticed a new playlist there titled “Ara”. It only had one song, so I popped my earphones in and pressed play.
A delicate piano told a sad story, making my heart ache in the first bar. I pushed open my window, leaning on the frame as the words began. I’d never heard this song before. I knew David liked John Mayer, but he’d never even said which song was his favorite. I wondered why he put this one on my iPod and no other song. And then I listened more carefully to the words, relating instantly to the feeling of falling asleep thinking about the one you love; your heart so broken because they’re gone. You dream for a moment tha
t they’re right beside you, that everything in the world is finally all right. But the warmth of their hand, the clear memory of their smile dissipates suddenly, destroyed by waking. It almost makes you want to sleep for the rest of your life so you can be together.
I checked the title of the song again, smiling: “Dreaming With a Broken Heart.”
Tiny bumps of chill dotted my belly with the kiss of a cool breeze, and the sun touched the earth just over the horizon, warming everything around me; the treetops became pink and gold, and orange leaves floated softly down to the ground like autumn snow. I pinched three of the yellow petals from the stem of the rose and held them out over the lip of the window frame: one for my heart; one for my soul; one for eternity. They all belonged to David. Each and every bit of me would always be his—no matter what my dreams may tell me. No matter what Fate made me do.
When the wind swept past my window again, I flicked the petals into the day. They floated downward on the breeze, following the autumn leaves to the old oak tree in the garden and coming to rest, with one last kiss from the wind, right on the seat of the swing.
“I love you, David. Forever,” I whispered into the nothing, reluctantly shutting my window as I spotted the last morning star.
“Make a wish.” Broad arms wrapped my waist from behind, startling me.
“I don’t believe in wishes anymore, Mike.”
“Well, I’ll make one for you, then.” He closed his eyes and crossed his heart.
“What did you wish?” I asked.
“Can’t tell you. It won’t come true.”
“That’s so lame,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“I know.” He pressed his hands to my waist and turned me around, slowly plucking my earphones from my ears. “Why are you crying?”
“So much has happened.” I sniffed back the runny liquid in my nose. “Everything’s changing for me now, Mike. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing control of it all; like it just goes too fast.”
“It does go fast, princess,” he said. “But that’s why you’ve got to make the most of every day.” He kissed my forehead. “You gotta laugh at stupid jokes and eat bad food”—he kissed my nose—“and try to find the good in every moment; happy or sad or difficult.” He pulled back for a second as he moved in to kiss my lips, and added one more thing, “And I’m going to be here to do it all with you. For the rest of our lives.”
As his lips touched mine, I closed my eyes, teaching myself to accept my new reality.
* * *
My phone forced me to get up off my back, leave my comfy pillow behind and wander across to my desk. “Hello?”
“Hey, Ara.”
“Hi, Em. What’s up?”
“Um. I need you to do me a favor.”
“Sure. Anything,” I said, peeling the curtain back with my fingertip, looking down over the evening.
“I… I kind of need you to tell Spencer I can’t go to the ball.”
“What!” I screeched. “Why can’t you go, and why can’t you tell Spence yourself?”
“He… well… I was kind of going to get you to tell him I have laryngitis.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to tell him I can’t go. I just… I think I might cry.”
“Em, I don’t get it. Why aren’t you going?”
“I haven’t got a dress.” She started crying.
“But, after we failed at shopping the other day, I thought you said you were just gonna wear an old one from your closet.”
“I was. But my mom cleaned everything out a few months ago and donated it all to charity.”
“Oh, Em.”
“I only have this ugly red thing that I wore when I was twelve. And I can’t go to the ball in a dress that short. I’ll look like a hussy.”
“Ara?” Sam said, popping his head around the wall.
“Hang on, Em.” I looked over at Sam, covering the mouthpiece of the phone. “What are you doing in my wardrobe?”
“Can I borrow your hair gel?”
I raised a brow at him. “Why?”
He stepped into my room, grinning. “I got a date tonight.”
“A date?” I smirked.
“Yeah. Can I use it or not?”
“Fine. But shut that bathroom door. I’m talking girl stuff.”
He walked off, starting up the hairdryer in the bathroom, but didn’t shut the door. I hated sharing a bathroom; I hated it even more that it had two doors.
“Argh. Sorry, Em. Pest control.”
She laughed.
I walked into my wardrobe and glared at Sam through the bathroom mirror. “I told you to shut this.”
He shrugged. “So shut it.”
“Argh!” I slammed it behind me and stormed out of my wardrobe, but a flash of blue fabric on the hook caught my eye, and as I thought back to the night David forced me to accept that dress, an epiphany hit me like a rock in the head. “Oh my God. Em!”
“Still here.”
“Come over. Right now. I have a dress for you.”
She didn’t even get to say anything. I hung up the phone and ran downstairs to wait for her, opening the door seven minutes later to a solemn-looking Emily.
“Hi,” she said.
I gave her a hug, and she smiled as she pulled away, but not at me.
“Hey, girls,” Mike said, sitting on the stairs behind me.
“Hi, Mike,” Em said.
“You back for another shaking?” he joked.
“I’ll pass,” she said sheepishly. “You know, you look kind of different when you’re not mad with worry.”
Mike laughed. “Yeah, guess it’s easier to see my face when I’m not towering over you, harassing you for information on missing girls.” He cast a raised brow my way.
Emily giggled. “It’s okay. You didn’t actually shake me.”
“Okay, enough small talk.” I grabbed Em’s hand. “Come see your dress.”
Mike laughed as we rushed past and then shut my bedroom door on him.
“Now, close your eyes. And stay here.” I held out a warning finger.
“Can’t go far with my eyes closed,” she said.
I left her by my bed while I ran to the wardrobe to get the green dress, and came back holding it against my body. “Okay. You can look.”
Emily’s eyes lit up and her mouth popped open as she ran toward me, well, to the dress. “Oh, my God, Ara. This is perfect. Where did you get this?”
“Had it for ages.” I shrugged.
“Can I try it on?”
“Of course, dummy, that’s why I asked you over. Here.” I handed her the dress and directed her to my wardrobe. “I hope it fits.”
“It looks like it will,” she said, her voice muffled under a shirt or something.
“Yeah, we’re the same size, so it should be fine.”
“I can’t thank you enough for this, Ara. I just haven’t found anything I love enough to wear, but I think this”—she stepped out and her beauty struck me—“might do?”
“Emily?” I couldn’t help but to rush over. “How perfect is this on you? Oh my God!”
She readjusted the shoestring strap on her shoulder and spun slowly to reveal the low back, the shimmering emerald green hugging her curves and making her skin look luminous.
“I hate you, you know.” I sighed enviously, folding my arms. “It never looked that good on me.”
She laughed. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I was just playing.”
“I know. But I do love this dress.”
“Well, then it’s yours.”
“Mine? Ara, I can’t—”
“Yes, you can. I want you to have it. It was”—I shook my head, looking for the right words—“meant for you.”
“Thank you.” She reached out, so I hugged her again. “I’m so glad we’re friends.”
“Me too. Come on.” I took her hand, leading her to the door. “We have to show Mike.”
“Wait.” She pulled back a little. �
��Are… are you sure it looks good? I mean—”
“Em. It’s great. Stop worrying.” I stuck my head around the corner. “Mike?”
“Yeah?” He flashed a really sexy grin, stopping just as he was headed down the stairs.
“What do you think?”
When I pulled Emily out of my room, Mike tilted his head to one side. “Wow. Yeah, that’s a great dress. Do a spin,” he said, twirling his finger in the air. Emily spun around. “I don’t know, Ara. Perhaps I’m marrying the wrong girl.”
Emily’s head whipped up and her mouth fell open. “Marrying? Did he say marrying?”
I shot a death glare at Mike. “Um, yeah. We’re… Mike asked me to marry him,” I said, showing my ring.
“Oh my God,” Emily squealed, grabbing my hand. Mike rubbed his ear with his finger. “When did this happen?”
“Yesterday.”
“Wow.” She pressed both thumbs to my ruby, becoming seemingly smaller from the shoulders down. “And… what about David?”
“Um—”
“He’s out of the picture,” Mike said swiftly, but very politely.
Emily’s eyes screamed her true thoughts. “Well, that’s just, like, so great, Ara. I’m so happy for you two.”
“I’m just gonna…” Mike jerked his thumb toward the stairs and walked a few steps backward before fleeing with the speed of a man in trouble.
“Emily?” I closed my bedroom door, then spun around to look at her. “What’s wrong?”
“What have you done?”
“I already told you, Em.” I sat on the bed, shifting her jacket out of the way. “David and I broke up. Why are you so surprised?”
“Because, you were supposed to meet again one day on a windy autumn morning and fall in love all over again. Not go and marry another man!” She pointed to my door.
“Em?” I chuckled. “This isn’t a fairy tale.”
She looked at me for a long moment, and then threw her hands up in the air. “I don’t know what to say to you, Ara. He loved you. Why should kids or careers or anything stop you from being together?”
“It’s not just the kid thing.”
Dark Secrets Box Set Page 56
