Dark Secrets Box Set

by Angela M Hudson

  I turned my head into Emily’s shoulder. I didn’t want Mike to see me crying, especially not over David. Or Eric.

  “It’s the David thing again,” Emily moaned.

  “David? What David thing?” Mike reached out and slid his fingers down my arm to grab my hand.

  They went silent for a second, but Emily’s body moved rigidly with her secret sign language. The couch dipped where Mike landed as he tugged me away from Emily. “Ara, he’s a guy,” he said. “Guy’s do stuff like this all the time.”

  “Stuff like what?” I said, spiteful.

  “It’s a game to them, baby. I know you thought he loved you, but it’s what he wanted you to think.”

  I shook my head. “You don’t really believe that, do you? You talked to him, you knew—you saw that he loved me.”

  Mike’s shoulders dropped. “Yeah. I did. I don’t know, baby. I can’t figure it out, either. But you can’t keep wasting your life over this guy.”

  “How am I possibly wasting it?” I sat up.

  “Because you’re an empty shell, Ara. Anyone can see that.” Emily leaned forward, agitation slathering her tone. “You’re just not getting it. He’s gone; he doesn’t care about you like you think he does.”

  “Emily?” Mike frowned at her, then turned to me. “Ara…”

  I kept my eyes down, swallowing the lump her words wedged in my throat.

  “You’ve got to forget about him. I know it hurts, but you’ve just gotta grieve his absence as if he was dead. Hey”—he held both my arms, his voice trailing up—“would it help if we held a funeral for him?”

  “A funeral?” I said sarcastically.

  “Yeah.” He jumped up and cleared his throat.

  “Mike?”

  “Em, pass me one of those flowers?”

  Emily turned to the vase beside her, and like blood exploded from my chest and spilled across his hand, she placed a red rose there.

  “Okay.” Mike squared his shoulders and positioned himself in the center of the room. “Friends. We have gathered here today to mourn the passing of a loved one.”

  “Mike, this is silly.” I wiped cold tears from my cheeks.

  “David Knight, beloved boyfriend; arch enemy.” He turned his head and winked at me. “We symbolically farewell the pieces of him that leave our dear Ara in pain.”

  I folded my arms and sunk lower on the lounge.

  Mike snapped a petal from the rose and let it fall to the floor by his feet. “We farewell his tender kisses.”

  “Erk, this is so lame,” I said, but he just laughed, ignoring me, and dropped another petal to the floor.

  “We farewell his tight embrace.”

  “Mike?” I allowed a small smile.

  With a fist over his heart then, Mike stood taller, completely saturating the room with melodrama. “We will never again look upon his dreamy, emerald-gaze. Or his smooth, flowing locks.”

  Emily wept out an overly-theatrical cry, like a widow in a daytime soap opera.

  “This”—Mike threw another petal—“is for the way he said I’ll love you forever.”

  “Mike, stop it,” I said, feeling really awkward.

  He raised a brow and continued on. “And this is for the way he made you feel safe.”

  “Mike?” My protest became weak as the memory of David seeped into everything around me, and it became clear that Mike wasn’t just being silly. He knew more about this than I realized, and as much as he painted this is as a dumb game to cheer me up, his list of things I missed about David was starting to hit home.

  “This is for the red roses that he will never de-thorn again.” He spoke in a deeper, whispery voice as he looked beyond my soul to a place only David knew. “And this is for all the days you spent together by the lake.”

  I stared through my teary cloud, bewitched. “How did you know about that?”

  Mike threw the rose in its entirety to the floor, then sat beside me again. “Guys talk too, Ara.”

  “He told you all that?”

  “Ara. Let him go, baby. You’ve got Em, and you’ve got me.”

  Emily nodded and took my other hand. I shook my head.

  “Baby, love is only true when it’s reciprocated. But he’s not here.” Mike looked around to make his point. “I haven’t seen him anywhere. Not when you’re sad, not when you were recovering, not even on our wedding day. Ha,” he snorted, “I half expected him to burst into the church and steal you. But, Ara?” He waited until I looked at him. “He didn’t, baby. He’s gone, and you need to let him go. I’m here. I love you. Don’t you know that?”

  I nodded, fresh tears spilling from my eyes. “But I can’t let him go. I love him, even if he doesn’t love me anymore.”

  “Then how do you think Mike feels?” Emily barked. “To feel exactly the same way about you?”

  Mike shook his head at her in warning.

  “I know. Okay?” I snapped. “And I feel bad about that, but—”

  “No. Ara.” She shot to her feet. “You don’t know! You’re just saying that, but you’re not fooling anyone. You threw away a perfectly good chance to be happy, God”—she slammed her arms down to her sides—“Mike would throw himself in front of a bus for you. You rejected him, left him at the altar, and he’s still here. Waiting. For you!” She started out of the room, her voice breaking as she said, “You’re so damn selfish.”

  “Emily?” I stood up and followed her to the kitchen. “Don’t say things like that then walk off. You need to take that back.”

  “No.” She stopped by the counter, folding her arms.

  “Take it back!” I stomped my foot.

  “No, it’s true, Ara, all of it.”

  “Why? How does it make me selfish just because I chose not to marry Mike?”

  “Because you love him, and he loves you. Don’t you get it?” She shook her head. “You have everything. Everything, and you throw it away. You want David because David isn’t here; you wanted Mike when he wasn’t here. Now he is, you don’t care.”

  “That’s not true,” I insisted, hoping it wasn’t. But, no. It wasn’t true. Because I maintained, the entire time that Mike was back in Australia, that I didn’t want him. She pushed that. Not me. So why was she even saying that? As for David, well… “I wanted David while he was here as well as gone, Emily, so—”

  “You see?” she said conceitedly. “I just told you how much you’ve hurt Mike, and all you care about is David.”

  With a huff, I shook my head, tears of frustration blinding me. I just felt attacked, defeated, like I couldn’t say anything right.

  I knew it came across that I only wanted David now that he was gone, but Emily wasn’t there—she didn't go through what I did with David, in falling in love, overcoming the death of my family, and then being kidnapped and waking from that nightmare to find him beside me, like I’d prayed and begged for since he left, only to have to watch him walk away again.

  “I am so sick of hearing his name, Ara. I swear, if I have to hear that name one more time—”

  “David,” I challenged, my eyes narrowing.

  “Ara.” Emily’s teeth caged. “Don’t test me.”

  “David,” I said again, just so tired of her judgment.

  “Ara?” Mike warned gently, leaning his shoulder against the archway, his arms folded across his chest as he watched. As I went to say it again, Emily edged closer, her fists tight.

  “I’m not playing games, Ara! This obsession has to stop.”

  “David is not an obsession!” I yelled. “What’s the big deal if I’m a little depressed over him right now—”

  “Depressed?” Mike’s voice lilted upward in concern, a cold realization clearly sinking through him.

  “You threw away your fiancé!” Emily yelled. “You don’t eat. You don’t live, you don’t enjoy life, you don’t run, you can’t watch movies, you won’t read. Ara, what’s it going to take to get you to be human again?”

  I folded my arms. “David.”<
br />
  “Er!” She thrust herself forward and grabbed my shoulders. “He’s. Not. Coming. Back. Listen carefully, Ara. David. Is. Gone. Get over him.”

  “Why? Because you got over Jason?”

  Emily drew back, her lips falling apart as my words struck her. “You know nothing about that, Ara.”

  “Don’t I, Emily?” I spat her name out, seeing Mike in my periphery rise slightly from the wall, on the edge of a hesitant step toward us. “I know you never shut up about him. I know you mention his name, mention your heartache every chance you get. And it far outweighs my pain, doesn’t it?” I touched my chest. “I’d know nothing of what you suffered, would I? Because you’re the only one who—Ah!” A sharp sting broke across my lip, jolting my head to one side as my last words ended in a squeal.

  “Hey.” Mike swept me into his arms as tears rushed into my eyes.

  “Ara,” Emily said through her hands. “I’m… I’m—”

  “Em. I think you need to go and cool off.” Mike brushed his thumb over the corner of my lip. “You okay, baby?”

  I looked past him to Emily, who stared at me with liquid eyes, frozen in place. And my heart sank. “Emily. I’m sorry.” I pushed out from Mike and hugged her tight. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No, you shouldn’t. Because you know nothing about it, Ara.” She stood back. “You lost David, yeah, but I lost him, too. I lost Jason. I lost Spencer. I have no one.” Her teary eyes flicked to Mike for a second before landing back on mine. “But you have two guys that want you. And you waste that.”

  “Em?” I reached for her.

  She jerked away, her finger aiming at Mike. “He didn’t care that you loved David. He still doesn’t. He’d take you back in a heartbeat. Why won’t you just marry him?”

  “Come on now, girls”—Mike leaned on the counter between us—“let’s not talk about me like I’m not here. Emily?” He looked at her. “You haven’t known Ara as long as I have. She’s as stubborn as a mule. If she makes up her mind, it’s final.”

  “But,” Emily said.

  “Uh!” Mike held his finger up. “You need to drop it. Otherwise, she’ll change her mind out of guilt. And there’s only one thing worse than a girl marrying you when she’s in love with someone else, and that’s when she marries you out of guilt.”

  “But it wouldn’t be guilt, don’t you see? She’s in love with you, Mike. What is wrong with you two?” She stared at us, her head swaying in disbelief.

  “Nothing is wrong with either of us, Emily. You can’t expect me to do what you think is right just because you’re living vicariously through me.”

  Her mouth dropped, her small teeth showing between her lips. “If I was going to live out my fantasies through anyone’s life, Ara, it wouldn’t be yours. You’re nothing but a damaged, miserable bag of bones, and God knows why any guy would even find you attractive right now.”

  “Emily,” I called as she stormed off, slamming her bedroom door behind her.

  Mike’s hand touched my shoulder. “Ara?”

  “What have you been saying to her, Mike?” I turned to face him. “Why does she care so much if I end up with you?”

  He watched the empty space Emily had left behind, his whole face awash with confusion. “I… look, I haven’t really said anything to her, baby. I dunno. Maybe she just wants you to be happy for once.”

  I shook my head, folding my arms. “No, I think she wants you to be happy.”

  6

  I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that came every time I ignored my phone. I knew the number well, even though the caller ID function had been broken for a month and no longer displayed his name, but a part of me still always wondered if I should answer it, just in case he might be calling to tell me about David. My finger hovered above the green button until the vibrations stopped, and the screen read missed call.

  There were four voice messages still unheard and about six texts I couldn’t bring myself to read. Somehow, finding out any info on David didn’t matter as much to me as avoiding an explanation on why I couldn’t kiss him. His first text message after the messed-up kiss was enough to break my heart, having read: I’m sorry about last night, kiddo.

  I couldn’t believe it. He’d apologized because I led him on and then refused to kiss him! He was such a sweet guy, which was exactly why it was just better if I responded with: Maybe it’s best if we just don’t see each other again.

  And that was that. The phone rang two seconds later and hadn’t stopped since.

  A notification came through that I now had five unanswered voice messages. With a shaky hand, I pressed the phone to my ear and played the last one: “Amara, I mean… Ara. I… I’m sorry. I don’t really know what I did wrong. Okay, so we nearly kissed, and you got cold feet. No big deal. But, I just… I was happy being friends with you. And if that’s all you can handle for now. I”—he laughed nervously—“I’m about a second away from stalking you again, kiddo. I’m trying to do this the right way around, but I got nothing to go on here. I got one text and that’s it. What’s going through your head? I just… you…” The pause lasted way too long, filled by a whipping breeze and the distant sounds of metal on metal and engines roaring behind it. “Please don’t take our friendship away over a stupid kiss.”

  I stared out the window at the children playing across the road, a lump forming in my throat as I hung up the phone. It wasn’t just a stupid kiss. It was so much more than that, because it wasn’t anything to do with him; it was all me. All those competing issues—the depression, the loneliness, the fact that we could never be together long term because of his Set and that, even if we were, I couldn’t betray David that way. Not just out of honor, but because I knew it would kill him. Leaving me to move on with a human was one thing. But if I ended up with a vampire again anyway, what would that do to him?

  And all of this circled my head in one millisecond as he’d leaned in to kiss me that night. So many thoughts. So much emotion. I just didn't know how to explain that to him in one breath without sounding crazy.

  “Hey, baby.” Mike came in and slumped heavily on the lounge beside me. “What you doing?”

  “Thinkin’.”

  “’Bout?”

  I shrugged. “Stuff.”

  “Stuff, huh?”

  “Yup.”

  “Wanna share?”

  I shook my head, then almost instantly blurted out, “Emily says I only want things when they’re not around? Is that true?”

  Mike’s silence made my shoulders lift around my ears. I looked at him. He was looking away. “Maybe.”

  “Really? Maybe?” I said in disbelief.

  “I don’t know, Ar. I’d like to think that’s not the case, but…”

  My mouth fell open around his silence. “Don’t do that. Don’t say but and leave me hanging. Either there’s a but or there’s not.”

  Mike stayed silent.

  “Mike!”

  “Okay. I think… I think you are a bit that way, baby.”

  I threw a pillow at him. “Mike?”

  He laughed, catching it in his lap. “Look, I mean, I don’t think it’s the reason you don’t want to get married—to me—but I think you feel insecure about losing things indefinitely. Like it makes you want to hold onto them tighter, no matter what it takes, even if it means loving them when you don’t really love them.”

  “So… I’m not a horrible bitch that only wants what she can’t have; I’m just afraid of losing people?”

  Mike shrugged as he said, “Yeah, I guess that sounds a bit more like it.”

  “Well, isn’t that normal?”

  “Yeah, but I suppose, with you, it’s just…” He looked at me for a long moment. “Magnified.”

  “Magnified?”

  “I dunno, Ar. Maybe it’s ’cause you lost your mom. I think you just don’t like losing things. Anything. People or objects. I think you have a too-deep understanding of goodbye.”

  “I don’t understand what yo
u mean by that.”

  “Well, it’s like… for me, when I get someone out of my life, I know there’s always a chance I’ll see them again, distant, but still a chance. I don’t think you have that. Because you were impacted by such a huge trauma—two huge traumas, actually—when you were just a kid, I think you understand and assume finality in all goodbyes.” He looked down between his knees and tapped his thumbs together. “I think you hold on to people to make sure they won’t disappear forever.”

  “But, then how do I know if letting go is the right thing, when it feels so wrong?”

  Mike smiled sideways at me. “Is this about Eric?”

  “What do you know about it?”

  His smile warmed as he looked down at his hands. “Emily told me about the failed kiss the other night.”

  Argh! “Well, she shouldn’t have.”

  “No,” Mike said, “you should have. I’m your best bud, Ara. You can talk to me.”

  “About guys I want to sleep with.”

  Mike went to speak, but his words seemed to lodge in his throat. He cleared it. “Sleep with, huh?”

  “Mike. I’m allowed to want sex.”

  “I know. You just…” He shook his head. My heart broke a little, remembering how badly he wanted to be my first. “You just used to say ‘make love’.”

  “I know. But I’m not a child anymore.”

  He nodded. “And you like Eric—in that way?”

  I nodded.

  “Do you… do you love him?”

  I shook my head.

  “Do you think you’ll ever love him?”

  I shrugged.

  “Then don’t sleep with him.”

  I removed my comforting hand from his, shocked by that, because Mike had never been the kind of guy to say you had love someone just to have sex with them. “Well… should I even stay friends with him then?” I asked.

  Mike stood up. “Only if you want to hurt him really badly.”

  My lips fell apart slightly as I watched him walk away.

  * * *

  The presence of morning entered my room, and Weary Awareness suddenly elevated to Completely Alert when my foot touched something beside me. I threw my covers back and launched to the edge of the bed.