Three Alarm Fury

by Annabel Chase

  I stepped aside. “Do you want to come in? You look…unhappy.”

  He shook his head. “I need you to come with me. It’s Mayor Whitehead.”

  My spirits lifted. Not my family after all. Rejoice! “Is she hurt?”

  “No, but she might be if she keeps this up,” the chief said cryptically. “People are getting pissed off.”

  Uh oh.

  “Am I needed?” Neville called. “I’d like to finish my device and get it set up.”

  Chief Fox looked at me. “Should I ask?”

  I shook my head. “It’s a werewolf thing.” I glanced over my shoulder. “I’ll catch up with you later, Neville.”

  “I’ll drive,” the chief offered.

  I hopped into the passenger seat. “No Achilles?”

  “No, I didn’t want to put him in an uncomfortable situation. The mayor is usually so reasonable. This is…”

  “Out of character?”

  He looked at me sideways as he drove. “Yeah.” He paused. “Something I need to know, Agent Fury?”

  “Something’s going on and it’s probably supernatural,” I said.

  “That’s nice and vague.”

  I shrugged. “Right now it’s all I’ve got.”

  “So I shouldn’t judge the mayor too harshly for this?”

  “I wouldn’t.”

  As we pulled alongside the curb, I second-guessed myself. The first thing I noticed was a large sign with handprinted letters—This spot reserved for Mayor Whitehead. Violators will be towed at their own expense. The parking spot itself was blocked by three orange cones. Deputy Guthrie stood sentry, seemingly there to ward off those who would dare park there.

  “Why is Sean there?” I asked.

  “She ordered him to guard her spot and make sure no one parked there,” the chief said. “He told her that the cones and the sign were probably sufficient, but she yelled at him and threatened to take his badge if he didn’t comply.”

  “And he called you?”

  “Sure did, along with five other residents who overheard the commotion. She did it outside in front of her office.”

  We left the car and approached the deputy, who looked less than thrilled to be spending his day guarding a parking spot.

  “Hey, Sean. Should we get you one of those beefeater hats?” I asked.

  He scowled at me. “You said you were getting help, Chief.”

  “Agent Fury is help,” Chief Fox replied. “The mayor likes her.”

  “Hard to imagine why,” Deputy Guthrie muttered.

  The mayor pulled beside us and rolled down her window. “You can move those cones, Deputy. I’ll be parking now. I’m meeting a friend for coffee on the beach.”

  Chief Fox and I stepped aside to give her room to maneuver into the spot. Mayor Whitehead popped open the door and a slender leg appeared, followed by another. She beamed when she noticed us.

  “How do you like my sign?” she asked, tinkling with laughter.

  “I heard the council voted against a designated waterfront spot for you,” I said.

  The mayor scowled. “And I overrode their veto, which is well within my rights as mayor of this town.”

  “You don’t see it as an abuse of power?” I asked. It was probably useless to engage in this conversation right now. If there was a supernatural force at work, it was doubtful she’d listen to reason.

  The mayor looked me up and down. “Listen Agent Fury, I appreciate your interest, but I can assure you that securing this spot for my own personal use is entirely ethical.” She slung a handbag over her shoulder and started to walk away.

  “Aren’t you going to put money in?” the chief asked, pointing to the blinking meter.

  Mayor Whitehead tossed her head back and laughed. “I’m the mayor, darling. I think I’ve earned free parking in this town, don’t you?”

  “I’m the chief of police, but I don’t think for one second that I’ve earned anything,” he said.

  From the sidelines, Deputy Guthrie watched the scene unfold with interest.

  “You’re still new to Chipping Cheddar, Chief Fox,” she said. She patted his cheek in a condescending gesture. “You’ll come around.” She spun around and walked away, her heels clicking on the pavement.

  “I hope she takes off those shoes before she hits the beach or she’ll get stuck in the sand,” I said.

  “In that case, I hope she keeps them on,” the chief said under his breath.

  “What’s gotten into her?” Deputy Guthrie asked. He was so distracted by the mayor that he didn’t bother to insult me.

  “It’s temporary, Guthrie,” the chief said. He clapped the deputy on the shoulder. “Trust me, it’ll work out soon enough. Isn’t that right, Agent Fury?”

  “I sure hope so or we’re going to have to hold an early election,” I said. The residents of Chipping Cheddar weren’t going to tolerate a mayor that abused her position. “Let’s try to keep this quiet for now.” I knew I could count on Husbourne to persuade the other town council members to keep mum on the subject. Nobody wanted a scandal.

  “What am I supposed to do?” Deputy Guthrie asked. “Wait here until she’s finished so that I can put the cones back?”

  Part of me wanted to say yes, only so that I could torture Sean. The more mature part of me shook my head. “And if she calls you, don’t answer.”

  He shot a quizzical look at the chief. “Really?”

  “Whatever Agent Fury says goes,” the chief replied. “She’s the expert.”

  “On annoying women?” Deputy Guthrie asked. “I guess I can see that.”

  I narrowed my eyes at the redhead. “Careful, Sean, or I’ll have you working as a parking attendant for every public official in this town.”

  The deputy shot an aggrieved looked at his boss, but Chief Fox only chuckled in response. “Good luck, Deputy.”

  When I got back in the car, I noticed the time. “Would you mind dropping me off at the diner? I have a lunch date with Clara.”

  “You don’t think you should cancel?”

  “If it were anyone else I would, but Clara is good to bounce ideas off of,” I said.

  “How about me?” the chief asked.

  I smiled. “I’d like to bounce a lot of things off you, but right now Clara has more experience with the supernatural realm, so she’s my better option.”

  He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Now my imagination is running away with me. I’m picturing a lot of bouncing.”

  I offered a peck on the cheek before I vacated the car, careful to check that no one was watching. I hurried into Gouda Nuff where Clara was already seated in our usual booth.

  “Sorry I’m late,” I said. “My official presence was required.” I noticed a plate of cheese quesadillas in the middle and two iced teas. “Thanks for ordering.”

  “I was hungry.”

  I gobbled down a triangle of quesadilla as I explained the situation with Mayor Whitehead.

  Clara seemed unconcerned. “She’s the mayor. Why shouldn’t she be cut some slack?”

  I gaped at my best friend. “Clara Riley, I can’t believe you just said that. She’s not above the law any more than I am.”

  “You think everything should be so black and white all the time,” she said, “but you’re willing to bend your own moral code when it suits you.”

  I reeled back. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re lying to everyone about Chief Fox and, even worse, you’re making him lie too.”

  Heat crept up the back of my neck. “You know why I have to do that.”

  “Because your family is evil.” She rolled her eyes. “Need I mention that you tore Mrs. Hughes’s yoga pants in front of the whole class? Not exactly a decision I’d catalogue under ‘good.’”

  Now my whole face was red. “How do you even know about that? You left before I did.”

  “Someone mentioned it and I put two and two together.”

  “It was a little prank and she d
eserved it. You know how awful she is.”

  For someone willing to cut the mayor slack, Clara seemed incapable of cutting me any. “Maybe you and your family meet in the middle more than you think,” she said. “I mean, when’s the last time they really hurt anyone? Do you even know?”

  “That’s the only measure of evil now? Pain and suffering?” I knew for a fact that my father was still working as a full-time vengeance demon. Our tacit agreement was that he didn’t take jobs in my territory and didn’t offer any details so that I could remain blissfully ignorant.

  “Your mother and grandmother seem to spend more time killing each other than hurting anyone else,” Clara said.

  “Even if that’s true, that doesn’t absolve them of years of bad behavior,” I said. “Besides, they still use black magic. They just make an effort to hide it from me.”

  “And why do you think they do that?”

  “Because they don’t want to get caught,” I said. “They don’t want me to turn them in.”

  Clara made a dismissive noise at the back of her throat. “You think it’s self-preservation.”

  “Of course. Their motivations are purely selfish.”

  Clara fixed me with a hard stare. “So selfish that they’ve gifted you the barn on their property so you can have your own place to live?”

  “Trust me. That’s a selfish move. They want me under their thumb so they can torture me and the best way to achieve that is to make me an offer I’d be a fool to refuse.”

  Clara leaned back against the chair and observed me coolly. “You get so worked up about them putting you in a box that you haven’t noticed that you’ve done the same to them.”

  “Even if you’re right—and I’m not saying that you are—a good deed for one person doesn’t negate being horrible to everyone else. Grandma wouldn’t hesitate to hex half the senior center if she thought she could get away with it. Ever since she claims they cheated during Mahjong, she’s been itching for revenge.”

  Clara splayed her hands on the table. “This argument is tiresome and I have another boring article to write.”

  “What’s it about?”

  “A cat saved its owner by calling 9-1-1 when she fell down the steps.”

  My eyes popped. “How is that boring? Clara, that’s a wonderful story.” I made a mental note to teach Princess Buttercup how to use my phone. Then again, her acidic slobber would probably short circuit the connection.

  “Whatever. The woman’s like ninety. The cat didn’t do her any favors by extending her miserable life.”

  I’d never heard such harsh words come out of my friend’s mouth. “Clara, this isn’t you.” She sounded so heartless—the opposite of the Clara I knew.

  “I’m tired of giving a flying rat’s butt about everyone else’s feelings. Where has that gotten me? I can’t even move up the ladder at The Buttermilk Bugle, the most podunk newspaper in the history of podunk newspapers.” She pulled a long, thin wrapper out of her purse.

  “That’s a plastic straw,” I said.

  “No kidding,” she snapped. “I don’t want to use a paper one. They disintegrate before I even finish my drink. The environment can suck it.”

  Great Nyx, I hated to ask my next question. “Is this PMS talking?”

  Clara barked a short laugh. “I have an epiphany about the state of the world and my place in it and you want to blame PMS?” She grunted. “And you call yourself a feminist. Take a hard look in the mirror, Eden. You’re not the Jedi you’d like to believe and your family isn’t on the dark side.”

  “Members of the Sith Order,” I corrected her.

  Clara gave her head a shake. “Not really the point.” She tore off the wrapper and shoved the straw into the cup of ice water. “Maybe we shouldn’t have reconnected when you came back to town.”

  My chest squeezed. “You can’t mean that.”

  “To be honest, I don’t know that our friendship is worth the aggravation.”

  The pressure of tears began to build behind my eyes. “Clara, I’m sorry if I said something to upset you…”

  She sucked the rest of her drink through the straw and stood. “I’ll see you around, Eden.”

  I watched her go, unable to move or speak. This was so much worse than the last time our friendship had hit the skids. That had been me, trying to distance myself from Chipping Cheddar and my family. Clearly, that had worked out well for me.

  The waitress approached the table. “Should I bring the check? Sorry, I didn’t realize you two were finished.”

  I nodded, afraid that if I opened my mouth, I’d unleash a torrent of tears. I didn’t realize we were finished either, but it seemed glaringly obvious now.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Are you ready?” Neville stood hunched over with his hands on his knees.

  “We’re not playing catch,” I said. “Stand up and look alert.”

  Neville straightened. “Sorry, kettle. I couldn’t hear you over your rounded shoulders and weak core.”

  I gasped. “Don’t you dare.” I swung my long, dark hair over my shoulder. “I’ll have you know I have been making a valiant effort to strengthen my core and improve my posture.”

  “So you’re basically admitting that nagging works. Parents everywhere will rejoice at the news.”

  “I’m saying no such thing.” I raised my chin in defiance. “Maybe you should consider yoga. It might help you learn how to stand properly.” I motioned to his awkwardly posed body.

  Neville huffed. “How is it that you’d like me to stand, Agent Fury?”

  “I don’t know. Try a position that doesn’t make you look ready to sit on the toilet.”

  Neville’s cheeks were tinged with pink. “Why don’t we start with strength training?”

  “Will it involve breaking a sweat? Because I have plans to see Chief Fox later.”

  “There’s this magical invention called a shower,” Neville said.

  “Then I have to go home first,” I said. “I’m trying to avoid that for obvious reasons.”

  Neville’s brow creased. “You don’t intend to change your clothes?”

  I glanced down at my pale green T-shirt and shorts. “What’s wrong with this?”

  “The cat on your shirt looks like it’s been flattened by some unseen force and the message reads ‘not today.’” Neville pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please tell me why that’s the message you’d want to send to the chief on your date.”

  I shrugged. “It’s unintentionally accurate. He’s not getting lucky today, no matter how many fruity cocktails he buys for me. It will take at least a steak dinner at Chophouse and we can’t go there because of Rafael.”

  Neville closed his eyes. “TMI, Agent Fury.”

  “I’m kidding about the steak.” Sort of. “You should get out there, Neville. Try to meet someone. It can’t be fulfilling to spend all your time with me.”

  “Perhaps when I feel you’re completely up to speed…”

  “How am I not up to speed?” I asked.

  Neville waved his hands in the air. “We’re in the middle of Davenport Park for a training exercise. Do you think I spent time doing this with Agent Pidcock?”

  “No, I think you two spent time braiding each other’s hair and watching paint dry because there was nothing else to do.”

  Neville pressed his lips together, appearing to fight the urge to say more. “Strength training exercise number one.”

  I wiggled my fingers. “Lay it on me, Wyman.” I needed to blow off some steam after my argument with Clara. I’d been so upset at the time, it was only later when I reflected on it that I realized Clara was likely under the same supernatural influence as the mayor and countless others. Clara Riley was the most compassionate person I knew and there was no way her heart had grown so hard that she would turn her nose up at a heroic cat story.

  The wizard pulled a wand from his pocket and pointed at me. The tip of his wand sparked with orange light and, the next thing I knew, an enormou
s spider knocked me to the ground. Its body pressed down on me, pinning me to the ground, while its legs flailed around me. I tried to yell, but there was too much weight on my chest. I could hardly breathe, let alone speak.

  I tried not to panic and focused on the weight rather than the nuclear radiation-style spider that Neville decided to conjure. This was punishment for criticizing his posture. And here I thought only my family was capable of being petty. How silly of me.

  I wriggled my body so that my left arm was on the edge of the spider’s body, where the weight wasn’t as heavy. I’d always been strong—my mother loved any excuse to hand me a jar, though she preferred to attribute my strength to my large, manly hands. I’d had to tone down my abilities during FBI training and act weaker than I was. I deserved an Oscar for that performance. On the other hand, the more often I used my powers, the more the gods gave me, so I had no qualms about pretending to be a normal woman. These exercises didn’t concern me because I knew it would take quite a number of heavy spiders over a period of time to trigger another fury trait. They weren’t the equivalent of—you know—killing myself.

  “Stop squirming so I can eat you,” the spider said. “I haven’t had my dinner yet.”

  Great balls of fury! Neville made it talk? Ugh.

  I tried to push, but I needed more leverage. I inched over a little more and cupped my left hand around the side of the spider’s body.

  “Stop. That tickles,” the spider complained.

  “Fine,” I ground out. “I’ll stop.” I pushed as hard as I could and the spider flipped onto its back. Its legs dangled in the air as it tried to correct its position.

  “Well done, Agent Fury,” Neville said.

  I scrambled to my feet and wiped the spider residue off my body. “When I pictured a nice warm body on top of me, that wasn’t the scenario I had in mind, Neville.”

  “Sorry to disappoint you. Next time I’ll conjure a more attractive demon so that you can practice your tonsil hockey before you heave him off.”

  I shuddered at the thought. “Now I definitely need a shower,” I said.

  As Neville waved his wand and made the spider disappear, a beeping sound made my heart skip a beat.