The Middle Man

by K. S. Adkins

  “You let him use you?”

  “No because we used each other.”

  “Why?”

  “Why pay a hooker to fuck you, Nix?”

  “I should have never said shit,” he mumbles looking away.

  “See, right there that’s the problem with relationships. You should have said something because when a woman is sharing her body with you, she has a right to know where it’s been. We both have pasts and cannot change them, so let's not waste time thinking about them. And who knows when he took the video, but it wasn’t within the last year and a half because I haven’t been with him in at least that long.”

  “I’ve gone longer than you,” he says softly.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “It had been at least a year before your first text. Once I saw your face…no other woman, no amount of money to pretend it was worth it would ever do.”

  “Really?”

  “Look at me, Finn,” he orders. “I may do a lot of questionable shit but, I will not lie to you.”

  “Okay then,” I smile ready to finish my lunch. Appetite renewed!

  “Knowing this, it won’t come as a surprise to you that when this situation is handled, I’m coming back to kill him.”

  Shrugging, I take a huge bite and take my time chewing just to razz him. “Did you hear what I said, Finn?”

  “Mmm,” I nod easily not much caring what happens to Talon.

  “Now,” he says leaning in. “Why did you really walk away? I’ll kill him tomorrow if he’s not what’s standing in your way. Do you want to go back to your job?”

  Wiping my mouth, I confess, “My image has always been an issue. No matter what I do, it ends up in a magazine somewhere because it’s a female doing it. Truth is, I’m tired of that aspect of the business. On screen, I’ve done it all, the spark is gone. While I won’t deny I loved most of it, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get old sometimes. This,” I wave between us. “Is new, exciting and the adventure I’ve been waiting for.”

  “You really believe you’ve been waiting for me?”

  “Why not? You believe you’ve been waiting for me.”

  “What will your mom say when she finds out?”

  “What she always says,” I smile picturing her beautiful face. “Follow your heart, Finn.”

  “Ever fucked in your car?”

  “Can’t say that I have.”

  “Do you want to?”

  Kissing him soundly on the lips, I promise him, “Let’s find a room, I’ll be worth the wait.”

  Two hours more of driving, we found a hotel and before Nix could lock the door, I pinned him to it.

  Finn was lying across my body, running her fingers over my chest and had the fiercest look of concentration on her face. As if she was memorizing every inch of me. While my legs nearly hung off the bed, hers rested squarely in the middle. I marveled that someone so small be could so strong, so alive and utterly kind.

  But she was here, in my arms and if the nibbling of her lip was any indication, aroused.

  “Tell me more about you,” I asked her in the dark of the room.

  And like the open book she was, said, “I’ve never fallen in love with things. I fell in love with people, places, and experiences. One day, I was sitting on Ryan’s porch waiting for him to finish his homework and I hated how on edge I felt. Just sitting idle made me really uncomfortable. So, I asked myself, is this what you want to be doing when you die?” Curling in close to me she continued, “I decided that day, that’s how I would live my life. By not wasting a moment of it by doing shit that kills time.”

  “How old were you when you had the epiphany?”

  Chuckling softly, she said, “I was ten years old, Nix.”

  While she showered, I mapped out our drive uncaring that we were essentially driving in one big circle. The urge to take her and run, hide forever if we had to, was strong but, it was futile. Men like me were hunters, trained to track our prey and once the instinct was triggered, we could not stop. Which meant we had to face this head on and if that meant cutting down my own brothers, so be it.

  Just as I told Swift and Creeper, they had a choice. They could have said no, turned down the order. But they were so conditioned to kill, to please a man we’ve never even met, that they copped out. By allowing someone else to think for them, they became pawns.

  Exactly as I had been until, Finn. Until I realized I had wanted more.

  And like Finn, being idle was making me uncomfortable.

  We could only run for so long before paranoia caused one or both of us to make a fatal mistake.

  She deserved to live her life without looking over her shoulder.

  But how did I fix this without losing her?

  The buzzing on the table had me reaching forward to take the call. I already knew who it was. Besides Finn, she was the only one to ever use the number. It wasn’t difficult to figure out.

  “Operator.”

  “Phoenix,” she says happily as always. Though, I had no clue what in the hell made her that way. She was a death dealer for fuck’s sake. At the very least, she should sound solemn. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”

  She may have been the only constant in my life prior to Finn, but Operator was a necessary evil in the business. That didn’t equate to being friends and meeting up for happy hour. We never discussed feelings or anything personal. We were executioners, our currency was blood.

  The devil paired us, nothing more, nothing less and I needed to remember that.

  “Not feeling chatty today,” she chuckles. I won’t lie, she did have a cute laugh. Over the years I’ve thought about what she looked like. And with each conversation, my assessment changed. However, her looks meant nothing in the grand scheme. She was a messenger and quite often, annoying. She knew too much, was always a step ahead and that made her dangerous.

  So when she says, “How’s our girl?” I lost it.

  “My girl,” I warn her. “Mine.”

  “Down, boy,” she teases but I wasn’t in the mood. Because I was a killer, a tracker, a monster. I despised how easily she read me. How she knew what’d I do before I even did it. Hence, driving in a fucking circle. No matter where I fucking went, she’d find me. Find us. “So, I was watching the news this morning and imagine my surprise when I caught the story involving two unknown men wearing lame suits found dead in a state park. You’ve kept me very busy indeed. Tell me, are you planning on breaking all the rules, Phoenix?”

  “They approached us in broad daylight,” I counter reasonably. “It was self-defense and it was contained. No one saw anything.”

  Huffing she says, “They were idiots anyway. Okay, I believe you. But I’m dying to know who killed who.”

  So she didn’t know everything? Shocking. “I’m responsible for both.”

  “Oh no you are not,” Finn says from behind me. “I want credit, dammit.”

  “I like her, Phoenix,” she chuckles again. “Put her on speaker.”

  Another thing about the Operator, you didn’t tell her no. I know because I’d tried once and an hour later my car had exploded. Glaring at Finn, whom I was trying to protect, but was glaring right back at me, I hit the button and closed my eyes. This wasn’t going to end well, I fucking felt it.

  And the last thing I needed was these two to actually like each other… The universe couldn't handle these women together.

  “Finn?”

  “You know it is,” she says sitting next to me wearing only a towel and a smile.

  “It’s me, Operator.”

  “No shit, hey, I want credit for my part. Nix can’t have all the fame.”

  “Nix?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “You gave him a pet name,” she says softly. “That is so sweet.”

  “For a death dispatcher, you have a beautiful voice.”

  Silence met us both and where I was sweating, Finn was checking her cuticles. “Thank you,” she finally says. “I called for two rea
sons.”

  “And they are?” I ask gruffly.

  “First, I watched your video, Finn.” Stiffening beside me, Finn glares at the phone wanting to strangle it.

  “Yeah?” she retorts. “How’d I do?”

  “I’m not grading an exam here,” she counters back. “But, I was curious and wanted to know more about you. I’m sure Phoenix told you it’s my job to know all.”

  “So, you watched an unauthorized homemade porno to gain insight into my personality?”

  “Maybe,” she concedes vaguely.

  “What did you come up with?”

  “That you are one hell of an actress and I hope you castrate him for abusing your trust, your career, and your image.”

  “He’s on my list of to-dies,” Finn waves it off.

  “Good,” she says followed by a sigh. “On to business. The two of you have caused quite a stir and while many of your bothers haven’t stepped up to take you out yet, I just got word that he has.”

  “He?” Finn asks frowning, and as for me, my stomach cramped.

  “He as in the motherfucking loose cannon known as Vulture,” I offer with dread. Fuck, I was sweating...

  “Killer name,” Finn says absently, only she had no idea what we were dealing with. I, however, did. Vulture was insane, blood thirsty, and cruel. He toyed with his prey, prolonged their death. In all the years as Middle Men, I had the displeasure of meeting him once. And once was enough. Finn didn’t stand a chance against him. Aside from Vulture, none of us enjoyed killing. He lived to kill, fed on the pain. If I had to describe him in one word, it would be rabid.

  “Why are you helping us?” I ask Operator.

  “I’m not,” she says easily. “Or rather, I’m not doing any more for you two than I am the others.”

  “You should change your name to Gamemaker,” Finn says rolling her eyes.

  “I don’t follow…” The Operator mumbles.

  “In the Hunger Games, Plutarch Heavensbee is the infamous Gamemaker,” Finn clarifies and I for one had no idea what she was talking about.

  “Is that a movie?” I ask once again, clueless.

  “Uh yeah,” she says frowning.

  “Can’t say that I’ve seen it,” Operator replies.

  “Life is a movie in my head,” Finn continues. “Anyway, in this scene I’d, of course, be Katniss, Nix-you would be Peeta and you-Operator would be the Gamemaker.”

  “Go on,” she suggests enjoying this and I understood her excitement.

  “Plutarch is the leader of the rebellion,” she explains and her hands were going wild. Finn was on an adventure taking us along for the ride. “Oh! Are you planning on overthrowing the capital?”

  Laughing, Operator says, “I don’t think so? But, I like keeping my options open.”

  “I need to dry my hair,” Finn announces. “Later, Operator.”

  “Later, Finn,” she says back. A moment later, she clears her throat and does the very last thing I expected her to do. For the first time ever, she showed emotion when she says, “Take care of her, Phoenix.”

  Emotion in this game never boded well for the players.

  I studied the greats.

  Dar Robinson, Hal Needham, Jackie Chan, Michelle Yeoh and so on.

  To make it in this business, to be treated as an equal, I knew to get respect that I would need to earn it.

  Bust my ass for it, take my lumps and learn from them.

  I had to be the best but no one was going to do it for me.

  So, at my first real audition, I was nervous.

  Not scared.

  Just nervous.

  I was younger than the competition, smaller, leaner. I still had stars in my eyes, confidence in my smile, and optimism in my heart. I wasn't jaded or beaten down. Maybe that's why I got the job, maybe that's why I always got the job. My positive attitude. But if you asked Ryan he'd just say, “It's because you're that good.”

  At some point, I needed to tell Nix that Operator calls me privately and often. Though we stay on the move, her timing is always impeccable. Like when Nix is getting gas or taking a shower. While he doesn’t speak of her much because he said he doesn’t know much, each time she calls me she’s very forthcoming.

  And I’d never met anyone so interested in trying to figure me out.

  Last night, we had just finished dinner at the hotel and Nix went out front to smoke a clove when she called again. Her number always came in as ‘unknown’ so I answered.

  “Why did you get into stunt work?” was her opening.

  “Probably for the same reason you got into contract killing.”

  “Ah,” she laughed. “So, it was a calling.”

  “Get to the point of this call,” I advised her.

  “Why is life a movie in your head?”

  That was simple enough. “Because, like life, it has a beginning, middle and end. And if you do it right, they don't fuck up your name in the credits.”

  “That tells me nothing.”

  “Had you been listening, it would have told you everything.”

  And then I hung up.

  We had just left the camping store and I was content watching Nix attempt to figure out how to make everything fit in his pack. Although, he was hesitant at first, even stating, “My essentials are a gun, knife, and fists, Finn,” I brought him around to my way of thinking rather easily.

  Zipping mine shut, he tosses his to the side choosing that moment to kiss me. “What was that for?”

  “I will make this right. For you, for us.”

  “Are you trying to dump me again?”

  “No,” he smiles warmly and I saw no deceit. “I know when I’ve lost a battle, kitten.”

  “Or won,” I grin snagging his pack to finish the job.

  “Or won,” he agrees readily.

  “What’s on your mind, Nix?”

  “We can’t trust the Operator,” he declares. “We trust no one outside of this car.”

  “Okay,” I nod in agreement.

  “And the next time I tell you to run, you run, Finn.”

  “Maybe,” I conceded.

  “I’m serious.”

  “So am I.”

  When all that was filling the silence was his heavy breathing, I ask, “Is this about Vulture?”

  Staring at the roof of the car, I see the war going on in his head. Hard not to when it was evident by his ticking jaw and flaring nostrils. “I was the first,” he says softly. “Over the years, he’s recruited dozens of us.”

  “He?”

  “The devil.”

  “Does the devil have a name?”

  “If he does, it’s never been spoken.”

  “Keep going.”

  “We exist by not existing. We’re ghosts, pawns, doing what we’re told. The rules are few but they are to be followed or we will face death. I broke the biggest rule when I walked away to find you. None of us know happiness, only orders. We do not kill in public, or for personal gain. Middle men do not have families, dreams or—”

  “Love,” I finish for him.

  “Especially not love,” he says cupping my cheek. “Love is a distraction, a weakness, a flaw. He demands loyalty to the cause only. He comes first, always. And fuck, Finn I was okay with that. Until you.”

  Sitting in the passenger seat of my car, I felt my chest swell and the sensation was so strong I half expected it to burst. This was what love feels like. All consuming, eager and hungry. His fingers felt like brands, his eyes were tethers and his lips were salvation. Leaning forward I ask, “You love me that much?”

  “I’m taking on the devil for you, Finn,” he whispers. “I love you more than you could possibly comprehend.”

  “I can comprehend it just fine, Nix,” I say placing my hands over his. “Because that’s how I love you.”

  “You love me?”

  “I’m taking on the devil for you too.”

  “That’s what scares me,” he says scanning my face. “He’s invisible. I can’t fight w
hat I can’t see.”

  “Then we,” I emphasize. “Continue taking down his minions until he comes for us himself.”

  “You have to let me—”

  “Do it alone? No, Nix. Those days are gone. And if you don’t start talking in terms of future, of us, I’m going to show you just how much girl scouts learn in elementary school.”

  “You are too reckless for your own good,” he mumbles but I saw resolution in his eyes.

  “And you are husband dick.”

  Snapping his eyes to mine he asks, “I’m what?”

  “Husband dick.”

  “Care to explain that to me?”

  “The dick I want inside of me until death do us part,” I explain simply. “Forever dick.”

  Fighting not to laugh, Nix repeats, “Forever dick?”

  “I may not be able to put a ring on it,” I grin seductively. “But God knows I want to.”

  Sobering a little, he says, “Until death do us part could be our reality, Finn.”

  Throwing my arms around his neck, I promise him, “Not if I can help it. Because that's what love is. Fighting for what means most.”

  And, I meant it.

  When she spoke, she let all her emotions out to play.

  Used to traveling alone, I usually zoned out to talk radio but listening to Finn talk about her life was even better.

  As she spoke, I found myself mourning Ryan's loss. Even though she was reminiscing on good times, it still hurt to hear it. Because Ryan was the kind of friend I'd secretly wished for but would never have.

  Finn was peacefully asleep in the passenger seat while I drove. With the Mackinac Bridge in sight, I gripped the wheel wondering what the fuck I was thinking by crossing it. The plan was to head back to Detroit. To a city we were both familiar with and where I held a slight advantage. But listening to her go on about the happy times she had here, how much she loved and missed her mom...the second she passed out, I changed direction.

  Since Finn held love for this place I wanted to her to see it at least once more.

  Say what you want about Michigan, but no one can dispute the beauty called, ‘Up North.’

  The air was free of pollution, the trees were enormous and bold. The sky seemed close enough to touch and the water surrounding us was calming. Silently I prayed the wind wouldn’t pick up and pitch us over the side toward certain death. But I told myself her car was sturdy, I was in control and that the car to my right would block our plummet. Hanging on to that thought, I decided to let the guy driving next to us die first.