by K. S. Adkins
By the way, I didn’t do fidgety.
He was also chain smoking clove cigarettes and I won’t lie, I even smoked a couple myself.
My head was bouncing between a painful death and a house full of kids.
Both paths were terrifying in their own way, I suppose. Death was permanent and so was being a mother.
Could a wanderer like me even be a good mom? That train of thought needed to stop so putting our situation into perspective, I do the math, “Robin, Goose, Swift, Creeper and Vulture are dead. Crow and Loon don’t look eager to end us, yet. So, if you had to guess, who’s coming next?”
“This is unprecedented, Finn. I have no idea and it’s driving me fucking crazy.”
When my Bluetooth picks up a call, he holds up his fingers to shush me and I rolled my eyes. Accepting it, he says, “Operator,” as if I didn’t know who it was…
“Phoenix, I haven’t had this much fun in years, seriously.”
“I’m so glad you find the attempts on our lives entertaining.”
“You try sitting behind a monitor all day fielding hundreds of phone calls, ordering clean-up crews and delegating jobs. Do that and you’ll understand why this is like a vacation for me.”
“What do you want?” I ask, ignoring his be quiet face.
“Finn!” she says happily. “How is your training going?”
Glancing at Nix, he fires back, “She’s not being trained. You can’t teach someone who already knows it all.”
“Go on,” I nudge him. “Say it. Tell her I’m the best partner ever.”
“Speaking of that,” Operator interrupts. “He’s requested a meeting. With both of you. Non-negotiable.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow night, eight o’clock. I’ll forward you the location just prior to.”
“Is this a set up?” I ask her.
“Finn, the Middle Men are killers. Everything is a set up.”
“Right.”
“I am sorry for this,” Operator says sadly.
“Sorry for what?” I ask but I didn't catch her response because we were t-boned and then it was lights out.
Cold water jolted me awake and when I saw Nix struggling to breathe, I was able to get my buckle off and shift toward him. “Finn,” he struggles. “Car’s filling with water, I can’t move.” The car wasn’t filling with water, it was nearly full and Nix was stuck and panicking.
Grabbing his face, I stay calm explaining, “The water will keep rising. We don’t have much time. I need to free you, so stay still.”
“No, get out—”
When a fresh gush of water comes in, Nix panics and begins to choke. The water was now at nose level.
“Calm, Nix, slow your breathing.”
“Car’s filling—”
“It's going to fill, okay? But you'll have air, you'll have my air. But I need you to calm down. It's just water, Nix. It's just water. I won't let it hurt you. Breathe for me, and I’ll breathe for you.” He settles enough that he doesn't hyperventilate as the water rises higher. Knowing it was time, I give him my air and taking a short breath, go under and fight the seatbelt for freedom. After a few tries, he was loose and I fumbled blindly searching for the center punch my mom bought me. Giving the car a moment to equalize, I broke the glass, grabbed his hand pulling us both toward safety. Breaking the surface with a gasp, Nix and I slowly made our way to shore, together. Exhausted and in pain from the crash, we fall into a heap with Nix searching for my hand to hold it.
Tightening my grip, I was looking up at the stars when he says, “You saved my life.”
“We’re not keeping score.”
“Maybe you’re not,” he says squeezing. “But, I am.”
“I’m too exhausted to move and right now; the stars are too bright to argue.”
“Finn,” he says so softly I almost didn’t hear him over the water.
“Yeah?”
“You’re the only thing I like about me.”
Hearing this melted me and I was closing my eyes to savor it when I was hauled up by my hair.
And I was positive that my scream scared every animal within ten miles.
Especially, Phoenix.
When she sealed her mouth over mine sharing her air, I truly thought this was it.
I'm going to drown.
And I was okay with that for two reasons. The first being Finn would go free and the second, I was taking a part of her with me when I moved on. I was going to die happy and loved.
I was absorbing the sound of Finn’s breathing when I heard a gun being racked. Glancing up, I saw that it was Merle’s barrel pointed at my forehead. At the same time, Finn’s scream rent the air and she was pulled from my grasp by Heron. I was getting awfully tired of my so-called brothers showing up in pairs.
“Get up,” Merle says, taking a step back keeping him out of attack range. “Slowly.”
With no weapons on me, I do as he says and felt my blood boil at Finn’s pain and struggling.
“Nix,” she says with fury lacing her voice. “It needs to be said, your friends are dicks.”
Confident we would fight our way out of this, I gave myself over to laughter. Not liking that, Merle used the butt of his gun to smash my face in.
“You are so going to die for that,” Finn growls. “That’s my face, mine, and the only one busting it up is me.”
“It’ll take more than blunt force to dull my good looks,” I wink at her even though my cheek now had a pulse.
“If anyone is going to clock you, honey, it’s me.”
“Shut up,” Heron says, tightening his grip in her hair.
“Nix,” she pouts. “Did you spill my secrets then?”
“Which secrets, baby? Be specific.”
Grinning evilly, she says, “You know, that hair pulling for me is foreplay.”
“Sure didn’t,” I try and smirk but couldn't manage it. “Guess he just got lucky.”
With Merle’s eyes on me, it went unspoken between us how this was going to go down. My woman wanted a fight and far be it for me to stop her.
“Oh well,” she sighs. “It’s true what they say about luck then.”
“And what’s that?” Heron asks yanking her head back hard.
Smiling through the pain she says, “It rhymes with fuck,” and then she struck.
In a blink, I was on Merle intent on disarming him. Trading blows, I landed a solid jab to his temple that sent him face-first into the sand. Pulling him up by the back of his neck, the coward tossed a handful of shit into my eyes, temporarily blinding me. Rushing me, Merle took us to the ground burying a fist into my kidney.
If we survived this, I was having an x-ray done to make sure my organs weren’t pulverized.
When I heard Finn’s battle cry, it fueled my own.
The next few minutes slowed to a crawl. Where I used my ears instead of my eyes to fight back.
Unfortunately, Merle scored another blow and the stars I was seeing were not from the sky.
Fuck, not only was I physically exhausted, I was emotionally tired of this shit too.
With one hand around my throat and the barrel pressed into my forehead, I knew I had to keep him occupied so his focus wasn’t on Finn.
“Ten million for pussy,” he says leaning in. “Kill her and we’ll split it. You can buy better pussy than hers, Phoenix.”
“My pussy is priceless, asshole!” Finn yells our way. “And you, quit squirming. That’s lazy man’s fighting.”
“Decide, Phoenix,” he says cutting off my air.
“It’s her,” I grate out but felt the beast rising. “It will always be her.”
And before he could reply, I broke his hold by snapping his wrist. Taking Merle to his back, I fumble, looking for the gun I can’t see.
“Kill you in a sec,” Finn says running over to me and grabbing my hand she flips it over placing the gun in my palm. Kissing my cheek, she coos, “Get ‘em, baby.”
“Do it,” Merle orders. “Fucking t
raitor.”
So I did.
Squeezing the trigger, I put every round into his chest.
Rolling off, I stumble getting to my feet and call for her.
“I got this,” she says cheerfully. Jesus Christ, she wasn’t even out of breath. Running toward the water, I splashed my face several times to clear my vision. Once that was done, I stood off to the side so I could watch my woman beat the fucking shit out of Heron. And she was beating the fucking shit out of him too.
Heron, who was too slow, too obvious, and too tired.
His face was covered in blood, his nose leaking like a fountain, and he was favoring his right side.
“Come on!” she screams and when he pushes forward, Finn widens her stance. Heron was within striking distance when she delivered a punishing side kick. When he crumbles, she circled him demanding he get back up. After several moments of him not moving, she crouches down, checks his pulse, and groans.
“Shit. He’s dead. That was so anti-climactic.”
“He was new,” I say shaking my head in disappointment for her. Being denied a painful death sucked.
“Clearly,” she says wiping her hands off. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” she says sweeping my leg and straddling me. “If you ever fucking stall on my behalf again, I swear to God, I will throw you from a roof.”
“Finn—”
“Without a safety harness.”
“Listen to me,” I say fighting the urge to roll her over and fuck her.
“He could have pulled the trigger!” she screams in my face and then ended the vocal assault to begin the physical one. Slapping me all over, I gave her a minute to get it out before pinning her wrists.
“You need to trust me,” I whisper.
“I need you alive,” she whispers back.
Pulling her into my arms, I hold her close and when she clutches me, I closed my eyes.
Kissing my neck, she says, “Tomorrow we finish it.”
With dread in my gut, I agreed, “Tomorrow we finish it.”
God help us both.
“I am sorry for this,” she had said.
Because she knew we were about to get crushed. For someone who claimed to cherish 'the first,' she had no problem putting us at a disadvantage. None of this made sense to me. Pitting brothers against each other, the price on my head, and how the man in charge thought killing me would bring Phoenix to heel.
Because logically, rationally, that's the dumbest fucking plan I have ever heard.
While he refused to dissect it, I had no choice but to.
In my gut I knew this was a test.
One we were expected to pass, together.
I just didn't know why.
Neither one of us had slept.
Exhausted, sore and weary, once we checked into our room, we laid there for hours staring at the ceiling.
Whoever he was, whatever he wanted, would remain a mystery until the meeting.
A meeting I did not trust.
The Operator had sent Nix a text instructing him to come unarmed.
As-fucking-if.
I was sick of the rules and listening to this woman. She may have a pretty voice, but there was nothing attractive about it when I stole his phone to call her back. In fact, she was snarky and far too sarcastic for my liking.
So when I asked if she’d be there and she said no, I asked if it’s because she had a face for radio…
She hung up on me.
Watching Nix pace the room should have made me fidgety, but the effect was quite the opposite.
Prowling around like a caged animal actually calmed me. Because no matter how this meeting went down, either it be freedom or death; I had known what it was like to be in love.
All my life I’ve searched for the next big thrill.
But none of it compared to this.
To Phoenix.
To us.
His love was the most powerful rush I have ever, or will ever know in this life and the next.
If that psychic was right and I was going to die, I was doing it fighting by his side.
“Hey,” I say opening my arms. “I need you.”
Facing me, the hunger was there in his eyes but so was resolution, determination, and guilt. Wrapping his body around mine, Nix says nothing and yet I understood every unspoken word.
He needed me too.
With Nix there was no practiced choreography, nothing rehearsed. Just two people who moved in perfect synch, naturally.
When he played between my legs, I opened them wider.
When he kissed my nipples, I arched up higher.
When he slid inside of me, I held him closer.
When we came, we did it with our eyes open.
Rolling my body to cover his I promise Nix, “This isn’t how it ends.”
“Finn—”
“Phoenix,” I whisper into his chest, “Trust me.”
“If I asked you to run—”
“Unless it’s into your arms, that’s never gonna happen.”
“If I begged you to run—”
Covering his mouth with my hands, I remind him, “It’s us against them, Nix.”
Closing his eyes in agony, he inhales sharp but gave me the nod I was looking for.
Snuggling back into his side, he grips my hip whispering, “I’m so selfish.”
“If you’re selfish, what does that make me?”
“Crazy.”
Kissing his nipple, I smile, “Crazy in love, Nix.”
“Fuck,” he sighs with a grin. “It’s time, Finn.”
“Grab us a cab,” I say, rolling off. “I need to use the restroom and collect myself. I’ll be down in a minute.”
“If—”
“I memorized the address, Nix. If I come down to find out you left me, what they’ll do to you is child's play compared to what I’ll do. Give me a moment, please.”
“Okay, Finn,” he says kissing my temple.
When the door clicked behind him, I didn't waste time making the call.
I should have drugged her, tied her up or caused the fight that ended us.
Anything to keep her from danger.
But I couldn't, because I needed her by my side.
Finn would never run and I owed it to her to be here when she came outside.
My selfishness knew no bounds and I wondered if it would haunt me in the afterlife.
With Finn holding my hand, we stood in the middle of an empty building that time forgot.
It was dark, cool, and meant to confuse our senses.
And it was working.
While I knew the freeway was close by, the concrete walls were so thick, I couldn’t hear it.
Which meant anyone nearby couldn’t hear gunfire or screams either.
I was barely holding my shit together, but her? Totally-fucking-unfazed.
As far as she was concerned today was like any other.
“Finn…”
“I swear to God, Nix,” she warns. “Unless you’re planning on offering me chocolate, I do not want to hear it.”
For the next several minutes, we stood completely still, bathed in total darkness. Suddenly, there was light and along with it, the men I’ve called brothers for fifteen years surrounding us.
My attempt to pull her behind me was futile because Finn was not budging. First to speak, she eyes the room asking, “What? No introductions?”
Fully armed, wearing no expression on their faces yet not moving either, she lost her patience and huffs, “So do we just started killing each other and see what happens? Does the winner get a prize?”
“Finn,” I begin calmly. “You remember Crow and Loon.”
“Yep.”
“That is Wren, Falcon, Eagle, Jay, Hawk, Crane, Swan, and Cardinal.”
“Nice to meet you, boys,” she actually fucking pinky waves the group. “Now what?”
“Now we wait for him,” I supply.
“For how long? We haven’t had
dinner and you know I hate skipping meals it makes me peckish.”
“Finn,” I try to pacify her.
“No,” she says putting a hand up. “I’m over the mysterious build-up bullshit. So, unless he has the ability to fly, I’m willing to fight my way out of here. Oh I know, let's call the big O.”
“Finn,” Loon steps forward. “We were told to wait and that’s what we’ll do.”
“That’s what you’ll do,” she counters. “Apparently, that’s what you’ll all do and for a man you’ve never met. A man you gave up your families for, your chance at love for, and your own fucking futures for. You blindly follow his rules and you are compensated for that with cash, loneliness, and working girls. Maybe I’m the one who's wired wrong, but I can’t fear a ghost, sorry not sorry.”
“If you attempt to leave here,” Crow warns. “We will have no choice but to stop you. This meeting affects all of us.”
“He let you live,” she points to me over her shoulder. “I won’t be so kind. You’re standing between us and freedom, Crow. Guess which way I’m leaning?”
“She’s worth more than ten million,” Falcon smirks. “Her mouth alone is priceless.”
“Was the chick in the porno really you?” Cardinal asks and my growl echoed from the concrete walls.
“She’s hotter in person,” Swan adds.
“Is it true you tried running Vulture through with a dull sword?” Hawk asks.
“Stalling me won’t work,” she huffs. “And yes, that was a little embarrassing but I was improvising.”
“You love Phoenix?” Crane asks sizing her up.
“Care to find out how much?” she fires back.
Jesus…this woman was a force. “You ran Goose over with a stolen truck?” Eagle inquires.
“I gave the truck back,” she sighs.
“You strangled Swift, beat Robin in a fist fight, and stopped Heron’s heart with a kick to the chest,” Eagle adds.
“Is there a point here?” she asks sticking a hip out.
