by K. S. Adkins
“Yeah,” Jay booms. “How the fuck did you, a female, do it?”
And that’s when Finn lost her temper. “I bleed for seven days every month and don’t die. I can push a watermelon out of my perfectly tight vagina, get waxed without screaming-which is no easy feat, let me tell you. Oh, and I can fight, shoot, and move better than any of you fuckers and yet having tits,” she says pushing them up. “Somehow makes me less than you? Eat my dick, wait what’s his name again?”
“Jay,” I cough out.
“Jay,” she finishes. “I am not just a woman. I’m a God damn stunt woman.”
And then there was clapping.
On the first ring she answered and I was counting on it.
“Hello, Finn,” she said. “Don't you have some place to be?”
After memorizing the lines a couple of weeks before, I began, “Katniss...maybe the country was shocked tonight by your arrow, but once again-I was not. You were exactly who I believed you were.”
“Is this supposed to mean something to me?”
“What I just said should mean everything to you.”
“And if it doesn't?”
My response was disconnecting the call and meeting Phoenix downstairs.
The second we walked into this nightmare, I came to the conclusion that I was never going to make it as an actress. Honestly, I always knew I sucked at it but I liked being an overachiever. Stuntwomen are flexible, diverse, and fearless, but I was no JLo.
I couldn’t do it all.
When the clapping started, I flattened my back against Nix’s at the same time all the men raised their weapons pointing them at us. We may be outnumbered, but I was stronger, fiercer, and more determined to protect what’s mine than they were. I had love at stake.
Stepping into the circle was the woman these men knew only as the Operator. But I wasn’t stupid, I knew exactly who this was and how this game was going to be played. This game was the script ever action flick ever written followed.
It had a plot.
And I just like I told her before; a beginning, a middle and an end.
“Oh look,” I fake my smile. “It’s the infamous Operator. Okay fine, you don’t have a face for radio.”
And she didn't. In fact, she was breathtakingly gorgeous and young.
Coming within feet of me, she smiles and says, “You would really die for him, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I’ve lived, he hasn’t.”
“I see,” she says watching me for cues.
“I wasn’t finished,” I say holding a hand up. “What I was about to say was, I’ll die for him if it comes to that but I’m taking you with me.”
“I was right about you,” she grins proudly. “You’re armed, yes?”
“You’re cute. You said he couldn’t be armed. You never said anything about me. So cut the shit. Why lie to your men making them believe you’re a man?”
Nix and all the guys didn’t bother hiding their confusion or their fury once they pieced it together. Although, I was impressed by their utter silence over the deception. Clearly, they were letting the women handle this one…
“These men were not ready to be lead by a woman,” she says softly. “I’m afraid they aren’t as evolved as we are.”
“This is true,” I allow. “However, you put a price on my head and forced me to kill people. Why?”
“Thinning out the herd,” she waves me off. “They were better off dead.”
“That isn’t the point!”
“Are you feeling remorse, Finn?”
“No,” I make clear. “Okay fine, moving on. What the fuck, woman? What kind of game is this?”
“I like games, Finn Lee. I like strategy, violence, and money. I also like obedience and resolution. It's amazing to me that these men, my men, have already given you their loyalty because you love Phoenix enough to die in his place. And since I like games, I would also wager that if you commanded they kill me for my perceived crimes, that for you, they would do so.”
Holding my hand up, I stop her with, “Now, don’t go getting dramatic here. No one needs to die, yet. But you owe them an explanation.”
“No,” she laughs heartily. “I really don’t. They aren’t why I’m here, Finn. You are.”
“What's this now?”
“You were right,” she says happily. “I guess I am the game maker.”
“Okay… You lost me.”
“I have been watching you for years. Dare I say, I am your biggest fan? I was even on set a time or two. I couldn't get enough of your fearlessness. I devoured it. That's why when Ryan died, it hurt to see you blame yourself. That's when I decided to get involved.”
“Did you have anything to do with his death?”
“No,” she says stroking my cheek. “And neither did you. I’ve never seen bravery like yours, Finn. In this business I had thought I’d seen it all, until you changed the very game I created. Love, family, and distractions were a liability I could not afford. However, by making them sacrifice, I unknowingly contributed to their suffering. Love wasn't the enemy and I set out to make it right. So I made sure Phoenix received Ryan’s number, that way he’d get your text messages. My Phoenix, the first in all ways,” she smiles lovingly at him. “The first to kill for me, sacrifice for me, to walk away for you, to be selfish enough to fall in love. I think I fell for you right along with him. Unlike my men, there is no darkness in you. You are as pure as you are brave.”
I won’t lie, at pure I snorted and Nix groaned. Waving me off, she says, “Without asking, even as he tried pushing you away, you stood by him demanding nothing less than an equal partnership. You and Phoenix are stronger together, I can’t deny that, I won't. The time for change is now. Finn, you are going to help me usher in a new era. Middle Men and Middle Women.”
“Uh huh,” I say skeptically. “Except there’s a problem.”
“Oh?”
“Your rules suck.”
“I’m willing to revisit—”
“Swearing fealty to you is not a forfeiture of our families and friends for starters. We need our own adventures outside of orders, we need to live. And in return, we do not share what we do. We are allowed to have children, take vacations…”
“Anything else?” she asks blandly.
Facing the men, I ask, “You guys have health insurance?” I was met with grins, coughs, and a lot of heads shaking no. So I add, “And health insurance. Low co-pays and free scripts. The good shit.”
“I can work with that,” she says on a sigh.
“Oh, and what’s with the bird names?”
“Why do you defer to the roof?”
“Because no one looks up.” When she raises a brow, it clicked, I got it, so I nod and mumble, “Ah.”
“Phoenix,” she says facing him. “You’ve been awfully quiet. What do you think?”
“Why does my opinion matter?”
“Because you’re the first and I value your opinion,” she beams. “And believe it or not, you are the best decision I have ever made. You were my learning curve and because of you and your brothers, the world is a better, safer place. The Middle Men may have begun as a game, but it was and still is one I plan to win.”
“I won’t do this without Finn,” he says taking my hand. “But, we’ll both disappear if my brothers don’t back us.”
You could hear a pin drop as Nix and I searched the eyes of his brothers for their answer. Both of us gasped in unison when one by one, they laid their weapons down and knelt in front of us.
“It’s gonna happen, Edward, I’ve seen it,” Operator quotes horribly.
“Take it easy, Alice Cullen,” I joke because the alternative was tearing up.
“You’re the first middle woman,” Nix beams down at me.
Grabbing my shoulders, she caught me off-guard when she announced, “But here’s the catch, Finn, I’m afraid you’ll have to die.”
And then, I did.
; “No matter what happens,” Finn whispered. “I'll always be with you.”
Placing her hand over my heart she closed her eyes and I followed suit. “In this life and the next,” I choked out.
“In this life and the next,” Finn vowed and I believed her.
Many months later…
Standing in front of her headstone, I traced the script of her name knowing I’d never get over the role I played in her death.
Finn fucking died for me.
Left her life, her world behind, for me.
I was supposed to sacrifice for her, not her for me.
I wasn’t just a selfish bastard, I was the fucking devil and yet knowing the cost, I still took salvation when it was offered. More often than not, I couldn’t face my own reflection in the mirror.
Because I shouldn’t know happiness or contentment and yet despite all odds, I did.
She gave me that, with a fucking smile on her perfect face.
Finn’s sacrifice freed me in a way I hadn’t expected. Yes, I was still a Middle Man, but the title no longer defined who I was. The title was something I did, something I believed in.
Finn gave that to me.
To all my brothers.
At the cost of herself.
When I felt warm arms come around me, the weight of her cheek resting on my back, I was afraid to turn around for fear it was a dream. A man like me shouldn’t be offered any kind of second chance.
But once again, I’d be taking it.
“How long are you going to stand here and stare?”
“As long as it takes,” I whisper, afraid my voice will crack.
“Do you love me?” she asks softly.
Closing my eyes, I grate out, “More than life itself.”
“Then look at me.”
Facing her, we lock eyes and like always, I fall so deep I can’t breathe and don’t even care. Because her breath was all I needed.
“Raven,” I say cupping her perfect face.
“Phoenix,” she says standing on her toes, licking my bottom lip and running her palm over my dick. “They’re waiting.”
“Fuck ‘em,” I groan wanting more. Always more.
Throwing her head back, she laughs at my outburst, and following her lead, I did too.
See, the psychic was right and she was wrong.
It was because of me, Finn died, that much was true. And I had failed to save her, that was also true.
She had made the ultimate sacrifice for both of us.
But my Finn wouldn’t see it that way, because it would taint the gift she’d selflessly given me.
Raven though, she would never let me live it down and found that I didn’t mind.
She rode my ass constantly and was the reason I lived and breathed today.
There was never a moment where I wasn't conscious of the gift I've been given.
Yanking her deeper into the woods and pinning her arms over her head, I just stare down at my good fortune. At the woman who let me get lost in her so easily.
And that’s how the psychic was also wrong.
Finn did die, but she also knew that she had to.
Because death is the only way to be reborn.
“Fuck yourself on my fingers,” I order her. “I know how you love that.”
“Nix,” she pants trying to fight me.
“Do it, Finn,” I order again.
“What’s the use of having a new kick ass name if you’re never going to use it?”
“You are Finn or kitten when I love you,” I remind her. “Now spread your legs.”
It’s true she was my Finn when it was just us.
But God damn, she was a glorious Raven too.
The day I died, I was also reborn.
And while I would never see my name in the credits again, I was part of a bigger picture.
Therefore, I didn't see it as a loss.
I couldn't.
Not when I gained so much more.
There was no acting like I hadn’t just come all over Nix’s hand when we rejoined our party out on the deck.
Luckily, my mom was too busy keeping his mom, Lucy, occupied to call me out on it. And for his dad? As usual, he just shook his head, but now he does it smiling.
Nudging Loon to move over, he kisses my cheek giving me room.
Passing the dishes, our enormous family enjoyed a wonderful barbecue, strong drinks, and hours of laughs.
There are times I catch Nix being overwhelmed by his good fortune and to be fair, there are just as many times I get caught too. Sparing all the men at our table glances, there are various moments I see them soaking it in too and I find myself grateful I played a part in it.
I was grateful for my crazy family.
Leaving my life as Finn Lee behind to have this was not a sacrifice, despite what Nix thought.
I left behind a name a few people knew, a career that was easy to walk away from, and now I was a Middle Woman. And it was my personal mission to find other women like me. Women who wanted to save the world in a unique way.
Oh, I still seek thrills from time to time but nothing trumps being with Phoenix.
With all the men, actually. They were now my brothers too, only they actually acted like brothers and drove me nuts. As in all the fucking time.
Clearing her throat my mom asks, “Working tonight, baby?”
See, we did explain it to our parents (mostly). My mom was easy to convince. She accepted everything I did. Nix’s parents weren’t so easy at first, but his mom talked his dad around. Now the man was nosey and regaled us with tales of his war days every-fucking-Sunday. Nix may deny it, but he got his blood thirsty ways from daddy dearest. Oh, and the man straight up adored me. How could he not?
“Just a quick stop, Mom,” I semi-lie.
Glancing around the table, I see the looks on the guys’ faces and fought my smile. They knew what I was up to and they refused to be left behind. With the exception of my family, the world believed I had died (quite tragically) in a fucking skiing accident, of all things. That galled for a hot minute because, hell no, but Operator thought it was a hilarious way to go and it needs to be said the woman is crazier than I am.
“I have a question,” Nix’s mom, Lucy, announces. “If Finn is the first Middle Women, shouldn’t you call yourselves Middle People?”
“Does that sound remotely threatening to you?” his dad counters. “Why not call them Middle Neutral?”
“Oh hush,” she swats him. “You’re being an asshole.”
Spitting out his beer, Nix wipes his mouth and says, “Since she’s come on board business has spiked, actually. Turns out, people feel more comfortable with Raven on the team.”
Snickers rang out from the guys because my kill rate was a smidge high. But come on, I was still learning!
And that’s how it went for the rest of the night.
After the parents went home, the men assembled in our living room (and yes, I own a home now. Well, kinda. I mean, we fudged our background to get it) all armed, all ready for action.
“I can go alone,” I remind them.
“None of us are missing out on this,” Nix says, kissing me soundly.
“Yeah well, I’m sure a caravan of Middle People at midnight on a Sunday will go totally unnoticed.”
When they all stared at me expectantly, I grunted my defeat and said, “Fine, let’s go already.”
Having brothers was the worst.
Nothing was sexier than her ass scaling a wall.
I wasn't the only one to notice either.
They all did, but only Wren was dumb enough to get caught looking.
So, I cut his cord and laughed when he met the concrete.
Looking up, we all nodded following her lead.
Honestly, I looked up every chance I had.
The first few times she went climbing, the men were baffled by it and four couldn’t keep pace. Since then, we’ve all upped our game to keep pace with Finn.
As a group, we scaled
the building, unhooked our gear, and watched her make the entrance in to the bedroom flawlessly and silently. It was scary how good she was at this.
Actually, it was impressive how quickly the rest of us caught on.
Over the last few months, every one of my brothers has fallen for her, respected her, and wanted to learn from her. My Finn was a patient teacher. Raven, however, was not.
Giving us the all clear, we piled into the bedroom making a hell of a lot more noise than she did. Although, at the end of the day we could be as loud as we wanted for this job.
Flicking on the table lamp, I watch her take a moment to look over the man’s sleeping form.
In my ear, Crow asks, “The fuck kind of name is Talon?”
Shrugging I admit, “When she’s done with him, he won’t remember his name.”
“True,” he chuckles as she peels the covers back.
“Hey,” I argue, not caring that I was, in fact, yelling. “What in the hell are you doing? You look at one dick, mine.”
Laughing, while trying to shush me, she motions us over whispering, “You guys gotta see this.”
As a group, we lean right as she yanks his boxers down. “Tell me that is not really his dick, Raven.”
Snorting so loud, snot made an appearance, she yelps, “I know, right?”
And to be a total smart ass, I whisper, “Raven.”
“Huh?” she asks eyeing me.
“The floor is lava.”
“Oh, you fucker,” she laughs and without thinking, launches herself onto his dresser sending his shit flying.
“You two need help,” Wren chuckles giving her a hi-five.
And then Talon woke up screaming. Not for long though, because she fell off the dresser, walked right up socking him so hard blood coated the wall behind him.
“Miss me?” she asks sitting on the side of the mattress.
“Y-you’re dead!”
“As dead as your career,” she agrees, cracking her neck.
“What are you—”
“Doing here?” she asks. “That’s easy, I came here to kill you.”
