F*CKING AWKWARD HOLIDAYS: 25 Short Stories of Awkward Holiday Encounters

by Plendl, Taryn

  I want to snap back at her, but the thought of my mother smacking me again curbs my urges.

  “Do you still want your all-access pass?” I raise my eyebrow, and her demeanor suddenly changes.

  “What?” Her jaw drops as she pushes her bowl away from her.

  “You honestly don’t remember me telling you I had a pass for you?”

  “I thought you were fucking with me.”

  “Hannah Marie Veronica Lewis!” my mother screeches.

  “Sorry, Mom,” Hannah lowers her head, but her eyes find mine again. “Are you serious?”

  “Well, I was serious until you decided to be a little shit today.” I duck as my mother beams the dishtowel at me from across the room. It misses, but lands on top of my half-eaten pile of pancakes.

  “Can the both of you clean up your language for just one blessed day?” Our mother pleads.

  Hannah giggles. “You know I learned every single curse word I’ve ever said from you, right, Mom?”

  Our mother shakes her head and sinks into the chair at the head of the table. “You both drive me to drink.”

  We all laugh as I look down at the mess on my plate. “You ruined my pancakes, Mom.”

  “Then go make yourself some more,” She huffs. “Between you and your sister, I can’t keep up with cooking and preparing meals all day long.” She acts exhausted, but I know she loves it.

  “Mom?” I smirk.

  She looks up, pushing a few errant hairs out of her face. Hannah leans forward on her elbows, curious what I’m about to say.

  “What?”

  “Merry Christmas,” I say, and my mother’s face melts, seemingly forgetting all of the bullshit between me and my sister, just moments ago.

  “Will you two please be civil? At least for the next twenty-four hours?” “Yes, Mom!” Hannah and I say in unison.

  “If you both can behave for another twelve hours, Santa Claus may just come after all,” She smiles warmly as she grabs both of our hands.

  Hannah turns back to me, “Do you really have a ticket for me, Jakey?” Hearing her call me the same name that Mrs. Reed called me last week makes my balls shrivel up.

  “I said I had one, didn’t I?”

  Our mother clears her throat. “Hannah, I don’t think it’s appropriate for a seventeen-year-old girl to go by herself to a rock concert.”

  My sister sighs, and I speak up. “Don’t worry, Mom. Giselle promised me she’d stay with Hannah the entire time.”

  “And who’s Giselle?” Mom asks.

  “Dax’s wife.”

  “And he is?”

  “Mom!” Hannah yells, exasperated. “Do you even know who’s in the band?”

  “No! Clearly I don’t,” She chuckles.

  “Dax is the drummer.” Hannah continues to tell her all about the band and their significant others.

  Mom turns to me. “Does Giselle know she’s babysitting a teenager tonight?”

  “Mom!” Hannah yells again.

  “Trust me, she’s cool with it,” I assure her.

  Mom raises her eyebrow. “Now if only the two of you could get along for the rest of the morning, then I could make a decision about allowing Hannah to go tonight.”

  My sister jumps up and clears all of our plates from the table, smiling the entire time. “That’s a start,” I say to her. “You know, I brought three bags of laundry home. Do you think you could get them done before I leave at two?”

  We’re unloading equipment in about an hour, and then we start sound checks this afternoon.

  Hannah huffs. “I can probably get one load of laundry washed and folded by then, but I have to go to the mall to get an outfit for tonight.” She turns to Mom. “Can you take me?”

  “I can’t believe my children aren’t going to be home for Christmas Eve,” She complains. “Your father is going to be so disappointed.”

  “Mom, stop being so dramatic,” Hannah interrupts. “The only reason why Dad is going to be bummed is because he’s going to have to entertain Aunt Millie.”

  I laugh as I remember last Christmas Eve when our ninety-six-year-old Aunt Millie fell asleep at the dining room table during the first course. “I think Dad will be fine. She’ll be asleep before the salad is even served.”

  Hannah giggles and jumps up. “I’m going to shower. Jake, what do I need to do? Where do I need to go? Oh my God!” Her excitement is barely contained as she bounces up and down clapping her hands.

  I pull her lanyard from my back pocket and slide it across the table, and she screeches. I then turn to Mom. “Can you drop her off at the back entrance to the arena? Just show this pass to the parking attendants, and they’ll direct you to where you need to go.”

  She nods her head and turns to Hannah. “We need to get moving if you want to go to the mall. I still have cooking to do for tonight.”

  Hannah screeches again and runs up the stairs, her feet trouncing down the hallway on the second floor toward her room. Doors and drawers slam as she is undoubtedly trying to find something to wear to the mall.

  “Are you sure about this?” Mom turns to me.

  “I promise, Giselle is amazing and won’t let anything happen to her. Hannah will be side-stage with all of the VIPs. She won’t be out of Giselle’s sight.”

  “How is she going to get home?”

  “That’s taken care of,” I state. I know I’ll be there until at least one or two in the morning, making sure the gear is all packed up.

  “Oh?” she asks.

  “Giselle is going to drive her home right after Epic Fail plays. So Hannah should be home well before midnight, tucked into bed, waiting for Santa’s arrival.” I smile and squeeze her hand.

  She sighs. “I wish you kids were home tonight with your family.”

  “This is a once in a lifetime thing for her. And for me. If things go well tonight, I may have a full-time job as Garrett’s tech, Mom.”

  “You already have a full-time job.”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. She won’t understand completely, so I just placate her. “I know I do. This would be in addition to the studio. Whenever Epic Fail goes on tour, I’ll be needed. They’ll have me on retainer as their employee. I could even get benefits.”

  She perks up at the mention of health benefits. “Oh?”

  “Yeah, they’re a real business, Mom. Benefits and all.”

  “Well, that would be good. You know your father would like you to have your own health insurance.”

  I knew that would hit home.

  “As long as everything goes smoothly tonight,” I say.

  “You’re going to be amazing,” She smiles. “You always are.”

  I stand up and kiss her temple. “I love you, Mom.”

  “Jake, make sure your sister behaves herself tonight.”

  “Of course,” I promise.

  * * *

  I wipe my brow and look out into the empty arena. We just finished setting up the gear, and after a minor issue routing wires for the various microphones, we’re all set. It’s seven o’clock, and Epic Fail is going to take the stage in about an hour or so. The event staff just let us know that the doors are opening in about ten minutes, which means my sister should be here shortly, too.

  “Jake!” Dan calls from his production station.

  “What’s up?”

  “I know you already tuned Garrett’s Les Paul, but he has eight more guitars that need to be tuned.”

  Holy shit.

  “Yeah, I knew that,” I lie.

  As I walk over to the guitars lined up just offstage, Hannah’s voice comes within earshot.

  “When did you know Dax was the one?” I hear her ask.

  Oh, God.

  Giselle laughs, ignoring her probing questions, and pulls Hannah toward the stage.

  “Jakey!” Hannah yelps.

  “Hey, squirt.”

  Her eyes are full of awe and wonder, like a toddler would be on Christmas morning.

  “Did you see
where I’m going to be sitting?” She points to the cluster of chairs just offstage. The same chairs that I set up about twenty minutes ago.

  “Yes.”

  “This is so cool!” She gasps and lets Giselle lead her backstage.

  Suddenly, crowds of people start rushing toward the stage, filling in the pit area just in front of the first few rows of seats.

  “Almost show time,” Dan smiles. “You still have some work to do.”

  I nod and make my way toward the row of guitars I’ve yet to tune. Shit.

  I try to ignore the masses of people rushing into the arena, but I can’t help it. Thousands of people are already here, and most of them are looking at me. The house lights are on, so they can see me, and I’m petrified. What do they think? Are they judging me? If Garrett fucks up a chord tonight, are they going to blame me?

  “Dude?” Dan’s voice sounds over the audience. “What’s up?”

  “I’m good,” I respond and grab one of Garrett’s guitars, plugging it into the system.

  I close my eyes and strum, causing the distorted sounds of his guitar to amplify throughout the arena. Cheers from the audience begin to rumble.

  Whoa.

  After inhaling deeply to try to ground myself, I meticulously tune each of Garrett’s prized guitars. I’m standing, stage Garrett, tuning the last guitar when a wisp of blonde hair comes into view. She’s pressed into the gate, in the very front of the pit, and she’s staring right at me, into me. Her gaze is sensuous and captivating and I can’t believe it’s focused on me.

  She bites her lower lip and pushes her wild hair behind her ears, looking up at me. When she raises her hand to wave ‘Hi,’ I almost trip over the wires from the guitar that I’m tuning. I somehow remain calm and just raise my chin in her direction.

  Was that a dick move? Or was it cool?

  The house lights dim, and I know it’s time for me to get the hell off the stage. But not before I close my eyes so I can, for just one moment, feel what it’s like to be him. Garrett Armstrong. I grasp the neck of the American Telecaster and place my fingers on the chords, feeling them reverberating. I inhale deeply and pick out a few notes, this time there’s no distortion. It sounds amazing, and the crowd begins to scream and yell, their roars filling my chest. I feel their energy everywhere, and it’s fucking amazing.

  A hand on my shoulder pulls me out of the moment.

  Dan.

  “Are you good?” he asks.

  I open my eyes and see the crowd swelling. Seas and seas of bodies fill the floor and up through the seats. All the way up to the three hundred level. Suddenly, there’s almost twenty thousand people packing this arena, and I can’t get off the stage fast enough.

  I nod vigorously, but can’t speak.

  “Let’s go to work.” He smiles and I follow him offstage, placing the guitar on its stand.

  A few moments later, Garrett, Dax, Tristan, and Heath jog past me to take their places on stage.

  “Merry Fucking Christmas!” Garrett yells, and his voice reverberates throughout the arena, causing the entire crowd to go into a frenzy.

  And, with that, the show starts.

  * * *

  “That was amazing!” I say to Dan after Epic Fail played their fourth encore. Alex joined them for the last hour of the show, singing some of their greatest hits alongside Heath.

  “I can’t believe they played for over three hours,” Dan responds. “Must be the Christmas spirit, or something like that.”

  “Yeah,” I wipe sweat from my brow. Tonight was amazing. Although, I don’t think I’ve ever run so much in my life. Garrett changed guitars almost every song, and aside from two minor string incidents, everything went smoothly.

  “Once you get his guitars packed up safely, go back to get something to eat. Maybe get a shower. The crew has a room next to the band’s dressing room.”

  “We don’t have to break anything else down?” I ask.

  “No, we have another crew coming in to take care of that. You’re responsible for Garrett’s guitars, and that’s it.”

  “Sounds good.” I glance at my watch and notice it’s after eleven, and I haven’t seen Hannah in hours.

  “Oh! Forgot to tell you,” Dan says. “Giselle left with Hannah after the last song. She should have her home shortly.”

  I exhale and thank God someone was looking out for my sister tonight.

  “Thanks.”

  I meticulously pack up all of Garrett’s guitars and stack them neatly in their cases backstage. One of them is marked as special, and I remember Dan telling me earlier that Garrett always travels with that one. I need to get this into his dressing room so he can take it home with him. After I pick up the case, I turn and look back at the now almost empty arena. The last group of fans is being ushered out the doors, and the place is a deserted disaster, empty cups and garbage is everywhere. I certainly don’t envy the cleanup crew after we leave.

  “I’m going to take this back to Garrett, and then I’m going to shower before I leave.” I can’t stand the smell of myself, and I don’t want to wake everyone up when I get home. I’m sure my parents are exhausted after hosting Christmas Eve dinner.

  “You know where you’re going, right?” Dan asks.

  “Yup.”

  “You did great tonight, Jake.”

  “Thanks,” I nod and walk past him.

  “You’ve got the job. I just know it,” he declares.

  “We’ll see,” I mumble. My body aches, and I can smell myself. I need to get this guitar to Garrett right away so I can get in the shower.

  “Later,” Dan says, and I raise my fist to bump his.

  * * *

  The shower felt amazing, and I walk out of the small bathroom into the dressing room with one towel wrapped around my waist and use another to dry my hair. The lights are dim in the room, and I trip over my gym bag that has my clean clothes. “Fuck,” I mutter, almost dropping the towel to the floor.

  “Garrett.” A sultry voice comes from the couch, and then I do drop them. Both towels.

  I’m standing, butt naked as an insanely hot girl is sitting, just a few feet away from me.

  “What the fuck?” I shout as I scramble to cover my junk with one of the towels.

  Awkward silence fills the room as she looks up, eyes on my abs, then lower. Then back to my abs. She raises an eyebrow, seemingly pleased by the goods displayed in front of her.

  “Who are you?”

  “I’ve been waiting here for you.”

  Her wild blonde hair cascades over her shoulders, her smile growing.

  “For me?” I look around and realize it’s just the two of us in the room. I wrap the towel back around my waist. “Are you sure?”

  She stills and slowly nods her head. As soon as her eyes lock with mine, I realize she’s the girl from the front row.

  The hottest girl I’ve ever seen.

  “Hey,” She smiles, and she’s not staring at my junk or my abs anymore, but my lips.

  “Hey,” I respond and stand still, waiting for her to make the next move.

  She drops her purse and jacket to the floor, stepping out of her shoes, losing about three inches in height in the process. Her fire-engine red pumps remain behind her as she makes her way toward me.

  What’s going on? My dick is already hard, and I’m no longer thinking clearly.

  “I’ve fantasized about this moment for so long, Garrett.”

  Wait. What?

  “I’m not–”

  “Shhh…” Her eyes are heavy, and her lips part, her tongue darting out to moisten them.

  Suddenly, we’re toe-to-toe, her shirt is on the floor, and her bra is about to join it. She unclasps it, her tits spilling out.

  Am I dreaming?

  Her breasts press into my chest as she shimmies out of her skirt. She takes my right hand, pulling it around her waist, and rests it on her already bare ass.

  “Your turn,” she says, tugging at the towel.

  When
in Rome…

  I drop the towel and wrap my hand around the back of her head, pulling her mouth within inches of mine. “You don’t even know me,” I breathe.

  “I’m about to,” she responds and crashes her lips into mine.

  Arms and hands fly all over the place, and I question if there’s more than just the two of us in the room. Her hands are everywhere, grasping, tugging, pulling, kneading. We’re in a frenzy, not even taking the time to speak or maintain eye contact. It’s feral. There’s nothing sensual about what’s happening right now, it’s animalistic and fucking hot.

  My right hand finds her breast, and I attempt to slow us down a little. I tweak her nipple, and she gasps against my mouth. I tweak it again and drop my other hand between her legs, diving a finger into her wetness.

  Holy fucking shit.

  She writhes against my hand as her mouth leaves mine, traveling down my neck, biting and nipping, licking her way over my abs. She reluctantly shimmies away from my probing fingers and opens her eyes, looking up at me. As soon as she bites her lip, I know exactly what’s about to happen.

  Suddenly, she’s on her knees in front of me, her tongue sweeps over the tip of my dick, causing my balls to tighten.

  Fuuuckkk.

  She closes her eyes, wrapping her hand around my shaft, guiding it onto her tongue. Her lips envelope me as she begins breathing evenly, taking me deeper into the warmth of her mouth. In and out. In and out. Her tongue darting all around, pressure is building from deep within me. I’m about to blow my load, and she’s barely just begun.

  She senses my impending explosion so she slows her pace, but only slightly. A guttural sound escapes my throat, and I open my eyes, shocked that sound actually came from me.

  She twists her hand around my shaft, up and down, causing my balls to get tighter. I can hardly breathe, fearful that as soon as I exhale, I’m going to lose any and all control I’ve attempted to maintain.

  Her free hand drops down between her own legs, and her eyes roll back into her head. She picks up her pace again as she works feverishly on bringing us both to release.

  “Fuck!” I grunt.

  Her mouth glides over my shaft, and she takes me deeper and deeper, her own guttural groans join mine. The vibrations in the back of her throat are almost enough to push me over the edge. That’s when she starts gasping and writhing under the pressure of her own fingers, and I completely fucking lose it, driving deep into her throat, gently holding her head in place so I can pump my explosive release into her inviting mouth.