Bleed For Me (joseph o'loughlin)

by Michael Robotham

  She didn’t come today. I offered. She declined.

  Keeping one eye on the game, I try to call Sienna’s therapist again. I’ve left three messages. Robin Blaxland hasn’t answered any of them. He has an office in Bath, not far from the Jane Austen centre.

  I always find it ironic that Jane Austen is Bath’s most famous former resident - yet she reportedly hated the spa town. She lived in Bath for six years and didn’t write a word in that time, but that hasn’t stopped them naming streets, festivals and tearooms after her.

  At half-time I call Ruiz. He’s outside, puffing slightly.

  ‘Are you jogging?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m running the New York marathon.’

  ‘How’s it going?’

  ‘I’m in Scotland.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Gordon Ellis used to teach in Edinburgh.’

  ‘Is that important?’

  ‘Might be.’

  He’s not going to tell me anything else. That’s the thing about Ruiz - he’s a man of few words and those ‘few’ are chosen like the boiled sweets he carries around in his pocket.

  ‘I need a favour,’ I tell him.

  ‘I’m still working on the last one.’

  ‘I need a home address for a psychotherapist called Robin Blaxland. He was treating Sienna Hegarty.’

  ‘Give me an hour.’

  Ruiz hangs up and I go back to watching the game.

  The full-time whistle signals a narrow defeat. Charlie sits on the rear tray of the Volvo and unlaces her muddy boots. She slips tracksuit bottoms over her shorts and puts her boots into a plastic bag.

  ‘You want a hot chocolate?’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Hungry?’

  ‘Not particularly.’

  She examines a blister on her big toe. Her nails are painted dark purple and she’s wearing a silver ankle bracelet.

  ‘That’s new.’

  ‘Sienna gave it to me.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘She didn’t want it any more.’

  ‘It looks expensive. Where did Sienna get it?’

  Charlie’s eyes fix on mine. ‘You think she stole it.’

  ‘I never said that.’

  ‘It was a year ago, Dad. One time. You want to see a receipt? I’ll ask her.’

  She turns away. Disgusted.

  Nicely done, I think. Charlie is changing out of her strip on the back seat.

  ‘Can I get my navel pierced?’ she asks.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Erin got hers pierced last summer.’

  ‘That makes no difference.’

  ‘How about a tattoo?’

  ‘Definitely not.’

  ‘What if it’s a really small tattoo on my ankle?’

  ‘When you’re eighteen you can tattoo your entire body.’

  I know she’s rolling her eyes. Holding her foot, she examines her blister again. I have plasters in a first-aid kit. Taking off the wrapping, I get her to hold her foot still.

  ‘Can I ask you about Mr Ellis?’

  Charlie looks at me defensively. ‘What about him?’

  ‘Does he play favourites?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Does he seem to favour particular students?’

  ‘I guess. Some girls flirt with him.’

  ‘Does he flirt back?’

  ‘Not really.’

  Charlie pulls a sock over her foot. ‘Why are you so interested in Mr Ellis?’

  ‘It’s nothing.’

  ‘I’m not stupid, Dad. You never talk about nothing.’

  Another game is about to start. The teams are warming up, doing short sprints and passing drills.

  ‘What do you think of Mr Ellis?’ I ask.

  ‘He’s cool.’

  ‘What makes him cool?’

  ‘You can talk to him. He listens.’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘Stuff.’

  ‘What sort of stuff?’

  ‘Stuff. Problems. It’s like he understands because he’s been there.’

  We’ve all been there, I feel like saying.

  ‘Gordon doesn’t judge us. He doesn’t look down on us. He doesn’t treat us like children. And if anyone has a problem, he says they should come and see him. He’s a good listener.’

  ‘You call him Gordon?’

  ‘Yeah, he lets us, but only during drama classes.’

  ‘Do you ever talk to him?’

  Charlie’s shoulders rise and fall. The gesture says all I need to know.

  ‘Was Sienna close to Mr Ellis?’

  ‘She used to be.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘He started picking on her. Criticising her. Saying she wasn’t trying hard enough. Sienna didn’t seem to mind. I don’t think she cared.’

  ‘That surprises you?’

  ‘Yeah, I guess. It’s not like her.’

  A whistle blasts and the game is underway. Charlie watches the action, aware that I’m studying her profile. Normally she complains when I look at her like this - accusing me of trying to read her mind.

  ‘Was Sienna seeing Mr Ellis outside of school?’

  ‘She used to babysit for him. He has a little boy. Billy. He’s adorable.’

  Charlie doesn’t understand what I’m asking.

  ‘Was Mr Ellis Sienna’s boyfriend?’

  Charlie’s head snaps around. ‘What gave you that idea?’

  ‘Sienna was seeing someone outside of school. Not the boyfriend she claimed to have. Somebody older.’

  She laughs. ‘And you think it was Mr Ellis?’

  ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘You’re right. It’s not funny. It’s tragic. Gordon said this might happen.’

  ‘What might happen?’

  ‘He said that people sometimes make up stories because they’re jealous or they’re hurt. It happened at his last school. He had to leave.’

  ‘He told you that?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Did he say what happened?’

  ‘He said one of the girls made a complaint and said that he’d kissed her. She took it back but it was too late. The school told him he had to leave.’

  Why would Gordon tell Charlie something like that?

  She goes back to looking at the game.

  ‘Sienna was having sex,’ I say.

  ‘So?’

  ‘You knew?’

  A shrug. Indifferent. ‘A lot of girls are having sex, Dad. Maybe not the full monty, but they’re doing plenty of other stuff.’

  Glancing at me sideways, she checks to see if I’m shocked. The silence stretches out, punctuated by the scoring of a goal and celebrations on the sidelines.

  ‘You want to ask me, don’t you?’ A slight smile plays on her lips. My daughter is challenging me. Every fibre of my professional being says I shouldn’t rise to the bait. I should end the conversation now. But a small pilot light of parental concern flares in my chest. I have to know.

  ‘Are you having sex, Charlie? I don’t mind. What I mean is, I’d be a little worried. You’re underage. Too young.’

  She shakes her head. Disappointed. Proven right.

  ‘Can we go home now?’ she asks.

  ‘You haven’t answered my question.’

  ‘Here’s the thing, Dad. I can say no and I could be lying or I could be telling you the truth. That’s a fifty-fifty chance of disappointing you. Or I could say yes and definitely disappoint you. The odds aren’t in my favour, so I figure I’ll just say nothing.’

  ‘I want you to answer.’

  ‘And I want another horse.’

  ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’

  ‘We both want something we’re not going to get.’

  She tosses her ponytail over one shoulder and gazes at me resolutely. ‘I’m a good kid, Dad. Trust me.’

  And that’s it - end of conversation. I drive her home, aware more than ever before that she is her mother’s daughter and equally mysterious.

 
; 21

  Robin Blaxland lives in a semi in the shadows of St Saviour’s Church in Bath. After dropping Charlie at the cottage I drive back into town, pulling up outside a neat front garden, glowing under the streetlights.

  I ring the bell. Three children open the door, shoulder to shoulder. The eldest is about eight. She has glasses, milky white skin, red hair and freckles - the Royal Flush of embarrassing attributes for a child. Her younger brothers look alike enough to be twins.

  A woman follows them down the hall, wiping her hands on an apron. Three pregnancies past her optimum weight, she has a pretty round face and the same red hair as her daughter.

  ‘Can I help you?’

  ‘I’m looking for your husband.’

  ‘Of course, just one moment. Janie, go and get your daddy.’

  Janie scampers up the stairs. The two boys stare at me. One has a bruise on his forehead and a sticking plaster above his eye.

  ‘You’re in the wars.’

  ‘He ran into a tree,’ says his brother. ‘It was sooo funny.’

  ‘Shush,’ says their mother.

  I notice suitcases in the hallway. One of them is open and still being packed.

  ‘Are you going somewhere?’ I ask.

  ‘Skiing. We leave in the morning.’

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘Italy.’

  ‘The Dolomites?’

  She mentions a resort that I haven’t heard of before.

  Her husband appears on the stairs. Robin Blaxland is three sizes smaller than his wife and is wearing braces that cross at his back and are clipped to his trousers. He blinks at me from behind frameless glasses.

  ‘I’m Joseph O’Loughlin. I left messages for you. You didn’t get back to me.’

  He blinks again. ‘How did you get this address?’

  I lie to him. ‘From the school.’

  ‘I didn’t know the school had my private address.’

  ‘Yes.’

  Blink. Blink.

  ‘I wanted to talk about Sienna Hegarty.’

  ‘I couldn’t possibly comment on a patient.’

  ‘You heard what happened?’

  ‘Yes, of course, but our sessions were private. It’s a matter of patient confidentiality.’

  ‘I’m preparing a psych report on Sienna for a bail hearing.’

  Blink. Blink. The information is being processed.

  ‘You’re a psychologist?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Finally he steps back, inviting me upstairs to his study on the first floor. I can hear the children being called to dinner by his wife.

  ‘What branch of psychotherapy do you specialise in?’ I ask.

  ‘I studied under a Jungian.’

  ‘Dream analysis?’

  ‘Among other things. I also offer hypnotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. How is Sienna?’

  What should I tell him? She’s confused. Frightened.

  ‘She hasn’t been entirely forthcoming. There are three missing hours in the timeline. Was she with you that afternoon?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You don’t have to check your diary?’

  ‘The police have already asked me that question.’

  He sits up very straight in his chair as though posing for a photograph.

  ‘Who organised for Sienna Hegarty to come and see you?’

  ‘Her school counsellor.’

  ‘Annie Robinson?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How often did she come?’

  ‘Once a week.’

  ‘When did you last see her?’

  ‘Nearly three weeks ago. She missed our last appointment.’

  ‘What day was that?’

  ‘After school, Monday at four-thirty.’

  ‘Did Sienna normally come on her own?’

  ‘Yes. I think she caught the bus.’

  ‘What about the first time she came to your office?’

  ‘A male teacher brought her in. I think his name was Ellis.’

  Mr Blaxland wants to cross his legs but the office is so small our knees are almost touching. He has psoriasis on his joints. I can see the flaking skin on his elbows below his folded shirtsleeves.

  ‘What did Sienna talk about?’

  ‘We covered all the areas of her life: her family, her friends, how she felt about things.’

  ‘She was cutting herself.’

  ‘Yes, we were looking at different coping mechanisms.’

  ‘Did Sienna ever talk about her father?’

  ‘Of course. They didn’t get on particularly well.’

  ‘Did she say why?’

  ‘They fought. She felt he was too hard on her . . . too strict. He frightened her. Sienna had a recurring dream in which a dark-haired man came into her room. She didn’t see his face and sometimes he didn’t have physical form, but she knew he represented something evil, hovering over her.’

  ‘And she used the term “evil”?’

  ‘Yes. Why?’

  ‘It just seems unusual.’

  Was it Robin Blaxland’s terminology or Sienna’s?

  ‘What else can you tell me about this dream?’ I ask.

  ‘The most recurring feature was her belief that she was awake and conscious, but unable to move, unable to turn on the light, or to call for help. She talked of being “caught” in the dream and hearing a “rushing sound” in her ears.’

  ‘A false awakening?’

  ‘Just so.’

  Sienna had mentioned the ‘rushing sound’ when I spoke to her at Oakham House.

  ‘Could she recognise this man?’

  ‘No, but it was a manipulative figure.’

  ‘Could the dark-haired man be her father?’

  ‘I don’t know if this dream figure related to a real person or even a compilation of several real people. Perhaps it reflected some part of Sienna’s own personality - a darker side.’

  ‘How often did she have these dreams?’

  ‘Every night, she said. Sometimes she woke and discovered her bedroom had been ransacked. Clothes and belongings were spread across the floor.’

  ‘Did she ever tell you she was being sexually abused?’

  He hesitates. ‘No, but I suspected as much.’

  ‘You didn’t report your concerns?’

  ‘I had no proof,’ he says defensively.

  From the chair where I’m sitting I can see along a hallway to an open bedroom door - a child’s room with an alphabet chart on the wall and toys spilling from a chest.

  ‘Did Sienna ever talk about school?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘What about her teachers?’

  Mr Blaxland drums his fingers on his knee. ‘Nobody in particular.’

  ‘What about Gordon Ellis, her drama teacher?’

  ‘He was obviously very concerned about her.’

  ‘Did she talk about having a boyfriend?’

  ‘Yes. I got the impression he may have been a little older.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘She talked about going away with him for the weekend. I thought it was odd because she was so young.’

  ‘Did she say where?’

  He shrugs. ‘I don’t know if it happened. Sienna was the sort of girl who often said things to shock me.’

  ‘Did you know she was pregnant?’

  Genuine surprise flares in his eyes. Blink. Blink. In that moment I catch a glimpse of something. Disquiet. Embarrassment. He had missed a truly important detail.

  ‘Did you tape your sessions, Mr Blaxland?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Did you take notes?’

  ‘I have always found it more useful if I concentrate completely on what my patient is saying. I sometimes make a note afterwards.’

  ‘But not always?’

  A slight recoil but not in his eyes. ‘No.’

  I scan his face, looking for a hint that he’s hiding something.

  ‘Perhaps you could make your notes available to me . . .’


  ‘I’ve made myself available. That should be sufficient.’

  There are footsteps on the stairs. Mrs Blaxland glances through the stair rails. ‘Your dinner is getting cold, Robin.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I say, rising slowly. ‘Thank you for your time.’

  Collecting my coat at the front door, I pause.

  ‘How much?’ I ask.

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘Your sessions - how much did you charge Sienna?’

  ‘My standard rate - forty-five pounds for fifty minutes.’

  ‘Where did she get the money?’

  ‘I have no idea.’

  It’s after eight and the day is ending, but I feel as though I’ve accomplished something. The temperature has dropped even further and beads of dew have formed on the parked cars. All except one - a dark coloured four-wheel drive parked further down the street.

  The windows are tinted and I can’t see anyone inside until I fumble for my own keys and notice a watch face illuminated on a wrist. The driver is checking the time.

  I pull out and turn right into London Road. The traffic is heavy until I reach the outskirts of Bath. The radio is playing. Evening talkback. Brian Noble. ‘The voice of the Lord’ is his catchphrase and sums up his general attitude to his callers.

  . . . the Home Secretary this week labelled Bristol one of the five worst crime ‘hotspots’ in Britain, but I’m pleased to report that the Old Bill has responded magnificently, announcing a blitz - not on crack dealers or armed robbers, but on drivers who don’t wear seatbelts.

  We have Muslim Imams in this country preaching hatred and violent jihad, yet our police are issuing speeding tickets and seatbelt fines.

  And what else are our finest doing? They’re standing outside Bristol Crown Court failing to protect people from being pelted with eggs and abuse.

  Now whether you agree with the views of Novak Brennan or not, he deserves to be able to walk into court without being egged by thugs and vandals who call themselves anti-racism protesters or refugee advocates. Shame on them . . .

  Headlights loom in my rear-view mirror. Large. Close. Flashing on high beam. Someone in a hurry.

  I slow down. Move to the side. They stay behind me. Maybe there’s something wrong with the Volvo. The tail lights might not be working. I could be blowing smoke. None of the warning lights are showing. My temperature gauge is normal.

  We’re bumper to bumper. I touch the brakes. He won’t back off. High-beam lights fill my mirrors, making it hard for me to see the road.