Money Never Sleeps

by Tu-Shonda Whitaker

  “Shannon,” Jaise whispered. “Call security. Have her ass arrested.”

  “We don’t call security,” Shannon said, as she stepped in between Idris and Chaunci. “I am security. So Chaunci, you need to calm down and tell me what the problem is.”

  Chaunci looked Shannon over and snarled, “If you don’t back your ass up—”

  “Look.” Shannon released a frustrated sigh. Her voice evident that she was attempting to be diplomatic, she said, “What. Is. Your problem?”

  “Shannon,” Idris said to his wife. “Don’t argue with her. I’m going to have her escorted out of here.” He looked toward the door and motioned for security to come near.

  “Oh, no you didn’t, motherfucker!” Chaunci screamed. “Why don’t you tell your wife about how to treat your daughter right instead of trying to put me out!” She looked Shannon dead in the face. “You want to know my problem? You and this punk motherfucker are my problems—”

  “What’s going on?” One of the security guards asked as they approached the argument.

  No one answered them and instead the spat continued. Shannon snapped, “Wait a minute—”

  “I don’t have any more goddamn minutes,” Chaunci said. “So, I’ma handle this shit right now!”

  Shannon interjected. “You need to—”

  “No, what you need to do is stay in your damn lane and understand that you better not ever threaten my child!”

  “What!” Shannon said in disbelief.

  Idris shook his head. “She claims that Kobi called her—”

  “What the hell is ‘she claims’?” Chaunci spat. “Tell her how our child called me crying hysterically about how your wife was in her face being mean and screaming about how she needs to learn to zip it, she wouldn’t be able to see you again, and that she was going to beat her ass. Now, I’ma give you about two point five seconds to straighten this shit out or I’ma do it. Because the truth of the matter is Kobi doesn’t know her that well and hell, you either. So let the replacement bitch know that I’m not the one.” She looked Shannon over and then turned back to Idris.

  Shannon chuckled in disbelief. “You have lost your mind! I am not that bitch who takes kindly to threats, so let me just straighten you out. I’m far from a replacement, bitch. By no means did I pop into your life, you popped into mine! Idris and I were a couple for five years and then all of a sudden, here you come, the return of the jilted college girlfriend who had a baby and kept her a secret.”

  Chaunci felt gut punched.

  Shannon continued. “Idris and I are not fly by night. Yo’ ass was fly by night! I was the one who broke off my relationship with my man, because I didn’t want to be bothered with any baby-mama drama. But nevertheless, here you are.”

  “That’s right. And when you mess with my baby, I will definitely have some drama for your ass.”

  “Trust me, you don’t wanna go there with me. Now whatever went on between you two and why your relationship didn’t work out is none of my business or my goddamn concern.”

  “Then what are you bringing it up for?” Chaunci said pissed. “And if you’re the same chick that he told me about—when I was riding his dick—then all he did was compare you to me. Which means you were a fill-in for the five years you were together and now that you’re married, you’re still a fuckin’ fill-in.”

  “Ladies, we need to break this up,” one of the security guards said.

  “Chaunci, you need to leave,” Idris said.

  “Negro, please.” Chaunci spat. “When I’m done, I will leave. Now let’s get back to the subject at hand—Kobi.”

  “Chaunci,” Shannon said. “We all know that your jealous ass really isn’t here because of Kobi, but since you’d rather pretend that this is truly your reason then hear me when I say this: when Kobi comes to my house I’m the mother there and she’s too grown. Now, I didn’t tell her she couldn’t see her father but I did tell her that she needed to keep out of my conversation and that if she kept getting into it she’d be staying home when we went to Dorney Park next week, because I don’t reward bad behavior.”

  “That’s not your place,” Chaunci said. “She has a father. He can handle the discipline.”

  “You don’t make the rules for me!” Shannon screamed. “Now if you don’t want your child spoken to, then what you can do to help her out is teach her how to stay in a child’s place, because I don’t deal with grown children.”

  “Like I said, her father can handle the discipline!” Chaunci spat.

  “Ladies,” the guard said. “We really can’t have this in here. If you don’t stop, we will have to physically escort you out of here.”

  “Shannon, let’s just calm down,” Idris said.

  Shannon side-eyed Idris and continued. “Like I said and like I told her father, when Kobi is in my house she will abide by my rules. And when she’s out of line, I’ma check her ass. Now, I was trying to give your child a pass. But since she’s added lying to the mix, that’s a whole other situation.”

  “And what the hell does that mean?” Chaunci asked.

  “That means if she lies on me again I’ma tap her ass and I don’t give a damn who doesn’t like it. Now I don’t know how you do it, but where I’m from kids get a backhand for the shit that comes out of their mouths. So what you better do is teach her some manners or I will take her and—”

  Smack! Before Shannon could finish Chaunci reared her hand back and slapped her so hard that Shannon’s neck jerked to the right and seemed to get stuck there. Cameras flashed and reporters buzzed as if it was a heavyweight fight.

  Idris and Vera immediately stepped between the two women. But not before Shannon returned Chaunci’s slap with a back hand. “Are you crazy?” Vera screamed.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Idris yelled at Chaunci. “You can’t come in here attacking my wife.” He held Shannon back.

  “Let her ass go!” Shannon said.

  “Chaunci, if you don’t leave now,” Idris said, “I will be pressing charges.”

  “Zoom in, Carl!” Bridget screamed. “Housewives gone wild!”

  Chaunci froze. She didn’t expect to stand silent and not move, she expected to fling her arms in the air and allow her punches to fall wherever they landed, but something about the camera being pointed in her face, Idris holding Shannon back, and Bridget screaming like a Jerry Springer hype-man, took her breath away. She didn’t need to be here, not like this. She needed to handle Shannon and Idris, but this type of ruckus and at this level could only lead to her blacking out and laying Shannon on the ground. But that would lead to jail and it wasn’t worth it, so she attempted to collect herself by dusting her shoulders and tucking her purse. “I’m done. Because I’ve made my point.”

  “And you’ve met your damn match,” Shannon spat as Chaunci turned toward the door and disappeared behind the velvet curtain with every reporter and clicking camera in tow.

  Jaise

  “That was some down low, low-down, and country”—Jaise took a toke off her cigarette and flicked the ashes into the midnight breeze—“trailer. Park. Bullshit.” She released a cloud of smoke and looked toward Carl, who was riding in Jaise’s car, conducting an interview about what had happened earlier with Chaunci. “This was supposed to be the Millionaire Wives Club, not The Classless Hoes.”

  “So were you surprised by Chaunci’s actions?” Carl questioned.

  “Yes, I was quite surprised. We’re supposed to be ladies at all times. At least that’s how I was raised.” Jaise mashed her cigarette into the ashtray. “But I believe Chaunci’s from Murfree-ghetto-boro or something, so I guess that’s how they do it down there. Real Clampett style.” She nodded her head for emphasis. “A buncha damn Beverly Hoodbillies. Jesus. Chaunci ought to be ashamed of herself.”

  “So whose side were you on?”

  “I was Team Shannon all the way. Anybody originally from low-income housing is not to be played with. I wouldn’t even be seen on those sides of town, let
alone mess with the people—with the exception of Vera, of course. Not that I have anything against the less fortunate.” Jaise paused. “Carl, can you edit out that last comment. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m not sensitive to the broke, I mean the poor.”

  “I’ll have to talk to Bridget about that.”

  “Please.” She smiled and hoped that he was done. She’d had enough to deal with and didn’t want to waste another moment on Chaunci.

  The autumn breeze blew into Jaise’s face as she slid another cigarette into her mouth and lit it.

  The driver filled the Rolls-Royce’s sound system with Nina Simone’s “Do I Move You?”

  “Turn that up,” Jaise said as her thoughts turned to her and Bilal’s first date, when she’d sang her heart out to him. She was in a club full of people, yet she felt like the only one there. She pursed her lips and after she freed seductive S’s of smoke, she sang with the same fever and intense fire that she’d had that special night she sang for her man. The very night she knew she’d captured him.

  “Do I soothe you? Tell the truth now/ The answer better be hell yeah …”

  She sang from the bottom of her heart until the words led to tears and the tears led to flashbacks of the arguments they’d been having.

  She stopped singing.

  Wiped her tears.

  Entertained memories and visions of the dismay, distance, and disconnect she’d seen in Bilal’s eyes—a look that said he didn’t know who or what they’d become.

  And the truth of the matter was, she didn’t know either. All she knew was that she wanted to find peace, because somehow it had been lost. And she needed to regain it because there was no way she could live like this.

  Chain-smoking.

  Overeating.

  Crying.

  Complaining.

  Phony.

  Not able to appreciate shit.

  Not knowing her left from her goddamn right.

  An attention whore, pimped by high drama, glitz, and riches, who would surely die a lonely-ass reality-TV vixen if she didn’t get her shit together.

  Jaise put out her cigarette as her car rounded the corner of her block. Pockets of her neighbors stood on their respective steps looking out into the street. “Oh, God,” she said to no one in particular. “Mel Gibson must be roaming the neighborhood drunk and cussin’ out Jews again.”

  She shook her head as her driver double-parked in front of her brownstone. She heard someone shouting, “I can’t believe you gon’ sneak that bitch over here! Riding around with her like I wouldn’t see you!”

  Bash! Clash! Boom!

  Who the hell is that crazy heifer? Jaise stared out the window at the short woman with large breasts who swung a metal bat, bashing dents in the hood of a navy blue 2010 7 Series BMW parked in front of her house.

  Is that my motherfuckin’ car?

  The raging woman continued. “Motherfucker, I’m tired of you fucking me and using me! You can’t even pay child support, or see your daughter, but you can ride that bitch around!”

  Bash! Clash! Boom! Glass flew into the street.

  The deranged woman yelled, “Tell that bitch I said come outside, Jabril!”

  Ja … bril?

  “Oh, hell the fuck no!” Jaise hopped out of her Rolls-Royce and raced toward the action. “What the fuck are you doing? I bought that goddamn car! That’s my goddamn car!”

  “Ma, stay out of it.”

  Jaise turned to the left and Jabril stood there. “Don’t tell me what the fuck to stay out of!” She snatched off her earrings. “This trick is fucking up my shit and I’m ’bout to whup her ass!”

  “Bring it, bitch!” The woman swung the bat. “I ain’t scared of you or your son!” That’s when it registered that this was the same chick, Nicole, who’d had Jabril arrested for child support.

  “What the hell is this bird doing back over here?” Jaise screamed.

  “You just called my mother a bitch?” Jabril spat, and before Jaise could think straight Jabril reached over and caught Nicole’s bat with one hand then backhanded Nicole with the other. She dropped like a stone.

  Motherfuck! “Don’t hit her again!” Jaise screamed at Jabril. “You lost your fuckin’ mind? Get your ass in the house!” She tugged him toward the steps as a few of her neighbors inched closer to her home. Carl held the camera on one shoulder and raced toward them. “Jabril, let’s fuckin’ go!”

  “Oh, you gon’ slap me!” Nicole struggled to her feet. “And you know I’m pregnant.”

  “What?” Jaise said breathlessly, as all the wind flew from her body. She looked into Jabril’s face and all she could see was Lawrence, swinging his arm in the air and slapping her across the room when she told him she was pregnant with Jabril. She took a step back. She did all she could to erase the flashback, but she couldn’t shake it, and it left her with no choice but to pull her hand back and knock Jabril so hard in his face that a series of coughs flew from his mouth.

  “Ma,” Jabril held the side of his face. “What the fuck?” He tried to catch his breath.

  Before Jaise could respond or snap out of the zone, Nicole smacked Jabril, swinging her fists like windmills, and within seconds she and Jabril were wrapped in a full-fledged cyclone, shoving Jaise out the way and knocking her on her behind.

  “Bril!” Christina yelled as she ran out of Jaise’s house with her hair disheveled and her clothes in disarray.

  Jaise rose to her feet and did a double take. “Where the fuck did you come from?” Before Christina could answer Jaise refocused her attention on the fight. She grabbed Jabril by the back of his white T-shirt and stretched it twice its size. She wrapped the hem around her fist and yanked. “Stop it!” she yelled, trying to break up the fight. “Stop it! Jabril, stop it! She’s pregnant.”

  “She ain’t pregnant!” he spat. “She’s lyin’.”

  “So what if I’m lying? You don’t put your hands on me!”

  Jabril slapped Nicole again.

  “Stop it!” Jaise screamed. “Y’all motherfuckers”—She grabbed Jabril by his waist—“Gon’ go to jail fighting and shit!” she spat.

  “I already called the cops!” Christina shouted as blue lights and sirens filled the night.

  “Why the fuck did you do that?” Jaise panicked as five police cars screeched to a halt and the smell of burned rubber filled the streets. “Jabril, stop it!” Jaise screamed. “Stop it! You need to get your ass in the house!” As she pulled on him again, his elbow came up and swung back to fend off a blow from Nicole, but he caught Jaise in the mouth instead. She stumbled backward and came within inches of banging her head on the steps, but somehow kept her balance.

  “What the fuck?” Bilal slammed his car door. He walked over and the look on his face said he was more than pissed. He was dressed in black dress pants and a cream button up. For a moment Jaise wondered where he was coming from.

  He stepped directly between Jabril and Nicole, tossing Jabril out of the fight and onto the side of the damaged BMW. Bilal pressed his arm across Jabril’s neck while giving Nicole a warning eye. “Stay your ass over there.” He looked at Jabril. “I’m so fucking sick of you.”

  “Get off of me!” Jabril struggled to push Bilal away.

  “You better calm your ass down,” Bilal spat, unmoved by Jabril’s attempts to push him away. “Or I’ma whup yo’ ass and arrest you my damn self! Cops calling me and shit saying the locals on their way to my house again.” He turned toward Jaise. “I’ve had enough of him!”

  “Let him go!” Jaise screamed.

  “Lieutenant,” one of the officers yelled as he charged over. “Let him go. We got it from here.”

  Bilal peered at Jabril before he backed away.

  “Now what the hell is going on?” the cop spat.

  Nicole screamed, “That niggah beatin’ on me and shit and I’m tired of tussling with this triflin’ motherfucker! He gon’ fuck around and I’ma shoot his ass. Out here beating on a woman and shit!” Her eyes cut o
ver to Jaise. “Is that how you raised your son? To hit women?”

  Jaise swiped blood from her lip. “Don’t you worry about what the hell I do with my son,” she snapped, not letting on that Nicole’s comment caused her heart to crack. “You worry about how your li’l welfare check is going to pay for the damage you did to my damn car! Because I will be pressing charges against your ass!”

  Jabril snarled, “I told that bitch—!” He stabbed his finger at Nicole.

  “Don’t call her a bitch!” Jaise spat. “Cause she is no more a bitch than your ass, slapping a goddamn woman. I should kick your fuckin’ ass!”

  “Enough with all the damn bitches!” Bilal barked. “Get to the point.”

  “I want that motherfucker arrested!” Nicole screamed. “Out here beating on me and shit! And I have witnesses and if they won’t testify there’s that camera over there!”

  Jaise dropped her head. She had to be in the Twilight Zone. She had to be.

  “And I … umm,” Jabril sputtered. “I want her ass arrested too! Look what she did to my car! This is why I took that damn restraining order out, because she’s fuckin’ crazy! Out here destroying property and screaming loud enough to wake the fuckin’ dead!”

  “You did what?” Jaise said shocked. “When did this happen?”

  Jabril didn’t respond.

  The cop turned to Nicole. “Is this true? Does he have an order of protection against you?”

  “Yeah, and? So what? I got a restraining order on his ass too, but it didn’t stop him from making a new wet spot in my bed this afternoon! Motherfucker is around here playing games and shit!”

  Christina gasped. “What?”

  Jabril turned to her. “Don’t listen to her, you know she pulled a knife on me awhile back.”

  “A what?” Jaise said.

  Nicole popped her neck. “And I’ll pull that motherfucker again if you think you gon’ keep using me and shit. I’m tired of this back and forth with you, Jabril. Really fuckin’ tired.”

  Christina drew in a sharp breath. “I don’t believe you were with her this afternoon. That’s why you were late picking me up.”