“I can love them as my own,” Ella said. “And it is in my heart to do so”
“Then we will help with income,” Susanna said. “It would be more than fair since Ivan has most of the farm paid off. You might even consider moving here.”
Ella sat still for long minutes, thinking. Should she leave the house on Chapman Road? It might be a wise move. The girls could grow up on their parents’ old place. On the other hand, it was also the farm where both had died.
“Nee,” Ella said, shaking her head. “I will keep them where we are. As far as help, hopefully I can support them myself.”
Susanna nodded. “Well, if you change your mind, let me know. If you won’t live here, I’ll likely rent it out. Daett will not be with us much longer anyway.”
Ella nodded.
The family soon gathered, the brothers and sisters of Ivan—most of whom Ella knew. They stood in the kitchen speaking mainly in whispers, most likely about the funeral plans. Supper was served by the neighborhood Amish women, after which a long line formed for the viewing that evening. The decision was made around nine o’clock that the funeral would be the next day.
People came and went till late that night, the bench wagon not arriving till after midnight. Ella stayed upstairs with the girls, getting them to drop off even with the noise downstairs.
She walked to the window and looked out at the sky, now heavy with low-hanging clouds. Ivan had found love again—and in such an unexpected way. What must it have been like for him to see the face of Lois? From his last expression she could only imagine the depth of his joy. How strange—and yet beautiful—this ending to his life. And now there was the funeral tomorrow.
Ella turned back to the bed and slipped in beside the two older girls. She quickly dropped off to a fitful sleep. She awoke before daylight and for a moment had to remember where she was. When it all come back, she went downstairs to find breakfast already on the table.
One of the women in the kitchen came up to her and whispered, “With all the people coming and going, everyone is to eat when they want to.”
“Thank you,” Ella said. She prepared her plate and ate quickly. She returned upstairs so she could get the girls up.
She checked through the suitcase the girls had brought last night, finding everything she needed until she was ready to change her clothes. No one had thought to bring her black dress, and she had forgotten to ask for it.
Was there still time to send for it? Nee, and she certainly didn’t fit into Susanna’s clothes. She had worn Lois’s dress once, so why not again?
The girls were still asleep, and Ella decided they should get all the rest they wanted, so she went downstairs. She whispered to Susanna, “Do you think there would be one of Lois’s black dresses in the bedroom? Would it be all right for me to borrow it? Otherwise I’ll have to send someone for my own.”
“I don’t know why not,” Susanna said. “There’s no one in the bedroom, so you can go ahead and check.”
Ella opened the door carefully, remembering the other times she had been here. But everything was different now. She paused at the casket, and then went to the closet. She found a dress and took it upstairs. Mary and Sarah had just awakened and stared sleepy eyed at her.
“Are we home?” Mary asked.
“Yah. Do you remember what happened yesterday?”
Mary nodded, staring out the window.
“Well, today is the funeral,” Ella said. “Do you want to go down for breakfast? Are you hungry?”
Mary nodded.
“I’ll get dressed and then we’ll get you dressed.” Soon Ella helped Mary and Sarah out of bed. The girls slipped on their dresses, but there was no way she would dress the baby before breakfast. Barbara made much too big a mess at the table. Taking the baby in her nightgown, the four made their way downstairs.
By the time they were through eating, the yard had filled with buggies. Men came in and moved the living room furniture to the side and filled every available place with benches. Ella took Barbara upstairs and changed her. When she returned downstairs, Mary and Sarah were standing by the front window, watching the activity outside.
“Come,” she whispered loud enough for them to hear. “Take your seats with me. It’s almost time.”
A few minutes later, Susanna came out of the kitchen and sat down beside them. The benches had filled up as people came in for the funeral. When the room was nearly full, four men slowly brought the casket from the bedroom, setting it on benches by the front window.
Bishop Miller led the line of ministers in at eight-thirty, and Ella looked away. Hopefully, after all that had happened, he wouldn’t have enough nerve to preach today.
As many as possible were seated in the house, the windows cracked open for fresh air, cold puffs of steam circling in and hanging close to the ceiling. Several of the older women glanced up and gathered their shawls tighter around themselves.
One of them motioned an usher over and whispered in his ear. He stood, looking around, breathing deeply as if to test the air, then shook his head. A decision had been made, and the windows would stay open.
Ella jerked upright as Bishop Miller slowly got to his feet. Against her will, she couldn’t seem to pull her eyes from his face as he spoke. She was astonished to see streams of tears flooding down his face. He stood for over an hour, speaking of Ivan’s life, telling the stories of how greatly his ministry had touched others, of how much he had admired Ivan.
Ella listened, hardly daring to move. She couldn’t believe this and wanted to push it away, but the man’s sincerity was too obvious. How was it possible with what she knew he had done? If it hadn’t been for Bishop Miller, Ivan would not have been excommunicated. The bishop must have repented of his feelings toward Ivan.
As if he could read her thoughts, Bishop Miller lowered his eyes to the floor and spoke of his own sorrow and reluctance for the severe action that had to be taken. He regretted if some people thought this had been unnecessary. It was with the opinion of several ministers, including Bishop Mast himself, that they had come to their conclusion.
Bishop Mast sat on the end of the preacher’s bench nodding. Bishop Miller continued by reminding the mourners that the action had accomplished its intended goal in that before Ivan died he had repented and asked for forgiveness. And so they, as men, must now follow the forgiveness of Da Hah. If Ivan had asked for forgiveness and Da Hah had forgiven him, then they must also. As of this morning the excommunication was lifted because it had been removed yesterday in the eyes of Da Hah.
Again Bishop Mast solemnly nodded. Beside her, Susanna was wiping the tears from her cheeks. Other family members did the same. The great burden of excommunication had hung heavily on all of their shoulders.
As Bishop Miller sat down, other ministers stood to speak, concluding with the same point—that Ivan had been accepted back into the fold of Da Hah and man before he passed over the river.
When the last minister had finished, a line formed to move past the coffin. Ella sat and looked at the bishop. Perhaps if he could change, he was a better man than she had thought him to be. But even so, she still wouldn’t marry him. There was simply no way.
The young men were coming through the line, and Ella glanced up, nearly gasping out loud at the sight of Robert Hayes. He was dressed in Amish clothes as before, his eyes on the floor. Not far behind him came Eli, also in Amish clothes. She watched, her heart pounding. How was this possible that Robert could still be here? Eli was no surprise, even with his Amish clothes. He would know enough to show up properly dressed.
Please, O God. Ella groaned without a sound. Please help me.
Robert moved slowly up to the casket and paused for a long moment as Ella watched. How could a man so forbidden create such a storm of emotion in her heart? And he did so without knowledge of his power, and right here, in a funeral, at the most sober and sacred of times.
With shame she bowed her head, forcing her eyes to look away. If anyone saw her, they
would think the tears were caused by Ivan’s departure, her soul overcome with his loss. To think that she was thinking of another man would add insult to injury. Ella squeezed back the tears and thanked Da Hah that man cannot read the thoughts of others.
When the last person had filed through, the family stood. Ella led the girls through the line. One last time she lifted each girl up so they could see. Mary’s face was white; Sarah clutched Ella’s arm. Baby Barbara couldn’t have known fully what this meant, but she clung to Ella’s shoulder.
Susanna had the buggy ready for the ride to the cemetery and made sure Ella knew she was welcome to ride with her. Ella accepted with a weary smile. Susanna got down to help the girls up. They drove the long miles to the graveyard.
When will this all end? Will one dark day simply follow the other, days of death and dying, stripped of all love? Ella wondered.
The buggies had to wait to cross the state road due to heavy traffic. At the graveside, Bishop Miller waited patiently until everyone had gathered around. He spoke a few more words over the grave and, after he concluded with a prayer, the young boys began to cover the casket with dirt.
Ella was stirred again by Bishop Miller’s show of emotions. She had never known the bishop to be so touched by anything. Tears continued to roll down his face, even as he took his turn at a shovel.
With the mound rising gently out of the ground, the last boy stopped shoveling and the crowd slowly began breaking up. Eli caught up with her beside Susanna’s buggy.
“Can I stop by this evening?” he asked. “I have something to tell you.”
Ella nodded. It would not go well for her if they spoke at length in public. Even so, her heart sank at Eli’s words. She wished now she had never consented to this look into Robert’s past.
Across the road she saw her parents and waved. With the girls in the buggy, Ella waited as her mamm walked carefully across the snowy road.
“I hoped I’d have a chance to say hello,” she said, smiling slightly at the girls. “They told us the news about Ivan’s last request. Ella, are you sure you want to take on this responsibility?”
“I do,” Ella said. “I love the girls very much.”
“Well, I know how attached you are to them,” she said. “But remember what your daett said. You really need a man in that house of yours.”
“Yes, I remember,” Ella said quietly. She looked down at the girls. Mary was all ears. “Little pitchers have big ears,” Ella said, knowing her mamm would get the hint.
“Perhaps I speak too plainly,” Lizzie said, looking down to Mary. “But I didn’t know when I would see you next. Why don’t you come home to visit sometime? We all miss you a lot.”
“I’ll try, when I can,” Ella said. “And you can come visit us.”
“When the winter breaks, perhaps we’ll try,” Lizzie said. “I know Clara wants to come to see you again. Ella, let us know if you need anything. And don’t go taking more work on than you can handle. It’s not gut for you. You know we care a lot about you.”
“I know you do,” Ella replied. “And thank you.”
Around them the buggies were pulling out, the horses impatient to stretch their legs after the long wait in the cold. Susanna was by her buggy, obviously waiting for Ella and the girls.
Her mamm gave Ella a hug and returned across the road. Ella made her way to the buggy with the girls.
They had no sooner crossed onto the road than Mary said, “What is ‘a man in the house’?”
Susanna glanced up in surprise. “Where did the girl hear that?” she asked.
“Mamm was talkin’,” Ella said through tight lips. Hopefully Susanna didn’t think more was said than what actually was.
“What is it?” Mary asked again.
“It’s when you marry,” Ella said, running her hand over Mary’s forehead. “That’s when a man lives in the house with you like Joe does with Ronda.”
“Will you marry someday?” Mary asked.
“I don’t know,” Ella said, her voice strange in her ears. “We can’t know what’s in the future.”
“Well, I know I’m going to,” Mary said. “As soon as I can.”
“Sounds like the girl has it all figured out,” Susanna said with a quiet laugh.
“I wish it were that easy,” Ella said.
Forty
Eli sat at Ella’s kitchen table waiting for his promised supper. He had shed his Amish clothes somewhere, and now his Englisha car was parked in her driveway. Dusk had fallen outside, but Joe and Ronda had likely seen him come into the house. Well, it would just have to be. He was her brother even if he drove an Englisha car and dressed in a way that unnerved her.
“I’ve put the girls to bed,” she said. “We can talk in private.”
“No rush. I mean, your cooking is well worth the wait.”
Quickly Ella sliced the bread, put out the butter and jam, and set two places at the table.
“Supper may not be what you think it is,” she teased. “I just had time to make vegetable soup.”
He gazed at the pot on the stove and said, “Whatever it is, it suits me just fine.”
“At least the bread is fairly fresh, as I made it the day before the accident.” She brought the serving dish to the table and sat down. “We still pray around here before we eat,” she reminded him.
“What do you think I am, a heathen?” he asked.
“I don’t know, but let’s pray anyway.”
“I always pray,” he said as they bowed their heads in silence.
When they were finished, she dished out the soup and said, “Okay, now tell me what you found out about Robert. You can speak freely.”
“You like this guy a lot, don’t you?”
“Eli, don’t tease me. This situation is bad enough as it is. Just make it easy and quick.”
“Yep. I would say you have it pretty bad,” Eli said, eyeing the soup and then glancing up to see her frightened look. He burst into laughter.
“Eli, what have you got to say?”
“Really?” Eli said, savoring his bite of soup and reaching for a piece of bread. “Let’s see…about Robert. Hmmm…my but your home cooking is just awesome.”
Eli always was a tease, but this was beyond Ella’s limit. “Eli!” She muffled her frustrating cry, lest the girls wake up and hear.
Her brother laughed and buttered his bread. “This is such fun,” he said.
“You won’t think it’s fun when I pound your head. Now start talking.”
“Well, I searched his town, and found his mom and dad’s place. They are big business people in town—insurance. It’s a big office and looks prosperous. I heard they own other things too, so he’s not poor, Ella.”
“That’s not what I want to know,” she said, hardly daring to breathe.
“Just a point,” he said. “But I found nothing wrong about him. In fact, the whole family sounds quite upright from what I could tell.”
“How are you sure?”
“I talked with his mother.”
Ella stared at him. “Why would she talk with you?”
“I told her who I was. That I was your brother.”
“Oh, Eli…you did not!”
“Sure I did. Are we not honest people?”
“Of course we are—but that’s not the point.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, pausing long enough to swallow a large spoonful of soup. “I got the impression she wasn’t surprised at my visit.”
“Oh great. So now there was nothing to your fears, and Robert’s mom thinks I’m after him.”
“Well, aren’t you?”
“Okay, Eli, that’s it! It doesn’t matter anyway. There will never be anything between Robert and me.”
“Well, at least I did my part. Don’t you want to at least hear how hard I worked? Pam told me all about how it’s done, and I followed her instructions completely.”
Ella tried to smile. “And what would that be?”
“I went to hi
s old high school and asked around. The principal was quite willing to speak with me. I even saw Robert’s picture on the wall. He won a trophy for track or something. The principal said he never knew Robert to date. So there you go.”
“Everyone dates, Eli.”
Eli laughed. “I don’t think so. I even went to a lawyer like Pam told me to. Paid him a fee and all that. I got the letter last week.”
“You spent money? But you don’t have that much money.”
“Enough to settle the love life of my big sister,” Eli teased.
“Quit saying that,” she snapped.
“Anyway…” He paused to butter another piece of bread.
“So you did find something? Eli, speak right now.”
“There never was a marriage, and there is no ex-wife or child in sight. The man’s clean as a whistle.”
“Don’t tease me, Eli.”
“I’m not,” he said. “It’s the truth. You ought to just give up and take him to be what he says he is.”
“But he stays with Bishop Miller.”
“Like that’s a sin. Really, Ella. Why can’t you just believe he might be Da Hah’s gift to you?”
“Eli, don’t.”
“Good things do happen to Amish people, you know.”
“Yah, then why don’t you come back to the Amish? You know how Daett and Mamm are hurt by your situation.”
“Ella, I can’t live my life by their wishes,” Eli said, now serious. “I love Pam, and we will get married. It’s just like that.”
“You always were stubborn.”
“And you aren’t?”
“Not like you.”
“Look how you’re acting now. I do all this work for you, and still you want to throw it all away.”
“Can I pay you for the lawyer or for your time? Because I do appreciate this.”
“You’re changing the subject, Ella. But since you mention it, yah, supper once in a while would be a nice payment. And if I could bring Pam?”
“Perhaps,” she said. “I’ll have to think about that.”
“When you marry that Robert fellow, I can come all the time. He’ll understand me.”
Ella Finds Love Again (Little Valley 3) Page 25
