Never Never Land

by Treva Harte

  “I didn’t mean it, either. We’re both worried. I know that. And no, we didn’t get arrested. Yet. Somehow you haven’t ever managed to put us in jail. I’ll probably kill you once I do find out just what was going on, though.”

  “You’re not really mad.” Adam took a quick look around and then dropped a kiss on Chris’s head. “Jake’s going to be all right, which is all we need to worry about right now. When Jenni comes out we’ll hit a diner or something, head for home, and we can go to bed. And I promise I’ll work out all this excess energy in a way you’ll like.”

  “Yeah. That would be a plan.” Chris put aside his newspaper and looked at Adam. “I may have to be in the hospital sometimes, you know.”

  “No you won’t. You’re healthy, your doctor is totally on top of things, things are basically pretty okay now. Don’t say stupid stuff.”

  “I’d like to put you in charge of my medical decisions if I can’t make them. Give you my power of attorney.” Chris swallowed. “If things go the way I’m hoping, I’d talk to my attorney about my will, too.”

  “God fucking damn it, Chris ‑‑” Adam stopped. “Yes. I mean, yes, I want you to trust me. You know that. I guess…maybe your lawyer could write up something for me, too. I know I don’t have anything like the money you do, Chris, but what I’ve got ‑‑ it’s yours.”

  “Adam ‑‑”

  “Who else would I turn to? But can we not have this conversation just now?”

  “All right.” Chris looked off in the distance, eyes narrowed.

  “And don’t start running through your insurance policies in your head and ‑‑ and filling out emergency contact forms. Stay with me here.”

  “You know me pretty well.”

  “I know you inside and out.” Adam sat down next to him. “I’d like to hold you right now, but it doesn’t seem the place.”

  “If you leave, Adam ‑‑”

  “I’m not.”

  “If you leave, Adam, my life would ‑‑ never mind. Crap. You’re right. Not the place.”

  How the hell do you know? I love you but I’m scared as hell. It’s getting too serious, Chris. Too permanent. You’re fucking relying on me and it scares me shitless.

  And you know that, too.

  * * * * *

  “Jenni?”

  “Hey, Jake.”

  “In case ‑‑ I want you to be the one to take on things. In case.” His voice was a little slurred.

  “You know I will, sweetheart, but the doctors say you’re doing fine.”

  “There’s no one else except you and the guys. But you’re the one I want for this. All right?”

  “Sure, Jake.”

  He tried to smile, his eyes already shutting. “Lonely. Wish things were different.”

  “I know, sweetheart. It’s not fair.” She squeezed his hand, hard, and he pulled on her fingers.

  “You. Cole…” His head fell back on the pillow.

  Jenni waited a moment and then stood up. “Cole? Great. What the hell was that supposed to mean?”

  Was this one of the things that Jake wanted her to handle?

  * * * * *

  “Okay, guys, here’s the update as quick as I can make it. He’s doing better. We got him to the hospital before any major damage was done. They think. He’s going to be here for awhile until they’re sure. It wasn’t even a heart attack ‑‑ it was a-fibrillation, which sounds pretty serious to me, but isn’t as bad as what we thought it was. Jake just signed me up as his medical rep. You two are the alternates. Oh, and we can see him again tomorrow.” Jenni took a deep breath.

  “Cool! Listen, not to sound callous, but if he’s all right, then let’s go eat some real food, get home, get a shower and some sleep. We’ve done all we can do here for now. Maybe I’ll buy Jake some frou-frou flowers when we show up tomorrow. That will frost him.”

  “Wait.” Chris put his hand on Adam’s shoulder to hold him down. “Anything else we should know besides ?”

  “I ‑‑ no, nothing.”

  “You sure?”

  “Well…” She hesitated.

  “Let’s go to a diner and talk.” Adam pulled at both of them. “I can’t think here, and you look like we need a thinking kind of discussion.”

  “I’m not sure this is a discussion I should be having,” Jenni finally said as she was propelled to the door.

  “Who can you talk to if not us, babe? Your latest cupcake wouldn’t get it. He’s too new.” Adam kept them moving.

  She tried to imagine talking to Luis about Jake and Cole. Maybe he’d understand. She’d been surprised so far by just how much Luis understood about her. But this was about the boys. They all had an unspoken pact to not tell outsiders about the gang’s problems.

  * * * * *

  “What d’ya think about Jenni’s idea?” Adam began to unbutton Chris’s shirt. “I’ve been dying to loosen up that power suit of yours all evening, by the way.”

  He ran his hands down Chris’s chest and bent over to suck one nipple. Chris laughed.

  “You’re going to tighten up other things with an attitude like that, Adam.”

  “That’s good.” Adam turned his attention to the second nipple. “Laughing. You ever think of getting a piercing, Chris?”

  “Hell, no. I’m leaving all that whack stuff up to you, love. What do you mean, laughing?”

  “You were laughing. Lately, sex gets you way too serious.” He bit Chris’s nipple and enjoyed the flush that rose up his lover’s neck. He didn’t know if it was embarrassment or lust. He did know Chris liked the occasional bite.

  “I ‑‑ yeah, probably. I keep worrying about things I can’t help. Hell. I’m a pain in the ass, aren’t I?”

  “You can be. But when you are, I don’t complain. Believe me.”

  Chris laughed again and fumbled with his back pocket. He clutched the condom as he pulled his pants down.

  “Your turn,” Chris said, like he always did lately, and turned his back.

  Adam didn’t say anything more. He lubed his fingers, and then slowly pushed one inside Chris’s hot, tight asshole. Chris shuddered beneath him.

  “Good, Adam. Really…good. Love.”

  The second finger had Chris bucking against the wall. By the third, Chris was rocking against Adam’s hand, moaning, silently begging for more.

  Chris dropped the condom just about when he began to pump his own cock. Adam figured that was the right time for action. He scooped up the rubber, and ripped open the covering.

  “Please. Adam. Please.”

  Chris, with that note in his voice, always hit the trigger for him. Adam didn’t care what Chris was asking for any more. What Chris got was Adam’s cock, sliding in slow and then pumping hard. Chris’s outstretched hands on the wall slapped hard against the plaster when Adam got into full stride.

  He knew when he’d hit the right place because Chris tried his best to slam into the wall before he arched back into Adam again. That was the ticket. Heat and sweat and Chris losing control. Nothing was better than that.

  “Fuck! Adam. Fuck!”

  There was that wild, lost note in Chris’s voice that meant he was about ready to blow.

  Adam shut his eyes and let go, allowing all the lust and triumph and tenderness to roll on over and wring him out.

  “Fuck,” Chris said a few minutes later in a more normal voice.

  “Already did. You miss it?”

  “Shut up. There’s a delightful stain against my wall. Adam ‑‑”

  “You want me to apologize?”

  “No, baby.” Chris’s voice changed. “I should give you a medal. I’m not sure I could get it up for anyone but you. You’re magic.”

  Jitters ran down Adam’s spine. Triumph had long since been shot right out of him. A faint nervousness seemed to be what was left. “I’ll believe that when you stop being such a damn pig bottom. I seem to remember you topping a hell of a lot more often last time we got involved.”

  “Yeah.” Chris turned
to face him. “It’s just ‑‑ I don’t know. It feels safer to me this way. I can’t ‑‑ shit, I don’t think I can get it up if I’m fucking you.”

  Adam resisted the temptation to hide his face in his hands. “Fine. Easy stages. It took me long enough to get you under me. But don’t try to say you aren’t happy with screwing now. All that moaning doesn’t lie.”

  Chris’s face turned red. “Yeah. I like it. I even missed it.”

  “News flash there. Maybe I should get Jenni to write something about how you suddenly rediscovered the joy of sex. Wild sex, even. Although I thought you’d swallow your tongue when she told us where Morales was hanging out and why.”

  “Asshole. Why did I ever miss you?” Chris leaned over and kissed his eyebrow. “But I did. I’m even glad you’re back.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” Not that he wanted to go too deep right now. He needed a change of topic. “Hey, as I was saying, do you think Jenni is right? That we should look up Cole? That Jake really misses him?”

  “It’s interfering.”

  “Excuse me? Who stuck us answering all those romance questions for Jenni’s potential boyfriend?”

  “We didn’t do such a good job.”

  “We did a terrific job considering it was us. We got Jake hung up on some straight jerk and pushed Jenni into finding some bi cop for a lover. Oh, and the matchmaking place decided Jenni was a closet lesbian and banned her from the agency.”

  “We don’t know he’s bi. She hasn’t even brought him over to visit yet.”

  “Want to make a bet? My gut is screaming it.”

  “No. You’d do your best to find out and I probably wouldn’t like the way you’d do it.”

  “Oh hell, if Morales was straight and I could change him, I’d do it in a minute ‑‑” Adam stopped at the tight look on Chris’s face. “Well, maybe not.”

  “Say definitely not and I’ll be a lot happier. I might even top next time.”

  “Oh fuck. Definitely not, then.”

  * * * * *

  “Hey.”

  Jake blinked. “What are you doing here?”

  He wished he sounded more unfriendly than just plain stunned.

  “Checking in. Heard you were feeling better.” Cole looked uneasy.

  Was the unease from seeing him or because it was a hospital? Being in the place gave Jake the willies. Of course, if it was from seeing him, why the hell was Cole here?

  “Yeah. I’m headed out today as soon as the doctor swings by with the all clear.” Jake shifted. He hadn’t expected to see Cole ever again. He definitely hadn’t expected to see Cole while he was dressed in just a hospital gown.

  Cole was dressed in a business suit that made him look upscale and professional.

  Life was unfair.

  They didn’t say anything for several minutes. What was there to say?

  “Jake.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ve been seeing someone you might know. A friend of Jenni’s.”

  Jake’s head jerked up. “What?”

  “A female friend. Carissa.”

  He remembered Carissa. Tall, cocoa-colored. Big tits. Big attitude. He tried to visualize blond Cole with her, and he could. Too well.

  “I know her, sure. She’s all right.”

  More silence.

  “It’s not serious.”

  “It’s none of my business.” Jake felt tired. Crushingly tired.

  “Jake.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m starting to wonder if you and me ‑‑ if that was serious. It hasn’t been right. You know, without you. And I miss you even though you made me feel like a shithead.”

  “I didn’t make you feel like squat. You were a shithead. But if that’s what makes you think things might be serious, maybe you were married too long.” Jake suddenly felt less tired. Confused, yeah. But a lot less exhausted. “It’s probably a case of wanting what you can’t have.”

  Cole stood up and walked to the hospital window. Since it overlooked the parking lot, Jake knew he couldn’t be that absorbed by the scenery.

  “Why can’t I have it? Why can’t we? I’m not sure if we’re going to go anywhere with this. Things click with us, and then they go to hell. But when Jenni said you’d talked about missing me when you first got here ‑‑”

  “I don’t remember that.” And he’d never thought Jenni would do something like that to him.

  “All right, maybe she didn’t say it that way. I don’t remember what she said exactly. Just that… well, I thought I’d look you up.” Cole turned around. “You want me to swing by your place later this week, make sure you’re doing all right?”

  Jake stared back at him. Damn Jenni. He was trying to get things back together by himself. Alone.

  Alone, no matter how frightening, sometimes was the way to go. He didn’t have energy for a lot of crap. It was time to say so. Past time.

  “There’s no point. Even if your playtime isn’t serious now, what you really want is a woman to be serious with. I can’t be what you want. I don’t want to pretend anything with you any more.” Jake let out a small whoosh of air. “Apparently my life might be too short for those games.”

  “Jenni gave me hell about playing with you. When she was done, I realized I had to decide. Decide whether what I thought I wanted all this time was really the thing I did want.”

  “Listen. I’m an up-front kind of guy and not always too smart. Especially with exes. You’re going to have to tell me flat out what you mean.”

  “I’m telling you I want to try. For real.”

  “Not if you’re seeing this as something on the side. That’s not for real.”

  “I…that’s hard, Jake. I always had this image in my head of a son. A man needs a son. I’m the fourth Cole in my family. I was figuring there would be a fifth. That I’d be taking my wife and kids home to visit on holidays…”

  “Yeah. I’m not the person people bring home to mother. I understand. I couldn’t bring you home to Mom, either.” Jake shut his eyes. “Thing is, that means I don’t go see the parents. Not that I look for what they want in a spouse.”

  “All right, Jake. Are you saying don’t come by?”

  Jake swallowed. Just tell him the truth.

  “I’m saying don’t come by unless you mean to stay. You could be too important to play with.”

  “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  Then there wasn’t anything more Jake could say. The two of them just looked at each other.

  The aide’s voice scattered Jake’s already jumbled thoughts. “The doctor is going to be by in about ten minutes, Mr. Powell. After that I’ll look in to help you get dressed and ready to go.”

  “Thanks.” Jake rubbed his hand over his face. “Damn, I need a shave before I go, too.”

  Cole smiled. He reached out and let his palm rub across Jake’s face, like a caress. “Yeah. You’re right. You need a shave.”

  Jake realized it was lucky they insisted on using a wheelchair to get people out of the hospital, even though he’d planned to protest when they wheeled one in, because, all of a sudden, his legs were weak.

  “Jake? What if I want you to persuade me? What if I need a push to decide to throw over everything I thought I wanted?”

  Temptation was blond and looked straight through you with concerned blue eyes. And Jake did love temptation.

  “Cole, the clicking part was fine. None better. But the going to hell part really was a piece of shit. I don’t know if trying again is worth it. Besides, I haven’t even had my special talk with the doctor to see if there’s any issue with me having sex anytime soon.”

  “I’ll give you a few days to decide. It’s up to you.” Cole sauntered to the door. “But it’s your turn to come to me. Call.”

  What the hell had Jenni been thinking of when she brought him right back into this mess?

  * * * * *

  Even while Jake rang the doorbell, he knew this was not a smart idea. Jenni might not even be home
. And if she was, what was he going say ‑‑

  “What’s up, Jake?”

  Shit. And if she was with Morales, what was he going to do then? He hadn’t considered that at all. Damn, he wasn’t used to thinking of Jenni with some guy ‑‑ mmmmhmmm. Especially a Morales who had his jeans sliding off his hips and who looked very tasty.

  “Things are okay, considering. And you?” Jake hoped his limited ability to make polite conversation would hold up under the strain. Please God, don’t let Jenni be in bed waiting for the man.

  “Excellent.” Luis fastened the snap on his jeans and held the door open wider. Jake tried not to feel sorry about the wardrobe adjustment. “Hey, sorry. Jenni just left. She’ll be back soon. You want to come in and wait?”

  Fuck. He hoped this was after sex and not before. If you had to interrupt a couple, after sex was definitely the better way to go.

  Shit. It didn’t matter if he’d dropped in before, after, or during. Morales looked like sex. Damn.

  And he was never ever going to find out what that would be like. He wasn’t even going to think about it. This one was definitely Jenni’s.

  Morales smiled at him, all inviting white teeth and sweetness. Jake thought his toes might curl.

  “…is it all right with you?”

  Apparently Morales had been talking as well as smiling. Jake blinked and tried a weasel answer. “Probably. Why do you ask?”

  Jake could see the faint stubble where the other man needed a shave and he wanted to rub his face against it. He stared down at his feet, afraid somehow they’d walk right where he wanted to go.

  “Your place. Your friends. Jenni says it’d be fine for me to show up on Friday, but Jenni doesn’t always see what she doesn’t want to see. You know?”

  Was Morales talking about more than just an invitation to dinner? Jake knew he wasn’t going to be able to sort out whether Morales meant more than he was saying. Figuring out hidden meanings definitely wasn’t one of his strengths, especially when his cock was starting to take over his brain functions.

  Stupid cock.

  “Jenni likes to see what’s good about her friends. That’s one of the nicer things about her. Her trust. Her belief. You know?” Jake’s head hurt. He forced steady bursts of air into his lungs.