End Game: A Gamer Romance

by Swallow, Lisa

“I’m sure you are,” I say with a smile. “As will I.”

  For a moment, he watches Aaron. “I like him, but I don’t trust him.”

  “I do.”

  Tyler opens a plastic bag and mutters. “‘Kay. Let me show you this. Did you know there’s a stall over there selling Japanese candy? Surprised your ass hasn’t made it over there.” He delves into his bag and places a tiny, brightly coloured box covered in Japanese writing on the table. “Bought you this.”

  “Thanks, Tyler.”

  He grins and I keep the item in my hand as I guide the conversation into safe territory. Once he wanders off, I slip the box under the table next to the same one Aaron bought me earlier today.

  *

  The other times I spent with Aaron when he was in Perth, visiting, the idea this could be the last time we met face to face hovered at the edges. This time the confusion’s greater. Aaron’s told me his story, become a deeper, realer person to me, but that doesn’t change the fact he lives at the opposite side of this huge country. He’s severing his ties with Perth, which could mean with me too.

  I crave time with the man I’m with, who I’m on the same level as. We relax together, talking about Cons we each attended in the past; about good and not so good cosplay attempts, as we take time to walk around the stalls ourselves. Our love of all things geek comes through as his enthusiasm for bizarre items and gimmicky toys matches mine.

  The unicorn hat remains on his head.

  Every now and again, he’ll slip an arm around my waist or touch my hand, and the vibe around him lightens further from yesterday’s. Maybe even lighter than I ever realised. Was Aaron’s talk with me a weight lifted from the barrier which held him inside the world he escaped to the fantasy for? Can he move on now?

  Aaron’s tragedy hit a place inside me, and opened up the truth in my life. Here I am, opportunities everywhere if I’d taken them, limited only by myself. I’m hiding too. I’ve taken baby steps since the days I would only play games and work, partly by opening myself up to Aaron long before I should’ve done.

  I owe it to myself to stride further into the plans landing neatly on my lap, but not acted on through fear.

  If Aaron leaves me, he’ll at least leave me with the realisation I need to move on, if nothing else.

  “Hey, you should buy this.” Aaron holds up a signed print from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I shake the bag I’m holding at him. “I’ve spent enough money today.”

  “Yeah, how many Pop!s did you buy?”

  “They were on special!”

  “Did you see the game ones?”

  “No?”

  “At this stall.” Aaron strides ahead to a stall with a wall of Pop!s, plastic figures in boxes stacked dozens long and over a metre high. I’d spent time searching for a Supernatural Castiel figure, hoping to complete my series collection, and failed.

  I follow Aaron and grip my bag, as he stands in front scanning the boxes.

  And I want to cry.

  He’s everything I would choose, if I had the choice of anybody I’ve met in my life. Forget the fact he’s six foot of blond-haired, blue-eyed musclebound hotness, but he’s a man with a good heart. Someone who doesn’t turn away from pain or confusion but stays, maybe longer than he should.

  The man I convinced myself only thought about himself spends unhealthy amounts of time thinking about others.

  Plus, his DPS is awesome and we make a freaking good team.

  I laugh away the stupid water building in my eyes. Of course I won’t lose him completely, but he won’t be what I need unless he truly feels the same as I do. Life’s complicated by distance, and his is complicated, period. Would it be okay to have him in my life as Thorsday to Sinestre still? Or would I not move on from my desire for Aaron? People come and go in game, often fading away into real life, or moving on to new games. Is fizzling out that way better or worse than a clean break?

  Aaron turns to me holding Luin, a small, brightly coloured dragonkin plush— a creature from the game. She’s deceptively cute and one of the game’s earliest bosses that teams needed to defeat. In the game, the dragon is a quarter the size of the players, but any who encountered her as a raid group died. Repeatedly, for weeks as eight-man teams, until one guild managed and earned the title ‘Dragon Slayer’.

  “Did you ever take this boss down?” he asks.

  I brush my tee in mock pride. “Oh yeah, one shot, first try.” He shakes his head with a wry smile. “Oh, okay, after three months.” I grimace. “You?”

  “Nah, I didn’t play back then.”

  “You should go back to the realm she lives in now. The place still exists and Luin’s low level. Smash her. I can get my revenge for the amount of gold I spent fixing my armour after every encounter.”

  He strokes his lips, eyes shining. “There’s a game achievement if you kill her…”

  “Of course you’d know that. But you can only reach Luin’s Lair with the highest-level flying.”

  “Of course, I know.” He grins. “I’ll buy this little one for you, put her on your desk and remind you we’re gonna down her.”

  “We?”

  “Sure. Working on achievements are better together, right?”

  “I’m a long way off top-tier flying, but sure.” I hold Luin up to face me. “See you in three months, little dragon.”

  “Ha! We can do better than three months. Let’s call this our new project.”

  And there he is, the other Aaron, the one who sparks off me, and lights the fun side that overrides who we are, where we live, and what we did in the past. Discussions like this indicate one thing: a future. Maybe online only, but it’s there.

  One day at a time. And if we truly are meant to be, we will.

  34

  I insist I take Aaron to the airport following the Con; if this will be goodbye, I want to see in his face how ‘goodbye’ our parting will be. I pull into the airport drop-off zone, narrowly avoiding a taxi swerving into the space in front.

  “Aren’t you coming inside with me?” he asks.

  I hesitate and have to admit the extortionate parking fees cross my mind. And the cliché of waving off a guy, in tears.

  “Okay.”

  We don’t speak on the walk from the car park to the terminal; the only sound the airplane engines firing as they taxi for take-off, or the ones approaching. I watch in fascination, almost tripping over Aaron’s feet.

  “Thanks for driving me. You must be exhausted after today.”

  “Kind of exhilarated.”

  He takes my hand as we walk, and I instantly wish he hadn’t. “You look alive and happy. That’s good. See, you can do more in life.”

  “I know. And I will.”

  “Good.”

  Because I’ve never been overseas, or interstate, I’ve only seen the checkin desks on the one occasion I helped Erin and Cole with bags when they visited Bali. That day, I had no desire to go with them. Today, I’m sure I would.

  Aaron only has carry-on baggage and he checks in at a machine before persuading me to head to the airport cafe and sit with him before he needs to move to Departures, alone. Each moment makes his leaving harder, but also is one more with him.

  He’s quiet, one hand over mine as he drinks from the cup in his other. “It’s three weeks since I’ve been in Sydney.”

  “Do you miss being there?”

  “It’s where I live.”

  I look around at the milling passengers, unsurprised by his cryptic response. “I should take a holiday. Sell more pictures and enjoy the profits.”

  “Where would you go?” I shrug but want to say Sydney. I don’t; I couldn’t cope with a shocked reaction and hasty back-pedal by Aaron. I’m a Champion of Awkwardness, but I don’t enjoy it.

  “This isn’t over,” he says and tightens his hand over mine. “I promise. That’s if you don’t want this to be the end.”

  My stomach lurches. “I don’t. I want to see you again.”

  “Good.”


  The stilted conversation smarts; I imagine he has few words left after pouring out his heart and soul in front of me yesterday.

  “Until I see you again, we have a date with a dragon every evening.”

  “Once we can fly,” I correct.

  “Oh, we’ll fly okay.” He checks his phone and pulls a face. “And I have to now.”

  Immediately I stand, awkward, knocking the small wooden chair to the floor. Cheeks flaring, I pick the chair up, aware I’m under scrutiny from people who heard the noise. Loud bangs at airports aren’t popular.

  Aaron stands too and wraps his arms around me, and I place my head on his chest, arms around his waist. He soothes, and I grip him in return. Eyes closed, I savour our moment so I can summon it to mind when we’re apart.

  In reality, this could be the end, because I don’t want to see him face to face again if this disintegrates once we’re apart.

  He gently disentangles my arms and bends his head, lips approaching mine. I want this, but I don’t, the fear this might be the last kiss overriding. The moment his mouth touches, the fear leaves, as he gives me the softest kiss that somehow has a bigger effect than the rough, passionate Aaron. He pulls me close, hands in the small of my back, and we restrain from an all-out, not-in-front-of-the-kids clinch.

  I don’t want him to take his arms or mouth away, because in each moment they remain there, the stronger the silent words pass: he will come back.

  “I’ll see you soon,” he whispers and touches my nose.

  I refuse to cry, I won’t be the girl who can’t hang on to her emotions, but I’m not fooling him. Besides, I think airports pump something through the air-conditioning to make people cry. That’s the reason for my leaking eyes. Seriously.

  As Aaron walks away toward Security, he turns and pulls something from his pocket.

  “If you want this, you have to come to Sydney, Evie.” With a dimpled, Aaron grin he shoves my favourite pink unicorn hat onto his head.

  “I can’t go through there!” I call. “Throw the hat back!”

  “Like I said, come and get it. See you soon.”

  His tall figure disappears around the corner and I stand open-mouthed. Was that a weird invite to visit him?

  A girl besides me with her friend laughs. “Funny guy you have there. He’s sweet.”

  The other girl mutters something about how hot he is, and I laugh.

  And complicated.

  35

  The King sits in the throne room surrounded by advisors; Sinestre and Thorsday wait impatiently for him to finish his quest completion speech.

  “Done,” says Aaron over voice chat.

  I frown at him. “You did not listen to everything he said! You pressed ‘skip’!”

  “We don’t need to hear, Evie. Same old. ‘Thanks for saving the kingdom, you rock, here’s something vaguely interesting as a reward and—” he mocks.

  The character stops talking on my screen and a sound chimes:

  You have reached Exalted with Sons of Madchen

  You have gained the achievement: Madchen’s Men

  You have gained a new ability: High Flying

  A familiar Aaron cheer joins the noise on screen. “Hell, yeah!”

  He returned to Sydney two weeks ago, and we’ve religiously logged on for three hours a night, excluded everybody else in guild and completed quest after quest as we strive to gain enough points to earn the high-flying skill. I even dream of killing the necessary trolls over and over in my sleep.

  Players gain a basic flying skill early on in the game, but only to certain heights and speeds. To really be able to travel the vast game world, players need high flying or may as well use the in-game flight transport to travel long distances. This achievement is a new freedom, one few have gained but many players work on.

  “Which mount are you choosing?” he asks as our characters run from the Royal Keep and into the city courtyard.

  I summon my dragon mount, a rare find I tamed myself after weeks spent doing little else. Bribing NPCs, questing, the works. Bright white with violet eyes, he resembles a frost dragon.

  “Nice,” says Aaron and instantly summons the game’s rarest mount, a blazing red, winged horse which once belonged to a demonic boss.

  I groan. “Showing off again?”

  “Of course.”

  Thorsday blows Sinestre a kiss.

  “We take on Luin now?” I ask

  “Nah. Getting late. I’m busy at work tomorrow, how about Friday?” Huh. “Evie, I can hear your pout. You’d better not kill her without me.”

  “She’ll be easy; she’s two levels lower.”

  “Still… Promise?”

  “I promise, my knight in shining armour,” I say with mock formality.

  “Yeah, don’t bloody trust these Sorcerers and their Dark Magic powers.”

  I laugh. “You saying I cast a spell on you?”

  “Sure did, both damage and healing. Gotta go.” Aaron’s horse flies into the air and he circles the city skies before dropping back down. For a moment, he pauses in front of me. “See what I did there? Night!”

  The Skype call ends and his character fades in front of me as Thorsday goes offline. I frown at the screen. Will the man ever drop his cryptics?

  The thrill of my achievement continues as I launch my dragon from the ground and fly as high as the game allows. My graphics card and settings afford me views across several game zones, including the platform high in the world tree, where the tiny dragon with the big personality lives.

  I should be slaying my demons, not my dragons.

  36

  Sinestre sits on the edge of the world tree, on her dragon, as she looks at the swirling portal leading to Luin’s room. I have the rare plush between the monitor and keyboard, even though it killed me to remove the item from the box and devalue my prized possession.

  An envelope arrived yesterday, and inside a card in another gold envelope. The words are written on the front:

  Quest: Slay Luin

  Find a Paladin and help him beat Luin.

  Don’t let him die.

  Reward: See inside

  And underneath, ‘do not open until quest complete’.

  I quizzed Aaron, who at first exclaimed with mock shock that another suitor sent me quests, as if a guy had sent flowers.

  Don’t let him die? Help him? Ha. This will be a Thorsday and Sinestre showdown as much as a boss-killing exercise.

  Slaying Luin will be easy, but my real world has hit challenges harder to conquer. My hours at the store have been cut and my income’s set to nosedive. I can’t complain about the store moving towards online sales because I’m an online shopper, plus e-tail is the way forward for the store’s business. This is the extra push I need—I’ve finally applied for my course. I’ve spoken to other artists, at the Con and in groups on Facebook. Maybe I’m swapping one online community for another, but in this one I’m set to move on, and not stay in the game’s vortex.

  Tyler has a part-time job at a fast food chain to supplement his income while studying. I guess if the store moving online means losing a staff member altogether, I can find something similar too. I need to—if I return to study with no income, this could mean a move back to my parents. After three years that’ll be tough.

  Thorsday’s horse disappears as his character dismounts, and I do the same. “Have you been colouring your armour again?” he asks. “Such a lovely shade of purple—and such waste of gold. How much did you pay?”

  “I want to look good in the screenshots I take of me standing over Luin’s cold, dead body. All my armour’s boring brown. You’d think the high-level gear would be prettier.”

  Aaron laughs. “Prettier. Be right back.”

  I blink as his character mounts the dragon again and travels into the air. “Aaron, come on, let’s get this finished. I want to brag to the others before they log off today.”

  “Two minutes. Make me a nice attack bonus potion while I’m waiting, sweetheart.” />
  “Ha ha.” But my character mixes ingredients as requested, as I smile to myself.

  Thorsday lands in front of me a few minutes later and I study the screen. Has my video card messed with the colours again? “Aaron, your armour’s pink!”

  “I agree with you, bright colours are better than boring.”

  “But… pink. Do you have a thing for pink, Aaron?” I switch my focus from the screen to the man on my Skype screen next to me.

  He shakes his head and wags a finger. “Don’t shame me with your gender stereotypes. A dragon awaits.”

  I pull a face at him then look back to the screen.

  Thorsday and Sinestre make their way along the huge tree branch, where innocuous-looking caterpillars shoot venom, and we squish the wriggling red creatures with spells and swords before they damage us. The huge branch we walk along spirals around the tree, and as we progress, smaller branches attempt to wind around us too.

  “Jesus!” I blast a tendril from around Sinestre’s legs.

  A large blue and white flower leaps in front of us, then others, all Triffid-like, as tall as Thorsday with gaping mouths. I halt and stare at the words onscreen.

  Luin’s Guardians

  Elemental

  Hostile

  Level 50

  HP +200

  “Uh. Aaron. These aren’t level 20.”

  “Hmm. No problem, they don’t have any special abilities.”

  “No problem? They’re level freaking 50! That’s the same as us. And more of them than us.”

  “Perceptive, my dear Sorcerer.”

  I mutter and prepare to zap one out of oblivion with a chain of lightning. Thorsday rushes forward, sword drawn, and whirls around into his opening attack move. Taking the six Guardians down takes a couple of minutes and more damage than Thorsday anticipated. I sit on the ground to eat and regain health, and a thought strikes.

  “If they’re 50, what will Luin be?” We edge forward and I glance at his character stats on my screen. “Hey! Hang on… Why are you so buffed?”

  “You know I’m a muscly dude,” he says with a laugh.

  “Jeez, your humour tonight. No, you’ve taken the attack power potion I gave you and also the most expensive potion in game to boost all your stats. Care to explain why?” I pout at him as I look from Thorsday to Aaron.