Who R U Really?

by Margo Kelly

  “No more computer until I talk to your dad.” She said it too calmly. Her facial muscles didn’t even move.

  “Do you understand me?” she asked, but her words were distorted like I was submerged underwater and Mom was at the edge of the pool. I could almost make out her words, but they were far away and muted. I struggled toward the surface, trying to escape from the suffocating pressure, but I couldn’t seem to get there. Mom picked up her camera from the desk and stepped toward the door, but then she turned and glared at me.

  I tried to convince myself that everything would be fine. At least I managed to keep Derek out of the details. I wiped my sweaty hands on my shirt and began to strategize a way out of the situation. Did I have time to delete the account before Dad got home? Would that make it better or worse for me?

  “Thea, go do the dishes,” Mom said.

  I ran my finger along the edge of the keyboard and then reluctantly headed to the kitchen.

  ■

  When Dad got home, Mom called him into the kitchen and made me explain to him about the separate e-mail account. I told him Janie and I liked to use it because it was simple.

  “Can we take care of this after dinner?” Dad set his briefcase on the counter.

  Mom’s face was instantly Saran wrapped again. “No. Take care of it now.”

  He put his hand on my shoulder and led me out of the kitchen. In the hallway, he accidentally bumped a picture off the wall and had to stop to hang it back up. At least it had landed on the forgiving carpet, and the glass didn’t break. His jaw clenched, and he pointed me down the hall to my room.

  “Show me.” He waved his hand toward the monitor. I logged in and opened the e-mail account. His stomach growled in my quiet room, and I squirmed in my chair.

  “Cynthia, the reason we don’t want you to open random e-mail accounts is because of all the inappropriate spam you can receive.” The fact he used my full name was a bad sign. I tried to recall the last time he even came into my room, but I could only remember the time when we redecorated.

  “We need to cancel this e-mail account,” he said.

  “I can do it.” I went through the necessary steps. I didn’t know how, but I quickly figured it out, because I didn’t want Dad poking around on my system. I deleted old e-mails regularly, but I could see three new messages sitting in my inbox, all from Derek.

  At first, I thought Dad hadn’t noticed them, but as I clicked through screens to delete the account, he asked, “Who’s Derek?”

  I finished before I answered his question. “A kid from school.”

  Mom appeared in the doorway. “Did you read her e-mails?”

  “No,” Dad said. “The account is removed.”

  “I don’t understand what the big deal is,” I said. “Most people don’t even use e-mail anymore. They text or use Facebook. I hardly use Facebook, and I only text Janie. You can check.” I stood and handed them my phone, but neither of them reached for it.

  “Thea, the Internet can be a dangerous place,” Mom said for the trillionth time.

  “Oh. My. Gosh. Mom.” I kicked the trash can and crumpled up quotes flew across the floor. “I’m not stupid. Stop worrying about how safe everything is. I could die crossing the street tomorrow, but I won’t get killed e-mailing Janie.”

  “Take the computer away, Robert.” Mom crossed her arms and glared at me.

  Dad put his hand on Mom’s shoulder. “Maggie. Let’s go talk about this.” She continued to stare at me for a moment longer and then walked out of my room. Dad followed, and in the distance, I heard their bedroom door slam. Their voices were muffled, and I couldn’t make out what they said, but I could tell they argued. Over me. Not good. I took the opportunity, closed my door, and texted Derek.

  Trouble w/parents. e-mail acct deleted. not sure when I can get online again—Thea

  RU ok? Can we still txt?—Derek

  Don’t know gotta go. Don’t txt back—Thea

  I deleted the texts to and from Derek, and someone rapped on my door, sending my heart into my throat. I swallowed and opened the door. Seth scowled at me.

  “What the crap are you doing?” he asked.

  “Nothing. What’s your problem?”

  “Why do you think the rules don’t apply to you?”

  “Go away,” I said and started to close the door, but Seth’s foot blocked it.

  “Grow up, Thea.” He jerked his foot out and left. I closed the door, leaned against the wall, and then slumped to the floor.

  A heavy knock on my door startled me, again.

  “Come in,” I said without moving. Dad appeared surprised to see me sitting on the floor.

  “I need to take away the power supply to your computer, and I need to take your cell phone. You’ve lost these privileges for keeping the new e-mail account a secret.”

  “Okay,” I said. There was nothing I could do about it. But at least I had gotten a message off to Derek so he wouldn’t wonder what happened to me.

  ■

  The next day at school, I asked Janie if she would send a message on Skadi to Kit for me. She still didn’t know that I knew Derek’s real name, so I carefully used his Skadi nickname with her. She hesitated and crossed her arms.

  “Please, Janie. I need him to know I haven’t deserted him.”

  “This is the perfect opportunity to do just that.”

  “I can’t. Not like this,” I said. “Please help me.”

  “You’re my best friend, and that requires me to help you, but I think it’s a bad idea.”

  I linked my arm through hers. “Thanks, you’re the best ever.”

  ■

  A week passed. My family sat around the kitchen table and ate chicken stir-fry. Through the windows I watched yellow and scarlet leaves float from the trees down to the ground.

  “May I have my computer and cell phone back?” I asked.

  Mom set her fork down while Dad continued to eat. She began a lecture about honesty, choices, and consequences. Sigh.

  “But what do I have to do to earn my stuff back?” I asked in my most polite tone of voice.

  “Be honest in all your dealings and clean your room,” Mom said and went back to eating. Nice.

  “Dad?” I asked.

  He raised his fork at me. “Your mom already answered you.” He shredded his chicken into tiny little pieces and mashed them into the rice.

  I pushed away from the table and went to my room. I started to pick up my dirty socks from yesterday, but then sank on the floor next to my CD player. I popped in one of the CDs Derek had recommended. The lyrics made me picture him in his room all alone and sad about his parents. He couldn’t even talk to me now.

  ■

  Over the next couple of weeks, I finished up the volleyball season, my school work continued at its normal pace, and I drudged through the days. Several of my teachers, and even Coach Gavyn, pulled me aside and asked if I was okay. They thought I looked sad, and they were right. My parents kept me so busy after school with chores I barely had time to finish my homework, let alone go over to Janie’s house to try to use her computer.

  My parents filled Saturdays with yard work and Sundays with family activities. But not yoga. Ever since I violated Mom’s trust, we stopped going. I didn’t bother to ask why. What was the point? I needed my computer and cell phone back. I even tried to access Skadi from school, but Janie explained that they had firewalls to prevent students from accessing unauthorized websites. Great. The whole world was working against my contacting Derek.

  I constantly asked Janie to send messages to Derek. She agreed to send him one every week, but Derek’s only response was cryptic. He probably didn’t want Janie to know how close we were. So, he’d said he’d keep Skadi going until I got back. I wanted to borrow Janie’s phone to text Derek, but she’d freak if I even asked. I missed him. More than I expected. I was lost.

  CHAPTER 13

  I sank into my chair and smacked the side of the computer. Today was the day after T
hanksgiving, and it had been a month since my parents took my cell phone and the power supply to my computer. I missed being online. I missed my e-mail. But what I really missed . . . was Derek. What was he doing? Where was he? I picked up the cordless house phone and considered dialing his number, but I feared the long distance call would show up on my parents’ bill. Right then, Mom opened my door, and I nearly fell out of my chair. I wish she would learn to knock.

  “Janie’s here,” she said.

  “Really?” I hadn’t even heard the doorbell. I set the phone down and hurried to the entryway.

  “Hey!” I said. “How was your Thanksgiving?”

  Janie put her hand to her chest and tried to catch her breath.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  She held up a finger and took another lungful of air. “I ran . . . over here.”

  “Why?”

  “Let’s go to your room.” She grabbed my arm and led the way.

  We climbed onto my bed and sat cross-legged facing each other.

  “You want to take off your coat?” I asked. “You’re flushed.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me and wiped beads of sweat from her forehead with the cuff of her sleeve. “I’m fine,” she said.

  “Then . . . spill.”

  “Something happened on Skadi . . .” She took a shaky breath and then clutched my hands. “Tim was online with Kit a few days ago. They’re in a different guild together—”

  “Since when? How do you know this? Has Tim said something to Kit I should—”

  “Hold up!” Janie squeezed my hands. “I’m trying to tell you. I don’t know how they got in a guild together. Frankly, I can’t imagine how anyone would have time to be in more than one. But anyway . . . Tim said there are only guys in that guild and Kit spouts off all the time about how he has a bunch of girls wrapped around his finger. Tim pushed him for more information, but Kit wouldn’t go into any details, just talked about how gullible girls are—”

  “Kit would never say that. It must’ve been someone else with a similar screen name—”

  “Wait! It gets worse,” she said.

  I yanked my hands free, and Janie recoiled. I doubted the truth of her recycled hand-me-down story.

  “Kit is not a good guy,” Janie said. “I logged onto Skadi this morning after getting back from Black Friday shopping, and he was online. He chatted with me for a while and never mentioned you. I asked him if he’d talked to Red lately because she hasn’t been on in a long time. He typed, ‘Red’s dead.’” Janie stopped talking.

  I threw my hands into the air. “And?”

  “And?” Janie mocked me. “I asked him why he said that, and he said he was just kidding. That he didn’t know anything about Red.”

  “So, he was joking.”

  “Thea!” She swatted my leg. “I called Tim right after and told him what Kit said. Tim fished for information in the other guild. He found out Red’s real name and did a Google search. She’s really dead—”

  “Shut up. She is not.” My head started to spin. There was no way that Red was dead.

  “When Tim asked Kit if he’d ever been to Hawaii, Kit had him kicked out of the guild and posted a message to all Guild Leaders that Tim shouldn’t be added to their guilds. He blacklisted Tim from the game. Why would Kit do that if he didn’t have something to hide? Maybe Kit killed Red.”

  “Or maybe Tim made the whole thing up. Did you consider that?” I grabbed my pillow and cradled it in my lap.

  “Why would he? Type it into Google yourself. Her name was Lokelani Fisher—”

  “You don’t know that. There’s no proof that’s her real name,” I said.

  “Her first name means ‘small red rose.’ She told us that on Skadi—”

  “Maybe we should google how many girls are named Lokelani in Hawaii. It’s not her.”

  “Kit had something to do with this,” Janie said and poked my pillow.

  “If you are so sure, call the police.” She didn’t respond. So, I continued. “It’s not true. Once I talk to him, he can prove it.”

  “This has gone too far,” Janie said. “You don’t even know this guy.”

  “Yes, I do. I’m in love with him.” Janie cringed at my words, and my fingers flinched in my pillow.

  “Stay off Skadi, Thea. I’m not going on ever again, and I’m not messaging Kit ever again for you.”

  “You’re overreacting.” I shook my head. None of it was true. We stared at each other for a few seconds. Stalemate.

  “I’ve got to go. My family’s going back out for more Black Friday deals.” She hopped off the bed—her ringlets rebounding in the process—and headed for the door. Before she left, she turned and faced me. “I’m sorry it’s not what you want to hear, but you need to stay away from Kit.”

  Then she simply walked out.

  I threw my pillow at the door and jumped off the bed. I sat in front of my computer and touched the keyboard. Little bumps on the F and J keys told my index fingers they were properly placed. I traced the edges of the D key and wondered about Derek. I needed my connection back. I needed the truth. I picked up the house phone to call him.

  “What are you doing?” Dad’s voice scared the snot out of me, and my shoulders jerked backward.

  I dropped the phone in my lap and took a deep breath. There he was, in the doorway, holding up my cell phone and the power cord to my computer. He grinned. My gloom began to lift.

  While Dad attached the power cord, Mom came in and hammered out the rules, one by one.

  “Don’t close your door when you’re on the Internet.” She held up two fingers. “Don’t give out personal information.” Three fingers. “Don’t visit websites we haven’t approved.” Four fingers, and I had to freeze my eyeballs so they wouldn’t roll in frustration. “Don’t create secret e-mail accounts.” Oh. My. Gosh. She continued on with every rule imaginable, but I kept still and endured it. I’d waited four solid weeks to get my computer back, and I didn’t want to blow it now.

  Dad patted her on the arm and smiled. Mom took the cue and relented. They both left.

  I tried to text Derek, but the cell battery was dead. I plugged it into the charger and logged into Skadi instead. My parents couldn’t blame me for that. I hadn’t been on my computer for a month. I hoped Derek was online. I waited to see what character names popped up on the screen from my friends list—no Kitsuneshin.

  I opened another Internet window and pulled up Google. My fingers trembled, and I refused to type in Red’s maybe-name, Lokelani. Surely, Tim’s jealousy had gotten the best of him; he made up the story. Of course, Janie would choose to believe Tim, because she’d never liked Derek. But it couldn’t be true. Instead, I typed Derek Felton into Google. I scrolled through dozens and dozens of images, but none of them matched the picture he’d sent me. The various websites listed realtors, broadcasters, and athletes. None of them were my Derek, and I didn’t want to spend hours sifting through pages of irrelevant information.

  Next, I typed Kitsuneshin into Google. It was a popular name in Japanese anime. I watched some of the videos on YouTube. I found a file uploaded to Photobucket called Soul Eaters. It contained more Japanese anime. When I clicked on a manga game link, an advertisement popped up showing women scantily dressed. It was then that I realized my door was open, and I was risking my computer privileges by doing this search. I closed the manga website and walked over to my door. I heard the television in the distance, and Mom and Dad talking over it. I had a few minutes, at least. I went back to the computer and clicked on the next page of the Google search.

  Either Derek played a lot of online games or Kitsuneshin was a common username because the second page of the search listed all sorts of sites with usernames matching Kit’s. I didn’t bother clicking on any of them. The next page of links took me to an Asian girl’s blog, MySpace, and Facebook pages. That didn’t help.

  About fifteen pages into the search, I discovered an old Japanese legend. First, it explained that ki
tsune meant “fox” and shin meant “new.” Together, kitsune-shin, meant “new fox.” But not just any fox, a trickster. The story read:

  One late afternoon, a greedy merchant arrived home and noticed a fox’s tail hanging over the edge of his home’s roof. He hoped it was only a fox, but his instincts told him it was a trickster. He ran into his home to check for his box of gold pieces hidden beneath the bookcase. The furniture inside the home had been overturned. His heart raced when he saw his young daughter sitting at the table counting the gold.

  “What are you doing?” he asked. She looked up at him, but the eyes were not her own. Instead the eyes that stared back at him were the eyes of the trickster. It was then the greedy old merchant noticed the ear-like tufts coming out from her hair, where her ears should have been. When the form of his daughter stood, a fox’s tail swung up from behind her. The trickster had possessed her.

  The greedy merchant reached for his box of gold. But she was faster. She snapped the lid down on the box and held it tight to her chest. She smiled and walked out of the house. He followed her, unsure what to do. He did not want to harm his daughter, but he did not want her to take his life’s savings either. The fox, the kitsune-shin, that had been resting on the roof jumped down and sniffed the feet of the merchant’s daughter. The kitsune-shin pranced out of the yard and down the road. The merchant’s daughter followed closely behind. The merchant knew it would cost him less to let his daughter follow the kitsune-shin than it would for him to pursue the trickster.

  The story piqued my curiosity. I wondered if it was the trickster’s fault, the daughter’s fault, or the father’s fault. How could the fox be blamed if the daughter wanted to go with him? Maybe it was the father’s fault because he left his daughter alone and didn’t guard his money better.

  I printed it out and went on to read additional stories. Many more described how the kitsune-shin bewitched the women and girls and played cruel tricks on the samurais and townspeople. According to the stories and legends, kitsune-shin could convince females of any age to do their bidding. And the devoted women were pleased to do it. I printed the stories, so I could read more later. I exited out of the Google screen and closed all of the Internet windows, except for Skadi.