Matchplay

by Dakota Madison

  I leaned closer to him so I could hear him.

  He continued. “When I look at you, I can only see the outside. That’s such a small part of who you are. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great part but it’s only one dimension. When I talk with you, I get to know your mind and a little bit of your heart. The parts you’ll let me. That’s another dimension. But if you allow me to touch you, I’ll get to feel you. Feel your energy. And connect with a deeper part of you.”

  His words took my breath away. It wasn’t what I was expecting. Part of me had labeled Aaron a womanizer and that was all I could see. Maybe Dr. Griffin was right about him being more complex than that and maybe I had misjudged him. At that moment, I was willing to give him a chance.

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Okay?” he repeated as if he hadn’t heard me correctly.

  I nodded.

  With a very slow and deliberate movement, Aaron took his index finger and placed it on the thumbnail of my right hand. With a soft and careful stroke, he ran his finger up my thumb.

  “Look at me.” His voice was throaty and nearly breathless.

  Our eyes locked as he continued to caress each of my fingers with his. The touch felt so intimate and sensual, it awakened something deep inside me. It was a desire I had never felt before. I had only read about it in cheesy romance novels.

  The feeling was so intense it nearly consumed my entire body. A shudder ran though me as Aaron continued moving his finger ever so lightly up and down each one of my fingers. My breath caught and I bit my lip to stop myself from moaning.

  As we continued staring at each other, the energy between us intensified. I was suddenly so hot I could have melted. I thought I might start sweating.

  When the waitress came with the bill, I was startled. The exchange between Aaron and I had been so intense and all-consuming, I had nearly forgotten we were still at the restaurant.

  The waitress set the check down and said, “I’ll take this whenever you’re ready,” but Aaron still didn’t take his eyes off of me.

  When she left, Aaron interlaced his fingers with mine and held my hand. “I knew our hands would fit together perfectly.”

  Then he squeezed my hand and very softly said, “My sunshine.”

  I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly. His sunshine?

  He grabbed the bill with his free hand and examined it. He put it down then grabbed his wallet from his pocket, never letting go of my hand that he was holding. It was as if now that I had given him permission to touch my hand, he didn’t want to give it up.

  I had to smile when he struggled to remove the cash from his wallet with one hand.

  “Do you need your other hand?” I said asked.

  He shook his head and tightened his grip on the hand he was holding.

  He managed to get the bill paid and we both slid out of the booth while our fingers remained entwined. It was an impressive feat but he seemed determined not to let go of the connection our bodies shared.

  As we exited the restaurant, he said, “I should walk you back to your dorm.”

  I agreed. It was starting to get dark and I wasn’t as familiar with that end of campus.

  The evenings were getting cooler and the walk was pleasant.

  “Thank you for dinner,” I said as we strolled between the academic buildings.

  “Thank you for trusting me and for giving me some things to think about.”

  When we arrived at the front entrance to my dorm, I turned to face Aaron. “You have to let go of my hand now, so I can go to my room.”

  “I know,” he said but gripped my hand tighter.

  I waited as he studied my face. I thought he might say something but he held back. Instead, he brought my hand up to his lips and kissed it very gently.

  “I’ll see you next week, Sunshine.” He slowly released my hand.

  He didn’t take his eyes from mine as he stepped backwards away from me. Then he stopped and put his hands in his pockets. I slide my ID card into the reader. When the door beeped, I opened it then looked back at Aaron. I gave him a wave and he winked at me as he turned and walked away.

  I let out a deep breath as I headed to my room.

  ***

  I was still awake when Olivia tried sneaking into our room at nearly midnight.

  “I’m not asleep,” I whispered as she tiptoed toward her closet.

  Olivia stopped in her tracks. “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

  “I haven’t been able to fall asleep yet,” I admitted.

  Olivia sat down on the edge of my bed. “What’s going on?”

  “Please don’t be mad at me.”

  Olivia heaved a huge sigh. “What happened with the asshole?”

  I swallowed. I knew Olivia would be disappointed but I just couldn’t help myself with Aaron. My mind had all kinds of doubts about him that unfortunately my heart didn’t. I wished the two parts of me would get on the same page.

  “We went out on what could technically be classified a date. And then we held hands.”

  Without warning, Olivia flipped my light on. I covered my eyes. “Ugh, why did you do that?”

  “Look at me,” she demanded.

  I uncovered my eyes and, still squinting, looked at her.

  She furrowed her brow. “Did you do anything else?”

  I felt like she was interrogating me. I shook my head.

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “He didn’t even kiss you?”

  “No.”

  She looked at me strangely. “That’s really weird. I don’t know what kind of game he’s playing but I don’t like it.”

  “What if he’s not playing a game?” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I immediately regretted it.

  Olivia scoffed. “Guys like that are always playing games.”

  I wanted to believe in Aaron and trust that he was being sincere. When we were together, he was like a completely different person than he was with everyone else. But who would believe me? Aaron had a reputation around campus that he did nothing to try to change. I also knew that Olivia was right about most guys. What if Aaron really was just a player and really good at his game?

  Olivia continued. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. I have to live with you. I don’t want to hear you sobbing in your pillow every night and I don’t want to be the one, who has to pick up all the pieces of your shattered heart.”

  “And just how will you hear me sobbing in my pillow when you’re out every night?” I joked.

  Olivia’s expression turned serious. “Please don’t tell Lucas, okay? I don’t want him giving me the third degree about who I’m seeing.”

  My eyes got wide. “Why? Who are you seeing?”

  “You can’t tell anyone, promise?”

  “Of course.”

  She took in a deep breath then said, “Marney.”

  I was a bit shocked but not surprised. I felt like there was something going on between them but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

  “Now you understand why I don’t want Lucas to know.”

  “Your family doesn’t know you’re gay?”

  She shook her head. “I’m just kind of figuring it out myself.”

  I wondered what she meant by that but I didn’t push. I let her do all the talking.

  She continued. “I dated a few guys in high school but it never felt quite right. I didn’t know why. My friends talked about how passionate they felt about their boyfriends but I never had feelings like they were describing. I just assumed I hadn’t met the right guy yet. Until I went to the speech and debate camp this summer and met Marney. Wow. I started feeling all of the things my friends had described. Only I was feeling those things with a girl. That’s when it occurred to me that I might be a Lesbian.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say next. I never had a friend, who was gay. At least, no one ever told me he or she was before.

  “Are things with Marney serious?” I a
sked.

  She nodded. “They’re getting serious.”

  “You probably don’t want to hear this from me but you’re going to have to tell Lucas. The two of you are so close, you won’t be able to keep it a secret very long. And I don’t think this is something you want him to find out accidently, if you know what I mean.”

  “I know. You’re right. I’m just scared.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want him to love me any less when he finds out.”

  I reached over and gave Olivia a hug. “He couldn’t ever love you any less. I’m sure of it.”

  “Thanks,” Olivia said as she pulled away and gave me a warm smile. “I’m glad you’re my roomie.”

  ***

  The next day, I texted Josh and asked if he’d meet me for coffee. I felt guilty that he was so enthusiastic about the prospect because I knew I would be letting him down in the end.

  We met at the coffee shop near the school’s library. The place was usually packed but it was still a little before the noon rush. Josh gave me a big smile when he saw me, which made my stomach knot. I knew he would be hurt when he found out about Aaron.

  Josh ordered plain coffee, which didn’t surprise me and I got some herbal tea. I led him to a seat near the back of the place, so we would have some privacy. We both sat down. Josh looked at me expectantly. Since I was the one who made the “date” I guess he expected me to lead the conversation.

  “I guess you’re wondering why I called?” It was a feeble attempt at making the conversation light but it ended up sounding like a lame cliché.

  “I hoped you just wanted to see me again,” he said as he gazed into my eyes. “I guess that was too optimistic on my part?”

  I sighed. “You’re a really nice guy…”

  He put up a hand to stop me. “Whenever a girl starts out with you’re a really nice guy, it means a brush off. I know the drill.”

  “It’s not you, it’s me,” I said but I knew that made the situation even worse.

  “I get it. I knew dating you would be a long shot anyway. A guy can hope, though, right?’

  “It’s really not that. You’re everything a girl could possibly want.”

  He gave a false laugh. “Yeah, except for a girl like you.”

  I picked at the lid of my tea cup wondering if I should tell him about Aaron but he beat me to it.

  “It’s that other guy, isn’t it?” He furrowed his brow. “The guy, who was staring at you at the party.”

  I nodded.

  “You know he’s in The Clubhouse.”

  “I know.”

  “You know what that means?”

  I looked down at my tea. It seemed undrinkable now. I looked back up at Josh. “I think Aaron is different.”

  Josh laughed again but this time his laugh was infused with anger and bitterness. “Those guys are all the same, Rainy. Don’t fool yourself into thinking Aaron isn’t going to use you the way he’s used every other girl in his life. That’s what guys like that do. Using girls is how they entertain themselves. Guys like that aren’t good for girls like you.”

  “Girls like me? What does that mean?”

  “You’re beautiful and smart and funny and passionate. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You should be treasured not used up and thrown out like trash. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

  The look in Josh’s eyes made me want to cry. I knew he was sincere and really believed what he was saying but I just couldn’t fit his assessment of Aaron with the person I knew.

  “You’re really sweet. I know you don’t want to see me hurt. But I can’t help how I feel about Aaron.”

  Josh nodded and heaved a sigh. Then he rose and grabbed his coffee. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Before I could respond, Josh turned and walked out of the coffee shop. I knew I had hurt his feelings. And I couldn’t help but wonder if what he said about Aaron was true and he was eventually going to hurt me.

  ***

  After class on Thursday, I could tell Aaron was excited about something. He was grinning like a little boy.

  “So?” I said as I approached him. “What are you smiling about?”

  “You’ll see. When we get to the library.”

  When we both sat down in our study room, I was getting excited to see whatever it was he wanted to show me. His enthusiasm was contagious.

  He removed a notebook from his backpack and opened it. “Did you know Mary Cassatt was asked to paint a mural for the 1893 Chicago World’s Fair? The mural, Young Women Plucking the Fruits of Knowledge or Science, was in the Women’s Building and when the building was torn down after the World’s Fair, the mural was lost.”

  “Where did you get that information?” I asked a bit surprised.

  “Pretty cool, huh? And this is even cooler.” He turned his notebook around to show me a photograph. “They actually discovered some photographs that were taken of the mural.”

  “That’s very cool. We definitely need to include that information in our presentation. But I still want to know your source.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “We may have to barter for that information.”

  “And what do I have that you could possibly want?” I said without thinking. As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized my mistake.

  I could see him stifling a smile. “I can think of a few things. But I’ll settle for a kiss.”

  I knew Aaron had probably kissed hundreds of girls but it was a big step for me. I wanted it to mean something. I think he could sense my hesitation because he added, “When the time is right for both of us. I just want to make sure it’s preapproved.”

  His eyes were dancing. He got so much joy from teasing me. “Okay, I said. One kiss. So you’d better make it a good one.”

  “You get the information after I get the kiss,” he taunted.

  “I can live with that.”

  ***

  After our study session, Aaron asked me if I was hungry. I was starving, so he suggested we try the new Pizza Oven that had just opened.

  Over a deep dish mushroom, olive and pepperoni pizza, we talked about my plans for after college. Aaron seemed to be truly interested in my passion for art history and my desire to earn a doctorate and eventually teach and do research.

  “I’ve never dated someone with so much determination and passion.”

  As hard as I had been fighting my feelings for Aaron, I had to admit, it sounded good when he said the two of us were dating.

  He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Do you have any idea how special you are?”

  I shook my head. “I’m glad you think so.”

  After the meal, Aaron insisted on walking me back to my dorm. He grabbed my hand and held it tightly. I wondered if he was going to take advantage of our bargain and collect his kiss.

  The night was lovely. The temperature near perfect and the sky was filled with twinkling stars. Aaron couldn’t have ordered a better evening if he tried.

  “Would you like to dance?” Aaron asked.

  “But there’s no music.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” He took my other hand and spun me around.

  We both started laughing. Could he be more cheesy?

  Then his expression got serious and his gaze intense. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. His kiss was soft yet expectant. When he released me, I could tell he wanted more. So did I. I bit my lower lip and looked up at him.

  “You are so damn sexy.”

  It surprised me. I had never thought of myself as sexy. People had mostly called me cute or sweet but never sexy.

  He leaned down again and this time, his kiss was laced with desire. He parted my lips with his tongue and explored my mouth. I know it probably sounds like a ridiculous cliché, but my knees actually got weak.

  When I looked at Aaron, he was giving me a huge grin. “I know what you’re going to say.”

  “What?” I challenged.

  “That I only bargained for one kiss.
”

  “True. And I still need to collect that information on your Cassatt. But your kisses are addictive, so I really didn’t mind.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Addictive, huh? I like the sound of that. Does that mean you can’t get enough of them?”

  “Something like that,” I teased.

  “Well, I wouldn’t want to deprive you of them then,” he said as he leaned in and kissed me again.

  ***

  I was in bed thinking about Aaron and the way he kissed me when Olivia tried sneaking in.

  “I’m not asleep,” I said so she didn’t waste her energy on being extra quiet.

  “Do you have insomnia?” she asked as she flung her shoes off. They landed under her bed but she didn’t seem to care. “You’re always lying in bed awake.”

  “Something like that.” I propped myself up on my elbow and faced her.

  “Things with Marney are starting to get scary,” she admitted.

  “Scary in a good way or scary in a bad way?” I asked.

  “Scary in a scary way.” She plopped down on the end of my bed.

  “I need a little bit more information.”

  “I think I’m falling in love.”

  I sat up. “But that’s good, isn’t it?”

  “I guess so. I’m just scared about how my family will react when I introduce them to my girlfriend, especially when they’re always talking about me one day coming home with a boyfriend.”

  “I think you should tell Lucas first and then maybe he can support you, or even help you tell your parents.” I didn’t know her parents, so I didn’t know if that was feasible but I did know Lucas. I thought he would be supportive.

  Olivia nodded. “So will you be supportive and help me tell Lucas?”

  “Of course.” I gave Olivia a hug.

  She got up and flopped on her bed. “So, what was keeping you up again tonight? Please don’t say it was Aaron.”

  I didn’t respond.

  She waited a long moment then said, “Well?”

  “You just told me not to say it was Aaron.”

  “Oh for God’s sake, what is it with that guy? I mean, I know he’s hotter than hell and richer than dirt but he’s also a scumbag, who will break your heart and not even blink.”