Feel

by Karen-Anne Stewart

  “Are you going to kiss me?” She asks in that sweet voice that makes me know I’d do anything for her.

  Gently grabbing her wrists, I pin her against the dressing room wall, “I’m going to do more than kiss you, pretty girl. I’m going to take you to prom, then, when you graduate, I’m going to take you away from here. I’m going to take you to where it’s just you and me. But, hell, yes, I am most definitely going to kiss you first. I’m going to kiss you a lot.”

  Her lips part for me and I plunge my tongue into her mouth, tasting her sweetness, her innocence. The moan that rumbles from her lips into my mouth goes straight to my crotch, and I have to fight like hell not to press the hardened length against her. I take all of her I can with my mouth, plundering her tongue, her lips, every inch of flesh on her neck, until she’s panting against me. Pressing my hands against the mirror, I pull myself away from her. She isn’t ready, and there’s no way I’m going to make her first time be in a dressing room. No, our first time together is going to mean something. It’s going to mean everything. Just like she does.

  “Are you okay?” Saige asks, her lip bitten worriedly between her teeth.

  Brushing my thumb against her bottom lip, I hold her face in my hand, “I’m more than okay. I’m in love with you, Saige.”

  Her eyes widen, she slowly swallows, and her swollen lips turn into the most beautiful smile, “Do you mean that? Please – don’t tell me that unless you’re sure.”

  “I meant everything I said, pretty girl. You’re in my head every damn second. Sure doesn’t even come close to how much I know I’m in love with you.”

  “I’m in love with you, too.” She laughs, something she only does with me, which makes me sad at the same time it makes me fall even more crazy in love with her.

  “What’s so funny?” I ask, brushing her long, dark hair behind her ear.

  “It’s just that it’s hard to understand…the one whose emotions I can't feel is the one who makes me feel the most.”

  Saige comes out of the dressing room, pulling me back to the present, and I swear to myself that it will be even better than it could have been back then. I’ll make damn sure of that. “You ready?”

  “Ready.” She smiles, taking my hand. “I do have to admit that the dressing room isn’t nearly as much fun without you.”

  “Did you expect it to be?” I laugh.

  Shaking her head, she giggles, just like she did years ago, “Nope.”

  I take her clothes and put them with what I grabbed for Andy and me.

  “I’m paying for mine,” she protests.

  “I never got to take you to prom. I know this isn’t close to that dress that would have looked amazingly hot on you, but I’m buying them.”

  “Thank you,” Saige relents. Her voice is soft, sweet, just like it was that day. I can tell she’s not used to someone taking care of her because she’s had to take care of herself her entire life, except when I was around. I haven’t been around for way too long so I’m going to have to prove just how I plan on taking care of her in every way she’ll allow me to.

  The wind has picked up, and Saige scoots closer to me to stave off the chill as we walk back to the hotel.

  “I’ll go to the front desk and see if I can get some hot chocolate sent up.”

  “Sounds perfect. I’ll see you in the room,” Saige smiles, pressing her lips against my neck and taking the bags before turning the corner towards the hall. She’s trying so damn hard to hide her discomfort so she can be strong for me, but I see the tension in the way she moves. I can hear it in her voice.

  Chelsea Flanninger is smiling, her eyes slowly drinking me in, when I turn around. The class president, beauty and talent queen, and track star looks just the same as I remember, beautiful and snarky. “Well, Jensen Rider. I never thought I would see you back here again after you took off like you did.” Her eyes roam up my tattooed arms, “Damn, you look even better than when you were in high school.” Her plump lips purse into a pout that I think she thinks is somehow sexy, “I also never thought I would see you with Saige again. I always figured you were just with her because you felt sorry for her.”

  “Sorry for her?” I ask, anger beginning to edge my words.

  “I mean, you were one of the hottest boys in school and could’ve had any girl you wanted. I thought you came to your senses after she left. I heard you did anyway, hooking up with normal girls, lots of them.”

  “Normal girls,” I repeat, shaking my head and not even trying to disguise my angry tone.

  “Saige was nice and everything, but you have to admit the girl was kind of a pathetic freak. Sounds like you ditching her was a good thing, letting you move onto other – opportunities.”

  Reining in my temper, I ignore her flirtatious smile. “Saige is the most amazing woman I’ve ever known and there are thousands of reasons I was with her then and am with her now, including how she isn’t a snide, ungrateful, bitch. If it weren’t for Saige, your mother wouldn’t be alive, or have you forgotten how she warned you about the fire?”

  Chelsea presses her lips together and looks down.

  “Saige never did anything to harm anyone, unlike you and just about every other spoiled bitch in school. I saw her after the things you and your friends did to her. She always tried to shrug it off unless she was forced to defend herself. Even after your stunt to humiliate her in front of the school and after the time all of you jumped her in gym, she still warned you so your mom could be saved. You have it wrong. Saige isn’t the pathetic one; she never was.”

  I don’t wait on a response as I turn to leave. I never hesitated to beat the hell out of every male asshole who hurt Saige. I’ve never hit a woman, and I never would, but I taught Saige how to hold her own. It killed me watching how she was treated. Girls can be ruthless, and, after seeing how Chelsea and the others tormented Saige for years, I was so damn proud of her when she kicked their asses after they attacked her in the locker room. Sometimes it takes knocking the living shit out of a bully before they finally leave you alone. It shouldn’t be that way, but I don’t get to choose how assholes act, and, if they don’t listen to reason, it’s their own fault when they’re picking themselves off the ground.

  I’m still fuming as I round the corner and see Saige leaning against the wall. “I forgot my key in the room when we checked in,” she states, trying to act like she didn’t hear Chelsea’s bitchy remarks.

  I can tell by the familiar hooded sadness in her eyes she heard everything Chelsea said. Dammit! “You know what she said isn’t true,” I stress, hoping the force behind my tone will make her believe the truth.

  “It’s okay, Jensen. It’s not like I haven’t heard it all before. I don’t let it affect me like it used to. I’m fine.”

  She’s not. She’s know that as much as I do. Kissing her forehead, I pull her into my arms before taking the bags. “You want to go beat the hell out of her again?” I crack, trying to make Saige smile.

  It works. Those full lips curve. “Nah, it’s not worth it and she’d never say it to my face again anyway.” Saige’s lip tilts and she studies me, “Thank you for what you said. I know being with me has never been easy.”

  “See, pretty girl, that’s where you’re wrong. Being with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. There’s no bullshit, no having to worry what’s on your mind. You’re open, honest, have the most amazing, kind heart, and you’re freakin’ beautiful.” I give her a wink, “Not to mention, you’re a great bodyguard with that wicked right hook of yours.”

  “Ah, so you hang around me for the protection, then?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Saige playfully shoves me, and her laughter echoes down the hallway, easing my heart.

  Easy.

  Complicated.

  She’s full of contradictions and I love every last fucking one.

  I chose a room with only one bed for a few reasons, the main one being how I need Saige in my arms tonight. Despite my outward emotions, I’
m not dealing with losing my family well. Her being close enough to touch takes away some of that hurt. I lie on the bed, waiting for Saige as she takes a shower. I want to be in that shower, making love to her. I want to forget everything else for a while and I know making love with Saige will make everything disappear, but she deserves better than being a distraction. Of course she’s a helluva lot more than that to me, but I can’t risk her seeing it only as that.

  “It’s like a sauna in there.” Saige wraps the towel around her hair, squeezing the water out of her wet waves when she steps out of the bathroom. She looks younger without make-up and just as beautiful. I can see her lips being sucked between her teeth and I know she’s contemplating something.

  “What’s wrong, Saige?” I ask, putting an ease to her wondering whether or not to ask what’s in that pretty head of hers.

  “How are you? I mean – really – how are you doing with all of …this?”

  I could lie to her, but she’d see through it, so I tell her the truth. “I don’t have a clue of how to handle this, of how to process everything I’m feeling.” Shaking my head, I look at her in bewilderment, “I don’t know how the hell you do it, Saige. How can you separate what you’re feeling, much less what everyone else feels?”

  Her eyes soften as she sits on the bed next to me, “I just do what you taught me. I think of what makes me the happiest and close my eyes, letting that feeling surround me. Then, I take the foreign emotions and focus on them one at a time until they’re pushed to the background.” She slides her fingers around mine, “It gets easier, and quicker, even though it doesn’t feel like it will. I promise. You taught me that, too.”

  “It sounds like I’m pretty good at teaching you things,” I tease despite the sadness holding on to me as I poke my finger against her towel covered ribs.

  “Yep. You’re also an excellent ‘happiest thought’.” Saige returns my earlier wink before crossing the room to blow dry her hair.

  An hour later, we’re seated in Saige’s and my favorite restaurant, a local mom and pops place that is always packed. Andy scours the menu, but we have it memorized. Thoughts of making arrangements for my family stabs me to the point of being numb.

  Darrin’s large frame fills the door and I throw my hand up, happy and relieved to see him and the rest of the crew filing in behind him.

  Saige glances up and then looks at me with round eyes.

  “It’s alright, they make look like they can break you in half but they wouldn’t hurt anyone – well, not unless it’s called for.”

  “I know,” she grins, “and I also know you don’t have to worry about their loyalty to you.”

  I already knew that, but it’s always good to hear it reaffirmed.

  Darrin towers over me with his 6’ 6” frame of nothing but lean muscle. I’ve taken on some big bad asses in my time, always coming out the winner despite some bruises and lacerations, but I have a feeling Darrin would kick my ass in a fight, especially with his military training. Bypassing the typical guy hug, he jerks me in for an embrace that nearly cracks my spine before letting me go. “Sorry, man,” he states, gripping my shoulder. “We’ll find this bastard, Rider. We won’t stop until we do.”

  Axe, covered in his typical leather bike gear that he wears even when he’s not on his bike and every inch of his exposed skin south of his chin covered in tattoos of mostly bones, flames, and naked women, skips the hug, clicking his chin towards me instead, “We already stopped by Griffin’s house, and Josie, Stephen, and Sam have a read.”

  My head snaps towards Darrin’s girlfriend, who is currently leaning against his chest with his arms wrapped around her waist. He makes my frame look small, but he dwarfs hers. I quickly introduce Darrin, Axe, Josie, Stephen, James, and Samantha to Saige, pulling her into my arms as I turn back towards Josie, “What’ve you got for me, Jos?”

  “He’s already gone. Your father was right about him planning something big, but he’s working alone. The narcissistic prick has trust issues. He’s on the road, heading east. I can’t tell where he’s heading yet but I have a decent connection to him.”

  “He’s not here?” I repeat, relief and frustration mixing in with my already toxic pile of ambivalence.

  Josie shakes her head, squeezing my arm.

  Saige is quiet as everyone takes their seats for dinner. Her eyes softly study my friends, but I don’t see any jealousy this time, like with Amira, just curiosity and what looks like gratitude. She’s happy I had people in my life who love me. That makes me feel just as much like shit as it does blessed. I know I’m a lucky bastard to have her love me like that, especially with her not having anyone like that in her life, other than me.

  “Do you mind my asking what you can do?” she asks Josie shyly, surprising me; she’s rarely shy.

  “James, who is Andy’s cousin, can manipulate objects, making them move or disappear,” Josie states before pointing at Samantha. “Sam can find things better than a drug hound, Stephen is the best damn seer I’ve met – even better than me,” she winks and punches Stephen’s arm.

  “Seer?” Saige questions.

  “I can see an event in the future by touching something related to whatever is going to happen or what the object will be used for,” Stephen explains.

  Josie pokes her elbow into Darrin’s ribs and he laughs, having to lean down to brush a kiss against her head. “My man here has no psychic abilities but he knows more about all of them than any of us combined.”

  “Or, he thinks he does anyway,” Andy cracks, throwing a napkin at Darrin.

  Darrin crumbles the napkin and sends it spiraling into Andy’s nose, “I won’t call myself an expert until I can find someone with the ability to lock his mouth shut permanently. Then, I’ll proudly make that claim.”

  Laughter erupts around the table and I sit back looking at this eclectic group, my only family now. I’m lucky to have them and I have no doubts they will consider Saige part of the family in no time, which she needs more than she’ll ever admit to me.

  Saige looks at Axe and he shrugs, “I’m like your man and Darrin here; I have no special abilities. I’m just along for moral support.”

  “Axe works with Andy, Darrin, and me at Reckless on Rails,” I clarify, and Saige smiles at the entire group.

  “Hanging around this bunch has had its interesting moments, especially when they get all cute and decide to play with their powers, or use them to screw with your head,” Darrin laughs, pointing at Josie and nodding towards the others.

  “You play with your abilities?” Saige’s eyebrow raises, like the concept has never occurred to her.

  “Messing with people is the best part of having the gift, girl,” James laughs.

  “I’ve used mine to my advantage ever since I figured out what I can do,” Andy states. “I totally killed at hide-n-seek growing up.”

  “I always had you pegged as a cheater,” Samantha cracks.

  “Hey, you got the talent, use it, baby,” Andy grins. “When I was older I used it with my hands and other parts” – Andy wiggles his brow – “and in several lovely hotties in high school. With being able to know where their parents were, I didn’t get my ass kicked by a large, pissed off dad for banging his daughter.”

  “Pervert,” Josie wrinkles her nose, sticking her tongue out at Andy. She turns her attention back to Saige, “What’s your gift?”

  I feel Saige stiffen against my arm, caught off guard by Josie’s question. “How did you know I have one?”

  “You hang around people who do long enough, honey, you can pick out the gifted ones as soon as you walk into a room.”

  My hand runs soothingly across Saige’s lower back when I feel her cringe, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. “I feel what everyone around me feels and, sometimes, I can see tragedies before they happen,” she pauses before softly adding, “and I can sense death.”

  The table is completely silent as twelve eyes shift to me.

  Axe shakes his head, “Damn.�
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  Everyone here knows that there’s not one amusing thing about what Saige can do. They all have had the opportunity to enjoy their gifts. Saige’s hurts her.

  Darrin leans close to me, lowering his voice so only I can hear, “Did she sense your family’s passing, Rider?”

  Gritting my teeth, I give a sharp nod, “She sensed it and experienced most of it, nearly dying with them while being hours away. Griffin held her in the vision somehow, making what was happening physical to her.”

  Darrin’s eyes lock on Saige. “She sensed their deaths, almost died, then, had to tell you?”

  Another sharp, pained nod.

  “Damn.”

  Chapter Nine

  Saige

  Leaves lay peacefully on the road, scattered in blazing hues of gold, orange, and red. I watch in silence how they dance in the air, swirling around the car like being forced to move is the best thing in the world. That’s one thing I love about this town; it’s beautiful. Jensen and I met here. Our field. Two more things I love. Those are the only memories keeping me tied to the town of my birth and first sixteen years of life. I have nothing against the place itself; it’s a great town. But I will never be able to call it home because it never was.

  Jensen was.

  He is again.

  Just with the thought of him, my hand is pulled towards his, and he immediately tangles his fingers up in mine. “You know you don’t have to do this, Saige. I’ll be alright. I wish you would stop being stubborn and stay at the cabin. It’s going to be hell for you at the visitation in a room full of grieving people.”

  “I can handle it,” I insist, giving a reassuring smile. He should be focusing on himself right now, not trying to make me feel comfortable, like he did by checking us out of the hotel and renting a cabin a few nights ago. He said it was easier and all of us can stay together but I know he did it so I didn’t have to see Chelsea again.